Kailex
Master Don Juan
Just to preface this... this is not a tale about three women that I am actively dating or have ever dated. These are three women that for one reason or another are actively in my life. It's interesting to me to post some observations about the three of them, because it's finally happening in front of me - the regret in a woman's thirties. I've been a member of this board since I was about 29, and now at 36, I'm beginning to see first hand how introspective these independent women can become. Now don't get me wrong, I like all three to a degree, enough to have them in my life as friends/acquaintances. All three are what could be considered strong willed, independent women who thought they either wouldn't need a man or that they'd find a man later in life once their financial and career goals were further along and settled. All three are getting right to the same point in life, even though they are different ages and at different stages of their lives.
Girl #1: She's about 32 or 33. She has a very successful career within the financial world where she travels consistently and has PLENTY of personal time to galavant some more. She's easily a 6 figure salary, that owns her own home and is set because of the smart and savvy moves. Yet, she has nothing to show for it in the relationship world. Girl #1 is usually the third wheel when it comes to nights out and although is a fun person to hang around, her very strong and somewhat misguided opinions permeate after two drinks. She's dated only 1 guy in the past 4 years and if you ask him, they aren't dating. In fact, his girlfriend doesn't know that Girl #1 exists. In Girl #1's mind, since this guy is the only thing she knows, she's trying to make it work. She's tried dating locally and to no avail. None of the men match up to what she wants. She's hung up on the current guy.
Her problem: She's beginning to no longer be the third wheel. Her friends have gotten married and are now having kids, so they have less time to invite her over and hang out. She tries to visit them at their place and is always gracious enough to bring plenty of drink and food, but it's just not the same anymore. She laments the fact that NOW she's realizing that she might want a relationship and family of her own, especially since she has a house she lives in only half a year and the traveling has gotten to her after 6 years of it.
My opinion: She'll either settle or she'll just live by herself. She's a woman who loves to be surrounded by family and friends, even if some of them will treat her like absolute garbage. It doesn't matter, she needs people around and is slowly losing them to marriage/kids or deterioration of relationships. She doesn't know how to date and it's coming to a head for her VERY quickly.
Girl #2: She considers herself to be a strong and independent woman. She's a single child, so she's used to being the center of attention all the time. What most might consider about a 5 or 6, she doesn't help out her case with her wardrobe either. At 33, she's openly voiced to me that she really wants to have a baby and cut her hair off. Notice, no mention of a husband because at this point, I don't think she'll be able to find one. What does she bring to the table? She recently lost her job after purchasing a house because her three goals in life were marriage, kids, and a house. Since marriage and kids weren't around the corner, she went out and bought a house that's worse off than the apartment she was renting for less money.
Her problem: I believe she peaked EASILY in her 20's. She thought she could make it on her own and her finances are in shambles. The purchase of a new house in an area with a dried up job market is not going to sit pretty on her record either. For over a year, a bunch of us told her not to do it, but she needed to feel like she accomplished something. She dates A LOT and consistently. Everytime she tells us about her dates, she nitpicks them to death and discards them. She always asks if she can meet any of my friends and I just laugh. This is the same woman who tells me that she can't wait to get married so she can chop her hair off. Why would I do that to any friend of mine?
My opinion: She's definitely going to settle. I wouldn't put it past her to grab someone "suitable" enough and then poke a hole in their condom. She's routinely selfish and it always trying to split the check based on what she had even though we've bought her a round or two. She's jealous of her friends' relationships and just NOW is beginning to wonder if her pickiness has played a part in her being along as she quickly approaches 35. Her financial decisions haven't been around so she really doesn't realize that the reason she can't find someone "suitable" for her is because when you were making less than $40K at age 33 with very much to offer, the guy you want isn't looking for you. I feel like if I ever meet a guy who makes it past the dating range of 2 months with her... I might warn him.
Girl #3: Very successful friend of mine who is an avid sports fan and is masculine in her aggressiveness towards dating and opinions in general. Like Girl #1, she has financial life together and does quite well for herself. Her dating life hasn't been particularly great because I believe she discards them a bit too quickly or just looks for men with interests that are 100% similar to hers. She is indeed a great person and I value her a lot as a human being, but she can sometimes be very standoff-ish, stubborn and a little too hard-headed for most men's tastes. She will go out of her way for any person sometimes, almost to a fault. She's just turned 30 but is already realizing that a part of her life very well may be missing.
Her problem: She has an overbearing parent that lives with her. In addition to this, she's used to dating men that simply wouldn't even try to stand up to her and her opinions. She enjoys life and spending on it and has the salary to do so, but it's hard to watch her date certain men because she simply doesn't know what she is looking for yet. Now that she's in her third decade, I've noticed a bit of... desperation in her dating patterns because she's approaching that age.
My opinion: Out of the 3, I believe she has the best chance to find someone similar to her and get into a relationship as long as the parent issue gets addressed. Even then, she has her own personality issues to get past and any man to get into a relationship with her better be able to bulldoze over her steamroller.
Conclusion: Guys, the stigma of self-realization of women in their 30's is absolutely real and I'm witnessing it before my very own eyes. I had been a part of it within the dating game. I had seen bits and pieces of it - women telling me timelines to get married, women telling me the classic, "I'm looking to settle down", etc, etc, etc... but now I'm witnessing the full blown stages of 3 different women with 3 different backgrounds who are either realizing what is happening or are already in crisis mode. Neither of these 3 have baggage in the form of a previous marriage NOR have kids. In this day and age, one could say that finding 3 women like this is rare... but I assure you, it really isn't. I know plenty, at least on the North East. But you all must remain vigilant when you are dating. Look out for the signs, ask for the right questions, be wary of the red flags.
It's fascinating, sad, and almost disturbing to see this situation evolve over the last few years. For example, three years ago, Girl #2 was still a magnificent disqualifier... now, not so much. Things she's complained about before in relationships are things she is willing to let go. And this is why we should vet extensively when within the dating game and to not develop oneitis'. Dating in your thirties isn't any less dangerous or easier and you should be prepared adequately.
It's a sobering tale and one that I hope at least a few of you will heed.
Girl #1: She's about 32 or 33. She has a very successful career within the financial world where she travels consistently and has PLENTY of personal time to galavant some more. She's easily a 6 figure salary, that owns her own home and is set because of the smart and savvy moves. Yet, she has nothing to show for it in the relationship world. Girl #1 is usually the third wheel when it comes to nights out and although is a fun person to hang around, her very strong and somewhat misguided opinions permeate after two drinks. She's dated only 1 guy in the past 4 years and if you ask him, they aren't dating. In fact, his girlfriend doesn't know that Girl #1 exists. In Girl #1's mind, since this guy is the only thing she knows, she's trying to make it work. She's tried dating locally and to no avail. None of the men match up to what she wants. She's hung up on the current guy.
Her problem: She's beginning to no longer be the third wheel. Her friends have gotten married and are now having kids, so they have less time to invite her over and hang out. She tries to visit them at their place and is always gracious enough to bring plenty of drink and food, but it's just not the same anymore. She laments the fact that NOW she's realizing that she might want a relationship and family of her own, especially since she has a house she lives in only half a year and the traveling has gotten to her after 6 years of it.
My opinion: She'll either settle or she'll just live by herself. She's a woman who loves to be surrounded by family and friends, even if some of them will treat her like absolute garbage. It doesn't matter, she needs people around and is slowly losing them to marriage/kids or deterioration of relationships. She doesn't know how to date and it's coming to a head for her VERY quickly.
Girl #2: She considers herself to be a strong and independent woman. She's a single child, so she's used to being the center of attention all the time. What most might consider about a 5 or 6, she doesn't help out her case with her wardrobe either. At 33, she's openly voiced to me that she really wants to have a baby and cut her hair off. Notice, no mention of a husband because at this point, I don't think she'll be able to find one. What does she bring to the table? She recently lost her job after purchasing a house because her three goals in life were marriage, kids, and a house. Since marriage and kids weren't around the corner, she went out and bought a house that's worse off than the apartment she was renting for less money.
Her problem: I believe she peaked EASILY in her 20's. She thought she could make it on her own and her finances are in shambles. The purchase of a new house in an area with a dried up job market is not going to sit pretty on her record either. For over a year, a bunch of us told her not to do it, but she needed to feel like she accomplished something. She dates A LOT and consistently. Everytime she tells us about her dates, she nitpicks them to death and discards them. She always asks if she can meet any of my friends and I just laugh. This is the same woman who tells me that she can't wait to get married so she can chop her hair off. Why would I do that to any friend of mine?
My opinion: She's definitely going to settle. I wouldn't put it past her to grab someone "suitable" enough and then poke a hole in their condom. She's routinely selfish and it always trying to split the check based on what she had even though we've bought her a round or two. She's jealous of her friends' relationships and just NOW is beginning to wonder if her pickiness has played a part in her being along as she quickly approaches 35. Her financial decisions haven't been around so she really doesn't realize that the reason she can't find someone "suitable" for her is because when you were making less than $40K at age 33 with very much to offer, the guy you want isn't looking for you. I feel like if I ever meet a guy who makes it past the dating range of 2 months with her... I might warn him.
Girl #3: Very successful friend of mine who is an avid sports fan and is masculine in her aggressiveness towards dating and opinions in general. Like Girl #1, she has financial life together and does quite well for herself. Her dating life hasn't been particularly great because I believe she discards them a bit too quickly or just looks for men with interests that are 100% similar to hers. She is indeed a great person and I value her a lot as a human being, but she can sometimes be very standoff-ish, stubborn and a little too hard-headed for most men's tastes. She will go out of her way for any person sometimes, almost to a fault. She's just turned 30 but is already realizing that a part of her life very well may be missing.
Her problem: She has an overbearing parent that lives with her. In addition to this, she's used to dating men that simply wouldn't even try to stand up to her and her opinions. She enjoys life and spending on it and has the salary to do so, but it's hard to watch her date certain men because she simply doesn't know what she is looking for yet. Now that she's in her third decade, I've noticed a bit of... desperation in her dating patterns because she's approaching that age.
My opinion: Out of the 3, I believe she has the best chance to find someone similar to her and get into a relationship as long as the parent issue gets addressed. Even then, she has her own personality issues to get past and any man to get into a relationship with her better be able to bulldoze over her steamroller.
Conclusion: Guys, the stigma of self-realization of women in their 30's is absolutely real and I'm witnessing it before my very own eyes. I had been a part of it within the dating game. I had seen bits and pieces of it - women telling me timelines to get married, women telling me the classic, "I'm looking to settle down", etc, etc, etc... but now I'm witnessing the full blown stages of 3 different women with 3 different backgrounds who are either realizing what is happening or are already in crisis mode. Neither of these 3 have baggage in the form of a previous marriage NOR have kids. In this day and age, one could say that finding 3 women like this is rare... but I assure you, it really isn't. I know plenty, at least on the North East. But you all must remain vigilant when you are dating. Look out for the signs, ask for the right questions, be wary of the red flags.
It's fascinating, sad, and almost disturbing to see this situation evolve over the last few years. For example, three years ago, Girl #2 was still a magnificent disqualifier... now, not so much. Things she's complained about before in relationships are things she is willing to let go. And this is why we should vet extensively when within the dating game and to not develop oneitis'. Dating in your thirties isn't any less dangerous or easier and you should be prepared adequately.
It's a sobering tale and one that I hope at least a few of you will heed.
