A poll for the unsuccessful with women

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I believe that if one makes a little effort, he will experience success with women, no matter what his current situation is.

So my question for the totally unsuccessful - or mildly successful - guys around is:
Do you even try?

 

[Zarky]

Personally I think it takes a lot of effort. And a whole lot of time. Finding women to screw is a whole second job.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I thought the same, but then I realized that I made it hard for myself by thinking too much and making a big deal about it.

Right now I believe that if one is willing to feel a little uncomfortable and try new stuff, he will get ***** sooner or later. Maybe not much, but he will.

 

[mikeyb]

If you want to become good at something you need to keep practicing. Why should women be any different? It doesn't mean you have to make it a second job, but you should treat it just like any other skill you want to improve. Guys who think there's an easy, effortless way out to success with women are like guys who talk about taking steroids when they can barely squat their own bodyweight worth of iron. It's unhealthy and unrealistic.

 

[killahpl]

What do you understand as being "a little effort"?

I voted a little bit, because while I have hit the gym and have made some progress with women, the prospect of the cold approach scares the flying **** out of me.

And I have these periods where I give it my all, but then, without fail, major depressions kicks in, which among other but not exclusively has to do with women...

 

[killahpl]

If you want to become good at something you need to keep practicing. Why should women be any different? It doesn't mean you have to make it a second job, but you should treat it just like any other skill you want to improve. Guys who think there's an easy, effortless way out to success with women are like guys who talk about taking steroids when they can barely squat their own bodyweight worth of iron. It's unhealthy and unrealistic.

It IS just like acquiring any new skill in that you have to learn how to learn a specific set of actions/behaviors to do it, but it is NOT a skill in the same way that something more obscure would be in that the ability to be good with women is closely connected with one's self-esteem etc, and different people have had different lots in life.

An example: sit a couple of people in front of a computer game and ask them to beat it. The ability to do so or not relies purely on one's hand and eye coordination, plus we can assume that a person who's beaten plenty of games before will do better. But there is no emotional component here as far as I can see.

Please feel free to disagree with any of the above.

 

[mikeyb]

It IS just like acquiring any new skill in that you have to learn how to learn a specific set of actions/behaviors to do it, but it is NOT a skill in the same way that something more obscure would be in that the ability to be good with women is closely connected with one's self-esteem etc, and different people have had different lots in life.

An example: sit a couple of people in front of a computer game and ask them to beat it. The ability to do so or not relies purely on one's hand and eye coordination, plus we can assume that a person who's beaten plenty of games before will do better. But there is no emotional component here as far as I can see.

Please feel free to disagree with any of the above.

Emotions and self-esteem are present in every activity that you care about. If you let your emotions interfere in sport, you can forget about being successful. It's the same thing with women, just different emotions (unless your sport is nude wrestling ).

 

[kingsam]

the more effort you put in or chances you take ... the more luck and opportunities will come your way

obviosly there are "wrong" ways to go about it, and some people make it hard for themselves, but its take experience/practice to discover your perfect game...

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Define "well." Is anyone on a forum like this 100% content with how they do with women?

 

[zekko]

the ability to be good with women is closely connected with one's self-esteem etc, and different people have had different lots in life.

Everyone always talks about confidence and self esteem. But I think what it's more closely connected with is how skilled you are with talking to people in general, and how much you actually ENJOY talking to people in general. Put a gregarious person into any situation and he will connect with the people around him because he WANTS to, not because he is supposed to.

Which is not to say you have to be the gregarious type to have good social skills or be good with women. I'm an introvert but I think my social skills are pretty good. Still, I think if you're genuinely interested in interacting with others you have an advantage.

 

[killahpl]

Everyone always talks about confidence and self esteem. But I think what it's more closely connected with is how skilled you are with talking to people in general, and how much you actually ENJOY talking to people in general. Put a gregarious person into any situation and he will connect with the people around him because he WANTS to, not because he is supposed to.

Which is not to say you have to be the gregarious type to have good social skills or be good with women. I'm an introvert but I think my social skills are pretty good. Still, I think if you're genuinely interested in interacting with others you have an advantage.

Then I would sure like some kind of an explanation regarding my situation personally, because I really don't have any problems socializing with people in general. To be certain, you can only take my word for it, but many of my friends would tell you that I do my own things and don't give a flying monkey about what others think of it - and many like it, some don't.

But that whole ability to socialize with people goes right out the window with women, and here I am, a suicidal virgin at 25 :/

 

[Just a Shot Away]

So my question for the totally unsuccessful - or mildly successful - guys around is:
Do you even try?

I used to. But then I realized that until you fix yourself, you can pretty much forget about attractive women. Why would anyone date a guy that doesn't see any reason why a woman would want to date him? It doesn't make any sense when you really think about it.

I believe one needs to have a foundation before attempting to game chicks. Certain personality disorders along with one's self-image and perspective on the world will almost certainly doom every attempt to get anywhere with a woman. I liken it to trying to play football without any hands. You can try all you want, but you just won't get very far...unless you're a kicker or something, haha.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

Probably, but how can you become the person you wish you'd become if you're being hindered by the depression of not being good at getting girls?

Self improvement and macking go hand in hand.


EDIT: I see at the University some strange guys, some hardcore nerds, some disgustingly arrogant or fake people, they all had a good looking chick at their arm at some point or another. So maybe you exagerrate the self-judgement - I too was guilty of that. The girls may not have such big expectations, after all.

Oh, and here's another way of self sabotaging you may identify with: being afraid of success.
There's the hot girl, you think that she could be interested, you don't feel nervous or anxious, you have the line to start the convo, but you don't proceed with the business. You don't even try, because you are afraid of the new stuff that may ensue.

 

[corrector]

First of all, how do you define success with women? I think there are specific areas and skill sets here and there.
I define success with women as "flowing" with them socially. (no, sex is not part of my definition -- flowing is)

My particular stickling point is I can't appear to relax around hot women and simply appear too guarded and formal and get envious of other guys that appear to have that natural flow -- they jive with attractive chicks, make them laugh, you can see there is this flow. When you see this flow, then you know this guy probably has an easy time getting laid because he's already giving the women a fun time and they are opened to him.

So, do I actually "try" there. I would say no simply for the reason I am so much into a stiff "cop-like" persona that I wouldn't know where to start. It's like I'd try to start a convo with one or two questions, appear stiff and formal, and the lady would either say "what?", or think I'm business-like or confrontational, when I'm trying to build rapport. If I did make a woman laugh (I have an e-book on humour too), then that would make me feel like I would have an easier time getting that flow and her thinking that I'm a cool person.

But, hey, maybe I'm just looking for the right woman -- but it would be nice if I could also have that "flow".

 

[Demystify]

Yes, I try. I've gone for thousands upon thousands of girls but only had sex once. And I've never had anything close to a girlfriend. Unfortunately I can't control being socially awkward.

 

[Maxtro]

Self-esteem and confidence are hugely important in getting women. The more you like yourself, the easier it is to be open and socialize with other people. When you have high self-esteem you are happier, and people want to be with happy people.

After all these years of working on myself and trying to improve my skills with women I still have no results. I wouldn't call getting a girls number and hanging out with her an accomplishment unless something physical happened. But I did start from a point where I was completely socially awkward and barely ever talked to girls.

Right now I think my biggest failings with women are caused by my low self-esteem and confidence. What caused me to have low self-esteem and confidence? Not having any success with women.