A moral dilemma - not sure how to proceed

[Konada]

I already said: I've been working on a project that's literally had me pulling all-nighters for the last 2 weeks. I was physically / emotionally exhausted by the time I got to the event - truthfully I wish I never went and just recharged at home. The reason I took the time-out was because I was talking with a buddy of mine and just letting off steam. What slipped my mind was how attractive she is and how quickly girls like that get attention..

The play here was to stay at home, invite her to dinner at your place and bang her.

Next time, be aware of your energy states so you don't put yourself in a tricky position.

 

[zekko]

I've been thinking more and more about this and I'm not happy with it. I respect that it was her decision to pursue whatever course she wanted, but I think it was disrespectful (as DonJuanjr mentioned above) to flaunt it in my face.

I would see it as a yellow flag, but as has been said, she's under no obligation to you, so I would take note of it, but you can't really hold it against her. It's improbable, but she may have even been trying to make you jealous. You have to remember regardless, that women generally take longer to develop feelings (since they tend to have more options). It's not unusual for them to be a step or two behind a guy in that regard.

Of course, it's also quite probably that she's a worthless ho. But that's for you to find out. I would lighten up, lower your expectations (always a good thing), and continue as normal.

 

[dude99]

Recently I met a girl at a friend's social event. There was a bit of chemistry when we first met but unfortunately I had to leave for another occasion and never got to talk to her. I met her later at another lunch. Got to know her a bit and she ended up asking my for my details. Flash forward, we go on a couple of dates and on the second date she sleeps over at mine. All good so far.

During this period I've been under intense work pressure. We have a big project we're working on that wraps up next week and she's been aware I've been under a lot of stress. She wanted to see me but I couldn't meet with her due to the demands of the project. I've been dating a couple of other girls during the same period and the same rule applied to them. I was more interested in this girl so put the others on ice while I explored where this one was going.

This past weekend was the first time I was going to have any free time, and there was a big social event where all of us would be going. The weekend comes around and I'm feeling exhausted - it's like all the pressure from my work life just hit me at once and I wasn't feeling my usual self. I get to this social event, the girl turns up too. I spent a few minutes catching up with her and then everyone heads off to dance at this event. I needed a couple of hours to just chill and get my energy back so I go off and hang out with a couple of other friends until I'm feeling more up to it.

I come back to the dance floor and I can see a couple of guys are all over the girl in question and her friend.

Now I'm in a bit of a dilemma: She's not my girlfriend so I have no right to interfere with her and that guy. I decide to just sit back and see what happens.. all the while she knows I'm right there. The night goes on and she's pretty much glued to the guy. I get a brief window where the two of them come over and we exchange a couple of words but again, I don't know how to really act in this situation.

The night goes on and I distance myself from my group and try to forget about it. I find out the next morning that her friend (who she came with) went back with one of the other guys. However I don't have any idea what happened between her and her guy. I give her the benefit of the doubt and assume maybe they kissed - I admittedly have been a bit of a **** by not giving her any of my time, but there wasn't much I could do due to my circumstances and she knows this.

So the next morning I see her and we grab coffee. We talk and I apologise to her for not giving her my time and things seem to go back to normal. I can tell she's keen on me still. Later that day the guy she was with the previous night comes up to her and she seems to avoid him and comes right back to me. It was extremely awkward but I was like okay.. maybe nothing too serious happened between these two.

We get back to our city and I end up making some time for her this evening and it was good fun, just like the previous dates - she then agrees to spend the night at mine tomorrow.

So here's the dilemma: I don't know what happened between the two of them. But I was doing some reflecting on it all and IF I find out she's slept with this guy, I'm not comfortable with dating her any further. I'm supposed to go for lunch with her friend today so I imagine I'll find out the full story. A couple of my buddies think I'm being unreasonable if I decide to stop seeing her, as they think she had the right to go off with whoever she wanted as we weren't a couple. To some extent I see their point and I agree with that. However she knew I was there at the event. She also knew I planned on spending some time with her there. My ego doesn't sit well with this, and honestly... there's no way I'm going to want a girl in my bed that I knew was with another guy a night or two ago. Another close friend of mine sides with me: He says if she was really that interested then she would've just come up to me and talked about it on the night.

This could go one of two ways: Either I find out tomorrow she's slept with him and I'll tell her quite clearly I'm not comfortable with it and I don't want to see her any further, OR she tells me it wasn't anything serious and I can let that slide and carry on as before.

I'm just curious as to what everyone else would do here? Like I said, I have other options so it won't be an issue replacing her.. but I was interested in her and I did think there could've been a bit of potential with this one. Am I being unreasonable? How do you guys see this?

One thing for sure is she used the other guy to make you jeallous and make your hamster spin.

Your comments like "she was glued to the guy," tells me you spent most of the night watching her interact with the other guy.

She ignored him the next morning so it looks like her interest lies with you but as you stated did she sleep with the other guy.
She may have just to get your hamster spinning.