a more serious topic - depression

[Maxtro]

My parents divorced when I was 3 and I never really recovered from that for reasons unknown. I was a very unhappy, angry child. All throughout my life girls ignored me and they still do. At 26 I'm living with my grandmother, I'm flat broke and been going to Jr. College since I graduated High School in 2000 and I don't have a single friend. Being introverted didn't help either.

Obviously depression has been a factor in my life. But I've been going through counseling and was on Zoloft for a while a couple of years ago. If I do good this college semester I will be transferring to a University next fall. Then I will know that my life is getting somewhere and I'll have my own place. I've even begun to have regular conversations with very attractive women and I don't think I'll be single much longer and the rate that I'm progressing.

Unfortunately my family went through a very hard blow recently. My younger brother, 23, shot himself in the chest and somehow survived. He's been in the hospital for a week. He and I are very similar but he turned himself into a very rude person and ended up thinking he was alone in the world. He got himself kicked out of my dads house but mom took him in after he dropped out of Jr. College. He has never been on any meds and only had a small amount of counseling and the result is obvious.

So yes depression is a very serious topic. If you think you are depressed you really should get help.

 

[Maxtro]

Thanks skirtChaser. I'm doing ok but it was pretty much a wakeup call. I definitely look at the world in a different way now.

 

[squirrels]

ER!C, do you find that it has any negative effects? Do you ever feel like you're "not yourself", or that your other mental or spiritual facets are affected negatively?

I worry that a lot of those drugs just "make you forget that you're depressed", rather than honestly changing the way you think. Kind of like recreational drugs or alcohol.

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP,

Wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. It can radically change your life. People who can't somehow get out of bed wind up waking up early to jog, laughing, enjoying conversations, enjoying sex, flirt with women more, etc. etc.

Here's to Bupropion.

When I first went to my doc about getting off of the Zoloft she highly recommended Welbutrin, but I was afraid of side effects so I turned it down.

I'm glad I did because by that time the Zoloft had done it work, and my anxiety had decresed quite a bit even after I got off the SSRI's. Now I have a baseline.

When I went back, this time cause of all the sh!t that's going down in my life that's putting me close to the breaking point, and again she recommended Welbutrin, so I decided to give it a go. We'll see what happnes

 

[ER!C L!VE]

ER!C, do you find that it has any negative effects? Do you ever feel like you're "not yourself", or that your other mental or spiritual facets are affected negatively?

I worry that a lot of those drugs just "make you forget that you're depressed", rather than honestly changing the way you think. Kind of like recreational drugs or alcohol.

I'm 100% me, only better. It gives me mental clarity and allows me to focus on what's important. I don't sweat the small stuff. Depression had me thinking about what I said to a co-worker 2 months previous, how he took it, and if he's upset with me. I don't think like that anymore..

It's nothing like recreational drugs. I love me some percs and other recs. They're totally different - they make me forget that I'm acting like a retard while on them. Wellbutrin, is a drug that doesn't have a buzz or 'feeling' like, "whoa that Wellbutrin buzz is kicking in". It just gives me mental clarity. Good chit. :cheer:

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://www.unsaccodicanapa.com/roor_nugz_photo_gallery/kush.jpg

This give me mental clarity. Good chit.

 

[joekerr31]

http://www.unsaccodicanapa.com/roor_nugz_photo_gallery/kush.jpg

This give me mental clarity. Good chit.

just out of curiosity. i dont do dope and don't know anyone who does dope.

if i wanted to start doing dope how do you go about getting dope when you dont know any dealers.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm 100% me, only better. It gives me mental clarity and allows me to focus on what's important.

I've heard that it can increase focus. That would be a good thing for me cause I think I have a mild case of ADD. I manage to start a lot of things but I have a very hard time completing anything.

On the Zoloft there were times I felt spacey and not like myself.

I don't sweat the small stuff. Depression had me thinking about what I said to a co-worker 2 months previous, how he took it, and if he's upset with me. I don't think like that anymore.

That sounds more like anxiety than depression. When I first approached my doc about anxiety she kept asking questions about depression which wasn't a problem back then, but from what I understand the two are somewhat linked. Someone who is prone to one is prone to the other.

That's funny cause this is the first time in my life that I have ever felt depressed. Some mornings I wake up and head to work feeling like I'm either going to get sick or start crying. Usually neither one happens, but it's not a good feeling.

 

[Bible_Belt]

how do you go about getting dope

I think answering that question is a felony.

 

[STR8UP]

if i wanted to start doing dope how do you go about getting dope when you dont know any dealers.

Amsterdam baby!

I've only done the stuff a handful of times in my life but it was quite an experience walking along the canal in Amsterdam after a trip to the coffee shop.

They had these metal panels covering up construction or holes in the street or something, and they were somewhat springy when you stepped. After a little hashish and some Jamaican special it turned into a moon walk. I was getting two feet of air with each step :crazy: That was fun.

Not remembering how to get back to the hotel I had walked to a hundred times before.....not so much fun.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

That's funny cause this is the first time in my life that I have ever felt depressed. Some mornings I wake up and head to work feeling like I'm either going to get sick or start crying. Usually neither one happens, but it's not a good feeling.

When I worked at a mortgage company many moon ago I had this happen. I just came off Prozac cold turkey as I didn't think I needed it anymore, I just broke up with the office secretary (girl who told me about her exbf's beer-can-thick cawk) and to top it off I wasn't selling shyt. I walked out my front door on the way to work and puked in the bushes 10 steps outside my door.. I think I did cry a few times during that period as well. Good times. I went back on Prozac the next day. I didn't have a hook up for benzos back then, so I was only on one med.

 

[Ever onward]

One thing I've picked up from this discussion forum (not sure from where or when) was the concept of cognitive dissonance.

While it's fairly obvious that many people get over-stressed and depressed from chronic lifestyle factors - not enough exercise, fats, sleep, sunlight, sex, or periods of relaxation and reflection - I'm currently considering the idea that the root cause of most people's prolonged and destructive depression is heavy cognitive dissonance.

Live by the Doctrine of AFC or live by my own rules?

Is all this work I'm putting into my career worth it or will I one day regret that I spent so much time working?

Will my passions in life die because I spent too much time serving someone else's interests?

Am I making the right choices, even though most people strongly oppose my viewpoint?

Are the standards I've set for myself too high and unrealistic?​

We're not the first generation, nor the last to deal with this:



I've learned about myself that the root cause of my own prolonged periods of action-crippling depression is a lack of integrity in the mind between evolving as *I* seek to evolve and conforming to the heavy expectations of others. These conflicts - the dissonance - cause a lack of focus, a dilution of purpose, and a weight of uncertainty that saps energy and grinds personal progress to a screeching halt. Trying to move forward in this mental environment is like driving with the hand brake applied.

If this hypothesis is correct, then the solution would be permanent removal of cognitive dissonance from the mind-state. Only then can one move forward unimpeded by the static interference of groupthink and other people's unconsidered ideas.

Nobody claimed it an easy task to create internal integrity and clarity. Failing to meet the expectations of others can carry very real consequences. It might become a threat to one's income, or jeopardize some very comfortable relationships. This is the price of getting congruent with one's self. Pay it now, and live forever free from influences you didn't choose out of your own free will.

I made a list of items causing cognitive dissonance for myself, and I'm working one-by-one to weaken and destroy the power, real or imagined, of those sources which demand that I act against my values. Try this exercise sometime and see if puts you on the path to eliminating the root causes of your depression. I'm finding it's much easier to take care of the bio-chemical problems when the psychological integrity problems have been resolved.

Kill that cognitive dissonance and see what happens.

Great insight there Redpill.

I've thought a lot lately about how my attitude has changed over the years. I'm so much more negative than I used to be. I think it's as Joekerr said that when we're young we have all of these hopes and dreams and once we grow up reality slaps us in the face. We then are faced with the conflicting emotions of what we wanted out of life and what we have achieved.

So to get rid of that conflict or cognitive dissonance as you call it we either have to accept our lives as is or we have to live our lives truer to what we actually want.

You gave some good steps to take to ease that conflict. If you have any more to add to that, I'd like to hear about it.

 

[joekerr31]

when all cognitive dissonance is removed one has either acheived enlightenment or has become a sociopath.

but you are very correct that cognitive dissonance is a HUGE function of feeling depressed.

99.9% of folks out there are living in a constant state of perceived failure. a failure to become who they dreamed, a failure of finding that perfect relationship, a failure of not being rich, a failure of not having inner spiritual peace, etc. - now they know they haven't utterly failed (folks who feel that way off themselves) but they think that they have fallen short.

i think tv really messed up a lot of people. folks in their 30s today are really teh first generation who was raised on 20+ channels of tv. we're the first generation to have been baby sat by the tv, ate dinners with the tv, etc.

our parents generation grew up with black and white movies and maybe watched 2 hours of tv a week - IF they even had a tv. as a result i think they were more grounded in their immediate realities. whereas our generation was raised on fantasies - man made constructs 30 to 120 minutes in duration - and when that brainwashing clashes with reality a whole load of cognitive dissonance occurs.

 

[danny62]

Wow...Never thought I would see this subject being addressed here. I have had my battles with it although I have gone thru more of 'reactive depression' which is pretty much an event or events that trigger it. I get bouts that last from 3 days to sometimes 3 weeks. The absolute WORST symptom IMHO is the fatigue that you go thru. You can get 10 hours of sleep, wake up the next day and still feel like you have not slept at all. Anyway, I take klonopin myself and it does help to take the edge off. Its not a cure-all, but it keeps me functional for the most part when I'm experiencing symptoms and the side effects are very minimal- at least with me and it does not turn you into a walking zombie. Also, its a VERY bad idea to booze it up when you are suffering from a bout of D as alcohol will worsen it- at least in my case. I'm not a big drinker nor do I do drugs but even if I have a few too many when I'm 'down' it seems to intensify the effect, especially the next day. My opinion is that you need to stay as active as you can, don't sit at home by yourself too much try to exercise as much as possible, and definitely keep your alcohol consumption to a minimum until it passes. Its also important that you cowboy up and deal with the fatigue and not let it run your life. Not an easy thing to do a all, but something that has to be done otherwise it can ruin your life....Depression is starting to get alot of press these days as more famous people are 'coming out' these days. Look no farther than Owen Wilson. The subject has been coming up regularly after what he did.

 

[Ever onward]

I'm sure someone probably mentioned this already but another important part of mental health is diet and exercise.

I know that in the past when I would eat crap and lay around all day I feel all bloated and lazy. I wouldn't have any motivation to do anything but just lay around the house and sleep. And because I knew that I wasn't doing anything with my life, that would make me feel worse about my situation and that would lead to kind of a self fulfilling prophecy with my negative behavior.

It's important to have positive momentum both mentally and physically.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Does coffee help you guys? I find it harder to be depressed when buzzing off caffeine.

Oh yeah, another thing about depression, have you ever known any stupid people who were depressed? I haven't.

 

[Marcopolo]

Oh BTW anyone here have any insight or knowedge about how Russian women think - their expectation of men ? - the sex thing in dating ..etc. Ruskie babes are rare down here.. I know nothing about their ciultural imperatives. Then again hormones and brain chemicals know no borders do they....

I didn't read the entire thread yet, but before I go to bed I will tell you what I know based on a year long relationship with one. I think they are into more traditional sex roles then western women are, i.e. what men and woman were like 100 years ago with chivalry and all that stuff. They want you to be in charge and be the traditional male not the sensitive 90's kinda guy. Fortunately for you and from my discussions with her and her friends they are more tolerant, even desire older men (if you can provide financially they don't hide the fact that they like men with money, but you will certainly be her sugardaddy, my Russian ex gf married a 40 something American when she was 20, but it only lasted a few years). I was gonna say something else, oh yeah, mine was a sexual maniac, she loved having sex all the time(she later told me she left her 40 something millionaire husband because he had a really low sex drive and she was sexually frustrated), but I cannot say all Russian women are this way based on one example.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I'm sure someone probably mentioned this already but another important part of mental health is diet and exercise.

It's important to have positive momentum both mentally and physically.

Great point ever onward, the body fuels the mind. I've never left the gym in a bad mood. Exercise and diet can make a huge difference.

I've never battled depression personally, though I've had tough times in my life before.

One small tip, thanks to the health forum, for the past few months I've been adamant about taking a quality multivitamin and fish oil pills every day. I can say this, it has made a huge difference for me on how much energy I have, physically, and mental clarity. I've always had a problem focusing on things in the past, be it ADD or something, but I really believe the fish oil pills have made a big difference.

 

[STR8UP]

i think tv really messed up a lot of people. folks in their 30s today are really teh first generation who was raised on 20+ channels of tv. we're the first generation to have been baby sat by the tv, ate dinners with the tv, etc.

our parents generation grew up with black and white movies and maybe watched 2 hours of tv a week - IF they even had a tv. as a result i think they were more grounded in their immediate realities. whereas our generation was raised on fantasies - man made constructs 30 to 120 minutes in duration - and when that brainwashing clashes with reality a whole load of cognitive dissonance occurs.

Although I will be the first to tell you that these media conspiracy theories are utter bullsh!t, I do agree that tv and media in general are responsible for people having a distorted perception of reality which very well could lead to depression over the fact that they don't "measure up" to the rest of the world.

Hell, I read an article about a 17 yr old high school girl turning down a $1.5 million offer to buy her internet company and even I start to wonder what the fukk I'm doing wrong.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Paraphrased -

"A life filled with purpose, direction, and meaning has no time for worries, depression, or fear.." - Dr. Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I think many people get into the spiral of depression because they have achieved all of their goals and have stopped creating new ones. The continuously spin their wheels, go through their day to day motions of work, pay the bills, watch TV...that their life becomes dull, bland, and tasteless.

Think about the goal paradigm of the majority of men. This is different from man to man, but, try to understand the point I'm trying to convey. Our life is driven by our goals. We graduated highschool with the goal to get into a good college/university/trade school. We study hard, fight hard, work hard and finally get into that great college. Goal achieved. Next goal, get into the undergrad/graduate/masters/doctorate program. So we study hard, fight hard, work hard and finally get that degree. Goal achieved. Next goal, land that great job. We interview, make connections, scour the internet, send out resumes and finally land that great job. Goal achieved. Next goal, save money to get that car, house, boat, travel, ect. And we do that. And we buy this and buy that and travel here and there.

The question is, what is the next goal? This is where the depression hits. Once we have succeeded, we become stagnent, life becomes boring, dull. We've 'been there, done that'. Or maybe the goals didn't go according to plan, and we had to settle for a life that may not be one we desired from the onset of our goal planning. So we are depressed for settling.

I say, burn some bridges. Start some fires. Attack life again. We get comfy with our 9-5 jobs, our mundane lifestyle, our warm and fuzzy life that we fear change.

Make goals, sharpen the sword, attack life with the same ferocity as we did as young men. Hit the gym, join a fight club, learn self defense get the blood flowing into those veins again. Raise your testosterone. Make new goals. Challenge your way of thinking.