A little confused

[The Comeback Kid]

Although nobody could advise me on my last thread, I hope I collect some insight here. Part of the reason is because...this situation can happen to anyone here! While this doesn't pertain to one exact situation, it's based off a few experiences I have had.

You are at a party or you're at the end of class. A girl comes up to you and introduces herself. There seems to be instant rapport and solid chemistry in the conversation. Before you realize it, you've been talking to this girl for 15-20 minutes, a lot longer than the usual "5 minute chat, get the number, get out" plan you're used to. Everything is just dandy. When you're both about to split, you exchange numbers and everything looks good...

...but then NOTHING comes as a result. Sure, you placed a call or two, perhaps left a brief message too. If you are friends with her on Facebook, maybe you wrote a brief C&F comment on her wall. Unfortunately, all of these attempts to reach her don't work. Next time you do see her or run into her, it's like she never met you.

My question is...NOT "why is she ignoring me?" (likely not interested). My question is...NOT "Why did we talk this one time and not again? (If it was short, probably didn't establish a connection). However, my question IS...

Why would a girl spend so much time talking/hanging out with you and then that's the end of it, forever? If she wanted nothing to do with you, she'd have left quickly. If you said something dumb, again, she'd have left quickly, or at the very least put that smile away. Common sense suggests that if a girl - who introduced herself to you and can very easily leave (other guys around at the party, she has another class right after) - sticks around and appears to enjoy your company in this instance, there would be at least some interest...she'd atleast like to talk to you again.

Any thoughts?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

We're gonna go through this AGAIN? Geez...So nobody has any thoughts about this? I'd really appreciate any suggestions towards the question in my post. I know women say one thing and do another, but her actions in my hypothetical (yet someone real) situaton(s) would suggest she is acting interested, yet this one encounter is the only time. It's a little like buyer's remorse.

 

[Igetit!]

We're gonna go through this AGAIN? Geez...So nobody has any thoughts about this? I'd really appreciate any suggestions towards the question in my post. I know women say one thing and do another, but her actions in my hypothetical (yet someone real) situaton(s) would suggest she is acting interested, yet this one encounter is the only time. It's a little like buyer's remorse.

Yo,chill out man. It's possible that no one knows the answer to your question,or like me,haven't seen it yet. Anyway,let me take a swing at it.

Ok,you said the situation was you being in class or at a party,and then out of the blue,some girl approaches you,you two talk for 10-15 minutes,exchange contact info,then nothing happens after that. You try to call her,or contact her in some other way,and nothing comes of it.

Well,there could be a couple reasons why,but I think that initially,when she first saw you she thought one thing,but after speaking to you,she realized what she originally thought was wrong. Or like you said earlier,buyer's remorse. However,if this has happened repeatedly to you then something's up. I don't know what it is,but you need to check into it,or just continue going through this over and over again.

Personally,I'd like to know what the conversation between you two consisted of. It'll help to know:

Who led in the conversation.
What EXACTLY you two talked about....and I mean EXACTLY.

It would be a good thing to do an autopsy on two or three of these dead opportunities to see what killed them,and to find out what the common denominator is.

 

[Unprez]

its happened to me b4... and on a few times i did it too to girls... boils down to this...girl wants to network with potential bfs so she talks to a few guys than goes to round 2 then round 3 until the winner's **** is in her mouth... there was a post on friends ladder... really wish i knew about that concept b4... when the girl approached u it was cause u fit the category but its not like u the only guy who fit it... only option is just to keep her there and maybe she might give u a shot but by then u should be with someoen else and tell the ***** to fk off for keepin u as a plan B.

 

[Hughman]

Common sense doesn't apply to women. That implies they have logic. They might be testing you, they might have initial attraction, but perhaps their emotions got the better of them. Maybe sleeping on it has changed their opinion. Who knows?

It sucks, and in the past 9 months I've lost every woman this way. Guess you just have to game harder.

 

[Igetit!]

Common sense doesn't apply to women. That implies they have logic.

Oh I'm sorry,but I HAD to respond to this reply of yours Hughman. This is actually a touchy situation you brought up. You think that women don't have logic? Of course they do. That's a misconception that women can't be logical. That's like saying that men aren't emotional. We have emotions just like women do,and they have logic like us. It's just that their logic (especially when it comes to dating) makes sense EMOTIONALLY. I'll give you an example: Let's say you have a woman who's in college,likes classical music,her favorite food is pizza,and she's 25 years old. She meets two guys:Guy 1 is in college,likes classical music,is her same age,and likes pizza,but he behaves afc,and is like a brother to her. Guy 2 is a high school dropout,likes rock n roll music,is in his mid 30s,and likes mexican food,but the way he looks at her,says her name,and talks to her all makes her weak in the knees.


Now LOGICALLY,on paper,which guy would be the better match. Guy 1 or 2?
Look at what all her and Guy 1 have in common:he's 25,she's 25,he's in college,she's in college,he likes classical music,she likes classical music.
Logically they'd seem like a perfect match because they have so much in common.

Now her and Guy 2 seems to be completely opposite,with nothing in common.....but the one thing he does do is make her feel chemistry. So yeah,she'll pick guy 2,but from the outside looking in,the girl seems crazy. Her decision seems illogical. It doesn't make any sense. She rejected a guy with whom she had basically everything in common with,right down to the foods they like,for a guy with whom she has no common interests.

But TO HER,she made a LOGICAL CHOICE. She wants a guy her makes her feel chemistry,guy 2 makes her feel chemistry,therefore,she chooses him. Well...isn't that logical? Of course it is. It's just that it makes sense EMOTIONALLY,not rationally. So yeah,women DO have and CAN BE logical.

Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it doesn't make sense to them.

They might be testing you,

Oh,I DOUBT this. Women only test guys in whom they have somewhat some interest. If a woman doesn't like you,she'll either be cold towards you,or she'll be an AW,but she definately won't waste time testing you.

they might have initial attraction, but perhaps their emotions got the better of them. Maybe sleeping on it has changed their opinion. Who knows?

This is funny. You think a woman taking a nap caused her to lose interest? Dude,that's one for the ages right there. I've seen and heard of situations where a man has cheated on a woman,beaten her,mentally abused her,even tried to kill her,and even after all that,she either wouldn't leave him or stayed with him. Now if beating,abusing,and almost killing a woman wouldn't change her feelings for a guy,then I don't see how her taking a nap would do it. I'm glad I put that remark in quotes,I want to be able to see it again from time to time whenever I need a good laugh.

It sucks, and in the past 9 months I've lost every woman this way. Guess you just have to game harder.

Well Hughman,if you have the same problem,I suggest you do what I said for Comeback Kid to do. If this happens once or twice,then ok. But if it happens over and over repeatedly,you need to check YOURSELF. This is NOT a coincidence. Something's amiss here,and it's up to you for find out what it is and correct it.

 

[Hughman]

Oh I'm sorry,but I HAD to respond to this reply of yours Hughman. This is actually a touchy situation you brought up. You think that women don't have logic? Of course they do. That's a misconception that women can't be logical. That's like saying that men aren't emotional. We have emotions just like women do,and they have logic like us. It's just that their logic (especially when it comes to dating) makes sense EMOTIONALLY. I'll give you an example: Let's say you have a woman who's in college,likes classical music,her favorite food is pizza,and she's 25 years old. She meets two guys:Guy 1 is in college,likes classical music,is her same age,and likes pizza,but he behaves afc,and is like a brother to her. Guy 2 is a high school dropout,likes rock n roll music,is in his mid 30s,and likes mexican food,but the way he looks at her,says her name,and talks to her all makes her weak in the knees.


Now LOGICALLY,on paper,which guy would be the better match. Guy 1 or 2?
Look at what all her and Guy 1 have in common:he's 25,she's 25,he's in college,she's in college,he likes classical music,she likes classical music.
Logically they'd seem like a perfect match because they have so much in common.

Now her and Guy 2 seems to be completely opposite,with nothing in common.....but the one thing he does do is make her feel chemistry. So yeah,she'll pick guy 2,but from the outside looking in,the girl seems crazy. Her decision seems illogical. It doesn't make any sense. She rejected a guy with whom she had basically everything in common with,right down to the foods they like,for a guy with whom she has no common interests.

But TO HER,she made a LOGICAL CHOICE. She wants a guy her makes her feel chemistry,guy 2 makes her feel chemistry,therefore,she chooses him. Well...isn't that logical? Of course it is. It's just that it makes sense EMOTIONALLY,not rationally. So yeah,women DO have and CAN BE logical.

Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it doesn't make sense to them.


Oh,I DOUBT this. Women only test guys in whom they have somewhat some interest. If a woman doesn't like you,she'll either be cold towards you,or she'll be an AW,but she definately won't waste time testing you.

This is funny. You think a woman taking a nap caused her to lose interest? Dude,that's one for the ages right there. I've seen and heard of situations where a man has cheated on a woman,beaten her,mentally abused her,even tried to kill her,and even after all that,she either wouldn't leave him or stayed with him. Now if beating,abusing,and almost killing a woman wouldn't change her feelings for a guy,then I don't see how her taking a nap would do it. I'm glad I put that remark in quotes,I want to be able to see it again from time to time whenever I need a good laugh.

Well Hughman,if you have the same problem,I suggest you do what I said for Comeback Kid to do. If this happens once or twice,then ok. But if it happens over and over repeatedly,you need to check YOURSELF. This is NOT a coincidence. Something's amiss here,and it's up to you for find out what it is and correct it.

I was overgeneralizing. Saying she would rather choose the drop-out over the college kid - yes, I agree, it is logical to them. But that's like saying because you believe something it's true, it is. Of course I'm biased, but I would say men have a better sense of absolute logic, women are far more relative. (subtle difference, big consequences)

As for the sleep, again, a use of phrase. I'm throwing ideas about. Sometimes women will just go cold for no reason apparent to you. I've gone cold on my own share of them, without them actually doing anything (like my bros have told me it's not a clever idea to go for her, or I seen/read something that really puts me off)

As for your last point. I agree fully. That's why I'm here. I knew I was doing something wrong - I could number close, and get nothing more. A few dates at best. Let's hope that changes within the next 6 months.

 

[Kevin Feng]

Honestly, in my experience, you can't always follow MM down to the point, because girl's vary from situation to situation. One of two things happened, at least in my mind. Either she found someone new and is diverting her attention to that guy, or either she's ignoring you on purpose so that you'll chase her.

Honestly, I'd say in this circumstance, chase her more than what is normally acceptable, I'd almost say be a little AFC about it. I remember one chick in college was just like that, she was the AFC equivalent of a girl and I had to chase her down to get her, but I got it.

Remember, persistence always pays off and by pursuing her, you have absolutely nothing to lose, when you get frustrated just throw in the towel and move on to the next girl. Pick up is all about mitigating losses as well as success.

 

[Igetit!]

Honestly, in my experience, you can't always follow MM down to the point, because girl's vary from situation to situation. One of two things happened, at least in my mind. Either she found someone new and is diverting her attention to that guy, or either she's ignoring you on purpose so that you'll chase her.

Honestly, I'd say in this circumstance, chase her more than what is normally acceptable, I'd almost say be a little AFC about it. I remember one chick in college was just like that, she was the AFC equivalent of a girl and I had to chase her down to get her, but I got it.

Well,I'm inclined to agree with you Kevin,however,there's one thing I think you may have missed about Comeback Kid's as well as Hughman's recent experiences:You said...

Honestly, I'd say in this circumstance, chase her more than what is normally acceptable,....

There isn't a "this circumstance". Comeback Kid said this was based off a "few situations",and Hughman that for the last 9 months,he's lost "every girl' this way. Now,I don't know how many girls "every girl" is,but nine months is a long time. Now if "every girl" he comes in contact with he seems to lose like this,then I'm sorry,but it's him. Like I said before,if it happens once or twice,or just every now and then,then fine. I see your point. But if it's like this with "every girl",(and that's what Hughman said) then it's YOU dude. If with every girl I approach,the exact same thing happens each time,then it's something I'm dragging around with me from girl to girl that's causing the problem.

To me,self examination is the key. And hey,if you check yourself and you find out that in fact,you're NOT the problem,then at least you'll have ruled yourself out of the equation.

 

[Hughman]

Well,I'm inclined to agree with you Kevin,however,there's one thing I think you may have missed about Comeback Kid's as well as Hughman's recent experiences:You said...



There isn't a "this circumstance". Comeback Kid said this was based off a "few situations",and Hughman that for the last 9 months,he's lost "every girl' this way. Now,I don't know how many girls "every girl" is,but nine months is a long time. Now if "every girl" he comes in contact with he seems to lose like this,then I'm sorry,but it's him. Like I said before,if it happens once or twice,or just every now and then,then fine. I see your point. But if it's like this with "every girl",(and that's what Hughman said) then it's YOU dude. If with every girl I approach,the exact same thing happens each time,then it's something I'm dragging around with me from girl to girl that's causing the problem.

To me,self examination is the key. And hey,if you check yourself and you find out that in fact,you're NOT the problem,then at least you'll have ruled yourself out of the equation.

To answer the question, 4 girls, and now that I think about it, 1 girl but she didn't goy cold on me in this way (i'll explain). One go freaked that I wanted to ask her on a date after meeting her at a party. (I have a very American-European outlook on dating because of my upbringing in Greece and with American friends, but British girls in HS are a bugger, you actually have to 'befriend' them, or f-close the first night, university should be far easier [I've only realised this fact recently, its in an FR of mine, but I don't care, my goal is for that higher, manlier and more sexual state of mind, and society can take it's AFC expectations and well, screw them)

And now the next girl. Long time friend, we were talking, and we got onto sex, and somehow go onto what we thought of each other physically and emotionally. I profess to think she was mighty fine, and she thought highly of me. Now, I wasn't a total AFC in past, as i've said before, I've got several good female friends that I chose to make, not because I have oneitis, and i can number close fine. I thought I was in the money, so I ask her out, real casual. She just looks blank at me and says she doesn't want to date me, got exams coming up (like I haven't heard that before). But I'm thinking wtf, you just said you think I'm pretty hot and a cool guy, you know how i feel, why are you confused.

I now kick myself for losing her (she's 9.5 on the scale, would be a 10 if she wasn't a Muslim Kurd, but damn is she fine)- I was an AFC. No C+F, no push-pull, no negs, just **** loads of needy AFC compliments and comments...our friendship cooled off for a while until I found this site, now it's a lot stronger than before. Damn, I know I shouldn't go back to old girls, but once we're in uni fora few months I have more than enough excuses to meet up with her, one on one.

The next girl was a long term friend, but was all over me at a party. We were both wasted, but next time i see her she was real distant. i found out all her friends were bad-mouthing the making out we did... (see what I mean what I said earler, its not what you did, other events can turn her)

The next girl just kept me going (I know I was LJBF in a damn subtle way) - kept saying she'd meet me but was always busy, put work infront of me. She was the straw that broke my back. I couldn't get why she didn't want to meet, so I started to look for answers. And I'm finding them! (I cut her off, she's never got back in touch)

So I've picked up techniques and thus comes the next party. A HB9 was pretty much stuck to me after an hour, so I number close her. Ask her to a date. She's on a model shoot that day, fair enough. I ask her 10 days later, no reply. (and still an afc I called her out on it - again, no reply, stupid of me to do it, but still ****ing pisses me off)

Now I found a HB8. Got off to a flying start agin, but it hit a rock almost straight away - she 'forgot' to text me back, but I made a snide comment on her being private, it prompted her to get back in touch. I have no expectations of this girl, and tbh I won't for any woman for a very long time. If you don't get your hopes up, there's nothing to bring down. Win-win.

 

[Igetit!]

Actually Hughman,you just proved what I said in one of my previous posts about women either turning cold or being an AW when they're not interested in a guy.

To answer the question, 4 girls, and now that I think about it, 1 girl but she didn't goy cold on me in this way (i'll explain). One go freaked that I wanted to ask her on a date after meeting her at a party.

Honestly,who knows what happened here. There are so many different possibilities and different scenarios,who knows what was going on in her mind. However,this would fall under the catergory of coldness. It's one thing for her to turn you down,but to freak out? No,something's up there.

And now the next girl. Long time friend, we were talking, and we got onto sex, and somehow go onto what we thought of each other physically and emotionally. I profess to think she was mighty fine, and she thought highly of me. Now, I wasn't a total AFC in past, as i've said before, I've got several good female friends that I chose to make, not because I have oneitis, and i can number close fine. I thought I was in the money, so I ask her out, real casual. She just looks blank at me and says she doesn't want to date me, got exams coming up (like I haven't heard that before). But I'm thinking wtf, you just said you think I'm pretty hot and a cool guy, you know how i feel, why are you confused.

This one is easy to diagnose. Number 1,she was a long time friend,so it was dead from the get go. Another thing here,you tried to get with the girl through logic. You two were having an "discussion" about sex. Man,I used to make this mistake ALL THE TIME. You think simply because you talk about sex with a girl that somehow that means she wants to have sex with you. Doesn't work that way. This is funny man,it brings back so many memories of past afc days. Look at your conversation with her. It's:I thnk you're attractive,you think I'm attractive. I like sex,you like sex. You think I'm hot,I think you're hot. Well? That settles it.
We're a perfect match.

So you asked her out. Then,when she turned you down,there you were scratching you head thinking,"What the.....what just happened here?".
Women make sexual decision based on their emotions,based on how they feel.
You tried to get her to make a sexual decision of dating you through a logical convseration about sex. I know,I know,it's confusing. She probably avoided you for a little while after that. Coldness.

The next girl was a long term friend, but was all over me at a party. We were both wasted, but next time i see her she was real distant. i found out all her friends were bad-mouthing the making out we did... (see what I mean what I said earler, its not what you did, other events can turn her)

Another friend,same result,plus you two were drunk as well,which means she probably behaved in a way she wouldn't have if she had be sober. More coldness.

The next girl just kept me going (I know I was LJBF in a damn subtle way) - kept saying she'd meet me but was always busy, put work infront of me. She was the straw that broke my back. I couldn't get why she didn't want to meet, so I started to look for answers. And I'm finding them! (I cut her off, she's never got back in touch)

Classic AW. When this happens,usually it's because you approached her in an afc way. She probably thinks you're decent as a person,but not as a sexual interest. But hey,at least it's good to know that she's still attraction to men.
So she keeps you around as a constant ego boost.

So I've picked up techniques and thus comes the next party. A HB9 was pretty much stuck to me after an hour, so I number close her. Ask her to a date. She's on a model shoot that day, fair enough. I ask her 10 days later, no reply. (and still an afc I called her out on it - again, no reply, stupid of me to do it, but still ****ing pisses me off)

Again here,too many different variables to know exactly what went down. Probably just the standard afcisms. The fact that she told you she couldn't make it to the date because she had a prior engagement WITHOUT making an counter offer means her initial interest level wasn't that high to begin with. No contact from her after waiting 10 days,and then no reply after you call her=Coldness

There may be sooo many different ways to get sidetracked and misled concerning dating,bt the end result is the same.

 

[Hughman]

Respect due Igetit! . It means a lot to me for you helping me analyse my own shizzle. (though I'm not sure on the meaning of AW?)

For the first girl - I think she has issues. She's a HB 8.5, but that's because she has the greatest body (talking 32G-24-36 here). Without it she'd be a 7 (she scowls a lot) and I'm guessing she has a bad view of her body (under the impression guys like skinny girls) and probably never had a guy come onto her so hard.

Second girl, yes, I accept that logic does not win. But I'm still confused. She was being highly sexual, highly flirtatious. All good signs, if I was a friend, why would she express sexual desires along with her positive thoughts of me? (and it was to do with my body - 'you're cute', 'you look amazing in a tight polo shirt' 'you have such deep and soulful eyes') Nevermind, as I said, I being a damn slight more sexual with her. (tbf she is a total afc herself - she was telling me once that a guy grinded her and he got a boner, and she was disgusted by it - I told her that was the idea and she was probably doing a good job, though with that attitude you'd promptly get rif of your 'hard' work)

Next girl, wasn't coldness I don't think. She texted me in the morning, all good. I stopped the convo, but she never reinitiated.

The girl that strung me along - yeah, I wasn't firm enough with her, I admit that. I helped her with her homework (afc, or what?)

The last girl, yeah, she didn't counter, I guessed what was coming but damn I hate losing my optimism. But that's why I'm confused. I was sitting down, drinking my whiskey and talking shop with ppl, and she was resting pretty much between my thighs for 10 mins. Before you say it, it wasn't a party as such, just a gathering to watch the DVD of our play. Not much drink, no music, no making-out. (I wanted to make out, but it would have been...wrong)

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks guys. Igetit!, I guess I just get a little impatient sometimes, as I live in a fast-paced area. Upon thinking about this, a "few" actually has only been twice, and only this one came about this sort of way. The other situation was a girl in my class I spoke with a few times, but then things just fizzled. We were all set for a date, but after she really got sick on "date day," she just didn't seem into it anymore looking ahead. It became harder to reach her and now I don't even try. Although there were things I could have improved on, it seemed she just wanted the attention more than anything else.

Personally,I'd like to know what the conversation between you two consisted of. It'll help to know:

Who led in the conversation.
What EXACTLY you two talked about....and I mean EXACTLY.

It would be a good thing to do an autopsy on two or three of these dead opportunities to see what killed them,and to find out what the common denominator is.

So play by play? Alright. I can give you an in-depth summary of what happened here this past Saturday night.........my friends and I find and enter a small party. This isn't really a crazy party where there is blasting music, it wasn't dark there (actually very bright) and the party itself was limited to three rooms. The environment featured more social drinkers (like myself) and not drunken college students who are gonna go crazy. A few minutes after we get there and are surveying the scene, the girl approaches me. We both work on the campus sports scene, hence why we recognized each other.

From there, we start talking. The range of the conversation didn't change much, but we were going on for awhile. We started off talking about the sports and stuff at our school and what we each do for it (she's a writer). We each had a couple stories about related things. She slipped in that she is looking into broadcast (my area). This was good because next year, I am one of the higher-ups for the campus sports radio station. In fact, I will be the one behind turning the station into a larger web presence as well, bringing in writers and other people to add to the station. This is DHV on my part; I can hire her :yes:.

The final parts of our conversation surrounded things away from the campus sports scene. We just had our housing decisions, so we talked about where we'd be this year and how we like things this year. Also in there was where we were looking to intern this summer. She heard of some of the places I was looking at, and seemed happy we were both from the same area (one of the places I was looking at has a catchy theme tune, she likes it too). We have some very similar interests.

While my friends stayed back and, for some reason, enjoyed watching me at work lol, the friend she came with stopped by. Thanks to seeing Kevin and the others do this on VH1, I was sure to charm her friend as well. There were several chances this girl I am into had of leaving - her friend could have done something, there were plenty of other people around - but she stayed. Even when her friend had to take a call, she stayed to talk.

When it really was time to leave, I made sure we exchanged numbers. I had her type her number into my cell (instead of writing her full name, she wrote her first name and then something I'd remember her by from our chat), then I called the number so she'd have my number too (it's a prize ). She seemed up for doing something sometime. I definitely flashed my sense of humor into the entire conversation, getting her to smile and laugh.

So there's your summary. Your thoughts? Kevin does make a great point about persistence. If you don't try, you can't win. My roommate likes how I will persist about something until I get an actual answer...I don't settle for any subtle hints. Although it could make the other person upset or annoyed if they're not into me, at least I have an answer and not a "what if."

 

[Igetit!]

The other situation was a girl in my class I spoke with a few times, but then things just fizzled. We were all set for a date, but after she really got sick on "date day," she just didn't seem into it anymore looking ahead. It became harder to reach her and now I don't even try. Although there were things I could have improved on, it seemed she just wanted the attention more than anything else.

Well,I'm sure you already know that her getting "sick" on date day was just an excuse. I realize that women can be confusing at times,but some things are just flat out plain simple. For example:if a woman wants to see you,then she'll see you. If she were really interested in you,she would have just suggested another time for you two to get together after she had recovered from her "sickness".

So play by play? Alright. I can give you an in-depth summary of what happened here this past Saturday night.........
A few minutes after we get there and are surveying the scene, the girl approaches me. We both work on the campus sports scene, hence why we recognized each other.

From there, we start talking. The range of the conversation didn't change much, but we were going on for awhile. We started off talking about the sports and stuff at our school and what we each do for it (she's a writer). We each had a couple stories about related things. She slipped in that she is looking into broadcast (my area). This was good because next year, I am one of the higher-ups for the campus sports radio station. In fact, I will be the one behind turning the station into a larger web presence as well, bringing in writers and other people to add to the station. This is DHV on my part; I can hire her :yes:.

The final parts of our conversation surrounded things away from the campus sports scene. We just had our housing decisions, so we talked about where we'd be this year and how we like things this year. Also in there was where we were looking to intern this summer. She heard of some of the places I was looking at, and seemed happy we were both from the same area (one of the places I was looking at has a catchy theme tune, she likes it too). We have some very similar interests.

Ok,I want to cut in right here. If I'm wrong,then feel free to straighten me out,but from everythig you wrote so far,this sounds like one big snoozefest. It sounds boring. From what I see,it seems like she approached you,you two got into a conversation about some mundane things,exchanged numbers,then that was the end of it.
I've said this a thousand times,so you've probably already seen it somewhere in one of my posts,or just somewhere on the forum-Women are emotional. They want to feel. So answer me this: Did you generate any emotion in her during this conversation? Any feelings at all? Because to me,it just seems like you just gave her a bunch of facts,data,and information about yourself.

You've heard of the A.C.S/attraction,comfort,and seduction,right? You start off be generating attraction in a woman,then you build comfort,then last the seduction/sexual part comes into play. Well to me,it looks like you skipped the attraction part. You two met up,and instead of you stirring up her emotions by busting and teasing her,or having playful disagreements to get her feelings flowing,you went straight into the 'getting to know you" phase.

Women are emotional man. You have to make her feel something,ANYTHING. In fact,you'd be better off making her feel anger than nothing at all,and I'm not joking about that,I'm serious. Did you sense any emotion from her while this convo was going on? That is,any emotion as a result of what you said to her.

So there's your summary. Your thoughts? Kevin does make a great point about persistence. If you don't try, you can't win. My roommate likes how I will persist about something until I get an actual answer...I don't settle for any subtle hints. Although it could make the other person upset or annoyed if they're not into me, at least I have an answer and not a "what if."

Now I agree with this. It's good to be persistant,but it's just like drinking alcohol:you've got to know when to say when.

Like I said,it seems to me like you skipped over that attraction and went straight to trying to make her feel comfortable. You need to watch that,because you can EASILY fall into the friendzone by doing this.
Make her feel something FIRST,before the exchanging the info about your life such as school,hobbies,etc.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks for the thorough analysis. You are right that I needed to generate more of the attraction. Usually, I'm a bit better at it too. I've been working on improving this part of my game too...my sticking point is escalating. I usually bust a lot of jokes and draw some laughs. I don't know why this convo took a different route. It's like a passing football team deciding to run the ball all game.

I think what happened is that we got off to such a fast start talking about this thing we have in common that it kept snowballing. I didn't stop for a second and realize, "I should be busting her on more things here." We just kept going and going here, 100 miles per hour. It's definitely something I will make sure I don't screw up on again in the future. I'm normally not bad at the C&F thing either, I'm disappointed that I didn't correct this a few nights ago.

I figure there isn't much of a chance of this one going anywhere, based on your response? I may as well persist a little more at this point to see if anything happens, if it doesn't work I'll move on. She still hung around for awhile though, I guess that's the one bit of optimism I have here...as I said before, she could have left awhile earlier.

As for the "other" girl...that was just strange. Seemingly she really was sick that time b/c her voice was way way off and she had the phlegm cough every few seconds. When I told my roommate she might be faking it, he laughed me out of the room. I think I may have been right - the girl acted sick to get rid of me, that's pretty cold. :trouble: Regardless, we still talked/tried to arrange a date after that. Soon after though, when I saw this wasn't going anywhere, I moved on.

 

[DonJuan11]

You are at a party or you're at the end of class. A girl comes up to you and introduces herself. There seems to be instant rapport and solid chemistry in the conversation. Before you realize it, you've been talking to this girl for 15-20 minutes, a lot longer than the usual "5 minute chat, get the number, get out" plan you're used to. Everything is just dandy. When you're both about to split, you exchange numbers and everything looks good...

...but then NOTHING comes as a result. Sure, you placed a call or two, perhaps left a brief message too. If you are friends with her on Facebook, maybe you wrote a brief C&F comment on her wall. Unfortunately, all of these attempts to reach her don't work. Next time you do see her or run into her, it's like she never met you.

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LOL. "IF you are friends on facebook, MAYBE you wrote a brief C&F comment on her wall?" That's hilarious.

We need more information, but I can guess either from your initial meeting with this girl you either fell in love too fast or didn't close properly. I guarantee you left it "maybe we should hang out sometime" rather than "I know this great restaurant we could go to tomorrow, perhaps I be able to pick you up at 7?"

Facebook is for her to show off to your friends. FACEBOOK IS NOT A MEDIUM FOR HER TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, no matter how ****y and funny you are.

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My question is...NOT "why is she ignoring me?" (likely not interested). My question is...NOT "Why did we talk this one time and not again? (If it was short, probably didn't establish a connection). However, my question IS...

Why would a girl spend so much time talking/hanging out with you and then that's the end of it, forever?

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1 - she thought you were nice
2 - she wanted someone to talk to so she wasn't alone
3 - she needed an ego boost
4 - she needed help on something else
5 - she made a bet with a friend
6 - etc, etc, etc

Just because a girl spends "so much time" (15 min) talking to you does not mean she is interested in you, wants to put her tongue down your throat or have sex with you. Guys get so confused about this. "She talked me and flirted with me, how dare she ignore me now, doesn't she know she has to sleep with me now?"

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Common sense suggests that if a girl - who introduced herself to you and can very easily leave (other guys around at the party, she has another class right after) - sticks around and appears to enjoy your company in this instance, there would be at least some interest...she'd atleast like to talk to you again.

Who said that? Perhaps you were the most non threatening guy in the party who wouldn't try to get into her pants as every other "bad boy" at the party would.

Part of the reason you are having so many problems with women is you get so angry a girl flirts with you and then doesn't respond to your follow up attempts at contacting her. If you are going to get this upset at that, what are you going to do when a girl refuses to have sex with you? Rape her?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

A lot of it is frustration. When trying to "game" a girl, I do some things right and some things not-so-right (im speaking about DJ stuff). However, it's usually different things that work and don't work each time, it's not always the same things. The only constants are that I'm outgoing and witty (good) but also very slow to escalate (bad). Fueling some of the frustration as well is that most guys don't know this sort of stuff we learn on the site, they certainly aren't "naturals," and they do just fine. An example...someone I used to be friends with at home currently has a job that's not bad but I feel he can do better if he asserted himself, chose to attend local college over a recognized university he used to attend, and doesn't really have the looks (not a Brad Pitt). Additionally, I have never seen him talk to or really flirt with a girl (I've known him awhile), but he fits right in and gets dates and all that. If someone like him sees some success, I feel I have what it takes to succeed too.

I didn't add this girl on Facebook. I want to see how the phone game goes first before even thinking about Facebook. Getting a number seems more personal, so that's the way to go first.

As for DJ11's list of "reasons" in his post right above this one:
1.) - Possibly. She recognized me from our previous things and decided to walk over and start a conversation.
2.) - Her best friend was there too. If she was lonely, she could have just talked with her friend. There were plenty of other guys not doing a whole lot there either.
3.) - Not out of the question. Girls love ego boosts and a guy giving them attention is gold. However, she approached me. I didn't go over to her.
4.) - Help on something else? Like what? She didn't ask me for any favors.
5.) A bet? I'm not saying you're wrong, but that's just sadistic on the girl's end..."HB, I'll give you $10 if you can actually talk to that guy for 20 mins." Aside from any possible incentive, why would a girl waste time doing that? Then again, a girl once faked being sick to get out of a date with me (voice effects and all), so you never know.

As for the last bolded paragraph, while that's possible in some cases, I'm not sure that's the case here. For example, one of the friends I was with is very shy around women. VERY shy. He looks the part too. If she wanted to hang with the most non-threatening guy at the party, he looks a lot less threatening than I do. Then again, she knew who I was, she doesn't know him.

I'll end on a very good point you make...from now on, whenever I get a number from a girl, I am going with your, "making plans on the spot" approach. It's pretty smart, takes place while the iron is very hot and should work. I'll keep it in mind for future use.