A real challenge for you experts.

[Warrior74]

Seriously man. Igetit gave you very solid advice. The same exact thing I would have told you. You have lost the battle, the war, the reconstruction, the uprising, the occupation, the resistance, the reconciliation, the dodgeball game...you have completely lost on all fronts. Its game over man.

Be a man, realize "it wasn't meant to be" and let her go on with her life. As long as you are holding on to her, you will never move forward with your own life. I've been where you are at, 2 years instead of 6, and it never happens man. This isn't a hollywood movie, where one day she will wake up and realize that you were the one. Well it might, when she's in her late 30s and has been through a lot of guys who have "done her wrong" and she wants someone nice and safe and tame to settle down with. If you feel like waiting another 10 years or so go right ahead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVpvkMmjK4 This is you with out the happy ending.

Just move on with your life man.

Or better yet. Crash and burn! Yah. Try that. Profess your love to her. Ask her to marry you. Tell her you can't live without her and see how it goes. Throw caution to the wind and all that. **** it man, you only live once. It's better to go for it and then make it happen or make it so awkward she never wants to be around you again. Practice your big speech in the mirror. Tell her all those deep heartfelt things, put yourself out there 100% Give her that Jerry Mcquire, You had me at hello type speech and see what happens!

I bet you don't have the balls to do that. The problem is, you don't have the balls to do anything you want to do, so you settle for "the friendzone". It takes balls to walk away, and it takes balls to put it all the way out there. And you don't have the stones to do either. Which is why she doesn't want you. She wants a man who can conquer her, who is stronger than she is. Who won't bend to her whim. Even if that means he looses her. You are not that man. Enjoy purgatory man, you'll be there until you finally get sick of it.

 

[reasonpolice]

Okay JLay, like Igetit said, it was 5am (4 for me but whatever), I was exhausted mentally and physically but didn't feel like going to sleep. I know that she can get any guy to listen to her, and that I'll be replaced pretty quick. I already said I'm going to be distant with her, and that's what I meant. I am going to initiate no contact with her whatsoever until she stops initiating contact with me. And like Igetit said, it's just gonna be short and polite.

I have no social problems or anything, I can go up to random girls and talk to them.

Funny thing is, I was laying in bed thinking about it, and I really used to be an outgoing, sexual, donjuanish guy, but this evil ho brought me down and I just let her.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

And cancel this Olive Garden outing immediately.

Spaghetti farts in the face of "douchebag who doesn't care" while they are 69ing, will in no way advance your cause.

She'll lap up your attention, your willingness to suffer for her little pootie, and then go home and fvck this other guy. All you've accomplished with her is pumping up her ego to infinity, she does nothing for you and you stick around so she can kick you in the balls some more?

The BEST thing you can do is cancel this date, forget about this one, and READ READ READ everything here until it starts to sink in. The only thing holding you back is your own mental faculty, but you can fix it. So get started.

You have a ton of work to do.

 

[reasonpolice]

Oh I cancelled it, don't worry about that.

And what would be better, to give her the "You've stepped on my balls long enough" speech, or to not say anything like that and just be curt with her until she stops trying.

 

[randomshinichi]

Just be curt.

 

[horaholic]

Ok, Im chiming back in here. Igetit was a little harsh on you, but he gives solid advice. We see the same thing here every day, like I said, and sometimes its easy to vent our frustration out on the new guy.

Im going to take a stab at this from a different angle: Why are you so in love her?

First of all, love is a chemical reaction in our brains. When we are that hooked on someone, we are in effect addicted to them. And with most drugs, the best way to rehab yourself is to never be around them.

Now, why are you EMOTIONALLY attached to her? Because you are FRIENDS. That is the same reason she is NOT interested in you. Guys dont really get emotional with their friends. We drink beer, and watch football, and hit each each other, and fart and burp, and talk about how all women are bytches. What women do with their girlfreinds is talk about their emotions, and feelings, and other crap like that.

Now, when guys and girls get to be close friends, what happens? She will start venting her feelings and talking about her emotions, and the guy, being the good friend he is, will listen, and try to help her, and take an interest in her well being. This cause two things to happen:

First of all, the guy is removed from his 'freindship' way of thinking. Like I said, a guys version of freindship is people to drink, fart and play sports with. He no longer thinks of her as a friend. He is either going to think of her like a SISTER, or like a GIRLFREIND, cuz those are the only two types of people he will usually talk about emotionally with. If the girls is at all attractive, it will be the latter. On top of that, his captain save-a-ho (or Prince charming) instict will kick in, amplifying his attraction. Guy wastes years pining over her. Get it, so far?

Heres what happens in her eyes: She gets close to guy. She might even be a little attracted to him at first. Guy doesnt make a move, or doesnt attract her good enough. Guy doesnt move on, he stays in her life. Boom. he's a friend. Now, she treats him like she treats her freinds; she vents her feelings, and emotions, and talks about the jerk she's dating. What happens when a guy gets in a relationship with a chick? He doesnt really want to talk to her about her stupid feelings all the time. After a few relationships, she gets the impression that sexworthy guys do not talk about their feelings. Now, guys have a differnet way of thinking about stuff, so chicks like to talk about feelings to guys, but they are very rare! She knows she has to hang on to any guy she can talk to, and feels like they have a special friendship. A friendhsip she would never want to risk losing by pursuing a relationship with that man. Besides, boyfriends would never talk about their feelings like this, so that guy is not relationship material. And, since he never made a move, he must not really be interested. Or, he's too much of a pvssy. Besides, she can get guys anytime she wants. She cant, however, find a guy to be close friends with, so she will hang on to that friendship for dear life.

Now, we have a situation where the girl is addicted to the guys emotional friendship, and the guy is addicted to her feminine nature, but they are at a stalemate. The girl cant associate him with being a sexworthy MAN. At the same time, the guy has a skewed picture of what a relationship with this girl would be like. A guy would love a girlfriend that would also be our 'freind.' That is another reason the guy gets so hooked on her. It is a mistake to think that a relationship with her would be anything like his freindship with her. he doesnt realize that she will turn into a nagging bytch, and always blow him off to hang out with her 'guy friend.' All a guy see's when he is just 'freinds' with a chick is her freindly side, which is WAY different than her other side. he doesnt see the evil side. Why do you think guys blow her off and dump her? Its because she's not the princess you think she is. If she was mentally stable, she would have HEALTHY friendships, not dragging a guy on for 6 years.

As a matter of fact, if you DID get together with her, it would probably be a big dissapointment, because you've built her up so high in your mind over the years.

My umm, 'sister' treats guys like dogshyt. I think she is a BPD. She cheats, and lies, and manipulates. That is, when she isnt dating the most pyscho guy she can find, because she likes the excitement of being with a maniac. Not abusive, mind you, but schizophrenic nutjobs turn her on, or used to when she was younger anyway. I saw a different side of her, as her 'friend, ' and i used to think, "She wouldnt treat ME like that." Of course she would! I though because we were so close, we would have a great relationship. i am SOOO glad it never happened. It would've been totally different than what I though.

This is the truth when it comes to freindships. There is a better article on here somewhere that explains it better, but I hope you can understand this.

With a little understanding of how our minds get us in these situations, you might be able to move forward.

does this make sense?

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I would just get on my horse and ride away. No explanation, and for God's sake no more emotionalbabble!

 

[reasonpolice]

Yeah hor I always knew that but I never wanted to believe it. That's probably why I fell for the one girl, and why I've always been so disappointed with other women. Even after getting a girls number, going on a few dates, and then getting a one on one hangout, even if she clearly shows interest, I just don't feel like I even care enough to f*ck her, just another stupid worthless girl in my mind. You probably all knew this, but I'm an LTR type of person. One of my goals, though, is to see if it is at all possible to be in a sexual relationship AND have that emotional connection, so that's what I tried to seek out. Well, like any scientist, I have clearly learned from my mistakes and payed deeply. I have suffered attachment, rejection, and betrayal, and this girl has ruined my sight, my mind, and my life. I have tried to go about it by building an emotional relationship first, and I would have learned that was the wrong way a lot sooner if it wasn't such a blinding experience.

Since you all so firmly disbelieve in the possibility of a sexual AND emotional relationship, I would really like to hear as many reasons why you think that way as possible so I can try to get some ideas as to how to get around this barrier. If there is a bible article that I missed, or a post somewhere else on this forum, PLEASE link it to me instead of flaming me.

I appreciate all of your guys' help and I understand how fun it is to be hard on the new guy, cause I've been in that situation too.

 

[Exhumed]

It can be emotional, just not the way you're thinking...you can't share all of your deepest doubts and insecurities with a girl you're trying to sleep with, you can't help her with her issues by having long talks...

 

[reasonpolice]

Well, I'm going to Bloomington Indiana for a week after xmas, which is the #2 party town in the US. There are going to be endlesss hordes of hotties for me to practice on to regain the DJ mentality I once had. Anyone know if there's anything I should know/look out for during the holidays/winter?

 

[TheCzar]

Ok, now that everyone has given you the bitter truth. I'll give you the only single possible way I know you can get what you want. And, I know it can work as it worked for me completely by happenstance. But, there's one key point that is being overlooked - has she ever been 'attracted' to you?? Or is it just 'affection'?? If she's never been attracted to you then it's a lost cause completely because you can't create attraction, it's either there or its not.

If you think you've had attraction you then need to erase the frame as much as completely possible from her mind of who and what you are. The only way you can do this is putting time on your side.

* Disappear for 3 years, zero contact
* Completely overhaul yourself and put a bullet into that AFC
* If you're still sure its what you want after all that time, call her up and grab lunch to catch-up -- keep it light, funny, don't go into emotional details, if she tries to go there, act disinterested and change the topic.
* NEVER go back to the frame you're in now

Now, I'm betting after 3 years you might completely be on another planet and moved on, but hey, anything is possible.

I'm saying this also because I knew this woman once I was 'friends' with for about 3 years but was also really attracted to her. Our lives went different directions, we lost touch, winds up I bump into her 4 years later and I've changed a lot. Wound up dating her for 2 years and realized I couldn't deal with her DRAMA so I moved on. Hahaha... funny.

TC

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

There are two streams which flow through the human mind. One leads to success, happiness, wealth, and self-determination. The other leads to failure, misery, poverty, and slavery.

Which river are you rowing?

 

[xdreamz]

she hasn't done any drugs in a while...why don't you do something fun and exciting and do some drugs with her. she'll probably be suprised of a sudden change and it'll show a little mystery to you... just don't get caught.

 

[sodbuster]

Well, the board has tried to lead you to water,but you won't drink. RE READ the posts again! get the idea through your thick skull-YOU WILL NEVER GET HER!

The next time you feel the urge to be the knight on a white horse saving a girl?[a biological drive to help women and children] Shoot the horse,BBQ it and invite your friends. It will cost less and your friends will appreciate it more.

I'm a 50 year old man and can think of No way you can turn this around.

 

[SharinganUser]

One of my goals, though, is to see if it is at all possible to be in a sexual relationship AND have that emotional connection, so that's what I tried to seek out.

No one said it isn't possible. It's more like you are putting the cart before the horse. It's been proven that sex can help people bond emotionally, which help explain why women go back to their "half boyfriends."

You've got to focus on showing a woman a good time and reving up her attraction levels before you try to make an emotional bond.

 

[bam bam]

Ok crazy u need to settle down. No socially normal person is going to have a pervo fantasy about some girl that clearly told him she has no interest in a relationship.

You can't be that socially normal if you have no self respect for yourself.

I dont even know where to start on this one. This has bad news written on it from a-z. You didn't come here for advice you came here for an elaborate plan to manipulate this girl into seeing you in a different light and falling for you. This site isn't here for constructing 2 year plans on how to capture a woman who isn't interested in you. Do you have any interests in your life hobbies passions? Dont your friends tell you that your a weirdo for trying to get with the same woman for 6 years? what kind of friends do you have that they support this abnormal behavior? Do you have pictures of her in your room she's unaware of? Your a creeper dude who's down playing it. Anyone who gives you sound advice you lash out on like there taking something precious away from you. No one on this site is going to support your bad addiction.
How well do you know this girl? Your story sounds pretty fabricated and manipulated.

Reading it i've noticed that your adding taking away details and not giving important once. For someone you've known for that long you sure dont talk in detail about that person. Why is that? My personal feelings about this whole story is either your A) your story is fabricated or B) your situation is a lot creeper then it seems and your just hiding it in a nice way trying to get new ideas of what to do because your desperate and your old plans aren't working. Took you six years to seek out this site for advice about this particular woman? hmmm i dunno maybe it's just me... this reeks of fishy...

 

[reasonpolice]

Man, this 10 posts per day thing sucks. Let's see, where to begin...

Igetit, JLay, Horaholic, Warrior, Julius, Random, and Sharing: Thanks a lot for your help. I really appreciate the time and effort you've put into replying to me. Also, the "bible" is great! I feel pretty good, like a new person, except by "new" I mean the person I used to be before I fell in "love" with this girl. All of you and this bible have really helped me come to terms with myself, and a LOT faster than I would have thought possible. I mean, I don't know if I'm only temporarily snapped out of it or not, but whatever it's good to be alive again, and to finally be rid of that empty feeling.

xdreamz: Honestly, you're pretty sick in the head, dude.:nervous: By drugs I mean cocaine and worse, not pot/tobacco/booze.

sodbuster: As far as I'm concerned, you're preaching to the converted. I have reread this whole thread about 50 times. Thanks for your input though!

bambam:
I think you were a little late to the new guy bashing party, bud.

Your story sounds pretty fabricated and manipulated.

I didn't ask anyone to believe whether my story is true or not - this is the internet after all.

Reading it i've noticed that your adding taking away details and not giving important once.

Like I said, THIS IS THE F*CKING INTERNET. Sorry I don't want to share explicit personal details about my life to a random message board? If you're looking for "important" details, go read a romance novel.

Do you have pictures of her in your room she's unaware of?

Ya know, when people say random stuff like that out of nowhere, psychologists call it "projection." In wildly accusing me of being a "creeper," you're really just projecting out your own sh*tty life for all to see.

For someone you've known for that long you sure dont talk in detail about that person. Why is that?

Uh, because this is about me, and not her? You must either be illiterate or just not pay attention to the sh*t you read.

Edit: Oh ok bambam, briefly scanning through all of your posts I realize what you're doing. You're either just here to troll people and have a laugh, or you're here to make people feel worse about themselves so that you can feel better. Either way, you're a c u n t. You don't belong on a forum as cool as this, or anywhere else, for that matter.

 

[fearless_surrender]

dude i know i sound a little crazy, but these are tactics that women used on me. do you want to chase your dreams around or have ur dreams chase you? if you do end up sleeping with your 6 year friend this would most likely be a rewarding relationship. and by at least trying to hook up with her you will finally face your fears you've been having for all these years and you can prove everybody wrong. where people see chaos and ruin i see a plephora of opportunity. just be grateful, i don't think anyone has held a friendship for that long with a girl. one word i can never stress enough of is to be bold. then you can inherit the kind of respect you want from this girl. i think you know how to but there's something holding you back. maybe religion or something is making you wait until marriage. let go of your anxieties, and be humble...quick to listen slow to speak. it's not good enough to just feel love for a girl, but you have to walk in love.

 

[reasonpolice]

Thank fearless but HAHAHAHA no it is definitely not religion hahahaha

Naw I can get over this girl no sweat. If I try to think like maybe I can reserve myself around her and eventually get her it will lead to nothing but misery. I'm going to be distant and curt with her, but I have to keep her in my life and me in hers because there is some pretty serious **** going on that I'd rather not discuss here.

 

[Igetit!]

Igetit, JLay, Horaholic, Warrior, Julius, Random, and Sharing: Thanks a lot for your help. I really appreciate the time and effort you've put into replying to me.

Wow.

After the way you came out swinging in your first few posts and that crack about me being on a "period",I'm surprised I made it on the list of members you wanted to thank.


By hey today's Christmas,so it's cool .


I try to go on a case by case basis. Not everyone gets the gloves off treatment so early.



Your situation REQUIRED it. No man in his right mind should ever be in a situation like that,and certainly not for 6 years.



You seem to be somewhat on the right path now,so if me turning up the heat helped you to become even slightly a more confident,self-respecting man,then I do not apologize.




Believe it or not,your case isn't the record on the forum.



Check out this thread by a member named Honestguy.



You think 6 years was long? This guy was hung up for 10 YEARS on a chick.




There's no update to his situation,so who knows what happened there.



Maybe he came to his senses and moved on,or maybe he's entering his 11th season of trying to make her want to date him. I don't know.


But I roasted him the same way I roasted you.



If you can be put through the fire and come out a better person when it's over,then that's what's important,not the fire itself.


Anyway,enjoy your Christmas man.