Things have turned for the better, ever since I decided to cease contact with the girl that I had gone on 4 dates with and who apparently had lost interest. See post "Would it be a mistake?"
On Thursday, a very very attractive 36 year old girl (seriously she is a 9 in the face and a 9.5 body) with no children responded to my email on match.com. We met at a wine bar on Thursday night. We talked over a glass of wine and the chemistry was obvious from the start. After one glass of wine she was saying how attracted she was to me, etc. We then changed venues to go to a Sushi place where about 12 coworkers of mine were doing "sake bombs". We both got quite tipsy. Next thing, we are back in her apartment having protected sex. I swear I am not making this up. I recognize how unusual this is. I only mention it so you will have context for what I am about to ask.
The next morning she calls me and wants to see me again. I agree and pick her up and we go to a spanish tapas restaurant, followed by playing billiards. During the billiards portion, she is flirting with me, and I say "if you don't stop distracting my shots, I'm going to take you right here on this pool table". She loved this sort of flirting. She still had somewhat of a headache from the prior night's drinking and I said "let's go back to your place and I'll rub your head to help you feel better. Then came THE TEST.
So she said "Ron, I've only known you for two dates. What is happening here?" I said "what do you mean?" She said "well, I sometimes get other people wanting to see me on match.com and I definitely want to sleep with you tonight but don't know how you would react if I saw the other people". I said "well, you can ask me any question you want, but be prepared for the full honest answer". She said "I want the honest answer"
So I said "well, I'm incredibly physically attracted to you, and definitely want to get to know you a lot better. While I don't want to hear about you dating other guys, that's a choice you have to make and I don't plan to bug you about it. I've been dating a lot of other girls, but none quite as special as you. I'm not going to pressure you or push you, so let's just let things develop naturally. We really can't tell how it will develop. Maybe we'll end up being friends only." She liked this and kept staring at me telling me how much she loved my eyes.
We then went to her apartment and had very very intense sex. During the post-sex cuddling, we were talking more in very endearing ways. She was telling me she is going out with girlfriends (and her gay male friend) tonight to some clubs and asked me if I was jealous. I said "of course not, I don't own you. I hope you have a great time"
She seemed nervous about a story I told her of breaking up with a recent girlfriend after 4 dates because there was no "spark" on my end despite physical and emotional compatibility. She then said "well, let's see how we are after 4 dates and then we can decide if we want to be exclusive." I said "that sounds cool to me." Then she said "I see we have huge chemistry". Then I did the one pseudo-needy thing, which I don't think was so bad actually. I said to her "well, since we're going to wait until 4 dates to see how things are going, what do you think about agreeing that we both will not have sex with others until the end of the 4 dates?" She very readily agreed to this. Note: I still intend to have sex with the other 2 girls I am seeing, and I expect she probably will have sex with others, but at least I have her moving in the right direction.
Then, somehow in the conversation around 2am we discussed playing tennis together and taking a trip to Vegas together later this month. She was enthusiastic over both. We left by agreeing that she'll text me sometime.
So here is my plan, which I wanted to run past you guys, as I don't want to F this one up.
1. I will continue to see the 2 other girls with whom I have been having sex. I have a movie date tonight with one and a date tomorrow night in my home with the other. This will help me keep my nerve and not get clingy or desperate.
2. I will NOT text or call this new very sexy girl (strongly preferred by me over the other two) until at least Monday afternoon. Coincidentally, she is also a night shift nurse, just like the other one that I had been dating that lost interest after 4 dates.
Anything else I am missing? She is really incredibly attractive and I am sure gets hit on ALL the time. It's tough knowing she is out at clubs tonight, but I have the idea that if I try to be too clingy right now, that I will blow it.
I know this sounds like a bit of bragging, and to be honest, I'm a bit proud of how far I've come so fast given all of your advice, but I am still extremely capable of falling into AFC behavior, so I really need some guidance on my next step.
On Thursday, a very very attractive 36 year old girl (seriously she is a 9 in the face and a 9.5 body) with no children responded to my email on match.com. We met at a wine bar on Thursday night. We talked over a glass of wine and the chemistry was obvious from the start. After one glass of wine she was saying how attracted she was to me, etc. We then changed venues to go to a Sushi place where about 12 coworkers of mine were doing "sake bombs". We both got quite tipsy. Next thing, we are back in her apartment having protected sex. I swear I am not making this up. I recognize how unusual this is. I only mention it so you will have context for what I am about to ask.
The next morning she calls me and wants to see me again. I agree and pick her up and we go to a spanish tapas restaurant, followed by playing billiards. During the billiards portion, she is flirting with me, and I say "if you don't stop distracting my shots, I'm going to take you right here on this pool table". She loved this sort of flirting. She still had somewhat of a headache from the prior night's drinking and I said "let's go back to your place and I'll rub your head to help you feel better. Then came THE TEST.
So she said "Ron, I've only known you for two dates. What is happening here?" I said "what do you mean?" She said "well, I sometimes get other people wanting to see me on match.com and I definitely want to sleep with you tonight but don't know how you would react if I saw the other people". I said "well, you can ask me any question you want, but be prepared for the full honest answer". She said "I want the honest answer"
So I said "well, I'm incredibly physically attracted to you, and definitely want to get to know you a lot better. While I don't want to hear about you dating other guys, that's a choice you have to make and I don't plan to bug you about it. I've been dating a lot of other girls, but none quite as special as you. I'm not going to pressure you or push you, so let's just let things develop naturally. We really can't tell how it will develop. Maybe we'll end up being friends only." She liked this and kept staring at me telling me how much she loved my eyes.
We then went to her apartment and had very very intense sex. During the post-sex cuddling, we were talking more in very endearing ways. She was telling me she is going out with girlfriends (and her gay male friend) tonight to some clubs and asked me if I was jealous. I said "of course not, I don't own you. I hope you have a great time"
She seemed nervous about a story I told her of breaking up with a recent girlfriend after 4 dates because there was no "spark" on my end despite physical and emotional compatibility. She then said "well, let's see how we are after 4 dates and then we can decide if we want to be exclusive." I said "that sounds cool to me." Then she said "I see we have huge chemistry". Then I did the one pseudo-needy thing, which I don't think was so bad actually. I said to her "well, since we're going to wait until 4 dates to see how things are going, what do you think about agreeing that we both will not have sex with others until the end of the 4 dates?" She very readily agreed to this. Note: I still intend to have sex with the other 2 girls I am seeing, and I expect she probably will have sex with others, but at least I have her moving in the right direction.
Then, somehow in the conversation around 2am we discussed playing tennis together and taking a trip to Vegas together later this month. She was enthusiastic over both. We left by agreeing that she'll text me sometime.
So here is my plan, which I wanted to run past you guys, as I don't want to F this one up.
1. I will continue to see the 2 other girls with whom I have been having sex. I have a movie date tonight with one and a date tomorrow night in my home with the other. This will help me keep my nerve and not get clingy or desperate.
2. I will NOT text or call this new very sexy girl (strongly preferred by me over the other two) until at least Monday afternoon. Coincidentally, she is also a night shift nurse, just like the other one that I had been dating that lost interest after 4 dates.
Anything else I am missing? She is really incredibly attractive and I am sure gets hit on ALL the time. It's tough knowing she is out at clubs tonight, but I have the idea that if I try to be too clingy right now, that I will blow it.
I know this sounds like a bit of bragging, and to be honest, I'm a bit proud of how far I've come so fast given all of your advice, but I am still extremely capable of falling into AFC behavior, so I really need some guidance on my next step.
