A moral dilemna - is cheating always wrong?

[drak_ool]

went to a bar that an acquaintance rented out yesterday for the World Cup final. Drinks were free and the spirits were high. This girl that had been flirting with me from the moment I walked in (I never met her before) was giving me massive IOIs but I mostly ignored her during the game. After it, she kept running after me and I started talking really dirty with her. She ate it up.

A friend and I were talking about gang-banging here, we even got her in the back of the car where I messed around with her while he was driving to a hotel. Long story short, his girlfriend blew up his phone, he had to get back to the bar and I had to leave because of a family event I had to attend. Later on him and some other guy double teamed her.

Now, I have a gf who I love. I have never met a girl like her, she brings so much to my life and makes me so happy. But even though I did what a "good" boyfriend is supposed to do (I walked away form the temptation), I don't feel that good about it. Quite frankly I would have love to fvck this girl (she had a gorgeous body with perfect double Ds).

Personally, I believe it's ok to hook up with another girl as long as your gf has no way of knowing. Because it's not the act of cheating that hurts them, it's when they find out. Since at the moment my girl lives half a world away, she can't know about any of it.

I know a lot of guys say "don't get stuck in a serious relationship until you are ready to settle for just one girl", but quite frankly I don't see that as a possibility. I have been sexually active for nearly 10 years. Why would another decade of fvcking various girls make me like it any less? non-sense...

Again, when I was living with my girl, I never cheated on her nor really felt like it. But if you are living apart, or you are traveling or any other situation you are away from her, what's the problem?

 

[Trader]

Personally, I believe it's ok to hook up with another girl as long as your gf has no way of knowing. Because it's not the act of cheating that hurts them, it's when they find out. Since at the moment my girl lives half a world away, she can't know about any of it.

Very interesting, you preface this by saying personally i believe

So do you believe morality is subjective? In other words,

I decide what is moral or immoral, there is no universal standard of right or wrong

If that's the case, then why is it we always say to others: 'Hey you OUGHT not do that?'

Are you not naturally appealing to some universal morality when you say: 'Hey, you should not do that.'

If you believe morality is subjective, then this thread is completely meaningless, since you can decide to make anything right, and anything wrong, and nothing we say or do means anything, since you create your own morality.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Depends on how you look at it.... If you and her are not that serious and have an open relationship then cool.

Let us play devil's advocate here. If I were fvcking your girlfriend like a porn star and I DO MEAN WELL, much better than you and you did not know, would it be wrong what she was doing?

If I have a serious girl I would try and not entertain what you are suggesting.

 

[COD]

dude chics have changed.........U could ask her for a threesome with this chic.

CHeating.........well it is cheating no way around it, but if you are cool with that and so is your girlfriend as some have open relationships.......casual dating but one chic is the queen BS........then rock on.

Temptation will never fade.........in every age of your life, there will ALWAYS be someone hotter. There is all kinds of doctorines out there that state men need to cheat, monogamy leads to monotany (spell check that for me), etc, etc.

Bottom line is its up to you........you are correct though when they find out........man head for the hills.

Would this chic leave you if she did find out and how would that affect you?.
People who cheat once may have difficulty when they are married, engaged, dating exclusive, etc.

I personally...........dont tell anyone what I do on my offtime nor would I consider any chic I am banging regularly a girlfriend.

Good luck

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Drak, I believe your relationship would be PERFECT if your girlfriend felt the same way.

 

[drak_ool]

Trader- this comes off Wikipedia but you can give it a shot, I've seen the same argument before. Basically saying "moral" has three possible meanings and one of them is "descriptive":

"In its "descriptive" sense, morality refers to personal or cultural values, codes of conduct or social mores that distinguish between right and wrong in the human society. Describing morality in this way is not making a claim about what is objectively right or wrong, but only referring to what is considered right or wrong by people"

I understand a lot of pple will consider me an ******* for what i'm preaching... I guess I should have emphasized that in my particular situation we are doing the long distance thing for now. So I only see my girl once every two months or so. When we lived together, I didn't have a problem with "temptations", but in my current situation it gets harder.

Also, I don't go out and ACTIVELY try to get girls. I'm just saying if I see an attractive girl I'll spit game at her out of habit. If she's eating it up, one thing sometimes leads to another. Usually I'll just be messing with them, but sometimes I feel like I want more.

Overall I had sex with only 2 girls since being in my current relationship (1+ years)

 

[Trader]

Trader- this comes off Wikipedia but you can give it a shot, I've seen the same argument before. Basically saying "moral" has three possible meanings and one of them is "descriptive":

"In its "descriptive" sense, morality refers to personal or cultural values, codes of conduct or social mores that distinguish between right and wrong in the human society. Describing morality in this way is not making a claim about what is objectively right or wrong, but only referring to what is considered right or wrong by people"

My simple point is this: If your definition of morality, is 'whatever I decide is right' well then, you just go ahead and do whatever you want, any discussion about what you *ought* to do is pointless, you are just going to do whatever the hell you want anyways

If you admit the existence of a universal morality, then it makes sense to have a thread about it to discuss it

 

[drak_ool]

Trader, I didn't necessarily join SoSuave to discuss deep philosophy questions such as "Is there a universal morality?"

Think about it: on some level morality is always subjective. For example, we could all agree across all cultures, that lying is immoral. However if the Gestapo is asking you where your jewish friend is hiding and you happen to know, what's the moral thing to do?

I think as a general moral principle, hurting other people--through voluntary or reckless behavior--is morally wrong. Hence my personal believe (and I should have called it, in the OP, my "personal code of ethics" to be more correct) that it's ok to be cheating if your girl has NO WAY of finding out.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I think you'd feel more justified if your girlfriend felt the same way you did about lying behind each others backs. You don't break up with her because she's too good to let go, but you cheat on her. Sounds like...


.......ahh nevermind. Cool story, bro.

 

[Trader]

Trader, I didn't necessarily join SoSuave to discuss deep philosophy questions such as "Is there a universal morality?"

Think about it: on some level morality is always subjective. For example, we could all agree across all cultures, that lying is immoral. However if the Gestapo is asking you where your jewish friend is hiding and you happen to know, what's the moral thing to do?

I think as a general moral principle, hurting other people--through voluntary or reckless behavior--is morally wrong. Hence my personal believe (and I should have called it, in the OP, my "personal code of ethics" to be more correct) that it's ok to be cheating if your girl has NO WAY of finding out.

You believe morality is subjective. So then what is the point of this thread?

Are you trying to get some emotional reassurance from others to alleviate your guilt from cheating on your gf?

 

[drak_ool]

You believe morality is subjective. So then what is the point of this thread?

that's exactly what the point of this thread is: to get other pple's opinion about when, if under any circumstances, cheating is acceptable to YOU. So I started off by saying when it is to me: when you are physically separated from your girl by enough miles that she will never find out no matter what.

So instead of just taking the moral high ground (no pun intended), try to rattle your brain and be realistic about it. For example, if Jessica Biel or [insert name of hot celebrity you have a crush on] was butt naked on your bed and your gf happened to be on a trip to China, I'm sure you'd tap that ass. Now replace the celebrity with a really hot model, etc... See what I'm saying?

Just Lurk- trust me, there are situations were a girl would never find out unless you told her. For example hop on a flight to Rio (under the pretense of a business trip) and hook up with a bunch of hot brazilian chicks for a few days. How is your wife/gf gonna know what happened? By the way, that's just an example to illustrate my point. I don't advocate going out of your way to cheat, simply saying if you find yourself at the right place/right time and every thing is lining up for a home run with a gorgeous girl, why not?

 

[SexyMofo]

In our modern times, cheating is always right.

Think about that.

 

[Reyaj]

drak if you've read any of my recent threads you'd see I have posted similar questions.

My opinion... if you aren't married and you cheat responsibly then its ok... You hit the nail on the head that you shouldn't hurt people.... so as long as you know how to keep it on the DL and not hurt your girlfriend then go for it.

Most men cheat

 

[Da Realist]

I won't get into morality and religion because most people are going be subjective and want to believe whatever feels good because a man's heart is the most deceptive thing of all.

The real question is that why aren't you man enough to tell your girl you want to **** other women?

Now most guys can say they can't settle down because it's manly to have as many women as possible, but they lose their balls if their woman finds out. I mean, personally, if I get to the point where I'm cheating left and right, I have overcame any fear of the outcome from my main woman finding out and I've got stuff together for when it falls. And this isn't me talking out my ass because I've done it. Even now if I were seeing more than one woman at a time right now, one finds out and leaves, it's just one less thing to worry about.

But if I find the one I could spend my life with, it's a wrap unless she messes up. Serena Williams could be playing with Jessica Alba on my bed to warm up before I got back and I would kick them both out before Mrs. Realist got back and tries to burn down the whole neighborhood. Now if my woman has been messing up, she can walk in on us and I won't miss a stroke because it's already over.

 

[Slickster]

Of course cheating is wrong. Just like lying and stealing. That's why they call it cheating.

The question I ask to all those who feel it's okay to cheat:

If you wish to screw more than one woman at the same time then why waste your time with a relationship?

If you have the opportunity to cheat that means you have multiple women interested in you. You are golden. Why bother with the gf. It doesn't make sense! You don't have to settle for just two. Go for 3 or 4 even. That way you can get laid anytime you want with no worries about your gf finding out. It is very liberating.

What benefit can possibly come from cheating? Your answer can't be more sex because hanging on to the gf is holding you back from all the sex you could ever want.

You either have to be too lazy to deal with the effort required to date and sex multiple women. Or you are too insecure to leave your gf out of fear that your other prospects dry up. So that means you are lying with the potential to cause someone you care about a great deal of pain just because you are too insecure and/or lazy. You can paint it anyway you like but cheating is wrong.

One thing that I've learned about cheating is that over time it is myself that eventually gets hurt by my cheating. It's like tiny little daggers slowly chipping away at your soul. One day you look at yourself in the mirror and lose respect. When your gf finds out about your cheating she'll eventually get over it. You have to carry it around forever.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Your problem isn't about cheating or conflicts of morality. The problem is you subscribe to naive delusions like this at 25,..

I know a lot of guys say "don't get stuck in a serious relationship until you are ready to settle for just one girl", but quite frankly I don't see that as a possibility. I have been sexually active for nearly 10 years. Why would another decade of fvcking various girls make me like it any less?

Tiger Woods' mistake wasn't that he wanted to ƒuck a buffet full of women. Tiger's mistake was that he committed to marriage when he was too young, idealistic and inexperienced to appreciate what sex with a variety of women could mean to his own maturity, his future wife and the stability of a future family by getting it out of his system before he had regrets for not having enjoyed the women he could.

The same applies to you.

 

[Alle_Gory]

If you commit to something and you break that agreement, then yes its wrong.

Don't commit, and its not cheating.

 

[Warrior74]

If you commit to something and you break that agreement, then yes its wrong.

Don't commit, and its not cheating.

That sums it up. I have lost quite a few girls because I refused to commit, but that's because at the same time I was sleeping with more than one. Every time I've had a girlfriend, she was the only girl I was seeing. Girlfriend = "I have no other options or game and so I'll take what I can get and lock it down. Now I got one, I want more so I'm gonna cheat" for the majority of men. Players, or Djs or whatever you want to call it avoid that trap by dating more than one woman.

 

[Bluntmaster]

I think you'd feel more justified if your girlfriend felt the same way you did about lying behind each others backs. You don't break up with her because she's too good to let go, but you cheat on her. Sounds like...


.......ahh nevermind. Cool story, bro.

Empty your PMs you damn fool.

 

[drak_ool]

First of all I wanna say thank you to everybody that contributed to this post. Your different points of view really forced me to look at my actions and analyze my mindset way more in-depth that I had done until now.

It's true SamSpade, my logic is fvcked up. Because, after all, a relationship is all about trust, and when you cheat you break that trust, w/er the other person knows it or not.

Rollo, I really respect your advice, so thanks for tuning in to this thread. Now let me ask you this question: what happens when you find out a quality girl, one that you don't wanna let go, but you're still not sure you wanna commit. Let me make this even more complex: after spending some quality time together with your girl (almost a year), living together with her, seeing her every day, etc you have to move for whatever reason. You know that you could not live together with her for at least a year but maybe more. And the most likely solution to re-unite would be a marriage. This looks like the worst trap one could find himself in, right? Everybody's gonna say "drop her, spin plates, life your life, etc...", right?

At this point you're probably thinking "this guy is the biggest AFC, he just lucked out with a really hot chick who also happens to be cool as hell, and now he's too afraid to let go." But this could not be farther from the truth. I came into this relationship from an abundance mindset. I was dating multiple women for a good 2 years. Kept finding new plates as the old ones were catching feelings and were trying to corner me into a relationship. I never caved in. I met some nice girls, but it didn't matter to me. It's just that I never felt this kind of connection that I have with my gf with any person before. It was like pure electricity flowing through the air from the moment we met.

I know for a fact that if I break up with my girl today, I will be drowning in pvssy by the end of the week. I am not afraid that if I let her go I'll be without a girl (heck, it's been almost 2 months since last time I saw her anyway). The thing is, even though sometimes I get horny (like the episode that prompted me to start this thread), I don't wanna exchange my girl for a million other girls who could be hotter, smarter, funnier but for whom i have NO FEELINGS.

And yet I can't promise that next time a gorgeous HB makes a pass at me I won't nail her...