A little tip for shyness/self consciousness

[slaog]

So you're talking with a person and if you're self conscious that means you're focusing on yourself. "Whats he/she/they thinking of me". Your focus is on yourself instead of the topic of conversation.


Usually people are more self conscious when they're in the presence of a person who they preceive as being higher value then themselves. This usually is people they're trying to impress.


Shyness/self consciousness behaviour comes from your subconscious. Nobody likes to be shy but they can't help being shy. They've programmed their mind to behave like that and when talking to people this programming shows itself in the form of making the person (and in many cases the other person(s)) feel awkward.



So what to do about it:
When talking to people consciously tell yourself that you're higher value or as valuable then the person you're talking to. At least tell youself you're not lower value (but its more positive to tell yourself you're higher value/as valuable).


BTW, value is decided by you and nobody else because its your thoughts. They happier and more successful people in life think highly of themselves and success and happiness follows. Its not the other way around.


-Short term: be more conscious of being higher value when meeting people. You'll need to constantly focus on it starting off because the mind can drift back into the bad habits. Hold it in your mind.
-Long term: by practising being high value more and more you'll change that internal programming in your mind and it'll become more natural behaviour. Not only will you find it easier to talk to people but people will be more attracted to you.

 

[Voice]

Slaog, great advice. This definitely should be stickied or something. There isn't a lot of advice for shyness here.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

Slaog , i have to disagree with you on this.

Talking to yourself while talking to others is getting in your head.

In order to come off as higher value you should be totally in presence.

Saying in your head " oh im lower value " and saying " oh im higher value " its almost the same thing. You're still reacting. You're still having talks in your head instead of letting it go and focus on interaction.

I recommand to become valuable man and not just say to yourself . Start by working out and getting out of your comfort zones. Start by facing your fears. You're afraid to approach a hottie ? Do it for the sake of the process. Afraid of being rejected ? Go get rejected 1000 times.

This is what makes you a MAN. SayingFVCK FEAR , IM DOING IT ANYWAY.
Now this is attractive.

 

[slaog]

Slaog , i have to disagree with you on this.

Talking to yourself while talking to others is getting in your head.

In order to come off as higher value you should be totally in presence.

Saying in your head " oh im lower value " and saying " oh im higher value " its almost the same thing. You're still reacting. You're still having talks in your head instead of letting it go and focus on interaction.

I recommand to become valuable man and not just say to yourself . Start by working out and getting out of your comfort zones. Start by facing your fears. You're afraid to approach a hottie ? Do it for the sake of the process. Afraid of being rejected ? Go get rejected 1000 times.

This is what makes you a MAN. SayingFVCK FEAR , IM DOING IT ANYWAY.
Now this is attractive.

Yes it is getting into your head but its making a positive change. Shy people are in their head anyway and although this is doing the same it will make them feel more relaxed and more comfortable around people and people will feel the same around them too because feeling are infectious. It also helps to break the old bad habits.


Shy people cannot get into the present moment because they are too self conscious. You're saying be present I'm just saying how to be present in the moment when talking to somebody.


I mentioned short and long term effects of it. In the long term you won't need to think about it because it'll become a habit. For it to become a habit you need to keep it in mind and practise it in the short term.


All you need to do is feel valuable and keep that feeling. To generate those feelings you will have to make a conscious effort to do this in the short term. Just like driving a car its hard at first but once you get used to it you don't have to think about what you're doing.


Just like when I learned about good body language I had to think about it for a few weeks until it became a habit and now it comes out naturally. Thats basically what I'm saying.

 

[ElGuapo]

What I've found is that it takes some time before you can reprogram your subconscious mind. In the short term, telling yourself that you are of higher value than the person you're working with might be beneficial. But the key is to truly believe.

You have to catch yourself when you enter into negative thought patterns and correct the unhelpful thoughts. If you do this for long enough, you truly will begin to change your beliefs. But you have to be patient.

One of the best things I've done is start a journal. I just write down how my day went etc., my thoughts and I write up field reports and such. It has been extremely valuable. It allowed me to analyze my thought patterns.

I look back at entries I wrote even a few months ago and there is a definite change. Slowly but surely my attitude is changing and is becoming more positive. Because of that I'm having more success not only with women but with life in general.

 

[fertileTurtle]

I agree with the people who say you have to get yourself out of your self-loathing negativity by talking yourself up. I also agree that the more you improve yourself, the less you will have to talk yourself up. So just do both.

 

[MisterMcGee]

For me, simply caring less and being in an intelligent mindframe helps me. I can do something wacky or weird and someone will comment "how did you do that?" nd I'll reply "It's no big deal."
Social people are sometimes shyer than you think. They may be social, but they follow the rules to a tee. They're polite to people who have more status than them, they do a bunch of fake stuff, revel in drama, place too much importance on gossip, etc.
Rather, I'm easygoing and only spend real time with interesting people and such. Otherwise, it's like being an artillery soldier in a medieval battle.

 

[slaog]

What I've found is that it takes some time before you can reprogram your subconscious mind. In the short term, telling yourself that you are of higher value than the person you're working with might be beneficial. But the key is to truly believe.

Yes its all about believing. Everybody has their own beliefs and if their beliefs are negative then they'll have to change them. Of course as we all know this takes time and conscious effort like everything else.

You have to catch yourself when you enter into negative thought patterns and correct the unhelpful thoughts. If you do this for long enough, you truly will begin to change your beliefs. But you have to be patient.

One of the best things I've done is start a journal. I just write down how my day went etc., my thoughts and I write up field reports and such. It has been extremely valuable. It allowed me to analyze my thought patterns.

I look back at entries I wrote even a few months ago and there is a definite change. Slowly but surely my attitude is changing and is becoming more positive. Because of that I'm having more success not only with women but with life in general.

Thats a good way of helping you become more aware of what you're thinking. Awareness of your thoughts is the first step to changing them.

Social people are sometimes shyer than you think. They may be social, but they follow the rules to a tee. They're polite to people who have more status than them, they do a bunch of fake stuff, revel in drama, place too much importance on gossip, etc.
Rather, I'm easygoing and only spend real time with interesting people and such. Otherwise, it's like being an artillery soldier in a medieval battle.

Yeah most people are like that. Think of them in the presence of a celebrity and they'll suddenly be acting AFC with plenty of a** kissing behaviour. Thats why I think it has to do with what value you place on yourself compared to others. The coolest kid in the class wouldn't be considered too cool compared to a movie star.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Sometimes I feel like House M.D when I say that certain people, and usually the typical social animals and other typical archetypes, are "boring" and "not interesting enough." They're predictable. I'm not bashing the social system, but it's more enjoyable to treat it like a playpen rather than a railroad track.

 

[Nutz]

Social anxiety and shyness are closely related to stage fright and the tools to overcome them are closely related. My favorite is visualizations: imagine them in their underwear, imagine them in a snapshot moment when their face is contorted as they're grunting out a really big poop, etc. My favorites are things that are almost comical and bring down the person you're interacting with from high status to someone you'd almost look down upon if you found them in that situation. Another example is to imagine them smelling and dressed in beggar's clothes asking for spare change.

These simple visualizations and others like them are great for alleviating that anxiety that shyness causes. There are entire books for overcoming stage fright and those tools are pretty much the same thing you can use for overcoming shyness as well.

 

[Elmoshow21]

http://alexattitude.com/?p=33
This should address the High Value question.