A milestone.

[Vulpine]

ALways, always always walk away from ANY female who tries to emasculate you, belittle you, and shame you into doing what SHE wants, and guilt tripping you into forcing behavior which is benefiting her and not you.

I was seeing a woman my age, no kids, never married. She was smart, professional, and educated. The sex was good, she was good looking, had a huge rack, and worked out.

Things were going great for a while, until she asked on a car ride: "Would you ever get married?"

V: "Probably, but only if a few conditions were met."
Her: "What conditions?"
V: "Why? Are you asking me to marry you?"
Her: "Come on! What conditions?"

I proceeded to explain my understanding of marriage/divorce law antiquity and consequent lack of fairness. I also explained that the current configuration was incentive for divorce in many instances. Which, segued into an explanation of a pre-nuptial agreement need or omission of my signature from the marriage license. She proceeded to flip out. She actually vocalized the words: "...that's ridiculous! Besides, I make more than you."

I had to pause and do some math: she is in debt, I am not. And, currently, she does make more at one job than I do at one... but I have three. She was wrong on top of wrong.

Being that I was trapped in a vehicle, I couldn't just walk away. But, I managed to shut down the topic and removed my attention... for a few days. That conversation proved to be very telling.

She was sweet and demure until that discussion. I really had no cause to scrutinize her behavior, but I started to watch more closely afterwords.

It turns out that every little situation had to be HER way.

Her: "Want to go see a movie?"
V: "I was thinking that we should go bowling."
Her: "XYZ is playing. So is ABC."
V: "I haven't bowled in a long time, and it would be free. We should do that for a change."
Her: "XYZ starts at 9:15 and ABC starts at 9:30... which one do you want to see?"

V: "I'm going to cook up some of this, want some?"
Her: "Want to have pizza for dinner?"
V: "You know that isn't good for my diet."
Her: "Want to get sushi instead?"
V: "You know that isn't good for my diet, either. Maybe next weekend."
Her: "Well, how about we get some ice cream, then."
V: "You're kidding, right?"
Her: "COME ON! YOU NEVER WANT TO EAT WHAT I WANT!!!"


Her: "HEY! Let's go to this place. I think you'd get a job there easy!"
V: "Ok."

(Later, after I'm working there for a while...)

Her: "We don't spend enough time together."
V: "We spend a lot of time together, actually."
Her: "But, we never get to do stuff."
V: "We could, but you never want to be with me when I'm doing the 'stuff'."
Her: "That one time was (bullsh¡t deflecting blame excuse), and that other time was (bullsh¡t redirecting blame excuse), and the time before that was (another bullsh¡t side-stepping blame excuse)."
V: "So, there you have it. It is what it is: nothing for you to complain about since you decided not to spend time together."
Her: "NO! You don't have to work so much."
V: "I don't HAVE to, but I am GOING to because that's what my goal requires."
Her: "SEE! YOU DON'T NEED TO WORK SO MUCH! YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER IT!!!"
V: "Why did you get me another job if you didn't want me to work so much?"
Her: (goes ballistic screaming and has a tantrum)


She eventually brought up the "pre-nup" thing again (and again, and again). She labeled me "misogynistic" and told me I "swore women were my enemy".

Her act basically wore off. The cat jumped out of the bag, knocked off her mask, and spilled the beans.

Her words were "I'm good and nice, I'm an angel, my intentions are good, I am trying to be part of a team."

But, time and time again, her actions were such that they demonstrated a lack of respect, they undermined my masculinity, they contradicted me and my goals at every turn. Essentially, she proved to be fighty, fussy, and adversarial. It was as though she needed to "wear the pants", lead, and have all the power and control in every scenario; regardless of my needs or wants.

Her: "I was thinking of making chicken sandwiches for dinner."
V: "How many times do I need to explain my diet to you?"
Her: "Ok, ok, there is some of that in the fridge."
V: "Actually, there is (stuff) in the fridge, how about you make that for me before it goes bad?"
Her: "Alright, I'll make that for you. See you when you get here!"

(Gets there, chicken sandwich is prepared, not the (stuff) she agreed to make)

Her: "You sure you don't want a chicken sandwich?"



Sure, she's making efforts to "help", but it's not what I want or need. I appreciate the effort, but...

V: "Hey, I'm building a castle here, could you hand me that mortar?"
Her: "What do you need mortar for?"
V: "Look, I don't have time to explain, just, please hand me that mortar."
Her: "Are you trying to keep those rocks together?"
V: *arms getting tired from holding stone in place* "Yes, please hand me that mortar."
Her: "Here are some nails. They'll should stick them rocks together real good. I use them all the time with my wood."

She was constantly questioning my requests and motivations as though my judgment and choices weren't sound or right. Overall, she didn't trust me, have any faith in me, and she rejected and resisted any attempts to lead. It got to a point where she "wanted to talk" all the time to analyze the relationship. She had to know at all times "where it was going". Yes, I know, I started hearing the biological clock's ticking...

...and then I looked at her little ƒucking chihuahua and realized what a bad mistake I had made.

She didn't want a man, she wanted a kid. She didn't want a partner, she wanted a pet.

Yesterday:
V: *packing up stuff*
Her: "YOU BASTARD!!! YOU ƒUCKING USED ME!!!"
V: *Packs rest up stuff, leaves*

Today:
Her: (email) blahblahblah it's cold out and snowing, you can stay here if you want until blahblahblah.
V: (no email response)

I'm going to be sleeping in my car for the next month until my building CD matures and I bypass private mortgage insurance by dropping a 30% (or better) down payment...











...on a three unit apartment building.

I love the look on people's faces when I tell them I'm "homeless".

Anyway, I post because this is a milestone for me. I used to tolerate, be patient with, and otherwise "deal" with women who acted like this. I've also compromised, adjusted, or abandoned my hopes and dreams for significant others before. I've learned from those mistakes.

I'm smiling big today, because, I'm free of that negativity. The phone rang over the weekend with a FB trying to spin herself up as a plate. Damn, I'm feeling pretty, well, empowered.

ALways, always always walk away from ANY female who tries to emasculate you, belittle you, and shame you into doing what SHE wants, and guilt tripping you into forcing behavior which is benefiting her and not you.

It feels great and I would recommend it to anyone. Walk. Always. Walk.

Edit: Yeah, whoop-de-doo, I broke up with a chick. I guess it's more of a "control of my life" and "proactive/reactive" personal milestone. I know what I want, and I'm not going to waste my time with what I don't. My last breakup was reactive, this breakup was proactive. THAT's the sort of shift in my personal development that I'm excited about.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Quite a story Vulpine. You don't need me to tell you, but you did right. They're either helping build the castle with you, or keeping you from doing that yourself. Nice analogy. It's very similar to dates I've had recently.
The bottom line I've found is that if you meet resistance/ stubborness/ hard headed early, it's only going to get worse~ You cannot change them and it is definitely not your job to do so. In your case you saw the real her emerge. Better to see it up front. In that light I'm always GLAD when I do see a negative charecteristic early. I've gotten to the point where I actually think~ WOW that was easy.

Keep the faith~

KC

 

[jophil28]

Fantastic post VP. I can relate.
Your posts lately have been outstanding.

It seems that we have all met and been in relationships with oppositional and defiant women. Power struggles, debates, arguments ,endless nitpicking are the order of the day. What a pain these women are.

Google up " ODD " (Oppositional and Defiant Disorder )

 

[jophil28]

.
Yeah, whoop-de-doo, I broke up with a chick. I guess it's more of a "control of my life" and "proactive/reactive" personal milestone. I know what I want, and I'm not going to waste my time with what I don't. My last breakup was reactive, this breakup was proactive. THAT's the sort of shift in my personal development that I'm excited about.

I just emailed your entire post to my chump brother who is going throgh a divorce with a demanding, manipulative, lying ,cheating "health care professional" .

Hell, VP your advice is going "international".

 

[SoCalMike]

Good post bro. Ignoring your diet needs is a major red flag. I can understand if OCCASIONALLY she wanted you to eat something you aren't suppossed to, but when it's an ongoing thing it shows major lack of respect.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Awesome...that's what's up man. Congratulations.

 

[Desdinova]

I love the look on people's faces when I tell them I'm "homeless".

Dude, you know how to fvcking "rough it" more than anybody I've ever seen (or read posts from). For a time there, I was thinking of living out of my vehicle. for a couple of months. Throw a fvcking mattress in the back of my truck, put all my 5hit in storage, and live without rent or bills - just gas money, car repairs, and public toilets. Give friends and family cash for using their showers.

I post because this is a milestone for me. I used to tolerate, be patient with, and otherwise "deal" with women who acted like this. I've also compromised, adjusted, or abandoned my hopes and dreams for significant others before.

I fvcking hate women who have no respect for my personal decisions. Once they start pulling all the garbage that you mentioned above, I give them the boot or get angry with them for being so goddam deaf.

Good for you for walking away.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

In the beginning of reading this I was laughing:
"Being that I was trapped in a vehicle, I couldn't just walk away."
and planning to advice you to RUN.

Later I wasn't laughing anymore.

You did the only right thing to do, bro'.

I could even understand if you would have fvcked her up the ar$e as a good-bye-gift.
Foreplay ? Like that: :kick:

And thank you for sharing the whole real-life story

 

[DJDamage]

"ALways, always always walk away from ANY female who tries to emasculate you, belittle you, and shame you into doing what SHE wants, and guilt tripping you into forcing behavior which is benefiting her and not you."

I can relate and its a bang on analysis.

The thing is when women start with this sh1t they tend start small just to see how much they can get away with. They usually start it by making fun of you and then they say "just kiddin". Slowly it manifests itself into more, I remember I almost had argument with this chick one time and it went something like this:

Her: That comment you said about me was really dumb, only a fvcktard will say that (this is the part where she played the game where it was half a joke and half serious, you can never tell which is which).

Me: Care to explain? oh and by the way don't call me a fvcktard.

Her: relax it was only a joke, gawd you are as sensetive as a chick!! (here is a double whammy: If I reply back I am deemed a sensetive chick if I don't I let her get away with calling me sh1t)

Me: No I am a MAN not a chick so don't call me names.

Her: relax I was making a joke, don't be such a baby.

Me: Listen, I don't know what kind of guys you been with but I don't take too kindly to being made fun of or calling me names, is that understood?!

- At this point I should have walked away but instead I tried to make it work but it eventually got worse before I ended it. Its best to walk away when the monster is still small because once you reach a point where a woman does not respect you, things will only go down hill from there.

 

[Colossus]

Tremendous post, Vulpine. Sleeping in your car is rough though, man. That took some brass.

A few things jumped out at me:

Her words were "I'm good and nice, I'm an angel, my intentions are good, I am trying to be part of a team."

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! I don't know why this is such an uncanny phenomenon, but any time a woman overtly tells you she is an angel or a sweetheart, run for the hills!! If she really were an angel she would not have to reassure you.

But, time and time again, her actions were such that they demonstrated a lack of respect, they undermined my masculinity, they contradicted me and my goals at every turn.

Women like this are full of agenda. The right women will try to help smooth your way, or at least allow you to work without enmity.

...and then I looked at her little ƒucking chihuahua and realized what a bad mistake I had made

Oh man (slaps forehead), another uncanny red flag. I don't even want to get into the how or why of it...just accept it!!


Today was a great day for Manhood. Even if Vulpine is homeless for awhile...:nervous:

 

[penkitten]

i pray you stay warm through the winter , maybe you can cram a bunch of blankets in your back seat and snuggle up and think of the peace and quiet you will finally be getting.
you put a whole new spin on the phrase " the price one pays for freedom".
good luck to you.

 

[christopher09]

"ALways, always always walk away from ANY female who tries to emasculate you, belittle you, and shame you into doing what SHE wants, and guilt tripping you into forcing behavior which is benefiting her and not you."

I can relate and its a bang on analysis.

The thing is when women start with this sh1t they tend start small just to see how much they can get away with. They usually start it by making fun of you and then they say "just kiddin". Slowly it manifests itself into more, I remember I almost had argument with this chick one time and it went something like this:

Her: That comment you said about me was really dumb, only a fvcktard will say that (this is the part where she played the game where it was half a joke and half serious, you can never tell which is which).

Me: Care to explain? oh and by the way don't call me a fvcktard.

Her: relax it was only a joke, gawd you are as sensetive as a chick!! (here is a double whammy: If I reply back I am deemed a sensetive chick if I don't I let her get away with calling me sh1t)

Me: No I am a MAN not a chick so don't call me names.

Her: relax I was making a joke, don't be such a baby.

Me: Listen, I don't know what kind of guys you been with but I don't take too kindly to being made fun of or calling me names, is that understood?!

- At this point I should have walked away but instead I tried to make it work but it eventually got worse before I ended it. Its best to walk away when the monster is still small because once you reach a point where a woman does not respect you, things will only go down hill from there.

Me: Care to explain? oh and by the way don't call me a fvcktard.


ROFLMAO! PERFECT

 

[MacAvoy]

Living out of your car isn't that bad if you got a good support network. When I was in my early twenties it was a common joke that I lived out of my truck / vehicles. It wasn't because I was destitute, my truck was worth as much as a low end house. It was my lifestyle, I carried a bag and I could sleep at a different women's house every night.

If I didn't have a women, then I'd always have buddies and sleeping in the car isn't that bad either the odd time. Its all about your outlook and I wouldn't object to it, if I had a goal in mind like buying a 3 unit apartment.

 

[KarmaSutra]

There is no pricetag for self respect. You did the best thing for you and your self worth.

Fvck this idiot broad and all of her bullsh!t.

 

[KontrollerX]

The circle is now complete.

Congratulations on the milestone Vulpine.

Way to ditch the b!tch!

 

[MaddXMan]

Why the car and not a really cheap hotel, you would have a bed, bathroom & shower - even if the place is a dive. I know the goal is to save every dollar tho....

Good post btw

 

[Vulpine]

Thanks for the support, gang.

Another aspect of my "milestone" was that I previously would depend on women in my life to varying extents. Her hole was wet and warm, her bed was soft, her place had a shower and toilet, and it was somewhere to go after dark. It would be very easy to want that and "pay the rent" by putting up with the crap and giving her a little "Vitamin D" every once in a while... but, I didn't need her bed, hole, shower, etc. And, the "cost" was more than I was willing to pay considering the incredible stresses I'm already dealing with. I used to stay with women for the "security of the same", but it has gotten me nowhere, or somewhere worse.

i pray you stay warm through the winter , maybe you can cram a bunch of blankets in your back seat and snuggle up and think of the peace and quiet you will finally be getting.
you put a whole new spin on the phrase " the price one pays for freedom".
good luck to you.

I appreciate our concern, kitty-kat. I do have an awesome down filled "mummy" bag that's good to about zero... after that, I'll probably need to toss a hand warmer down by my feet and sleep with heavy socks. Plus, if I just don't feel like dealing with it, I can get a hotel room for a night as a "vacation".
_____
Des,
The homeless thing is certainly an adventure. But, I decided before I started that there was a certain amount of discomfort I was willing to endure to slingshot myself along further, faster. This "pulling back of the slingshot" is rough, no doubt. But, all I need to motivate me is the ritual of rolling up in the bank, signing three checks for deposit, and seeing the result on the deposit receipt. *CHA-CHING*

Sure, I miss my espresso machine, electric toothbrush, and closet sometimes, but I like camping, so this isn't such a huge stretch. Without pets, plants, or a "girlfriend", I'm free. I just threw my junk in storage, have my mail sent to an aunt/uncle's house, and that's it: home is wherever I park. Once a week, I cruise out to the aunt/uncle's place, get my mail, bathe, sleep in a bed, get a good meal, do the week's laundry, and off I go. During the week, I have some meat and cheese cut up in baggies for meals. The food thing is tricky: go out to eat and you defeat the purpose. So, you have to be as hardcore minimal as you can. Once you get used to the routine, it's not really hard, it's just different. Try it, Des, you can always get a place if it doesn't work.