A quick question....

[DarkSideOfTheMind]

I was dating this girl for 8 months. She was well qualified and beat the others in the stable by alot on almost all fronts. She was definitly the top horse. Anyway, I recently broke up with her, due to some troubling comments she made. She tells me on a drive back from a bar that she was in a verbally abusive relationship for four months like a year and a half ago. So bd she considered committing suicide multiple times even after it ended. Now this is not the first time I have heard of this story. In reality it has come out multiple times when she is drunk or feeling sad. I would try and build up her self esteem, as she is awesome, save this one recurring theme.

I am an extreme type A personality that takes no sh** anywhere anytime, and hates whinning. If there is a problem, then solve it, but don't *****. What really set me off is she made the statement that this was the most important event in her life, and defines her as a person (paraphrasing). I'm curious what the community says concerning this? Is this reason to toss as i did? Is it to be expected from time to time from women in general? Or is her focusing on this as THE defining moment in her life proof of more deep seeded emotional baggae that I really should avoid at all cost. Of course I get the requisite I love you texts followed by we really are just two different people texts minutes apart if i don't respond. Please weigh in, and I'll just listen....

 

[robinincarolina]

Women do the same thing if they are smart, ignore what a man says and watch his actions. Its a no brainer there.

 

[Mr. Me]

She was verbally abused for four months, and the result is she's had suicidal thoughts? Sadly, she sounds seriously damaged. She also appears depressed and flip flops on how she feels at any give moment? Plus getting drunk to boot. She's unfortunately a mess. There's nothing you can do for her, you're not her shrink, so yes, you need to avoid her and find a healthy person to be with or you'll be paying for the sins of her ex.

 

[Colossus]

I think there is more to her story than meets the eye.

If she was a healthy, well-adjusted woman she wouldnt have endured an abusive relationship for 4 months to begin with, and certainly would not have had suicidal thoughts based purely off said relationship. Something is missing.

At any rate, it sounds like there are some deep-rooted issues with her, and you reached the point where they were starting to surface. In my experience these types of issues cannot be worked out inside of a relationship. They require professional help.

Good call.

 

[jophil28]

As proofed by your "well qualified" GF finally showing her true colors, 99% of all women are amoral little children. And women LOVE to have these little victim stories of tramatic abuse by which they receive a free get out of jail pass whenever they are cornered.

"I was abused" so my bad behavior really doesn't count. They will cling to these events until they die. Only pulling them out when it is their only escape from judgement. I like how she was honest enough to tell you that not only was she unwilling to simply walk aways from this oh so horrible verbal abuse, but now this 4 months of discomfort is her 'defining moment' and 'who she is.' :crackup:

I'd say the last 5 LTR's I've been in all had "tramatic abuse" story which would suddenly appear just after they got caught doing something horribly immature. They've told the story so many times they actually start to believe it.

There is no way around this. You can not call her out on it either being BS or that they should get over it with therapy or whatever because the truth is, even if true, they don't want to get over it. They LOVE it in a dysfunctional way. That way when they are cornered by either a judge or member of society, they can unbutton a few buttons, put on the pouty face and bat their eyelashes while retelling this horrific tale with streaming crocodile tears.

Simply ignore anything and everything a woman has to say and listen only to her actions.

Add in the I love you texts immediately followed by the I don't love you texts and what you are dealing with is the 99% of women simply practicing the fine craft of manipulating men for their own gain.

Wear a condom and don't date her exclusively; this will take care of any and all concerns you will have. Just keep them on rotation; when one acts up just move attention to one who isn't currently tweaking out on a negative hormone dump that particular day.

Just wait to you get a female boss; THEN you'll have real woman problems.

THis is one of your very best posts Don. I"m saying it is THE BEST.

" I was abused..." is a woman's killer play .

It is vital that we NOT let it succeed in it's objective.

 

[jophil28]

Women learn very early in life that being "hurt" brings them rewards in the form of attention, sympathy and affection from daddy. Daddy is her first rescuer. She learns to use her hurt to trigger hoped for behavior and elicit desired responses in males ...So she continues in the same tradition her whole life because it works.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

As proofed by your "well qualified" GF finally showing her true colors, 99% of all women are amoral little children. And women LOVE to have these little victim stories of tramatic abuse by which they receive a free get out of jail pass whenever they are cornered.

"I was abused" so my bad behavior really doesn't count. They will cling to these events until they die. Only pulling them out when it is their only escape from judgement. I like how she was honest enough to tell you that not only was she unwilling to simply walk aways from this oh so horrible verbal abuse, but now this 4 months of discomfort is her 'defining moment' and 'who she is.' :crackup:

I'd say the last 5 LTR's I've been in all had "tramatic abuse" story which would suddenly appear just after they got caught doing something horribly immature. They've told the story so many times they actually start to believe it.

There is no way around this. You can not call her out on it either being BS or that they should get over it with therapy or whatever because the truth is, even if true, they don't want to get over it. They LOVE it in a dysfunctional way. That way when they are cornered by either a judge or member of society, they can unbutton a few buttons, put on the pouty face and bat their eyelashes while retelling this horrific tale with streaming crocodile tears.

Simply ignore anything and everything a woman has to say and listen only to her actions.

Add in the I love you texts immediately followed by the I don't love you texts and what you are dealing with is the 99% of women simply practicing the fine craft of manipulating men for their own gain.

Wear a condom and don't date her exclusively; this will take care of any and all concerns you will have. Just keep them on rotation; when one acts up just move attention to one who isn't currently tweaking out on a negative hormone dump that particular day.

Just wait to you get a female boss; THEN you'll have real woman problems.

Solid advice DonS.

I too almost visibly roll my eyes at often explicitly stated "I'm a victim" disclaimers that almost invariably come up over the course of the 1st date or flake... NEXT! It won't get better, and you cannot correct the behaviour as it's so deeply ingrained and they are completely ignorant to their actions cause and effect.