A Lack of a Social/Love Life is affecting other areas of my life

[theapprentice]

Well the tittle says it pretty much. My thoughts about not having the love life that I want or having the quantity or quality of social friends is getting me down to the point were its affecting my studies and my effort toward other things such as exercise.

Not having the love life I want and having the amount of partying and hanging out that I would like to do, makes me de-motivated to go out and do what I have to do such as studying or exercising.

I am 20 years old and in college and just knowing that if I had more confidnece and more friends that I would be able to party much more and date alot more.

I know that this cant be a good thing, by I really dont have much control on how I feel.

Any advice on what to do next?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Adjust your priorities.

 

[theapprentice]

Okay

It would mean changing the importance which I consider friends or a love life to be right? What if though I really do consider them important to having a happy life?

 

[theapprentice]

well

Should I be making career choices based on the availiabilty of the women I would like to date?

I have an oppurtunity to go far away to a foriegn nation for a much cheaper education which could make my life very diffrent and make me very well off 200k plus salary.

Or should I stay in the USA to do what I want to do.

I mean should I let women affect my decision for my future?

I can predict that the answer is no. But if I was to go away from the USA I would be going to a place where women dont date and there mothers keep them locked in doors.

What do I sacrifice, women for education or my education for women?

 

[Hitman10000]

I think that taking care of yourself primarily is more important than socializing/dating.

 

[Ace of Flames]

Never put women (as in society) before yourself. They'd never do the same for you. Imagine the rest of your life. If you went and got this job because it had better women, but you hated the job itself, and then you didn't get women either, you'd be screwed all around. At least if you take the career you enjoy, you'll have that. The women will follow.

Why can't you just take the cheap foreign education, graduate, and come back here? Just put women off for a few years and get your career going, while also improving the hell out of yourself. When the time comes where you're back in America, making plenty of money and totally ready for women in all respects, you'll be glad you took the path that you did.

 

[blueguy]

Women and friends come as a result of your inner confidence. They boost your confidence afterward, but they only come if you have the confidence to begin with. So they are a cause and effect of confidence. You're right, it's a cycle. But you're clearly lacking confidence. So you should work on that first... whatever you think is depleting it. The funny thing is, we all innately knows this but sometimes we think we can take shortcuts, and that's what an AFC is - a guy who chases after friends and women without having first settled himself. Make yourself happy first and socialize and others will be attracted to you. You could start by picking up a social hobby and becoming good at it.

 

[casacombo]

finish ur studies! partying, girls and all the bull**** that comes with it is not worth your own goals and priorites. I have a lot of friends and get invited to parties all the time and to tell you the truth it gets boring. Partying and the wrong friends can influnence you to do stupid **** like coke, drinking binges, smoking weed, etc. I dropped out of school spent $5000, now I am going back becuz I need to get that education. Socializing skills can be learned for free, education such as college is not free. Don't waste your money, energy or time because you will pay for it. Just my 2 cents.

 

[everywomanshero]

I'd love to see you travel and study abroad as part of an American University Experience, but I'd be a little leary of attending a foriegn school unless it is widely recognized in your field of study. Perhaps, you could do a language immersion or semister abroad and get the best of both worlds? Almost all major Universities offer these programs or accept them as credit.

Women can be a factor in career choice. The reason is that being a minority(male), say in Elementry Education, makes it easier to find work in theory.

Of course, a poor social life will affect your studies. Maslow figured that out decades ago. Studies is a high level need. Unless all your lower level needs are met, there is going to be emotions doing what emotions do -- focusing your attention on those needs. It's obvious to me you need balance in your life.

This really doesn't have to be a big deal:

Study somewhere that provides interaction opportunities like on coaches at school, libraries, coffeeshops.

Meditation for 10-15 minutes a day. I know this sounds like some kind of new-age bullsh1t, but there is actually a great copus of evidence to back this up. I've found it works quite well. I prefer a guided mp3. I don't like this one too much but it will work http://natural-meditation.org/

Affirmations.

Making some female friends. If you just can't stomach doing it in person, find some online. At least that's a start.

Take the baby steps of saying Hi, Smiling, whatever you can muster up.

Consider treatment for the root cause of ending up with these problems in the first place (depression, social anxiety, etc).

Almost anytime a man has problems with women there is some other factor like this at work.

 

[theapprentice]

I agree.

Thank you for the posts.

The last poster everymanshero explains it really well.

That if I make a decision to persue my career and to ignore socializing and women for a few years to improve myself that I will still be making a decision based on a higher need.

I still have my lower needs unfullfilled and that makes me unhappy as well.

In my future I'm looking at being unhappy because I didnt take the career choice I wanted and make a good salary (150k) or because I went away and I never got a chance to do those things, and have my lower needs met.


So if I make a choice either way I have to sacrifice something for something else.

In this day an age if you dont think about money then your screwed, I mean making 40k a year wont give you a decent living. I dont want to just live check to check.

I'll have to go abroad for 5 years, and I am 20 now.

Ill come back around the age of 26, and then I have to do residency for another 4 years.

It will be at the age of 30 when I will make 150k.

I dont want to be 30 years old and look back at my 10 years and feel regret of all the things I could have done or enjoyed. Whats a BMW if I am unhappy.

But then again I could be unhappy because I choose to stay and study and only ended up making 45k a year.

Hmm.. idk

 

[kevin18]

ok

Thank you for the posts.

The last poster everymanshero explains it really well.

That if I make a decision to persue my career and to ignore socializing and women for a few years to improve myself that I will still be making a decision based on a higher need.

I still have my lower needs unfullfilled and that makes me unhappy as well.

In my future I'm looking at being unhappy because I didnt take the career choice I wanted and make a good salary (150k) or because I went away and I never got a chance to do those things, and have my lower needs met.


So if I make a choice either way I have to sacrifice something for something else.

In this day an age if you dont think about money then your screwed, I mean making 40k a year wont give you a decent living. I dont want to just live check to check.

I'll have to go abroad for 5 years, and I am 20 now.

Ill come back around the age of 26, and then I have to do residency for another 4 years.

It will be at the age of 30 when I will make 150k.

I dont want to be 30 years old and look back at my 10 years and feel regret of all the things I could have done or enjoyed. Whats a BMW if I am unhappy.

But then again I could be unhappy because I choose to stay and study and only ended up making 45k a year.

Hmm.. idk

I know exactly how you feel because when I was reading this post I saw my self. I am 20 and have an acceptable social life but I would like to party 3X more and have more friends...I have to admit that I hate my current job even if It pays well and I can't imagine living a life like that without my university done.

 

[theapprentice]

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