A Man's Personality

[TheMainMan]

Guys, got a question for you.

Looking at my friends, those who are most successfull with the women could all be described as 'extrovert' whilst those friends who remain single could generally be described as 'introverts'.

I know its a generalisation but was interested in seeing if you agree?

Being somewhat into psychology, I once read a book that described all relationships as being a match of the two, i.e. opposites always attract.

Look at your folks and friends folks, there's always one outgoing person and the other who is far more reserved.

If this is all true, then as a self confessed introvert should I be looking at meeting outgoing, bubbly women or am I talking c*** and to hell with the theory!?

Your thoughts would be appreciated. Top website by the way.

 

[Devestator]

I'm an introvert too, and it's a bit of a disadvantage in meeting people for obvious reasons. I've found that I had to force myself to talk to people and learn social skills.

However, one advantage we have: We don't need people! I've found that rejection doesn't hurt because I don't have a need for approval. I just don't get embarrassed. I also don't get lonely so I have no desperation when I approach. On dates not talking about myself and being closed off is a natural part of my personality and makes me a "challenge" and "mysterious".

Some of the best dj's I know (I'm not one of them... yet) are shy guys that learned social skills and how to fake extroversion. They can be the center of attention, life of the party but no one can get close to them. They lack a need for approval, which can make them leaders.

We can be the epitome of challenge if we use the talents inherent in our personality. Hope all that helps.

 

[FitnessGuy]

Looking at my friends, those who are most successfull with the women could all be described as 'extrovert' whilst those friends who remain single could generally be described as 'introverts'.

I know its a generalisation but was interested in seeing if you agree?

Yes I agree.

Being somewhat into psychology, I once read a book that described all relationships as being a match of the two, i.e. opposites always attract.
If this is all true, then as a self confessed introvert should I be looking at meeting outgoing, bubbly women or am I talking c*** and to hell with the theory!?

I don't think this is true, to hell with the theory I say.

Speaking of psychology, I have talked to a few psychologist who are close friends of mine and they all seem to think that the single most important characteristic of a relationship is the ability to be spontaneous. Something to think about, although I don't know if I believe that personally, hard to say...

 

[Zoso]

Looking at my friends, those who are most successfull with the women could all be described as 'extrovert' whilst those friends who remain single could generally be described as 'introverts'.

I know its a generalisation but was interested in seeing if you agree?

Yes, generally outgoing and talkative people are more successful with women.

Being somewhat into psychology, I once read a book that described all relationships as being a match of the two, i.e. opposites always attract.

I disagree with this. In relationships people usually look for people similar to themselves. An introvert would probably be overwhelmed by an extrovert, while the extrovert would be bored by the introvert. If opposited did attract then we would not have so many cliques and so many social outcasts. Of course, there will be exceptions.

If this is all true, then as a self confessed introvert should I be looking at meeting outgoing, bubbly women or am I talking c*** and to hell with the theory!?

The kind of woman you want should be intuitive, not something you rationalize.

 

[sisyphus]

Some of the best dj's I know (I'm not one of them... yet) are shy guys that learned social skills and how to fake extroversion.

I agree, but I'm not sure it should be called "faking extroversion." Notice, introversion does not equal no social skills. It just means you are energized by "down time." Also, extroversion, does not necessarily equal social skills. Some of the most charismatic people I've met, who you might think initially were extroverts (based on their social skills), are self-described introverts who relish in being alone.

I don't think you can accept opposites attract as a rule, maybe for some cases. For most cases, I would say people prefer other people that are like themselves, which is a psychological principle.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

One of my best friends is dating a boy that is calm and she is calm too, she couldn't date eg my type because it's too hyper/extrovert for her.

I generally don't look at it as A4 as you do. I look at it as this, Attraction leads to interest leads to either
a: passion (ONS, sex etc) leads to mostly whatever they want depending on how it went and what they think.
b: screeningprocess for possible future subjects (that is dating/LTR etc) which leads to datescreening (doing stuff and looking for chemistry).

 

[j_kat_251]

Ah, the old Myers-Briggs personality test... or as I like to call it - "the test for gullible morons who think every single person in the world can be easily classified into one of two distinct groups". The only two groups you can possibly define people by are male/female and in today's wacky nutcase society even those lines are blurred.

Can you "introverts" say you always feeel better after "alone time"? And never enjoy crowds?

Can extroverts say they always prefer "group time"? And never enjoy being alone?

I doubt it. So your theory is pretty flawed from the get-go.

 

[Atratus]

Originally posted by j_kat_251
Ah, the old Myers-Briggs personality test... or as I like to call it - "the test for gullible morons who think every single person in the world can be easily classified into one of two distinct groups". The only two groups you can possibly define people by are male/female and in today's wacky nutcase society even those lines are blurred.

Can you "introverts" say you always feeel better after "alone time"? And never enjoy crowds?

Can extroverts say they always prefer "group time"? And never enjoy being alone?

I doubt it. So your theory is pretty flawed from the get-go.

We're not trying to approximate the UNIFIED THEORY OF EVERYTHING here. Everytime you "admit" (seeing as how egal you are) some HB is hotter that some other HB, you're splitting a common element of HB into two, like the common element of humanness being split into male human and female human. So don't make a big deal out of it, like "calling people in/extrovert is like building a theory of world classification into two groups, so don't bother". These 'theories' happen all the time and when they do nobody forces you to "think every single person can be easily classified to ..." Try and stick to the topic more.

Sorry 'bout that. Sometimes ya gotta rant Having said that, your post DOES offer good perspective, j_kat_251! No way you can define me or any two groups just by introvert/extrovert, let alone succes with women.
Devestator had some good points: Extroverts do get by fine without others. sisyphus, i think you're also right on with the down-time part.

I think what introverts lack to make them more succesful, or at least more extroverted, is motivation. I'm pretty much introverted, and the reason i don't come out much is that people usually say and do little i find interesting or take notice of. For instance, i didn't flinch or look up when they said Saddam was captured (so it goes...). I do have great fun with my friends and great succes with women, but alot of them people i've known for years before we started hanging out and doing stuff together. And there's simply nothing i've feel i've missed in the meantime.

 

[sprinter911]

I too am a natural introvert, but in the past 2 years i have been trying to become more outgoing. So right now, at moments im an extrovert and sometimes i find myself not wanting to be outgoing. I am in lawenforcment and had to take a personality assessment before i got my job, the psychologist kept calling me a liar to some of my responses because it appeared that i was an intro/extrovert and in his world that was impossible, after explaining why i enjoy relaxing at home and why i also enjoy being at a large party he still said i was full of **** but stated im an introvert by nature and there wouldnt be any problems with me getting the job, anyway i just rambled on but i find girls like me alot better when im outgoing and random.

 

[squirrels]

Women like the strong, silent type.

Emphasis on STRONG. You're not the STRONG silent type if you stand in the corner afraid to talk to people. Being introverted is no excuse for not being able to hold a conversation or to have a good time.

There's a difference between being an "introvert" who's proud to be himself and being an "extravert" who's afraid to be himself because he's worried what others will think.

Don't ever use Myer-Briggs BS as an excuse for poorly developed social skills.

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by Zoso
I disagree with this. In relationships people usually look for people similar to themselves. An introvert would probably be overwhelmed by an extrovert, while the extrovert would be bored by the introvert. If opposited did attract then we would not have so many cliques and so many social outcasts. Of course, there will be exceptions.

I understand where you are coming from but I don't totally agree. I think it would be possible for a situation where it's not so much "opposites attract" but more like "opposites compliment." Maybe one person is extroverted and keeps having the couple go new places, while the introvert attends to the details and keeps them from going bankrupt.

Unfortunately many people think the other kind (intro v. extro) are either loud mouthed wankers or shy social butterflies and what you say probably happens more often than not.

In other news:

Originally posted by j_kat_251
Can you "introverts" say you always feeel better after "alone time"? And never enjoy crowds?

The MBTI is just fun and I don't think anyone believes it is the Grand Unifying Theory of Psychology. It's just one of many personality inventories and I'm sure there will be better ones in the future. On that topic YES I CAN say that I ALWAYS feel better after "alone time," I have NEVER enjoyed a crowd. Of course I've never been in a crowd of naked women all wanting me so I can't say I dislike every possible crowd, but in general I hate the herds. Moo.

Originally posted by Atratus
I think what introverts lack to make them more succesful, or at least more extroverted, is motivation. I'm pretty much introverted, and the reason i don't come out much is that people usually say and do little i find interesting or take notice of.

I wouldn't call that lack of motivation exactly. Most people are completely uninteresting, it's true, so it's not your fault that they bore you out of you mind. Well I guess you could say they are not motivating you, but I usually think of motivation as an internal force... ah well maybe I'm wrong.

 

[Atratus]

Originally posted by ShortTimer

I wouldn't call that lack of motivation exactly. Most people are completely uninteresting, it's true, so it's not your fault that they bore you out of you mind. Well I guess you could say they are not motivating you, but I usually think of motivation as an internal force... ah well maybe I'm wrong.

Hey man, yeah you're right. If there's nothing interesting there i should leave it at that. If i still wanna talk, then that's my own motivation.

I think that experience has taught me there's always SOME interesting common ground to arrive at, but i realize i might've been rooting for it a bit too much or too soon.

Originally posted by Sprinter911

...because it appeared that i was an intro/extrovert and in his world that was impossible

LOL! Pay no mind to him! Just because he can't see it doesn't mean it's not there!

Here's an analogy.
If you look at Bruce Lee's finger, you'll miss the heavenly beauty it points at. But if you look at the beauty, don't forget about Bruce Lee. So far so good.
But who ever looks at the air between the finger and the heavens? Nobody! There's nothing to see, just transparent air. But it's still there