A moral dilemma - not sure how to proceed

[SteR]

Recently I met a girl at a friend's social event. There was a bit of chemistry when we first met but unfortunately I had to leave for another occasion and never got to talk to her. I met her later at another lunch. Got to know her a bit and she ended up asking my for my details. Flash forward, we go on a couple of dates and on the second date she sleeps over at mine. All good so far.

During this period I've been under intense work pressure. We have a big project we're working on that wraps up next week and she's been aware I've been under a lot of stress. She wanted to see me but I couldn't meet with her due to the demands of the project. I've been dating a couple of other girls during the same period and the same rule applied to them. I was more interested in this girl so put the others on ice while I explored where this one was going.

This past weekend was the first time I was going to have any free time, and there was a big social event where all of us would be going. The weekend comes around and I'm feeling exhausted - it's like all the pressure from my work life just hit me at once and I wasn't feeling my usual self. I get to this social event, the girl turns up too. I spent a few minutes catching up with her and then everyone heads off to dance at this event. I needed a couple of hours to just chill and get my energy back so I go off and hang out with a couple of other friends until I'm feeling more up to it.

I come back to the dance floor and I can see a couple of guys are all over the girl in question and her friend.

Now I'm in a bit of a dilemma: She's not my girlfriend so I have no right to interfere with her and that guy. I decide to just sit back and see what happens.. all the while she knows I'm right there. The night goes on and she's pretty much glued to the guy. I get a brief window where the two of them come over and we exchange a couple of words but again, I don't know how to really act in this situation.

The night goes on and I distance myself from my group and try to forget about it. I find out the next morning that her friend (who she came with) went back with one of the other guys. However I don't have any idea what happened between her and her guy. I give her the benefit of the doubt and assume maybe they kissed - I admittedly have been a bit of a **** by not giving her any of my time, but there wasn't much I could do due to my circumstances and she knows this.

So the next morning I see her and we grab coffee. We talk and I apologise to her for not giving her my time and things seem to go back to normal. I can tell she's keen on me still. Later that day the guy she was with the previous night comes up to her and she seems to avoid him and comes right back to me. It was extremely awkward but I was like okay.. maybe nothing too serious happened between these two.

We get back to our city and I end up making some time for her this evening and it was good fun, just like the previous dates - she then agrees to spend the night at mine tomorrow.

So here's the dilemma: I don't know what happened between the two of them. But I was doing some reflecting on it all and IF I find out she's slept with this guy, I'm not comfortable with dating her any further. I'm supposed to go for lunch with her friend today so I imagine I'll find out the full story. A couple of my buddies think I'm being unreasonable if I decide to stop seeing her, as they think she had the right to go off with whoever she wanted as we weren't a couple. To some extent I see their point and I agree with that. However she knew I was there at the event. She also knew I planned on spending some time with her there. My ego doesn't sit well with this, and honestly... there's no way I'm going to want a girl in my bed that I knew was with another guy a night or two ago. Another close friend of mine sides with me: He says if she was really that interested then she would've just come up to me and talked about it on the night.

This could go one of two ways: Either I find out tomorrow she's slept with him and I'll tell her quite clearly I'm not comfortable with it and I don't want to see her any further, OR she tells me it wasn't anything serious and I can let that slide and carry on as before.

I'm just curious as to what everyone else would do here? Like I said, I have other options so it won't be an issue replacing her.. but I was interested in her and I did think there could've been a bit of potential with this one. Am I being unreasonable? How do you guys see this?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well the truth is that whenever you sleep with a new chick you don’t know if she’s had another guys member inside her even that morning, unless she’s like utterly swollen, but you don’t know what the cooch looks like normally.

You have no rights here, given you didn’t spend time with her that night. The choice is yours, wrap it up and don’t go down…

 

[spred]

OP, if she slept with anybody, it’s not your problem, she is not your GF.
Never apologise to her because of not giving her time, for the same reason as above. Actually, you having limited time and the other guy a lot gives you an advantage.
Things look good, I.e she likes you, set up dates and see what’s happening.

 

[Reyaj]

And I wasn't looking for a promise or commitment but it was never just fun and I thought you were different...

Great song listening to it now

 

[DonJuanjr]

I can see where op is coming from first:

She also knew I planned on spending some time with her there.

I come back to the dance floor and I can see a couple of guys are all over the girl in question and her friend.

all the while she knows I'm right there. The night goes on and she's pretty much glued to the guy.

Even though she isn't obligated to anything, the above seems a little disrespectful.

 

[SteR]

I've been thinking more and more about this and I'm not happy with it. I respect that it was her decision to pursue whatever course she wanted, but I think it was disrespectful (as DonJuanjr mentioned above) to flaunt it in my face. I was out with my friends and they knew I was seeing her, so now I have to deal with the mild humiliation and that doesn't sit well with me at all... especially not when I put other girls on ice to spend time with this girl.

I'm supposed to see her this evening and I may call her out on it, but I'm already arranging to see one of the other girls later this week so frankly I don't care about putting in any more work. The only way I see this moving forward is if I find out nothing happened, but all the evidence is pointing strongly in the other direction.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Your feelings are hurt that easily? C'mon bro...this woman isn't your girlfriend and you barely knew her and you are already wondering about what might have happened with another guy?

You are going to have a rough time dating if this is your mindset.

Frankly it's none of your business what happened between them and you shouldn't care. Bang her like there is no tomorrow.

Stop falling in love before anything has even happened.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She was disrespectful, so now you cant give her exclusivity. She will never be anything more than a plate, use her for sex only, spin until she drops.

 

[SteR]

Your feelings are hurt that easily? C'mon bro...this woman isn't your girlfriend and you barely knew her and you are already wondering about what might have happened with another guy?

You are going to have a rough time dating if this is your mindset.

Frankly it's none of your business what happened between them and you shouldn't care. Bang her like there is no tomorrow.

Stop falling in love before anything has even happened.

It's not about my feelings for the girl, it's about the disrespect. Strangely enough if this was happening behind my back then I doubt I'd have any problem with it. The issue is that my friends know I've been dating her. Everyone knows I've been under a lot of pressure and my time is limited, and I was planning on seeing her this weekend. So it's the idea that she can just get with a guy right in front of me and think this is acceptable behaviour? It's not.

Morally she's not done anything wrong - she is technically single, as am I. But that doesn't mean that she gets to do what she wants and I have to be okay with it.

I've spent a bit more time thinking about it and as @Dr.Suave said, I won't be exclusive with her and I certainly won't be prioritising her over other women any more.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not about my feelings for the girl, it's about the disrespect. Strangely enough if this was happening behind my back then I doubt I'd have any problem with it. The issue is that my friends know I've been dating her. Everyone knows I've been under a lot of pressure and my time is limited, and I was planning on seeing her this weekend. So it's the idea that she can just get with a guy right in front of me and think this is acceptable behaviour? It's not.

Morally she's not done anything wrong - she is technically single, as am I. But that doesn't mean that she gets to do what she wants and I have to be okay with it.

I've spent a bit more time thinking about it and as @Dr.Suave said, I won't be exclusive with her and I certainly won't be prioritising her over other women any more.

Your mindset is going to really cost you a lot of easy lays over your lifetime.

I'm not sure how you feel as if she owes you something or how you are acting as if you are already boyfriend/girlfriend with her but there was no disrespect from her. It's not like she promised to do something then didn't, or accepted a date and then bailed.

I am struggling to see where you are coming from other than I chalk it up to you are very inexperienced with women.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As a slayer who usually has 3-4 chicks in rotation, I struggle with this as well. I’m merrily banging like a bunny, but I demand monogamous behavior from those I choose to schtoop. Morally, I’m in the wrong, my thinking mind knows that, it’s the price of entry, but hypergamy doesn’t care. Technically I shouldn’t either but I do. I do it because I can.

I’m two generations removed from most of you, I simply cannot take a loosely goosey approach to it, again I’m a hypocrite of the hugest order and somehow my mind justifies my stance on it like I’m not doing it. For me it’s mostly about access to poon.

I want to fook daily, sometimes twice or three times and not quickies, 99% of women cannot physically handle that, yes I like cuddling a physical touch, but I need to dip too. Not to say I’ve not miscalculated with a gal and don’t get the lay that evening but I get pissed as frak when it happens. Again, my crazy and I deal.

It's not about my feelings for the girl, it's about .
Morally she's not done anything wrong - she is technically single, as am I. But that doesn't mean that she gets to do what she wants and I have to be okay with it.

 

[SoSuave666]

Your feelings are hurt that easily? C'mon bro...this woman isn't your girlfriend and you barely knew her and you are already wondering about what might have happened with another guy?

You are going to have a rough time dating if this is your mindset.

Frankly it's none of your business what happened between them and you shouldn't care. Bang her like there is no tomorrow.

Stop falling in love before anything has even happened.

Disagree with this. Or at least in part. Her behavior is disrespectful and not only disrespectful but blatantly so. Let me explain.

she is free to date others, but the open nature in which she does so in an environment that was set up for OP and woman to be together…unacceptable. She is **** buddy material at best.

I’ve been on this board for a long time. I’ve posted my stats and given my advice, I’m beyond that. But men should have and carry boundaries, and if that boundary is crossed the woman should be demoted to 5th plate.

more info on 5th plate: essentially **** buddy. Ideally a high value man has 3 good female plates spinning At any given time.

4th plate is yourself. And I don’t mean hobbies or interest or importance, because you as a man should always be number 1 in your own life. I mean if all the bitches are acting up or you lose some due to natural circumstances you are totally comfortable being by yourself. Hell, I often pick being by myself for a night or two over seeing my plates. Plate 4 has importance and I’m always willing to be by by myself.

plate 5 is booty call. In OPs scenario this woman is flaunting her sexuality in his face after OP and her have had secks multiple times and made plans together. Assume they are having secks with others, but no one wants it flaunted in their face. **** that. If it were me the ***** is plate 5 or dismissed all together.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Disagree with this. Or at least in part. Her behavior is disrespectful and not only disrespectful but blatantly so. Let me explain.

she is free to date others, but the open nature in which she does so in an environment that was set up for OP and woman to be together…unacceptable. She is **** buddy material at best.

I’ve been on this board for a long time. I’ve posted my stats and given my advice, I’m beyond that. But men should have and carry boundaries, and if that boundary is crossed the woman should be demoted to 5th plate.

more info on 5th plate: essentially **** buddy. Ideally a high value man has 3 good female plates spinning At any given time.

4th plate is yourself. And I don’t mean hobbies or interest or importance, because you as a man should always be number 1 in your own life. I mean if all the bitches are acting up or you lose some due to natural circumstances you are totally comfortable being by yourself. Hell, I often pick being by myself for a night or two over seeing my plates. Plate 4 has importance and I’m always willing to be by by myself.

plate 5 is booty call. In OPs scenario this woman is flaunting her sexuality in his face after OP and her have had secks multiple times and made plans together. Assume they are having secks with others, but no one wants it flaunted in their face. **** that. If it were me the ***** is plate 5 or dismissed all together.

They are not dating. This is some random chick at this point. There is no disrespect. Some guys take this crap to a whole new level always looking for ways people are disrespecting them.

People always looking for respect typically feel insecure with themselves and ironically want it from others because they don't have it for themselves usually.

If anything, OP should have went and took what he wanted and pulled her away from that dude instead sitting there being passive and then crying about disrespect. That would have made her panties wet. Crying about her disrespecting him and taking his ball and going home assuredly is not.

 

[SoSuave666]

They are not dating. There is no disrespect. Some guys take this crap to a whole new level always looking for ways people are disrespecting them.

People always looking for respect typically feel insecure with themselves and ironically want it from others because they don't have it for themselves usually.

If anything, OP should have went and took what he wanted and pulled her away from that dude instead sitting there being passive and then crying about disrespect. That would have made her panties wet. Crying about her disrespecting him and taking his ball and going home assuredly is not.

You are placing importance on dating. In my life respect has nothing to do with labels. This example is blatant disrespect and immediate demotion to 5th plate or dismissed. I don’t need to worry about “missing out on sex.” Scarcity thought process

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are placing importance on dating. In my life respect has nothing to do with labels. This example is blatant disrespect and immediate demotion to 5th plate or dismissed. I don’t need to worry about “missing out on sex.” Scarcity thought process

In what way? The chick is literally nothing to OP at this point. He hasn't even been out on a date with her. In what universe do guys expect women to treat them like their boyfriend when they barely know each other?

The disrespect is all in your mind. Chick doesn't even know who the fvck OP is at this point

 

[DonJuanjr]

The disrespect is all in your mind.

So if a new coworker says "yeah come to this get-together so we can hang out some". Then when you get there they just ignore you and hang out with others, you wouldn't feel any amount of disrespect from that person?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So if a new coworker says "yeah come to this get-together so we can hang out some". Then when you get there they just ignore you and hang out with others, you wouldn't feel any amount of disrespect from that person?

OP LEFT for a few hours and then comes back and expects her to just run over to him and be like "where have you been, I've been looking for you all night!"??

I mean c'mon man. OP put himself in this situation by leaving and then coming back. Honestly would have been better if he just left and went home.

 

[SoSuave666]

In what way? The chick is literally nothing to OP at this point. He hasn't even been out on a date with her. In what universe do guys expect women to treat them like their boyfriend when they barely know each other?

The disrespect is all in your mind. Chick doesn't even know who the fvck OP is at this point

They have slept together multiple times. They planned to meet at an invite. She not only took another man home but did it right in OPs face.

men, real men…take note: learn to walk away. Allowing this bad behavior may get you short term sex, but leads to long term problems. It’s not “insecure” to know your worth.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I mean c'mon man. OP put himself in this situation by leaving and then coming back.

This is a valid point. I guess once he left, that changed the dynamic of her being there from then on out. She'd have to latch on to someone else to not look like a loner/loser due to op not being there. I'm neutral on this situation.

 

[BadBoy89]

During this period I've been under intense work pressure. We have a big project we're working on that wraps up next week and she's been aware I've been under a lot of stress. She wanted to see me but I couldn't meet with her due to the demands of the project. I've been dating a couple of other girls during the same period and the same rule applied to them.

Man if hot girls under 25 wanted f me, I would tell my boss “my mom is sick, need a few days off” and go f them.

You couldn‘t take one day off to f her? What do you do, National security? Usually by the time the man finds time / his work is over, the hot girl is already pregnant by the Alpha.