a very "oneitis" question, but I gotta ask it anyways

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half now, everything is great and we click really well, the only issue is that I will be graduating this year and will more than likely be moving a decent distance away depending on the job I get. id hate to lose this girl, she ticks all the boxes for me and is a great combo of fun, sexy, supportive and caring. she still has a couple of years in college left and just like me she is probably gonna go where the money takes her. I love this girl and she definitely loves tf outta me but I also know long distance relationships can be hell, has anyone heard or done anything that could make it work or am I just kidding myself?

 

[doubletwice]

You are only 23, not a great year to have a relationship expecting it to last for years.

But for your question, it's possible:

If you have an endgame which is to close the distance gap eventually.
What it takes is enormous of trust between you to, and of course how she is as a person.

I had 2+ year long LDR crosscountry, but we were able to be together at least half of the time, she is very loyal and introverted, and didn't go her way out to find new people to know.

It ended because I didn't want marriage yet, while she needed it before moving to my country

 

[rjc149]

I’m sorry I gotta say this — yes you are kidding yourself.

LDR’s are not real relationships. They lack physical touch and intimacy. You will be a screen to her, and a date on the calendar for the next time she can see you.

If she’s attractive, she’ll have men pursuing her in real life who can offer her the physical closeness, intimacy, and affection that women need. You’re just a screen.

We fall in love with women more easily and quickly than they do. Women fall out of love more easily and more quickly than we do. They are emotionally-driven and those emotions are far more susceptible to environmental stimuli. That being, the cute guy at work who’s showing her interest. He’s there, you’re not. Unfortunately it’s that simple.

Also, a man who commits to an LDR subconsciously communicates scarcity and is in essence pedestalizing a woman because he has no other local options. Whether or not she realizes it, it’s a turn off

When you part ways geographically, I recommend ripping the band aid off and saying goodbye. This is the best way of preserving a future opportunity with her if your paths cross again. If you start and LDR, and she cheats, it’s forever over. Just be mindful of that.

Also, at your age, romantic relationships are temporary and brief. Embrace that, and play the field.

 

[Romanemp22]

One of the reasons not to get too serious into relationships in early age is this scenario, life changing events like moving to another state.

I feel you really, it's not a simple situation you found yourself in. A big part of you is thinking will I regret it later if I dump this chick?

It's a tricky situation but you need to sit down with her and talk for it. Personally, I'm not LDR guy but I know a lot of people who somehow are managing it. So if you have a strong vibe between you and if you trust her, even tho you can never fully trust a woman, then it's manageable.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

all depends on the woman and how into you she really is. I dated a chick for years that lived 1000 miles away and have no doubt she was faithful to me while we were apart.

 

[CoandaEffect]

LDRs don’t really work. You are far better breaking it off with her and moving on. I know you don’t want to hear that but you are young and you will find plenty of girls where you are going.

At your age you should just be playing the field, sampling the buffet. Don’t get too serious with anyone. There will be plenty of time and opportunity for something more serious later in your life.

 

[Gstring]

anyone heard......anything that could make it work

 

[CoandaEffect]

Have you read The Rational Male? If not you should. You should be aware of what’s in that book. Do what you want with what it says, but be open minded and be aware of the information it contains.

Rollo talks about LDRs and makes the point that they are a buffer used by men to protect themselves from the fear of rejection and the fear of regret. That chapter would be very relevant to you right now.

 

[Lookatu]

I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half now, everything is great and we click really well, the only issue is that I will be graduating this year and will more than likely be moving a decent distance away depending on the job I get. id hate to lose this girl, she ticks all the boxes for me and is a great combo of fun, sexy, supportive and caring. she still has a couple of years in college left and just like me she is probably gonna go where the money takes her. I love this girl and she definitely loves tf outta me but I also know long distance relationships can be hell, has anyone heard or done anything that could make it work or am I just kidding myself?

I'm going to go against the grain here. Although I personally don't think LDR's can work, at least in a non-casual and non-monogamous way, I do think if you part on good terms or even take a chance on LDR, and If you two really like each other, you will eventually end up together after she finishes her school.

However, I'd advise you not to give up a good job opportunity so you can be close to her. She has to be the one to comply and follow YOU. Just remember that. If a gal is selfish enough to chase her career and move away from you, she doesn't care about you that much and it will never end well.

But generally, I'm in the camp of LDR's don't work but don't let that limit you if you two(not just you) really think there is something special there. You can always try and see what happens. You're still young enough and have time.

We have all had our own experiences, made our own choices, along with having mistakes. There are no guarantees or magical formula in life. You're still young enough to take chances and gain experience regardless if good or bad. Just don't let
"other people's" experiences limit you in any way.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half now, everything is great and we click really well, the only issue is that I will be graduating this year and will more than likely be moving a decent distance away depending on the job I get. id hate to lose this girl, she ticks all the boxes for me and is a great combo of fun, sexy, supportive and caring. she still has a couple of years in college left and just like me she is probably gonna go where the money takes her. I love this girl and she definitely loves tf outta me but I also know long distance relationships can be hell, has anyone heard or done anything that could make it work or am I just kidding myself?

If you want it to work then figure out a way to make it work. Do you really need to move far away, or could you find a job nearby temporarily until she graduates?

If she is that important to you then why would you decide that you have to move far away?

You make it seem like there are no other options but you moving far away and her staying in college and having to do things long distance. There are always other options, but you don't seem to consider them.

To be clear I am not telling you that you should do one thing or another. I am simply letting you know that saying there are no other options other than what you stated in the original post is simply untrue.

So this leads me to wonder exactly how important she is to you.

And the answer I come up with is that she isn't. Or at least she is only important to you when it's convenient for you but when the choice is between her and a job or living in a certain place, she doesn't matter.

And so the point I am trying to make is that if you are not willing to make any sacrifices for her, can she honestly really be that important to.you? In my mind, no.

 

[Gstring]

work then figure out a way to make it work

NO! Career first. If anything make her transfer!!!!!

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You can try to maintain it long distance but you will need to be emotionally prepared for the likely possibility that she will slow fade you or cut you off out of the blue as she gets lonely and is pursued by other local men and decides to go out with them. If you have a scarcity mindset, being away from her will eat into your brain like a worm and put you into a fearful mindset which can cause you to become very needy with her. That will serve as another nail in the coffin.

 

[B80]

I have been dating this girl for about a year and a half now, everything is great and we click really well, the only issue is that I will be graduating this year and will more than likely be moving a decent distance away depending on the job I get. id hate to lose this girl, she ticks all the boxes for me and is a great combo of fun, sexy, supportive and caring. she still has a couple of years in college left and just like me she is probably gonna go where the money takes her. I love this girl and she definitely loves tf outta me but I also know long distance relationships can be hell, has anyone heard or done anything that could make it work or am I just kidding myself?

I wouldn't end it, just see how it goes for a bit. but don't give up your career mate, seriously don't at your age. things can change over time with women.

unless there are similar opportunities near by, but guessing you've already considered that.

can imagine its a tough decision playing on your mind.

 

[2Rocky]

In your situation your Value in the Dating Market is going UP, UP UP. You are also going to have some time of working your tail off as and entry level employee or getting your business started. She will be in her Upper division classes. Neither of you will have the time or energy to maintain a relationship to the standard you have become accustomed to.

Make arrangements to see each other during school breaks for a weekend. Make the agreement "when we are together, we are together. We have to live our lives while we are apart." What you do apart is a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" subject.

Expect to grow apart. But leave the door open to rekindle the relationship once she gets her sheepskin and enters the work force. Make it your goal to be "Set Up" with a place and a solid income stream so she (Or some other equally qualified woman) will be happy to get her claws in you.

When you have the talk make it about establishing your career as a priority, not ending a relationship. Then see where your heart and head take you in 3 years.

 

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

first off, DAMN I did not expect this much interaction this fast holy ****
second off, I do understand that I must put my career first, I worked too hard in a godforsaken prison of a college to let my engineering degree go to waste. Im sure that she understands this too, even if only subconsciously. and although I understand that I am young and I have a lot more to go through before I can settle down, at the same time I feel like splitting up right away would mean be losing a woman that truly trusts me and loves me a little too fast. I have read the rational male, watched the rich cooper videos and looked up the red pill all day long, and although I hate the idea of oneitis, at the same time I cant find many other girls that tick the boxes like her. no other sexual partners, is willing to do anything in her power to make me happy, good family that really likes me, not a social media thot, is happy to let me take the lead on anything, cooks, cleans, the list goes on. I know for a fact that if we did split up I could find a decent amount of plates wherever I go (military college grad, hopefully a good career soon, prob top 1% of young men as far as physical fitness goes, cultivates practical skills (cars, guns, and generally anything diy) , well dressed, and has rusty but passable game). but everyday all I see are more thots that are barely worth my time, all run through and filled with daddy issues. From what ive seen so far my girl is very loyal, and I have even looked at her dms for ****s and giggles, although there is a lot of guys there I dont think I have any competition with them... you can practically smell the despiration over the phone. not to mention the college she goes to is probably the most "beta" place out there, the only "competition" id have is at my college that is practically down the street but at the same time we are all very close there and I doubt that many guys here would even try to move on her.

sorry for the massive info dump, but I figured it would help describe my situation better.

 

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

I wouldn't end it, just see how it goes for a bit. but don't give up your career mate, seriously don't at your age. things can change over time with women.

unless there are similar opportunities near by, but guessing you've already considered that.

can imagine its a tough decision playing on your mind.

honestly its been weighing on me for a minute, she was originally meant to be a plate but we clicked so well before I knew it we were in a serious relationship. I really didn't want to bc I knew that I would have to make this decision but yet here we are I guess...

 

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

You can try to maintain it long distance but you will need to be emotionally prepared for the likely possibility that she will slow fade you or cut you off out of the blue as she gets lonely and is pursued by other local men and decides to go out with them. If you have a scarcity mindset, being away from her will eat into your brain like a worm and put you into a fearful mindset which can cause you to become very needy with her. That will serve as another nail in the coffin.

very true, I guess that me being hopeful for the best but prepared for the worst is gonna have to do, idk if I am doing this just to try to convince myself that there's a light at the end of the tunnel in this one or what. But I guess at the end of the day if it is meant to be it will be

 

[rart]

Take it from a 44 year old guy who got married to his college gf at 22. DO NOT make your life decisions at this age with women in mind. Build yourself up. Women will come.

Now if you want to be divorced at 40 with two or three kids growing without a proper family, do what I did and marry your college sweathart.

 

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

I’m sorry I gotta say this — yes you are kidding yourself.

LDR’s are not real relationships. They lack physical touch and intimacy. You will be a screen to her, and a date on the calendar for the next time she can see you.

If she’s attractive, she’ll have men pursuing her in real life who can offer her the physical closeness, intimacy, and affection that women need. You’re just a screen.

We fall in love with women more easily and quickly than they do. Women fall out of love more easily and more quickly than we do. They are emotionally-driven and those emotions are far more susceptible to environmental stimuli. That being, the cute guy at work who’s showing her interest. He’s there, you’re not. Unfortunately it’s that simple.

Also, a man who commits to an LDR subconsciously communicates scarcity and is in essence pedestalizing a woman because he has no other local options. Whether or not she realizes it, it’s a turn off

When you part ways geographically, I recommend ripping the band aid off and saying goodbye. This is the best way of preserving a future opportunity with her if your paths cross again. If you start and LDR, and she cheats, it’s forever over. Just be mindful of that.

Also, at your age, romantic relationships are temporary and brief. Embrace that, and play the field.

I wont rule out the possibility of her losing interest over time, but honestly if I was a betting man Id say she would be fairly loyal... I guess my main fear is me, and If I would have the discipline to not cheat (I know its stupid but it would make me feel like an *******) and the ability to still spend some time with her where I can... honestly I am starting to think that its gonna just be my job to schedule out my week so I can have some time to ether facetime her on weekends and/or make a visit like maybe once every month or two

 

[Bigselfimprovementguy]

If you want it to work then figure out a way to make it work. Do you really need to move far away, or could you find a job nearby temporarily until she graduates?

If she is that important to you then why would you decide that you have to move far away?

You make it seem like there are no other options but you moving far away and her staying in college and having to do things long distance. There are always other options, but you don't seem to consider them.

To be clear I am not telling you that you should do one thing or another. I am simply letting you know that saying there are no other options other than what you stated in the original post is simply untrue.

So this leads me to wonder exactly how important she is to you.

And the answer I come up with is that she isn't. Or at least she is only important to you when it's convenient for you but when the choice is between her and a job or living in a certain place, she doesn't matter.

And so the point I am trying to make is that if you are not willing to make any sacrifices for her, can she honestly really be that important to.you? In my mind, no.

its not set in stone that I am gonna have to move far away, but many of the jobs that appeal to me are much farther up north than I am. I love this girl no doubt about it, but my family and my parents have sacrificed too much for me to throw the option of a good starting career away so easily, I guess all im looking for is any landmines to avoid in doing this, any absolute **** ups that wont be easy to mend over facetime