A question for the experienced/masters. Involving Ego.

[Perseus]

So over the summer I met a woman who I got to be attracted to me. I didn't really run routines or game on purpose, it just came naturally. As they say, after a while game is internalized. Anyhow, I had a girlfriend at the time and it gave me some pleasure to put her into the friendzone. The attraction stayed, and this (I have to admit) was a boost to my ego. To this day, the attraction is there. However, the longer I put her in the friendzone the lower it will be. That's not the issue though. The issue is I fear my ego is now dependent on her being attracted to me. I know this is bad. Any suggestions as to what I can do to make sure this doesnt happen? Control my ego?

 

[Radninja]

Perseus receives pleasure in this other girl being attracted to him as a result of running game on her. If he removes the sexual tension by becoming full time friends, the girl will loose the attraction, and thus Perseus will receive less validation pleasure. Or that's the way he describes it.

Perseus, it seems like you know that a relationship with this girl will not work for you, but you still enjoy the way she reponds to your game. I don't think that there is anything wrong with playful flirting, as long as you both enjoy it and you know where to draw the line.

If your true identity is a guy who playfully flirts with all the girls and shows his masculinity in a good way, then ego is not in the equation. Do your current actions re-affirm your true identity? Perhaps that is the question you may want to ponder.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Ask yourself why you need this girl to be attracted to you.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Too much is put on her, more needs to be put on you. Boost your ego, do it everyday.

 

[Julian]

Meh let it be bro. Its only natural for your ego to be fed based on the approval of others. You could kill your ego somehow...just dont give a fawk wether she likes you or not. (thats my tactic). But at the same time you will still derive pleasure if a girl likes you. Nothin wrong with that. Its good to be loved.

feel the pleasure bro...its fine, just dont let it hurt your ego if/when her attraction to you is lost.

 

[Perseus]

Ask yourself why you need this girl to be attracted to you.

I told you, it's a nice boost to the ego. Actually, I don't want to sound like a douche, but over the summer (when I had about 2 months off) a lot of girls were attracted to me. It's just that this girl I'm talking about, she's a lot closer now.

 

[Perseus]

Meh let it be bro. Its only natural for your ego to be fed based on the approval of others. You could kill your ego somehow...just dont give a fawk wether she likes you or not. (thats my tactic). But at the same time you will still derive pleasure if a girl likes you. Nothin wrong with that. Its good to be loved.

feel the pleasure bro...its fine, just dont let it hurt your ego if/when her attraction to you is lost.

Thanks mate

Too much is put on her, more needs to be put on you. Boost your ego, do it everyday.

I agree more needs to be put on me. Still, as long-time readers of this forum might know, you can't be dependent on your ego

Perseus receives pleasure in this other girl being attracted to him as a result of running game on her. If he removes the sexual tension by becoming full time friends, the girl will loose the attraction, and thus Perseus will receive less validation pleasure. Or that's the way he describes it.

Perseus, it seems like you know that a relationship with this girl will not work for you, but you still enjoy the way she reponds to your game. I don't think that there is anything wrong with playful flirting, as long as you both enjoy it and you know where to draw the line.

If your true identity is a guy who playfully flirts with all the girls and shows his masculinity in a good way, then ego is not in the equation. Do your current actions re-affirm your true identity? Perhaps that is the question you may want to ponder.

Good point Radninja. Unfortunately I'm not doing as much playful flirting as before. I'm also separated from my girlfriend and on an extended business trip with this person (who, yes, happens to be in the same firm.) Over the summer I was pretty occupied. Here though, she's my only connection to back home.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Meh let it be bro. Its only natural for your ego to be fed based on the approval of others. You could kill your ego somehow...just dont give a fawk wether she likes you or not. (thats my tactic). But at the same time you will still derive pleasure if a girl likes you. Nothin wrong with that. Its good to be loved.

feel the pleasure bro...its fine, just dont let it hurt your ego if/when her attraction to you is lost.

I agree.

 

[jophil28]

You do not have a problem that needs a solution. Don't get towed along by the "kill the ego" mentality . Gentle and vigilant ego supervision is what is needed .
Now get back to work and make some money...

 

[Perseus]

Thanks Jophil. Donjuan, what did you mean by this below?

I see, well it happens that a guy fall in "love" with a girl who is really into him ( but you didn't say you were romantically attracted to her no ?)

Did you mean guys fall in "love" with girls who are into them?

 

[Luscious]

Axe your girlfriend and just nail this chick and get it over with. It's not fair to yourself and your girlfriend - you're not really into your girl if you're stringing this broad along, and you are wasting your own time in the relationship.

 

[zekko]

That's an ego phenomenon: you like somebody who likes you .

Yes! See, this is a problem I have with some of the advice you get in the seduction community. There is a huge school of thought that says "if you are disinterested in a woman they will be interested in you". When actually the opposite is more likely true. That strategy might work with an AW, but mostly I think it is false.

You don't want to seem OVERLY interested in them, meaning you want to keep them guessing some, and you don't want to seem overeager and pathetic. But you have to show them some interest usually to get them to show interest in you. Otherwise every woman you are genuinely not interested in would be all over you.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Ask yourself why you need this girl to be attracted to you.

When you get down to the truth of it this is the only question to concern yourself with.

Confidence is a state of mind not a sandwich. Don't fall into the trap most guys fall victim to where they "think" their identity is based on what a woman thinks of them.

This is where an honest heart will get you out of a jam. When you're honest, and stop teetering this girl over the friendship fence, she'll find her own confidence. Enough to not keep holding your ego on her shoulders anyway.

 

[zekko]

Yes actually and I noticed it myself : indifference (in the attitude) works better in attracting girls.

But I 'm not sure a girl who is indifferent to the guy works in attracting the guy but I know showing indifference towards girls could help to make her attracted to him.

I just don't agree with this indifference thing. Maybe PRETENDING to be indifferent might help attraction? But if you take this to its natural conclusion, if you are GENUINELY indifferent to the girl, then you totally ignore her (don't even know she exists), and that should attract her. And if that's the case all kinds of girls should be attracted to you because you don't pay them any attention. I don't see that as true at all.

You have to show them SOME sort of attention for them to be interested in you. I've attracted women before by being friendly with them, but in my head trying to attract them or being attracted to them was the furthest thing from my mind. But I was at least friendly to them. You have to give them some sort of interest for them to feed off of, unless it's an "admire you from afar" type of thing, but I've never gotten that much that I'm aware of.

 

[zekko]

I still think there is something at work here that is doing the attracting rather than the indifference. If indifference attracted, ignoring would seem to be the ultimate indifference. But by all means, develop - we're here to discuss.
Continuing on:

The piece you are missing is that you simultaneously have to get them to notice you. When they notice you, they will then also notice that you are not all over them (disinterested). That is a key difference and yes, if you do that while DHVing with a group (should usually be on multiple occassions I have found) then it will generate attraction.

Through your actions you will have pegged her as a beta woman undeserving of your alpha masculinity.

It sounds like you are talking specifically about a group dynamic, probably a large group in fact. So let's say my group of friends meet up with another group of friends to form one big group. I notice one rather attractive female in the group I'm high fiving people, I'm talking to everybody, I'm witty and funny, aren't I just about the coolest guy ever? But with her I say very little other than "hi" when introduced, and I barely look at her. Is that the type of thing you're talking about?

Here's my problem with this scenario. First off, the guy is the approacher. So when I ask for her number doesn't that reveal the whole "indifference" thing as just a big charade? Because obviously I'm not indifferent to her at all if I'm asking for her number, obviously I have some interest in her on some level.
Secondly, what about the very basic idea of eye contract attracting? If you're acting indifferent you're not gazing into her eyes creating that spark.

Third, the point of the exercise you mentioned is to get her to notice you. You are demonstrating high value. To me, THAT is what is attracting her, not your indifference.

See, I don't think this principle is about indifference at all. It's about taking your time to demonstrate some high value before trying to number close (at which time you are no longer indifferent). And it's about not being a pathetic, desperate looking, overeager AFC.
The INTEREST (as well as DHV) you show her is what will attract her, it's just that the interest has to be in balance or you come off looking desperate.

 

[zekko]

1. You do not interact much with the new girl during this first encounter, she is just another girl in your life.
2. The next time you are out, you are still your normal high value self. You may choose to interact with her or not. If you do, make it nothing but fun. Tease her a little, do not be afraid to make sexual and edgy comments. Show some balls.
3. By this encounter (the third), she should be at the proper buying temperature (you will know with continued IOI's). Interact with her more, ask her qualifying questions, make a statement of intent and number close.

After these three interactions, you should be in a FAR better position of owning the frame and maintaining the correct interest level from her. This will absolutely minimize flaking or feelings of creepiness.

I have always done much better in this manner than I have in a one-night pickup.

What you are describing here just sounds like the natural way people get to know each other, or the process of warming up to each other. I'm not seeing where it really has anything to do with indifference. Sounds more like patience if anything.

The only thing I see where indifference might help is that people want what they can't have. But again, I think that's more about having high value than actual indifference. I'm indifferent about a lot of women, so I guess that means they should all want me, yes?

 

[zekko]

The difference between this and the "Natural" way that people get to know eachother is that in this case it has been scripted in a way that she is attracted to you.

Yes, but there is no technique that is going to guarantee that a targeted woman is going to be attracted to you. There are things you can do to increase your odds. I'm not disagreeing with any of the techniques you guys have presented, but I think "indifference" is the wrong word for it. I feel this way about several seduction technique terms.

"Nice guy", for example, is a bit of a misnomer. When dating gurus talk about the "nice guy", what they are really describing is a wuss. I guess the term comes from wusses describing themselves as nice guys, when whether or not they are nice has nothing to do with it.

It all has to be made HER idea first, and running every interaction in the proper way until it becomes her idea is what I am talking about here

This I wholeheartedly agree with. I just don't think indifference has much to do with it. It's just about a guy not jumping the gun.

How would indifference work in a 1:1 cold approach type situation?

 

[squirrels]

If you call down the thunder, you have to reap the whirlwind.

 

[zekko]

I've had numerous women that I was COMPLETELY indifferent to chase me for over a year. The funny thing about this was, I was totally crazy for one chic and as a result it made me indifferent to the rest.

The result? I had an army of girls interested in me except the one I really wanted.

Seriously, I have to say I have never had any experience even remotely like this. There are a few women now that are clearly interested in me that I am not interested in at all. But I think that is because they are lower value than I am, not because I'm indifferent.

Bear in mind I am quite a bit older than you are, but even at your age I never had an experience similar to the one you're talking about. I am currently very happily in a LTR, so I'm not really on the market. So I'm indifferent to about every woman I see. According to your theory, I should have women crawling all over me.

 

[jophil28]

Seriously,
There are a few women now that are clearly interested in me that I am not interested in at all. But I think that is because they are lower value than I am, not because I'm indifferent.

You are right.
Your indifference to them did not CREATE their attraction. Their perception of your value is driving that. Your indifference to them serves to amplify their interest level by setting up a state of your being unattainable . Men of value who are "out of reach" are attractive to woman.
In your case, your aloofness and lack of interest in them further increases their IL, but your VALUE (and their attraction to you because of it ) had to be demonstated first.