A little love help from some DJs

[Diggs]

Sorry, but this is kinda long but I need some help please.
Alright, so I met this girl about a year ago, she lived in Vancouver and I was visiting my sisters, she was one of their roomates. We fell in love fast. She had a bf at the time then the day came for me to leave we cuddled, nothing more and she dumped her bf the next day
So at the end of summer she came to Saskatchewan with my sister for a visit and we got even closer, decided we were gonna date even tho I was playing hockey in Sask and she was livin in Vancouver. So we dated all season things were good, monthly visits and great convo that died out near the end cause you can only talk about so mych. Anyways, the season was over and I was gonna move to Van for the summer, but she didnt think it was a good idea cause we would be living together and thats a huge step, and she is really big into her work(musician)

So we decide to stay friends and talked a bit early in spring and I moved to Calgary bout 10 hrs away and her home town. We have had a couple meetings, kinda weird cause well you know. So I decided I need to move on, started on this site but still love her. Whenever we talk she says **** like if destiny wants us to be together than well we will. I hate that ****, kinda false hope. But what should I do, call her and act like im over her, quit calling(dought I can do) completly move on. What?

This was my first love, and first serious relationship, I am 21 she is 25 great girl. Honest opinions please.

 

[neobrood]

So we decide to stay friends and talked a bit early in spring and I moved to Calgary bout 10 hrs away and her home town. We have had a couple meetings, kinda weird cause well you know. So I decided I need to move on, started on this site but still love her.

Say what?!? First you said friends and then you say "love"...

Listen man... its either ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I learned that the hard and excruciatingly painful way... So pls dont fall into the same mistake.

Whenever we talk she says **** like if destiny wants us to be together than well we will. I hate that ****, kinda false hope. But what should I do, call her and act like im over her, quit calling(dought I can do) completly move on. What?

Cool... so she likes you then. Try to stay in touch... either in MSN or by occassional calling up.

But if I were you, I'd try to date other chicks... cuz its for your own safety tho. What if some guy will take her? And she's 10 hours away right? So 10 hours before you can land a punch on that guy's face... not worth it...

NEVER EVER get attatched to a woman as if she's the only woman in the world.

 

[Diggs]

Originally posted by neobrood
Say what?!? First you said friends and then you say "love"...

Listen man... its either ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I learned that the hard and excruciatingly painful way... So pls dont fall into the same mistake.



Well it is my theory that you cant fall out of love with someone especially when you wernt ready for the b-up and since its been only 3 months. I know what you are saying I just wanted to elaborate.

 

[NRM]

Diggs oh Diggs...

You are a MAN.

LOVE should be another 4 letter word to you. I'm not quite sure where to start. Diggs, successful relationships have two ways of working. Two people are mutually in love, rare, simply because, two different people, exact same feelings? Come on. And the other way is one person's interest is above the other. Many successful relationships come out of this, as long as you are the man and your interest is slightly below hers.

Now, let's start with what you did wrong. You say

"WE fell in love fast."

Very not true, you fell in love fast. Love is a throw around word to a lady, but it should mean the world when you say it. She did not fall in love with you, she is NOT in love with you, she will NEVER be in love with you. Get that through your head.

Now here's your problem. You are in love with a person who does not love you. HOW do you fall in love with a person who does not love you? Your love should be displayed through your actions, as does hers. I'm not even sure if she's said she's loved you, but look at it this way.

Actions speak volumes over words.

Is there anything she has DONE that has says that she actually LOVES you? I don't know, you are here willing to move HUNDREDS of miles for this woman. And she is not willing to let you into her house. Try this on for size, if she was the one making the move, would you let her into your home to live with you?

Fuck yes.

Why? Because your interest in her is THROUGH THE ROOF. So THROUGH THE ROOF, that you were willing to settle as friends in HOPES of a romantic relationship. Don't lie to us or lie to yourself. You wanted a romantic relationship and you know it, I know it, your woman that played you knows it. Would you ever suggest just "BEING FRIENDS" with a woman who you were COMPLETELY interested in and she was making all the moves on you?

Of course not. You're smarter than that. You are interested, she's making moves for you, and you reject her and ask to just be friends? Come on, give me a break.

Here's a hardcore fact.

Many women have rules when it comes to dating. Rules as to when a man should move in with her, when the first kiss should be, reasons why not to give her number out, reasons to reject a man.

Now here's the second fact.

WOMEN BREAK THE RULES FOR MEN THEY ARE GENUWINELY INTERESTED IN.

Look at it this way, if she met a guy who SHE fell in love with, and he wasn't sure if he was in love with her and just went with it anyways, and asked to move in with her, would she reject him?

Of course not, she's in love with him.

SHE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.

The reason I'm telling you over and over again is because you should have realized it from the beginning, and since you didn't, you should have noticed the signs all the way. You are in love with this woman, what are the things you would do for her?

Now... would she be willing to do these things for you?

She is not interested in you the way you are interested in her. Use her actions as judgement not her words or whatever she says. Before you put your heart on the line, get some physical proof.

Guy, too much time has passed. Too many moves you have messed up. Too many rules that you should have set for yourself have been broken. I'm sorry to say, you will NEVER get with this girl. I know it's tough for you to get over it seeing that you think you are "IN LOVE," but things will pass. You should have never put yourself in this position to have to fall out of love. You cannot love a person who does not love you back. Whatever reasons you have are terrible reasons and ill-minded setting you up for future heartbreak.

Diggs, this is what you're going to do. You're going to throw away her number, you're going to block her on MSN. She's going to start to wonder why her begging hounddog has not been calling or groveling for her attention the way you do. But you're a man, be strong. What you need to do is just completely move on. If she is TRUELY interested in you, she'll come groveling back to YOU, at YOUR doorstep, begging for HER chance. That puts you in control.

But that is all very doubtful.

So you move on, you date other women, you will meet another woman who is perfect for you. I promise you. The thing is, if you are interested in a girl, you need to find out if she is interested in you as quickly as possible. You find this out by asking for the phone number, asking for the date, going in for the first date kiss. Rejection at any time means the lady is not for you.

I'm sorry this had to happen to you and I hope you better luck in the future. But I want you to know that what you're pursuing right now is not going to be going anywhere and if it does, you'll be putting yourself up for more heartbreak. So good luck.

 

[backbreaker]

best advice I have read on here in a while.

 

[slipstreamer83]

Originally posted by backbreaker
best advice I have read on here in a while.

Ditto.

I like to take rejections as something good. That means you are setting yourself up for success.

 

[San]

I'm stunned by NRM's post, great post..yes.
And oh so true.

It's simple.. >
pay attention to her interest level.
Does she occasionaly calls you or mails you?
If someone loves you and is crazy for you you will notice!

 

[San]

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NRM wrote: "You cannot love a person who does not love you back"
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I totally don't agree with this line NRM and i think it's not true.

You CAN love someone who doesn't love you back, true love is unconditional!
and you shouldn't expect nothing in return.

Of course... you really want to receive/take, you feel like your feelings/desires aren't answered and that's a hard thing for the human emotions.

 

[NRM]

Love is many times confused with plain HIGH INTEREST in a person. Yet people profess love way too early in a relationship. And as a man, I believe the men should not love women who do not love them.

LOVE is just another 4 letter word to convey an emotion. But no two people have the exact same emotion. People will interpret love their own way. It isn't that I do not believe in true unconditional love, but it's that kind of love that sets you up for failure. The only time you should feel unconditional love is when you are on your deathbed with your leading lady. She was the one that stood by you and never left.

Now, with this unconditonal love where you expect nothing in return. That basically says the woman can treat you like trash and you will love her. She can treat you like all other guys and you will still love her. She doesn't have to love you and you will love her.

WHY?

How do you fall in love with a person who does not love you? What traits did she have that put yourself in a position where you will do anything for her? Why is it that there are many things you would do for her, but she would never consider doing for you?

It's a mutual thing. Falling in love with a person who is not in love with you is more like infactuation that will die. If true love was so unconditional, it should never end no matter what conditions it has to endure.

But it always comes to an end. You are never satisfied. Your thrist is never quenched and you are tired. All this would not matter if you did not fall in love with a person who did not love you. When I said this, I meant it to men. Just because men seem to fall in love with a woman who walks in the room with her Gucci heels and tight curvy skirt. And men always fall in love for all the wrong reasons. Many just don't know what love is to make the decisions to love.

If she doesn't love you and you love her, it just isn't true love you have.

 

[Diggs]

All this stuff about her not loving me back is bull. She told me all the time, we talked about marriage and shiz, but now i realize that it was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to soon. And when I say I am still in love with her its not an intense feeling of being with her or no other. its more like still being in love with her. And BTW she told me she still loves me, and still has feelings but im not counting on anything. I just want to clarify that I am not a pathetic guy that was in love with a girl that was not in love with me. It was more than mutual, almost more on her part. Just too much time apart and other circumstances I could not control. Like me accepting a scholarship and not living in the same city for at least 3 or 4 more years. Too long for her to do the LDR. Just thought i would clarify.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

NRM, your overall message was 'on point' until you stated that a "woman who loves you would move in with you" You are absolutely wrong! Better stated. "A hor who lusts after you would move in with you!"

Do you think decent women move in with a dude just because he asks her?? And not married at that! Not all women are hors!!

There is absolutely no basis for love to form with DJ Diggs and his imaginary wife-to-be!! Diggs, you are talking out of loneliness!! You never lived in the same city as her and barely dated and yet you claim to be in 'LOVE'? HUH??

Diggs, with your current and quick 'I'm in love thinking' you are going to be in a lot of pain in the upcoming years!!

Words mean very little - "Love' can only be expressed through actions!!