A Masterclass in What Not to Do

[nicksaiz65]

So this thread is totally not my place and might be a bit inappropriate, but I just had to get this off my chest. I made the mistake of discussing this with my normie friends, and they looked at me like I was crazy. But for some reason, this issue really triggered me today. I think there’s a lot we can learn from this situation.

I recently reconnected with some old friends from my social circle. While that social circle was a thing, a guy and a girl were in a 5 year marriage. They recently got divorced due to arguments, however.

The way that the guy and the girl both handled it were completely different. The girl was sad for about 2-3 weeks; and then she started sleeping around again. She slept with 10 different dudes after the breakup, that’s no exaggeration. She was also fvcking dudes raw to the point where she needed to pop Plan B a couple times. The craziest story I heard was how she was entertaining this dude in her DMs that she found attractive. She had never met him before, ever. So she went straight over to his house, and banged him at 9 AM after speaking to him for 15 minutes. Essentially, she was getting ran through.

After that, she got into a relationship with another guy before the divorce was even finalized. It only took a few months for her to jump into another LTR, and this is after a 5 year long marriage.

Meanwhile, the dude is handling it completely different. He hasn’t been going out at all. He doesn’t even work right now, he’s just been living off of his savings, since he was too depressed to keep a job. Additionally, he admitted that he hadn’t been with anyone else since the breakup and hadn’t had sex in 8 months. He broke down crying in front of his ex, trying to convince her to come back. He said that she’s the only one for him, and he’d never meet someone like her again.

I asked the girl about it, and it blew my mind how it seemed like she didn’t even care. She said she’d never talk to him again because there’s no reason to, that she didn’t miss him at all. I think it was the guy’s fault in the argument for causing the breakup, but it just boggled my mind how modern women will leave you on the side of the road like that.

I mentioned how crazy it was that he hasn’t been dating at all, and she seemed totally apathetic. Her attitude was, “Not my problem. I don’t want to talk about him.”

I’m not making this thread to be mean. I just think there are some valuable lessons in here that we can all learn from.

The Guy’s Main Mistakes, in My Opinion:
1.) The second he got broken up with, he should’ve gotten back out there and started meeting other women instead of sitting in the house feeling sorry for himself. She had no issue moving on and fvcking other guys, then replacing him within the span of months. He should’ve done the same with new women. If he had 5 hot women on call right now, I doubt he’d be sad. It’s literally impossible.

2.) Living in too small of an area to meet new women. The town we lived in was only about 40K people. As a woman, it doesn’t really matter where you are, because guys will try to fvck you no matter what. However, this becomes a problem as a single guy above the age of 25, like @SW15 says. He needs to live in a bigger city, or travel to one to cultivate more options. If he was surrounded by attractive women in a NYC, Chicago, Miami, Vegas, or even Nashville/Atlanta, he wouldn’t have these issues.

3.) Not having a job because you’re “too depressed” is ridiculous. For one, those savings will eventually run dry. Secondly, he’s not helping with the above point. With no stream of income, you won’t have the means to travel or move to a better city to meet those new women. Plus, it’s just not good to be broke.

4.) Jumping into a relationship/getting a girlfriend too quickly. I believe that guys should have a foundation of success with women/sleeping with women before they enter a LTR. Otherwise, stuff like this can happen: when your girlfriend leaves you, you’re high and dry. If you had a foundation of success, you just repeat that once you’re single and your girlfriend leaves you. Then you meet new women and replace her.

Again, I didn’t make this long thread to be rude or anything like that. And I know it’s not quite my place: but I wanted to discuss this issue because my “normie friends” just don’t understand lol. Plus, I think we can all learn from this situation.

Interested to hear your thoughts.

 

[SW15]

This is very good analysis. I like when my perspectives are cited in a Masterclass.

I also think this man and woman likely got married too early in life. You alluded to that in Reason #4 but didn't explicitly say marriage.

I have had extremely frustrating experiences talking about my points of view on relationships with friends and acquaintances who are blue pill normies.

 

[Mike32ct]

I’m not too worried about his dry spell. That’s the least of his problems right now.

The depression and being out of work are the more serious issues. I feel bad for the guy.

 

[RazorRambo24]

It's easy to judge, harder to understand. Nuff said. I stopped judging other men's situations from a "what I would have done" perspective a while back.

If you care enough about this guy, as if it's one of your genuine friends, spend a day to help him in some way be ready to take on a job. Whether its applying to jobs, buying clothes and shoes for an interview, hanging out with him giving him a good pep talk, getting him a nice haircut and maybe taking him to a strip club and getting him some lap dances to cheer up... If you care about him enough, put him onto a girl you know that would date him or at least be a fun time for him.

 

[parabellum]

5) Not having a contingency plan.

is not if, is when it will happen. And even if it never happen, imo you’re 100% better off having a contingency plan.

 

[nicksaiz65]

This is very good analysis. I like when my perspectives are cited in a Masterclass.

I also think this man and woman likely got married too early in life. You alluded to that in Reason #4 but didn't explicitly say marriage.

I have had extremely frustrating experiences talking about my points of view on relationships with friends and acquaintances who are blue pill normies.

Thanks man.

That’s what I was trying to get at in point number 4.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I’m not too worried about his dry spell. That’s the least of his problems right now.

The depression and being out of work are the more serious issues. I feel bad for the guy.

I do feel for him too. I don’t think it came off that way in the thread. I’ve just been thinking about this and wanted to write a breakdown so we can avoid similar traps.

I think he could work, he said he doesn’t want to(due to the depression.)

For discussions sake, what would you say would be the best way to fix this? Do you think hitting the points I mentioned would do it, or maybe something else? Take time to heal? Idk.

 

[nicksaiz65]

It's easy to judge, harder to understand. Nuff said. I stopped judging other men's situations from a "what I would have done" perspective a while back.

If you care enough about this guy, as if it's one of your genuine friends, spend a day to help him in some way be ready to take on a job. Whether its applying to jobs, buying clothes and shoes for an interview, hanging out with him giving him a good pep talk, getting him a nice haircut and maybe taking him to a strip club and getting him some lap dances to cheer up... If you care about him enough, put him onto a girl you know that would date him or at least be a fun time for him.

Yeah, I hope I’m not coming off as condescending or harsh in this thread. I do feel for him too cause this is a really sh*tty situation to be in.

I wish I could, man. I reached out. But the funny thing is he actually hates me because he thought I was trying to sleep with his ex while they were together.

I wrote this for discussions sake, to take an objective view, and so we can hopefully avoid similar traps. Not just to point the finger or talk sh*t. It was also driving me insane on how most of my friends don’t understand a situation like this.

I do think that many of his closer friends are telling him similar things for the record..

 

[nicksaiz65]

5) Not having a contingency plan.

is not if, is when it will happen. And even if it never happen, imo you’re 100% better off having a contingency plan.

As in a backup girl, or an exit plan for when your relationship ends?

 

[parabellum]

As in a backup girl, or an exit plan for when your relationship ends?

I was referring to an exit plan. However, the backup girl is not mutually exclusive.

 

[TheEveningChronograph]

As in a backup girl, or an exit plan for when your relationship ends?

I'm leaning towards a financial backup plan and other place(s) to live. It's worth having these bases covered in case. If I don't get this $17K pay raise, then I'm pivoting to plan B.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Hope this guy gets back on track and stops simping.

Her attitude is correct, he's not her problem.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Hope this guy gets back on track and stops simping.

Her attitude is correct, he's not her problem.

That’s true. I still stand by all of my points tbh.

What threw me a bit was how quickly she moved on, started sleeping with other people within weeks, and then replaced his ass. Like the divorce wasn’t even finalized before she had a new boyfriend. That sucks lol.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I'm leaning towards a financial backup plan and other place(s) to live. It's worth having these bases covered in case. If I don't get this $17K pay raise, then I'm pivoting to plan B.

I hope you get that raise bro that’s quite substantial.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I was referring to an exit plan. However, the backup girl is not mutually exclusive.

What is, in your opinion the optimal exit plan to keep ready for if you have a girlfriend? Or marriage?

Off the top of my head I’d say you need to keep a Game Journal or a record of your successes. That way if you become single again you can be back up and running in a week or two.

There was actually a thread on here about that earlier this week.

 

[Slag]

Your story doesn't surprise me.

I watched my brother go through something similar to your friend. He was married for 9 years when his wife left him, and he was devastated. He still went to work and was functional, albeit barely. She seemed unfazed. I don't know if the boyfriend she has now was in the background when she left, or if another guy was, or if she simply got bored. Their divorce was finalized a year ago. My brother has a new girlfriend now, but honestly he's still struggling getting over the whole ordeal. The 2 kids they have, and the effects their divorce has had on them (especially the oldest one) hasn't made things easier for him, either.

I had a close friend that got killed in an accident a number of years ago. He was dating a girl for over 2 years when he died, and they were talking about getting married. It wasn't more than several months after the accident that she had a new boyfriend, and eventually married him. My friend's Dad commented to me that he didn't expect her to be alone the rest of her life, but it seemed like she found someone new awfully quick. This story isn't quite the same as the one you referenced, but it does illustrate just how fast women move on.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

That’s true. I still stand by all of my points tbh.

What threw me a bit was how quickly she moved on, started sleeping with other people within weeks, and then replaced his ass. Like the divorce wasn’t even finalized before she had a new boyfriend. That sucks lol.

A lot of times I see men here reacting that way in such scenarios. Either the woman was prepared for it ahead of time or just adapted quicker. I guess it can be jarring but if the roles were reversed we'd think the guy is a stone cold player. It only sucks because the guy hasn't moved on and is simping instead of banging 10 babes, or at least ignoring her a$$. Also who knows if she isn't miserable - but at least she moved on or tried. Women are more practical about this stuff. We're all replaceable, that's life.

I guess my greater point is red pillers are trying to game and be players but their reactions to this stuff is they wish the women were more emotional. Women talk about emotions a lot but they compartmentalize this shyt like pros or they chop it up with friends quietly. Nothing wrong with accepting and processing feelings but guys could learn a lot from chicks in that regard.

What is, in your opinion the optimal exit plan to keep ready for if you have a girlfriend? Or marriage?

Off the top of my head I’d say you need to keep a Game Journal or a record of your successes. That way if you become single again you can be back up and running in a week or two.

There was actually a thread on here about that earlier this week.

This is a great idea. I think keeping or making a list of girls I had a shot with / flirted with me (or slept with & I could go back to again) is a start too. Doesn't mean they will be sexually available in that moment but it's a reminder and a start. But bottom line is a man should always be flirting and keeping girls as orbiters. Gotta keep that social circle active and don't keep it limited to mutual friends w/your ex. Keep your value high and find ways to meet people - clubs, classes etc. Some guys say it's good for "dread game" (they have a point) but I prefer to approach it as something good for me and my mental health. Same with post breakup bangs, it's not to even a score with an ex but whatever's best for me.

 

[Westminster]

It's a very good post from the OP, but frankly I don't find this story surprising because, in my experience, women move on much more quickly than men - and I don't think that's just a modern thing, I think it's always been the case.

There might be a few tears initially but she'll move on soon thereafter, maybe in a few weeks, but often it's just days. I've seen it a lot. Whereas men usually take months, often years to get over the end of a LTR. Some never do.

The harsh reality is that women are emotionally harder than us and some of them are outright ruthless. I think it's hardwired into their system. In terms of practicalities, it's also much easier for them to get another partner. We all know this and so do they. Even a very average woman will immediately have lots of suitors if she makes herself available. For men, it's much harder work.

 

[zekko]

Meanwhile, the dude is handling it completely different. He hasn’t been going out at all. He doesn’t even work right now, he’s just been living off of his savings, since he was too depressed to keep a job. Additionally, he admitted that he hadn’t been with anyone else since the breakup and hadn’t had sex in 8 months.

You can't wallow in this sort of thing, it will destroy you. I could understand taking a few weeks off if he has the means to. Did he quit his job because he was depressed? Or did he lose his job, and then the divorce happened? When it rains, it pours for guys when they let things get to them. Got to stay strong and push through.

It's the same with not having sex for eight months. In life, you need some sort of momentum, inactivity has become his inertia. It's hard to get an inert object moving again. When he goes back to wanting to have sex, he will probably start questioning himself and will have lost his confidence. It doesn't take long to lose your mojo.

 

[CornbreadFed]

It is obvious the guy was more into the marriage than the girl and failed to read the warning signs that the marriage was going south. This was going to be a L regardless of what he did after the divorce. He had an unhealthy amount of investment in to this marriage, idk what went on before and during the marriage, but I can tell based on your post that this guy was the clear vassal in this marriage. No man should ever put himself in this position ever.