A trait about me that I need to solve.

bud_2005

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When I'm on a date, one on one with a girl, I get really nervous because I am terrified of running out of things to say, long silences, or talking about boring stuff. But if we are on a date with another couple I'm fine because its low pressure, I'm not depended on to carry all the conversations, and I'm a lot funnier guy.

Am I making too big of deal out of silences and stops in converstaions? Is she going to lose interest if we aren't talking all the time on the date?
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Are you saying that during the course of a date you both find out everything about one other?
 

flyinshark

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You are thinking too much about it and it cannot help you. Bets are the girl isnt even thinking about those silences. And no, she won't lose interest if there are some stops in the convo from time to time. Heck, she could lose interest if you TALK ALL THE TIME, so don't plan on talking like a machine on your date.

Next time, bring her to a place where YOU feel comfortable. Do u like playing pool? Bring her there and at any time you dont know what to say, at least you can claim that you were concentrating on your hit (or hers).
 

FatsTheScrapper

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Work on your listening skills.

Women say so much obscure **** that there is bound to be questions. Just play off of what she says. Pick apart her stories and delve deeper.

Quit worrying about not having anything to say and listen more closely.
 

biker_gixxer

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I agree with Scrapper. You have to 'listen' to what she's saying. You can have endless conversation with a woman by tuning into her.

If she says 'Oh, I went to the mall yesterday'. You can reply with any of the following...

'which mall did you go to'
'I like *department store name*, they have nice casual wear.'
'man, that place gets crazy on the weekend doesn't it'. Duh, all malls do!

See what I'm getting at?


Maybe she'll respond with 'yeah, i can't stand how busy it gets.'
You can then throw in some C&F and say 'oh, you're not one of those impatient bratty girls are you?' Then smile and wink at her...
 

Life-Trainee

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You know what, i'm exactly the same way. I'm terrible at starting conversations but I'm pretty good at putting a twist on existing ones. Last weekend my friend took his date along with me and another friend of ours to a bar. We had really great time and my friend's date found me charming.
 

Mister Big

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Originally posted by FatsTheScrapper
Work on your listening skills.

Women say so much obscure **** that there is bound to be questions. Just play off of what she says. Pick apart her stories and delve deeper.

Quit worrying about not having anything to say and listen more closely.
I agree. Listening is critical, but remember to identify those moments when you have something interesting or funny to add to the dialogue. Gage her interest throughout the conversation by recognizing her facial expressions. If she is smiling a lot and laughing, you have her where you want her. If all you do is listen and respond without adding to the conversation, she might talk too much and bore herself. Sometimes a deep topic can be cool as it provides you opportunity to inflect your personality and demonstrate intelligence within her discussion. Go with the flow and don't overanalyze your approach because being confident and smooth is as important as what you say.
 

PVSSY-EATER

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you never run out of things to say...however, you do run out of things you are comfortable saying.........

Stop trying to impress and just live.
 

PVSSY-EATER

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and i am not talking about talking about your weaknesses, either. Comment on anyting and everything. usually, we dont do that because we think it will make us come off as being a jerk, fvck being a jerk, what is a damn jerk anyway? my point explained...
 

gimmeyofonenumba

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Alot of good advice here, pretty much just pick apart anything she says. Your problem is, and i do the same thing too, as im sure the rest of us. We kind of plan the next thing we are about to say as she is answering your conversation starter. Like if you started conversation with " woah...I've never seen such a long line.." she is gonna say some 8 word reply,like "ya i know, i heard the other cashier was robbed" and within milliseconds your probably thinking of what your gonna say next, it'll probably be something about her response. After like the 4th response, the conversation is bound to fall flat, or sound really dull. Instead pick apart her sentences and put your mind "OUT THERE" and not in the driver's seat. Listen really careful to her sentences, for example, when she said robbery "you could probably say, "a robbery? i hope you didnt have nothing to do with it, because i'll call batman." ( i know bad example, but i hope u see the point)

and if you get mall reply like the other guy said^ i wouldnt even ask what mall you went to, as for me, she'll give a one word reply, and make convo real dull, instead maybe say, "ya, how much did you spend, you look like you have a spending habbit" (you kinda just wanna stray from short answers from her, as i think its some people's natural response, for them to give you a short reply, so they can stop talking about themselves, and have you do all the talking) What helps, is imagine the sentences that she's saying, being written in your head, and as the sentences run through your head, pick apart the nouns and verbs, and continue conversation off of thoose.
 

bud_2005

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You guys are giving a lot of good advice. Another thing I am scared of though is asking too many questions. I'm sure she would get annoyed if all I am doing is asking questions about herself, about her day, etc.
 

Alpine

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You can't think of anything to say purely because you are self conscious. Sort it out by focussing on her and learning to relax and dismiss neg. self talk.

Sometimes on a date there is a pregnant pause, if she's keen she will fill the gap. If not they tend to clam up and ultimately go home :(
 

Keeper

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Nothing wrong with asking questions, just make sure there isn't too many closed-ended questions. These are questions which trigger short responses, and usually beggining with the words: do, are, will. :-D

Just think of asking open ended questions, stuff that demand a long answer of her, like for example: What made you get into _____? Why do you think that other _____ is a load of crap? How did you find your passion for ______? Just MAKE her tell you stories. And once she answers, just listen to her answers, imagine the scene VIVIDLY, so you remember it, and ask some more about that scene. Chicks dig it if you remember everything they've told you, and don't need to repeat themselves. :-D "Wow, a guy that actually listens."
 

aftershock

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Just blabber on about anything and get her to do the same. It's not difficult.
 

bud_2005

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I see everyone says to just talk about whatever. But is that really fun? They people really enjoy about talking about boring stuff like the weather, what u did today, etc.
 
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