a**hole?

[kev me723]

Yes, this is my first post. I have been on the site/ reading david deangelo's material for about 6 or 7 months now, and I'll say I have become quite popular in my school (I'm a sophomore), a lot of ppl know me, most like me, some naturally don't, I try not to care or take it personally. I have no fear talking to *anyone* and have developed a good personallity. So this site has obviously helped me tremendously. I have been reading posts for quite awhile too, but now I have a pretty important question, so any help is much appreciated.


My success with girls has increased tremendously. However, I have a problem lately especially. I am good at making fun of girls/ ****y/funny sort of thing. However, I have a problem thats not totally uncommon. Whenever I say anything, I don't want it to sound too nice, put them in control, etc.

So the problem is that I know of plenty of girls that like me/would like me, I am funny in a ****y way and I am told often enough that I'm hott. But the girls can never tell I am interested in any way, or else they would like me a lot, but they think I'm an a**hole or a jerk. I even talk to girls and they say things like "but you wouldn't want to do that" or "you wouldn't want me to come" stuff like that. I guess I make it seem like I am totally uninterested.

If that's not the situation, with some girls I am just an a**hole. flat out. I try to be as 'unwussy' as I can, and I overkill. The problem is, I can't just be nicer. I don't know how to do it right.

The truth is, with my really good friends, they all know I'm a great guy, the know I'm not a pvssy, I'm a man.

I used to be waaay too nice and I never want to go back to that foolishness. But I need help. I need help on how to talk so that I'm funny, but without actually pissing girls off ( they really get mad, not just fake mad). Also, what do I say/how do I act that people won't think I'm an a**hole, but will see that I'm confident (since I am actually quite a bit ****y) and not a wussbag ( which I am no longer in anyway) and lastly, how can I show interest/be playful, without giving away my power.

I GREATLY appreciate any real advice/criticism/help/b!tchslapping from you guys. (and yes, I have read the bible and double your dating by david d. This doesn't happen in all situations, but it has been happening in more and more situations, that is why I need help from my actual fellow dj's.)

I know it's long, thanks for reading, and thanks for the help!

 

[kev me723]

another thing, although I have read most of the bible, if you have a particular thread/article that is useful (from the bible, tips, a diff. site, whatever) for this sort of thing, that'll work for advice too. Thanks and when I get some good replys, I will update as to how it works out for me.

 

[idiot_boyfriend]

Well it helps that you read the Bible, but what I don't understand is how you are actually pissing off women. Could I hear a sample of what you are saying to them?

 

[kev me723]

well I guess I just get out of control with not being wussy and end up just being a jerk. What I really want to do is be able to make fun/tease with out coming off like an ahole and not being a wussy. I know it's part experience, but I am going more and more towards *******. I need to learn to talk/act/flirt in a way that's teasing, but not too mean. I make fun of chics a lot, and everyone ends up laughing except them. I guess my main question is, how do I be nicer/more playful than I am without being the wussy nice guy.

The Bible has articles that say you need to not be the 'nice guy' this is one of the first things that I read. but I have gone past that. I am just mean a lot of the time. the prob. is I can't help it. Where is the balance? How do I know what I can say that won't be too nice or wussy? I can't find anything that tells how to not be such a jerk. I need to know how to tease without being annoying or too mean. How can I make it funny and playful instead of getting her mad? thanks!

 

[Zaine]

Same situation is happening to me. It is really pissing me off. I got more guy friends now, I'm not really a 'nice guy' anymore; the girls are either liking it, or hating it. Need advice.

 

[TheCalmGuy]

I'm at the same situation. The problem is I,we use ****y comments alot and it makes girls angry. I also get called arrogant mostly from girls.. I never give compliments always tease, always act like am the catch. We need to find a solution for our problem, btw I've been reading david deangelo and seduction for about 7 months too..

 

[kev me723]

exactly, I think I/we come off as *too* arrogant and *too* ****y. I think part of the reason it fails is bcuz high school girls aren't used to getting sucked up to as much as older women, who david d. deals with. They are more insecure and haven't seen as many guys that are way too nice. I am going to try saying this stuff in a more funny/teasing way, so they won't think I'm just trying to be mean to someone. Even if I say the same things, I think a different voice tone, etc. might help change the way they take it. (Zaine, my guy friends think I'm more fvcking hilarious than ever. Of course it's a different thing to be mean to ppl in front of their face.)

If anyone has experienced this problem and/or knows what to do about it. We would really appreciate any help, thanks!

 

[JSH]

Firstly dont be ****y behind people's backs as that makes you look arrogant and insecure. The real use for ****y is when you approach (not something there is a lot of in school, as you tend to know most people, at least i do). In addition, the whole point behind neg hits and the like is to bring down fabulous women off their pedastals, not to get some cute HB7 to like you, shes so insecure she wont realise that your teasing her.


as Kev said "whenever I say anything, I don't want it to sound too nice, put them in control, etc." You are still so insecure that you are scared of someone else taking the lead and taking/doing something off in the unknown. You do not need to be in control of everything.

The underlying problem is that most of this seems to be a facade, most people try and change, but only change ******dly. You must actually believe "you are the catch" or whatever it is you want, because if not it just comes off as a jerk.

Secondly even if you do believe this, you must prove it to others, they must know why you are so confident. Think of it this way, confidence wins the game, arrogance just pisses them off. The difference between the two is in the degree of perception, people need to know that you are capable of what you claim you are. Use your friends for this (lie if you have to), tell your friends things that you have been up to (always with an element of proof. let them see you approach a girl, but you can always make up the outcome). But do not become a serial liar, this will turn people against you.

"
So the problem is that I know of plenty of girls that like me/would like me, I am funny in a ****y way and I am told often enough that I'm hott. But the girls can never tell I am interested in any way, or else they would like me a lot, but they think I'm an a**hole or a jerk. I even talk to girls and they say things like "but you wouldn't want to do that" or "you wouldn't want me to come" stuff like that. I guess I make it seem like I am totally uninterested."

Well then show that you are interested, be nice occasionally, trust me it wont cost you, i can go totally AFC on a girl and hold her interest for a while because of what she already knows about me (but then she thinks im cheating or some bull).


Most of what you lot said sounds as if you learnt it by rota and have taught it by affirmation to myself. Saying "I am the man" to the mirror, this is not something that i agree with, again its almost a facade.

I try to be as 'unwussy' as I can, and I overkill. The problem is, I can't just be nicer. I don't know how to do it right.

This sentance is the killer, I TRY to be as unwussy, well then you wonder why people dont like you (they dont like stuck up little pricks) You are half nice, the overkill is the problem, its a typical stage on the way to picking up women. You take it the jerk extreme, well it doesnt need to be at that extreme, just act civilly and politely at times as well as throwing in an occasional compliment, as Alfie says "when least expected".

GOOD LUCK

 

[Green_Day]

You should only use lots of C&F before you know shes attracted, then just build rapport with the occasional C&F line. When you use C&F the girl should laugh, I think you're saying things that are insulting to the girl which is not the purpose of C&F. Don't be so caught up in being in control and "unwussy" it will only hurt you in the end.
Think of it this way, you're applying for a £10 million pound house and when you go to the seller he says "It's for sale for £10 million not £10" first time its funny and you laugh and say "I have the money" but he keeps on making C&F lines and eventually you just walk out because it seems he is more interested in making fun of people other than selling the house. Thats what C&F is like. If you do not appear interested in anything other than making fun you're going to lose attraction.

 

[Sir Lancelot]

I've had this problem before too. It's tough to find the perfect balance between being a complete jerk and a complete nice guy. There have been times where I've been a complete jerk, and there were times in my AFC past where I was a complete nice guy.

The only way you can find out which balance works for you is to get out in the field and test things out.

Remember though, ****y without funny is not cool at all. You don't want to come off as a stuck up snob.

 

[kev me723]

Thanks a lot guys. JSH you're right, I want to be in control all the time.. But I am trying to let things happen a little more and I like it. It seems to me that just a little bit of the ****yness/teasing goes a long way. As long as you're not completely AFC, high school girls are easy enough to get since they're young, etc. This week I've still been using c&f but in less quanity. you're analogy is great green_day. I have just been too persistant/annoying. I'm relaxing a little, letting things happen a bit more. I definetly like the results so far and am clearly seeing them. Example: this chic that I went to twirp with liked me a LOT. Looking back, I see that I just turned *annoying* with my 'teasing' her. It turned into me being an annoying little ****y pest.

She has recently warmed up to me quite a bit, however, and she's good to keep testing on since I don't really care about her anymore.

I like how it's going so far. Thanks a lot for the help and I appreciate any more advise/criticism/ whatever you can think of.

 

[Michael Chief]

im also a sophomore and ive been studying David DeAngelo's material for over a year. Most of his newsletters nowadays are ones he has already sent out some months ago...i bet you noticed this pattern, too.
I've also studied...ALOT of more stuff

David DeAngelo teaches alot of "Fake it til you make it" methods...which gives instant gratification, but is detremental to your attractiveness and mental health in the long run. Sure, he is a GOD in the dating scene, but some ideas that he teach might not be the best for a high schooler.
Thundercat wrote something about redefining ****y and Funny into what he calls...
Confident and Playful

If one isn't naturally mastering ****y and Funny, I'd say Confident and Playful is the answer. However, i asked one of my female friends if a guy REALLY needs to be C+F, and she said that a guy would be boring if he isn't ****y and Funny. It's quite the debatable topic.
I know that for me, it's difficult to balance ****y and funny. I'm known as a flirtacious a$sh0l3 haha. Some love me, some HATE me. I tried learning better humor with Comedy Writing Secrets but i swear...that book is fvckin BORING! This is just my case, though.

If you have AIM, IM me - badb0yrocker

If anyone wants me to forward the newsletter about Confident and Playful to them, email me at grim999@gmail.com