A Terrible Situation in my Marriage

[gherald]

divorce with this psycho chick...

she's nuts

 

[Livinlifehard]

ok ok... i am 22 also and i have 1 question.... why are you married? i was with a chick for 2 years and didnt even contomplate it. Also your still young (yes i concider myself young) and you will find someone elnce, were not at the marrying age yet....

or you can go out with one of her friends and she will get jelious and take you back, that is if you want her back.

 

[nighter]

Sounds like she may have "Borderline" mental disorder.
I recognize the pattern. I had an LTR with a girl who has that disorder.

If she has, she would never be capable to love you. Not you, or noeone else.
Its all about there needs. Fill there emtyness.

I had serous oneits for mine also. Even that iam real good at pulling girls.
I don't know what it is, but there is something strange that makes you real attached to them.

 

[jonwon]

Okay, last night my wife called me at 10:33pm and I wasn't at home. I got in at about 11:45pm. i wanted to call her but decided not to because I didn't feel like getting cussed out because I ruined her sleep, so i decided to call the next day

On the next day, I called her after I ate breakfast and when she answered the phone, she says "Why are you calling me?" and I was confused at this point but this began the drama.

She pretty much ended up telling me that I ****ed up by not calling her and accused me of "running the streets" even tho I was at my mom's house. I told her, but she didn't care. She was telling me that she's not gonna expect a phone call from me no more because she's tired of worrying about me, but I didn't think she cared too much because she's not being a "wife", we don't even live together and only been married a year.

she started telling me that she got a sign from God that we don't need to live together because she's trying to focus on school and that if i lived with her, I'd be a distraction. I told her i wouldn't bother her or talk to her if she's doing work, and she goes "I might wanna talk to you!!'

Then she says "I just wanna start over being single then eventually get re-married" and I was like:

Me: so you don't want to be married to me no more?
Her: No, i didn't say that. When I get re-married again and you're the one I marry then I'm re-marrying you.
<<<<<we're married now>>>>>>>
Me: That makes no..
Her: (cuts me off) EXCUSE ME but if you can't support my decision I made, then I gonna have to cut you off, because I'm about to cut all of my friends off too, like Crystal..
Me: But why would you wanna cut me off, when all I'm doing is helping you, I give you money to take care of the bills and all..
Her: God told me that I need to struggle so that I can appreciate him more.. so I don't need your money no more... thanks, but no thanks...

Basically, I'm trying to reason with her that if she wants to follow in God's path to righteous that leaving her husband (me) isn't the right answer, but she kept coming up with a excuse to counter anything i said. and this all started from a phone call...

I called her and told her "Ok, you can have your break.. i am not gonna fight with you no more..."

Then she says "I mean, we can be cool, and chill sometimes... and I won't divorce you. Just for right now, I just need some time alone to focus.."

i NEVER spend time with my wife, I'm like the last thing on her "things-to-do-list" I haven't physically seen my wife in 3 weeks. We don't live together or anything. I cut back on the phone calls. She used to have me call everyday, then i stopped calling for a week, then I'll call every other day. So before i get off the phone, she says:

Her: well, I'mma call you right back
Me: How, I'm gonna be at work
Her: well, just call me later, then...
Me: Bye
Her: Bye...

I don't ****ing understand no more. What would a real man do? I do love her. but I realize I need to leave her alone for a while, and I don't believe in divorce.. I need to get her to miss me, so that she'll appreciate me. I also need to gain the power back in my marriage. I need to get her respect too. Can someone PLEASE help me?! Thanks for reading.

Your wife is a class A Nut job!

Leave her and retain your sanity, this women is gonna fyck you up.

Another illustration why marriage is a free pass for women to behave badly or certain women anyway, getting married to the wrong women gives her all sort of power and shi* she never had prior.

DO NOT GET MARRIED IN THE WESTERN CULTURE UNLESS SHE IS 100% A GOOD WOMEN AND NOT A CLASS A NUTJOB, like yours.

If she divorces you take it a sign from god, he wants you to be healthy and normal and not fycked up form being exposed to a nut job.

 

[jonwon]

well actually, where she lives is in an apartment that she LATER ended up telling me about. I stay with my f'king grandma, but i'm supposed to be living with her, my wife. Whenever my wife gets in a good mood, she keeps saying stuff like "Whenever my washer and dryer get here, and I buy some dishes, you're welcome to move in.." or "you can stay some nights over and we'll see where it goes from there..'

I also think she has some mental issues. because they're coming out of me. I don't know what else to do. No matter how hard I try, I can't get her to be a good "wife", she isn't even a good girlfriend. I married her only because I thought that she would change eventually, but she actually got worse. She be telling me that "I need to take care of home first.." but I don't even stay with her. I only been over there like 4 times, each being les than a hour. I even go as far as giving her $500 every paycheck, but she just shyts all over me, and if i don't give her the $500, she'll say "If you don't help me out, i'll find me somebody who will.." man, it's just a bunch of bullshyt that i keep putting up with b/c i'm hoping she'll change. i thought that God would help her become a better wife, but she's using Gods name as an excuse to leave me. I don't know what da fvck to say... i'm all fvcked up.

You have issues my friend, regardless of your wifes problems it is clear you have deep seated issues also.

Lack of self esteem and self respect for a start, you know she was a whack job before you married her, expected her to change due to a contract, then you wonder why when you have firmly shackled your nuts to her, why it is not getting better.

Only a guy with deep seated issues would commit to a bad situation, i hope your not into investment or shares, man you have a long way to go.

NEVER COMMIT TO A BAD SITUATION!

I hope your not giving out finiancial advice!
Your ideals are way of base.

Divorcing this women is the best way to go, BUT you need to understand YOU HAVE ISSUE TOO, or you would not have put yourself in this situation.

So without sla**ing the wife off, if you where 100% normal it would never have got to this stage.

Low self esteem or depression seems to be a pointer here.

 

[SomeGuy]

I agree with jonwon.

Concentrate on your well-being first, the rest will come.

 

[the_great_gaia]

I can honestly admit that i have deep-seated issues, especially in this relationship/ marriage. Because of what i go thru, I have lost my self-confidence, but "confidence" only shows when she's makes me feel good. Like, when she asks me for $500, I feel like she "needs" me, and when I feel needed by her, I get this ideal that "as long as she needs me, she'll always be there.." and that makes me feel good. And to the opposite, when she says "nah, thats okay, I don't need your money, I'll do it on my own/ I'll get it from somewhere else.." thats when my confidence and self-esteem hits an all-time LOW and I'll be WANTING to give her $500 because I don't feel that sense of being needed... and I don't know why, but I chose to marry her and I was having these same problems with her years ago. I married her because I thought she would've CHANGED for the better.

She has gotten worse. She always break up with me and when I eventually get over her, I leave her alone. Then after she feels like she's really lost me, she'll crawl back to me. When she does, I know not to take her back, but I do for some odd reason.... more on this later..

 

[Scorched]

well actually, where she lives is in an apartment that she LATER ended up telling me about. I stay with my f'king grandma, but i'm supposed to be living with her, my wife. Whenever my wife gets in a good mood, she keeps saying stuff like "Whenever my washer and dryer get here, and I buy some dishes, you're welcome to move in.." or "you can stay some nights over and we'll see where it goes from there..'

You got married to her and didn't know she has an apartment?... That is a huge red flag...

Where did she learn she could be a leech from?
I would think her mother most likely did stuff like this...

I bet your repsonse to her bitterness was some chump crap..."you can stay some nights over and we'll see where it goes from there..."
You teach people how to treat you... Stop trying to be a nice husband... Treat her like her father treated her...

"I married her only because I thought that she would change eventually, but she actually got worse. She be telling me that "I need to take care of home first.." but I don't even stay with her. I only been over there like 4 times, each being les than a hour. I even go as far as giving her $500 every paycheck, but she just shyts all over me, and if i don't give her the $500, she'll say "If you don't help me out, i'll find me somebody who will.."
.

No wonder you live with your grandma... You are giving her 500$ every paycheck... EVERY 2 weeks?

man, it's just a bunch of bullshyt that i keep putting up with b/c i'm hoping she'll change. i thought that God would help her become a better wife, but she's using Gods name as an excuse to leave me.

Never try to change someone... You are in love with a person who does not exsist... God wants your to help your self first... Self help is the only real help...

A list of things for you to do...
Are you even getting laid?!
She is the man in this relationship. Man up soon!
Stop giving her money. Laugh at her and tell her you'll give her 5 dollars if she sucks you off... When she threatens you... If you give into a threat once, she'll just do it again...
Move out of your grandma's and start dating around.
Tell her to pay for the divorce if she wants one.

 

[Scorched]

I can honestly admit that i have deep-seated issues, especially in this relationship/ marriage. Because of what i go thru, I have lost my self-confidence, but "confidence" only shows when she's makes me feel good. Like, when she asks me for $500, I feel like she "needs" me, and when I feel needed by her, I get this ideal that "as long as she needs me, she'll always be there.." and that makes me feel good. And to the opposite, when she says "nah, thats okay, I don't need your money, I'll do it on my own/ I'll get it from somewhere else.." thats when my confidence and self-esteem hits an all-time LOW and I'll be WANTING to give her $500 because I don't feel that sense of being needed... and I don't know why, but I chose to marry her and I was having these same problems with her years ago. I married her because I thought she would've CHANGED for the better.

She has gotten worse. She always break up with me and when I eventually get over her, I leave her alone. Then after she feels like she's really lost me, she'll crawl back to me. When she does, I know not to take her back, but I do for some odd reason.... more on this later..

She owns you and she knows it.
Women are selfish power hungry manipulators.
If you give them some power, they will try to take more.

She only wants you when you act like a man and treat her like a man treats her. Welcome to reality. What ever fairey tell island you lived on previously just went to hell in a hand basket. Learn to keep her challenged.

You need to go read some self help books and see the following movies. Which are good intros into the DJ spirit...

School for Scoundrels
GroundHog Day
Hitch

Find what makes you confident and do it.
Examples... Gym... Eating right... Saving Money... Looking Good/Having Style... Gell your hair... ETC....
Stop doing what makes you into a chump...
Examples... Living with Grandma... Watching anime porn... (LOL)...

Good luck..

 

[jonwon]

I think the Orignal Poster is most probably a troll.

Any other conclusion would be to assume there is actually a man on this planet who would:

Live apart from his wife:
Live with his grandma when he as a wife:
Not know about his wifes things, like simple stuff like apartments.
Be willing to pay upkeep to his wife and feel BAD if he does no get to splash all his cash on her.

I think if this guy is not a troll then he most probably deserves this women.

He feels good for giving her cash, he feels good when he is treated like a doormat and treated like complete dirt.

So sorry this as to be a troll!

If he is not a troll then we are missing about 75% of what is actually going on.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

well actually, where she lives is in an apartment that she LATER ended up telling me about. I stay with my f'king grandma, but i'm supposed to be living with her, my wife. Whenever my wife gets in a good mood, she keeps saying stuff like "Whenever my washer and dryer get here, and I buy some dishes, you're welcome to move in.." or "you can stay some nights over and we'll see where it goes from there..'..

How old is your little one?

 

[the_great_gaia]

whats a troll? these are serious issues here. i once comtemplated suicide, to see if she'd even care. but she's 20. we have talked on the phone and we are trying to work things out. all i can really do is pray for a direction. Thank you to all that have voiced an opinion to help me, i know what i have to do.

-End of Posting thread-

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

You are a ****ed in the head as your wife. You need to get an annulment and go into therapy STAT.

What you are doing is not normal.

But hey! You were searching for this messed up "gal" who is as messed in the head as you and you got her! And now you want to 'change' her since you saw that she was TOO messed up.

Well, people can only change themselves. You cannot help or push them. Example, if your grandma thought that she didn't like your hairstyle and she tried to change you into preferring something old-fashioned... like a cow lick. How would you respond?

Think about it and post the answer on the forum. And tell me why you would respond like that too.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Do some reconnaissance on her before you "work" things out - she may have another man involved! Don't ask her if she does - but investigate!

I think this is bigger than "working things out" - maybe it is best if you don't work things out at all and leave while you still have your balls left and it gets uglier!! With her attitude and mindset and your mindset it will only get worse!!! You are only 22 - you have time to recover!

Do not have a child with her!!!

Act like a man and start controlling and dictating shyt to her and see how she responds!!!! Firstly, her car is YOUR car - you are responsible for all her debts!! Take "her" car away and sell it and get a used one - tell her she needs to start saving money! If she doesn't stand for this and complains then leave -- otherwise she owns you and you will forever be her slave!! You will be mentally destroyed, worse than you are now!

 

[djbr]

If it wasn't for the join date, I would say he is a troll.

Unfortunately, the odds are he is not.

 

[the_great_gaia]

no, i'm not a troll. I have been on here JUST before I met the woman I'd eventually marry. I love her too much, but I will investigate to see whats going on.

 

[Last Man Standing]

no, i'm not a troll. I have been on here JUST before I met the woman I'd eventually marry. I love her too much, but I will investigate to see whats going on.

Don't tell her you are doing this!! It'll take a few weeks/months but you'll know more and determine if she is genuine!!!

I know you are not a troll - I remeber you from three years ago.

 

[the_great_gaia]

i'm supposed to be going to Iraq in July so I know i'm bout to get fvcked over...

 

[the_great_gaia]

Last Man Standing, i sent u a PM.

 

[Last Man Standing]

i'm supposed to be going to Iraq in July so I know i'm bout to get fvcked over...

This is new info!!! Kind of important to know!!! This changes things!!

I'll respond to your pm.