A lot of us are too hard on ourselves

[Chamber36]

I mean when it comes to self-improvement I don't think you can be that much too hard on yourself.

But a lot of us put ourselves under too much pressure to perform well when we approach certain girls.

I've gotten over my main approach anxiety a long time ago and I talk to hundreds of women every weekend, even if it's only for a few seconds. But there are certain ones, where even if they're not extraordinarily hot I would fvck up because I feel like I have to follow some kind of protocol.

I find myself wanting to be seen as "alpha", or I might start thinking about logistics or the conversation might be getting rocky and I'd want to make it go smoother.

Sometimes you just have to stop giving so much of a fvck and just let the chips fall where they may.

Eventually you have to trust in your autopilot to guide you in the right direction until a red flag pops up.

It's like riding a bicycle without using your hands. You just go straight until there's an obstacle and you lean yourself around it. That's how you also have to deal with girls. You can't get overwhelmed by your own thoughts or feelings. It's a type of judo with your own thoughts and feelings really.

You have to be willing to accept the things that go on in your brain and not be ashamed of them at all. They are a part of you.

If people want to accept you they have to accept the good and the bad. Of course when you first get to know someone you want to put your best foot forward and make a good impression, but really that's not so hard.

 

[Gro0ver]

I just think you have to play to your strengths. There will always be some women who will not be attracted to you no matter how "alpha" or w/e you are, so don't get too hung up on it. There are plenty more.

I read something in a book awhile back. Everyone makes something the measure of them. Whether it be success with girls, job, social status, competitive sport, w/e. Everyone has something or a combination of things.

You shouldn't make women the measure of you because they often don't know what they want and fail to spot quality when it's right in front of them. So I think this is the key to not being too hard on yourself - find something else to be the measure of you then you won't give a svit so much.

As always, drive and motivation in other aspects of your life is the real key to happinness.

 

[MisterD]

Groover said it. Women are currency on here. Men are putting too much stock into approaches/dates/etc--women in general

You're using women as a mark of status. There are some guys I know that getting laid is their whole life. That's their focus. They have no other skills or interests. To me that's sad. I don't care if you've banged 100 more women than me. Doesn't make you more of a man or of a higher status than me.

Some guys are still masturbating to the stuff they read on here when in reality, natural confidence and a carefree attitude will get you much further than most of the stuff you find here.

 

[Serg897]

Solid post and replies. This is a good thread that brings home the main point I think we all need to keep in mind. Women are not the key to happiness.

 

[yuppaz]

I mean when it comes to self-improvement I don't think you can be that much too hard on yourself.

But a lot of us put ourselves under too much pressure to perform well when we approach certain girls.

I've gotten over my main approach anxiety a long time ago and I talk to hundreds of women every weekend, even if it's only for a few seconds. But there are certain ones, where even if they're not extraordinarily hot I would fvck up because I feel like I have to follow some kind of protocol.

I find myself wanting to be seen as "alpha", or I might start thinking about logistics or the conversation might be getting rocky and I'd want to make it go smoother.

Sometimes you just have to stop giving so much of a fvck and just let the chips fall where they may.

Eventually you have to trust in your autopilot to guide you in the right direction until a red flag pops up.

It's like riding a bicycle without using your hands. You just go straight until there's an obstacle and you lean yourself around it. That's how you also have to deal with girls. You can't get overwhelmed by your own thoughts or feelings. It's a type of judo with your own thoughts and feelings really.

You have to be willing to accept the things that go on in your brain and not be ashamed of them at all. They are a part of you.

If people want to accept you they have to accept the good and the bad. Of course when you first get to know someone you want to put your best foot forward and make a good impression, but really that's not so hard.

The wanting to look Alpha, or appear a certain way is what really f*cked me up for a long time. I personally blame this site for it's influence in that area. Guys just parrot what they believe is true based on what they have heard and put it out there on the internets as fact. Even if it's all really just stupid theory, with a bit of truth. That extremely limiting belief can f*ck you up hard if you are constantly comparing yourself to some idealistic version of what is Alpha and you are not that way....If you are not 6'4, were the high school quarterback, pure lean muscle, model good looking, women wanting to f*ck you everywhere you go just for walking in the room, completely non-reactive to everything and brilliantly chill with everything you do etc. etc.

The truth is that I see guys ALL THE TIME that are NOT like that with stunning girls. So measuring myself / yourself against a mythological perfect and finding myself coming up short was a huge hindrance for no reason whatsoever. Some of the people that I believe that are pushing that agenda on this site aren't nearly as alpha as they would like to be and have a kind of weird man crush, admiration thing going on....pretty gay imho

I do believe though that finding yourself (the best of you as an individual) and believing in yourself so much that you have a lot of self esteem to the point where people want to be engrossed in your world and around you is a very attractive thing and a very happy way to live (win/win). Going with that philosophy is a healthy and results producing thing to do.

 

[Zerro]

I just think you have to play to your strengths. There will always be some women who will not be attracted to you no matter how "alpha" or w/e you are, so don't get too hung up on it. There are plenty more.

There is pretty much nothing you can do that will give you universal appeal, women's tastes simply vary too much, much more than those of men. I feel that it's better to figure out what niches you do well with so you don't waste your time with women who aren't likely to find you attractive anyway.