A piece of advice given by a female friend about a girl I'm gaming

[BannedGod]

Quick background: A girl I'm trying to get with has recently told me that she wasn't ready to move on yet seeing as she just came out of a long relationship (about 5 years), that she needs space and time to sort things out, and she told me this after we've made out twice.

So my friend told me to try this angle:

Step 1: Invite her to an event by telling her that: "of all the people I can invite, I really wanted to invite her because we get along so well and we have a great vibe together", basically make her feel special, but also communicate that I could go with another great deal of people.

Step 2: At the actual event, get physically close to her, throw in a small compliment, such as: "I'm really enjoying this moment right now, I really appreciate the time we spend together" and then say something in the lines of: "I'll be honest with you, I really feel like kissing you right now, but since you told me you need space, I won't right away" and then simply change the subject and act like it is no big deal.

According to my friend, this will be a very conflicting message which will get her thinking gears on, and if she's even only slightly into me, it should play in my favor, make her think about us, about what I meant, and the fact that I can go that quickly from a more romantic vibe to casual vibe create a sense of urgency.

Thoughts?

 

[Strelok]

1)dont take suggestions from women about women, especially if they are shortcuts to the friend zone

2)never verbalize and never ask for permission,if you wanna do something do it and show some gut, asking "can i kiss you" is the best way to kill the attraction.

3)dont do anything countless of other men do in the hope to succeed just because a woman suggested them so, compliments in most of the cases are a cheap try to get something.

4)why in the hell you wanna make her feel special if she did nothing to gain such pleasure? you want her ego to explode till she realize she can have more than you?

And please dont consider this in any way possible:

"I'm really enjoying this moment right now, I really appreciate the time we spend together" and then say something in the lines of: "I'll be honest with you, I really feel like kissing you right now, but since you told me you need space, I won't right away"

What it actually means is "Im unsure what to do and I cant afford screwing up like Im used to do, so Im turning on you any responsibility or risk in fact I want you to lead and chose".

Do you think this will turn her on?

Quick background: A girl I'm trying to get with has recently told me that she wasn't ready to move on yet seeing as she just came out of a long relationship (about 5 years), that she needs space and time to sort things out, and she told me this after we've made out twice.

I think she is simply looking around to see what she can get and she doesnt have a high interest in you (do you think an interested girl say she needs time to mr hot guy or make him wait ?)
You're probably under evaluation and doing what your female friend suggested you is the best way to friend zone,blue balls and smell of some other dude on her when you meet her.

 

[ArcBound]

Whenever you ask for advice from a women, they tell you what they think THEY would like themselves if they were in the situation. Secondly what women tell you they want and what they actually want are 2 different things.

Trust your own intuition and gut and do what you want to do.

 

[Bible_Belt]

A girl I'm trying to get with has recently told me that she wasn't ready to move on yet seeing as she just came out of a long relationship (about 5 years), that she needs space and time to sort things out

...Thoughts?

She means "move on" in an emotional sense, not necessarily a physical one. Women will often turn down sex not because they don't physically want it, but instead because what they don't want is the emotional crash that comes afterward. Sex and love are two different things, but women are not nearly as good as men at separating the two, especially women with a history of long relationships.

I think you should give her the space she obviously wants. Don't call or text for a while, then try to get her out on what seems like a whim, as if you're already out having a good time and just happened to think of her. Then she can just happen to have a few drinks, somehow end up back at you place, and one thing just leads to another.

That's all fairly easy compared to what it takes to have the emotional strength to continue to treat her the same way, even after spending a night together. Right now, she doesn't think you can do it. You have to show her that you can.

 

[Aaron B]

horrible advice

women have no experience dating women (lesbians excepted of course)

 

[Mike32ct]

Quick background: A girl I'm trying to get with has recently told me that she wasn't ready to move on yet seeing as she just came out of a long relationship (about 5 years), that she needs space and time to sort things out, and she told me this after we've made out twice.

So my friend told me to try this angle:

Step 1: Invite her to an event by telling her that: "of all the people I can invite, I really wanted to invite her because we get along so well and we have a great vibe together", basically make her feel special, but also communicate that I could go with another great deal of people.

Step 2: At the actual event, get physically close to her, throw in a small compliment, such as: "I'm really enjoying this moment right now, I really appreciate the time we spend together" and then say something in the lines of: "I'll be honest with you, I really feel like kissing you right now, but since you told me you need space, I won't right away" and then simply change the subject and act like it is no big deal.

According to my friend, this will be a very conflicting message which will get her thinking gears on, and if she's even only slightly into me, it should play in my favor, make her think about us, about what I meant, and the fact that I can go that quickly from a more romantic vibe to casual vibe create a sense of urgency.

Thoughts?

I'm not thrilled with this advice. It's dangerously close to the "Tell her how you feel about her" advice.

 

[Iceberg]

This is exactly why you shouldn't take dating advice from women. They tell you the stuff that they'd love to see in a Romantic movie.

But the girls who are telling you all this crap, are the same ones who went home with some dude who simply said, "Hey, nice t*ts. Let's make out."

Girls want men. Beer drinking, ass-grabbing, meat-eating men. They THINK they want sensitivity and compassion, but that's not really what gets them wet.

 

[Mike32ct]

Iceberg is spot on as usual.

I won't say that ALL women give bad advice, although I used to. There are a few that GET IT and can give good advice, but it's rare. Plus, it takes a highly experienced guy to know the difference and sift through what is honest sound advice and what is romantic fantasy b.s.

So, in general, we recommend to most guys not to take dating advice from women.

(We have a few female posters here that get it. No disrespect to them is intended.)

But as a general rule, most romantic fantasy b.s. advice consists of the following:

1. Tell her how you feel about her (before you date her or very early on).

2. Bring flowers during the first few dates.

3. Instead of approaching, send her a drink.

4. Pay lots of compliments. If she calls you "sweet," you're on the right track.

 

[floydb25]

She gave you bad advice all around. It sounds like she wants you to be the nice guy in a sense. To give her space, wait for her to be ready, call all the shots, act all polite, make her feel special, etc. Even worse, TELLING her these things; thereby giving her all the control, and deciding if you are good enough for her. This generally doesn't work. Like someone else said - she hasn't EARNED any of this stuff. You aren't responsible for her past; nor do you owe her anything.

No matter what someone's been through, if something attracts them, they will go after it. I think this is where a lot of people get confused, because they try mixing logic with attraction. Since they've been hurt - they need time to think and evaluate. But, attraction isn't something you think about - its what you feel. It doesn't make sense. What they've gone through in the past has NOTHING to do with you. Acting like the nice guy because they've been hurt and are afraid won't do you any good. There's never a time to be the nice guy, and not have game.

Her line of thinking is that you should tell her how you feel. She probably thinks that this shows how genuine you are, and blah blah. But, this doesn't work. Being assertive, taking the lead, acting as a challenge, having value, and playing it cool does. Acting desperate and showing too much interest - even if you don't intend to - won't attract her.

Women generally don't want to know how you feel or where you stand, because it intrigues them. Telling or showing them that you like them too soon is a sure-fire way to kill the attraction. As is allowing them to set the tone, waiting patiently for them to be ready, always being available, trying to prove your worth and sincerity, etc. It's too easy. You're no challenge.

They might SAY they want these things - especially if they've been hurt - but they usually SHOW that they don't respond favorably to them. They'll just make up excuses not to date you - because none of this stuff is attractive. That's why, no matter what someone's been through, you keep the game where its supposed to be. There is no special case where this doesn't apply.

A lot of people think that, since someone's been hurt, isn't ready, can't trust, etc - that its nice guy time. It's how most people fall into this trap, and get burned. While they're trying to be nice and do everything right - another guy comes along and sweeps them away. There are no special cases. Don't act differently, or switch up your game because someone's been hurt. Treat everyone the same. Pay no heed unto what they say. Watch what they respond to.

 

[Trump]

Quick background: A girl I'm trying to get with has recently told me that she wasn't ready to move on yet seeing as she just came out of a long relationship (about 5 years), that she needs space and time to sort things out, and she told me this after we've made out twice.

So my friend told me to try this angle:

Step 1: Invite her to an event by telling her that: "of all the people I can invite, I really wanted to invite her because we get along so well and we have a great vibe together", basically make her feel special, but also communicate that I could go with another great deal of people.

Step 2: At the actual event, get physically close to her, throw in a small compliment, such as: "I'm really enjoying this moment right now, I really appreciate the time we spend together" and then say something in the lines of: "I'll be honest with you, I really feel like kissing you right now, but since you told me you need space, I won't right away" and then simply change the subject and act like it is no big deal.

According to my friend, this will be a very conflicting message which will get her thinking gears on, and if she's even only slightly into me, it should play in my favor, make her think about us, about what I meant, and the fact that I can go that quickly from a more romantic vibe to casual vibe create a sense of urgency.

Thoughts?

Not sure the reasoning behind telling your friend anything about you and this girl, unless you like to kiss and tell, which shows a man of no integrity.

Keep on doing what you were doing that led you to make out with her twice. Don't react to her statement, don't respond to her statement, don't try to do something abnormal thinking she'll fall in love faster.

 

[f283000]

Why are you talking about your romantic troubles with a woman? Nothing makes a guy look more beta than women knowing he needs help with women!

I don' care if she's your close friend she's a woman and the gossip will spread. Even if she doesn't spread gossip that's one woman that knows your game is lacking.

It's ok to ask a buddy with help with basketball, it's ok to ask a female with help with math homework..

IT IS NOT OK to ask a woman with help with relationship matters. This is one area that is forbidden.

It's like asking a business competitor how he does so well. He probably won't tell you anything but if he does it will be a bunch of generic bull_____ that won't help you at all. The same goes with asking women for advice on dating. Women will never tell you what makes their vags tingle. It would be like a business competitor giving you the keys to his safe.

 

[Nutz]

Quick background: A girl I'm trying to get with has recently told me that she wasn't ready to move on yet seeing as she just came out of a long relationship (about 5 years), that she needs space and time to sort things out, and she told me this after we've made out twice.

So my friend told me to try this angle:

Step 1: Invite her to an event by telling her that: "of all the people I can invite, I really wanted to invite her because we get along so well and we have a great vibe together", basically make her feel special, but also communicate that I could go with another great deal of people.

Step 2: At the actual event, get physically close to her, throw in a small compliment, such as: "I'm really enjoying this moment right now, I really appreciate the time we spend together" and then say something in the lines of: "I'll be honest with you, I really feel like kissing you right now, but since you told me you need space, I won't right away" and then simply change the subject and act like it is no big deal.

According to my friend, this will be a very conflicting message which will get her thinking gears on, and if she's even only slightly into me, it should play in my favor, make her think about us, about what I meant, and the fact that I can go that quickly from a more romantic vibe to casual vibe create a sense of urgency.

Thoughts?

That's some god awful advice IMO. Why on earth would you take advice from women? Women are the biggest AFC's out there when it comes to actually making things happen. Good on you for coming here though.

 

[Tovansky]

I just want to say, asking opinion about women from women is like asking osama bin laden about the hideout of al-qaedah.

just get on with your life and make her only a part of it. I believe you are a man that have other women on your list right? no? then get other girls, so she is not the only one. I believe later on you will get it with her.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Another example of women giving bad relationship advice. Here's some good advice that actually worked for me.

If the girl you're trying to game is in your social circle (Goes to the same parties, bars, nightclubs, whatever.) Go out one night with another girl who's hotter or just as hot. Give the girl you were gaming a genuine "hello" and introduce your lady friend, then look at the jealousy on her face.

Did this with a girl I was gaming (completely on accident. I didn't know she was going to be at the place me and a date were going). The girl I was gaming who shot me down before was trying to hook up with me that night now cause I showed up with a different girl (who was hot).

You ever go on a few dates with a girl and you think "She's not really my type" then see her out with a friend of yours a few weeks later? It's kinda like that.

 

[BannedGod]

Heheh I guess I did a good thing to seek feedback from you guys!

She gave you bad advice all around. It sounds like she wants you to be the nice guy in a sense. To give her space, wait for her to be ready, call all the shots, act all polite, make her feel special, etc. Even worse, TELLING her these things; thereby giving her all the control, and deciding if you are good enough for her. This generally doesn't work. Like someone else said - she hasn't EARNED any of this stuff. You aren't responsible for her past; nor do you owe her anything.

No matter what someone's been through, if something attracts them, they will go after it. I think this is where a lot of people get confused, because they try mixing logic with attraction. Since they've been hurt - they need time to think and evaluate. But, attraction isn't something you think about - its what you feel. It doesn't make sense. What they've gone through in the past has NOTHING to do with you. Acting like the nice guy because they've been hurt and are afraid won't do you any good. There's never a time to be the nice guy, and not have game.

Her line of thinking is that you should tell her how you feel. She probably thinks that this shows how genuine you are, and blah blah. But, this doesn't work. Being assertive, taking the lead, acting as a challenge, having value, and playing it cool does. Acting desperate and showing too much interest - even if you don't intend to - won't attract her.

Women generally don't want to know how you feel or where you stand, because it intrigues them. Telling or showing them that you like them too soon is a sure-fire way to kill the attraction. As is allowing them to set the tone, waiting patiently for them to be ready, always being available, trying to prove your worth and sincerity, etc. It's too easy. You're no challenge.

They might SAY they want these things - especially if they've been hurt - but they usually SHOW that they don't respond favorably to them. They'll just make up excuses not to date you - because none of this stuff is attractive. That's why, no matter what someone's been through, you keep the game where its supposed to be. There is no special case where this doesn't apply.

A lot of people think that, since someone's been hurt, isn't ready, can't trust, etc - that its nice guy time. It's how most people fall into this trap, and get burned. While they're trying to be nice and do everything right - another guy comes along and sweeps them away. There are no special cases. Don't act differently, or switch up your game because someone's been hurt. Treat everyone the same. Pay no heed unto what they say. Watch what they respond to.

In bold... I lost tract of that concept, but it makes perfect sense... Attraction isn't something you can rationalize, and I can assume since we have been making out twice, she does have some attraction for me. And like you mentioned, I know she's been hurt from the break-up (NO! I was not an emotional tampon, we never even discussed the break-up), I can simply infer it from her change of behavior of before and after, it's fairly obvious!

So I guess, keep doing what I've been doing since it obviously worked, keep the flirting high, physical flirting as well, keep myself quite busy (I have one hell of a busy lifestyle, I usually go out every night of the week despite school and work - and she knows that), and in a few weeks time when I do go to that event with her (without inviting her the way I was advised too) build up physical intimacy and go for a kiss (without verbalizing it)

My question: How much can I tell from a refusal? If she won't let me escalate to kiss her this time around, must I assume she's simply not interested, or still need some time to lick her wounds?

And the other one is, if she makes it hard for me to escalate, but doesn't turn me down, should I take it as "I'm not ready now but feel too bad to say so" and stop cold, or ignore the obstacles she throws at me and keep going for it until it either happens or she turns me down? I'd personally go with the second option, but opinions would be good!

 

[CuriousGirl]

horrible advice

women have no experience dating women (lesbians excepted of course)

Not in some cases!

I can see where this woman was going, she meant well, and some aspects of it could work but she's gone about it the wrong way. When a lot of people, men and women, give advice about dating they tend to tell you what they would want the person of their dreams to do; not what a maybe-desired-maybe-not person should do. The former can't really fail, all sorts can be said for the latter.

 

[BannedGod]

Any thoughts on my second post? So far I got plenty of "Don't do it!" but no alternative or no comment/answers to my proposed alternative :/

Oh and to give an update: I've seen her (in a casual manner yesterday) and I think she's coming through... First off, she told me herself she's going to start taking her life into her hands and get a hold of herself, and second she shifted (or starting shifting) her hobbies. Before the breakup she was into a lot of activities, and after the breakup she started going out almost daily with her girlfriends and drinking a lot more (which she never did before), now she told me she's going to stop, and get back into the activities she used to do.

So I guess, should I simply be direct and try to go for it once again, ignoring the previous times where she told me she needed time?

 

[runner83]

Any thoughts on my second post? So far I got plenty of "Don't do it!" but no alternative or no comment/answers to my proposed alternative :/

Option 2 is fvckin' gay...might as well cut your testicles off if you say that, since you won't be needing them.

NEVER listen to what women say, only judge them by their actions.

SO what to do?

Invite her out for drinks, spare all the b/s about wanting to make her special, instead show her by your actions.

Escalate physically, and see how it goes.

If she isn't into it, move on to the next one (but give her one more chance, 2 strikes rule etc, if you have time).

Pretty fvckin' simple.

 

[perseverance]

Any thoughts on my second post? So far I got plenty of "Don't do it!" but no alternative or no comment/answers to my proposed alternative :/

I think you're wasting your time. Why are you chasing someone who has just come out of a long-term relationship? What do you want from this girl? A random hook up? A friends with benefits situation? A relationship?

You probably can get a random hook up or a friends with benefits situation, but you have to understand that you'll just be a rebound and if you are okay with that then I say go for it, but please don't take advice from a woman on how to be a man. Take advice on how to be a man from a man.

 

[bukowski_merit]

First, it's ok to talk to women about women only if you know what you're doing with women already. I don't speak to women about women to get advice; but rather to confirm....

When women understand that you understand women - the conversation is full of a lot less BS.

My question: How much can I tell from a refusal?

Not much from the act of refusal itself. Read her body language. If she looks mad, or disgusted, or turned on, or hot and bothered, etc. - That will tell you more than just analyzing the simple act.

But where is a "refusal" coming from? You guys make out twice - - - Awesome!

But, what signals did you send her that made her tell you that? Whatever it was - it implied that you wanted more out of your interaction with her than she did.

If she won't let me escalate to kiss her this time around, must I assume she's simply not interested, or still need some time to lick her wounds?

Your frame sucks here....

"If she doesn't want to kiss me, that means she's not interested." should be "If she doesn't want to fvck me - i'm not interested because she's wasting my time that i could be spending with less confused/confusing women."