A Heavy Friendzone

[Joe Cocker]

So I've had a girl friend in college who had a rough semester. Towards the end of the semester she confided in me (which was really, really weird, because we weren't exceptionally close) everything that happened.

1. She'd been raped.
2. A pair of her friends started pushing hard for her to be in a threesome.
3. She broke up with her bf(who had helped her through the emotional trouble of the rape, only to start paling around with the rapist)
4. Most of her school friends left her (including the swinger friends, it was an ugly and polarizing breakup).


After having spent LONG periods of time discussing all of these things with her at the end of semester and over break, I realized I was head over heels in love with her.

So at the beginning of the semester I mentioned to her that we should go out on a causal date or two. I had no intentions of telling her my true feelings at that point. (She had told me she didn't want to date anybody over break and was "sexually cleansing" herself.) She said she'd think about it.

That Friday I got blackout drunk and went to her room. Apparently I expressed my true feelings for her, but...uhhhhhh....... I have little recollection. (151 rum followed by a case race, makes fools of us all)

Anyways, that Sunday I asked her about what I had said Friday night. She said she had been flattered by what I said, and that what I had said was all she'd ever wanted somebody to feel about her. She also mentioned that she wished my expression of feelings would have happened under better circumstances. She told me I was her friend, and that she couldn't see me becoming more than that at the time. She also mentioned she didn't want to make me "wait for her" or "lead me on." She mentioned it wasn't like it COULDN'T happen. So......

I'm not sure what to do here.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

1. She'd been raped.

HUGE red flag here. This completely changes her views on sex and her sexuality, and she will be VERY emotionally sensitive about it. Unless you really, really want an LTR with her, do NOT pursue this girl.

Just be her friend, man. You don't have to put your d!ck in the middle of this situation.

 

[Joe Cocker]

Unless you really, really want an LTR with her, do NOT pursue this girl.

and if i do want an LTR?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I'm not sure what to do here.

Well you gave you a freakin list of reasons NOT to date her, and you got all emotional anyway. So here's what you should do...you should AVOID women with serious traumatic issues and a propensity to gravitate towards MORE traumatic issues.

Hanging out with a guy who "raped" her. Befriending swingers. Right, this is truly a girl you'd want to bring home to mama. Let's bring you back down to earth.

You have all this "love" for this girl, and she's contributed absolutely nothing to your life.

 

[Joe Cocker]

just to be clear, her bf hung around with the "rapist," not her.

not that it changes much.

 

[Mike32ct]

So I've had a girl friend in college who had a rough semester. Towards the end of the semester she confided in me (which was really, really weird, because we weren't exceptionally close) everything that happened.

When a girl confides in you too much and makes you sort of her therapist, she is usually friend-zoning you.

1. She'd been raped.

As cruel as it may sound, I agree that this is a red flag. It's a very traumatic experience, and it can make it VERY difficult to have a relationship with her.

2. A pair of her friends started pushing hard for her to be in a threesome.

3. She broke up with her bf(who had helped her through the emotional trouble of the rape, only to start paling around with the rapist)

Again, you are her dating/s*x therapist. This is friendzone at best.

4. Most of her school friends left her (including the swinger friends, it was an ugly and polarizing breakup).

She's got too much baggage right now to date.

After having spent LONG periods of time discussing all of these things with her at the end of semester and over break, I realized I was head over heels in love with her.

I hear ya. However, women generally don't give two sh*ts about how or what YOU feel. It's all about what THEY feel or don't feel.

So at the beginning of the semester I mentioned to her that we should go out on a causal date or two. I had no intentions of telling her my true feelings at that point. (She had told me she didn't want to date anybody over break and was "sexually cleansing" herself.) She said she'd think about it.

She didn't want to hurt you, so she was stalling and making excuses.

That Friday I got blackout drunk and went to her room. Apparently I expressed my true feelings for her, but...uhhhhhh....... I have little recollection. (151 rum followed by a case race, makes fools of us all)

Confessing your feelings only works in movies, never in real life. This is a guaranteed non-stop flight to friendzone. Ladies and gentlemen, we've been cleared for takeoff.

Anyways, that Sunday I asked her about what I had said Friday night. She said she had been flattered by what I said, and that what I had said was all she'd ever wanted somebody to feel about her. She also mentioned that she wished my expression of feelings would have happened under better circumstances. She told me I was her friend, and that she couldn't see me becoming more than that at the time. She also mentioned she didn't want to make me "wait for her" or "lead me on." She mentioned it wasn't like it COULDN'T happen. So......

I'm not sure what to do here.

See the last part I bolded. I'm really sorry. Dating her and/or hooking up with her is a lost cause. Don't get false hopes with the "...at this time" qualifier. Once a woman makes up her mind about you, they rarely change their mind.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

This is a clear case of an inexperienced young dude, who has no options falling for the most rotten apple, because its "something."

Again as others have said, its sucks that she has went through some bad $hi* in her past, BUT don't play the White Knight and try to "save her." Trust me, her problems and issues will become YOUR ISSUES and you will realize as you get more experience that chicks like these are common and will leech onto suckers who buy into their victim mentality.

This chick should be a casual friend AT BEST, unfortunately your in too deep and will probably have to learn this lesson the hard way.





PIMP

 

[I'm in the Mood]

and if i do want an LTR?

Well man, do you really want an LTR, or are you just afraid that you won't meet another woman who you can share this type of connection with? Do you truly like her?

It's very important that you ask yourself these questions. It's very important that you think about the short and long-term consequences of having a relationship with her. You have to spend some time thinking about this.

If you decide to go for it, start spending more time with this girl and invite her to hang out with you. Take it from there and lead it into a romantic relationship.

 

[Alle_Gory]

and if i do want an LTR?

It doesn't matter what you want because from what you've said there won't be a LTR. At most, there's going to be all sorts of crazy sh*t that you got yourself into.

She's not LTR material, not now from what you describe. Be there for her as a friend, don't expect a girlfriend out of it. That's all you can do.

 

[Igetit!]

So I've had a girl friend in college who had a rough semester. Towards the end of the semester she confided in me (which was really, really weird, because we weren't exceptionally close) everything that happened.

1. She'd been raped.
2. A pair of her friends started pushing hard for her to be in a threesome.
3. She broke up with her bf(who had helped her through the emotional trouble of the rape, only to start paling around with the rapist)
4. Most of her school friends left her (including the swinger friends, it was an ugly and polarizing breakup).


After having spent LONG periods of time discussing all of these things with her at the end of semester and over break, I realized I was head over heels in love with her.

WHAT THE F........


Did I read that right?


You said that you and this girl discussed....


Her being raped
People pushing her to be in a threeesome
Her and her boyfriend breaking up
Her being abandoned by her school friends



You and her sat around discussing these "ISSUES" she has going on in her life,then after talking about rape,threesomes,failed relationships,and friends turning their backs on her, after discussing all those HORRIBLE THINGS,you realized you were "head over heels in love" with her?



The fvck???



Dude,you're not in love with this girl. You have Captain save a ho-itis,and a SEVERE case at that. You want to be her knight in shining armor,to save her from all those "bad people" in her life.



Well I'm sure that telling you to forget her and move on will fall on deaf ears,so if you want to try and "save her",then have at it brother.


She'll emotionally destroy YOU before that happens.

So at the beginning of the semester I mentioned to her that we should go out on a causal date or two. I had no intentions of telling her my true feelings at that point.

You had no intentions of telling her your true feelings. You asked this girl out on a date....but you had no intentions of telling her your true feelings.


Don't you think asking her out revealed those feelings to her?

Just because she's emotionally damaged doesn't mean she's stupid.

(She had told me she didn't want to date anybody over break and was "sexually cleansing" herself.)

When she told you that she didn't want to date anybody,what she meant was she didn't want to date YOU. She just said "anybody" so you'd get the hint and not pursue her.



She told you she was "sexually cleansing" herself? Huh? What does that mean? Is she scrubbing herself "down there" or something?



The hell? Is this a real post?


Why do I feel like I'm being "PUNKED" by responding to this?

That Friday I got blackout drunk and went to her room. Apparently I expressed my true feelings for her,

Expressed your feelings,huh? Game over playa. You told her your feelings,which means emotionally,she has you won over. No challenge.
She didn't have to do anything to get your feelings either.


In fact,according to you,all she had to do was telling you a bunch of bad things that's happened to her. That's it.



She didn't kiss you,have sex with you,confess her feelings first,or even have a single date with you,and here you are telling her your "feelings".



It's over.

Anyways, that Sunday I asked her about what I had said Friday night. She said she had been flattered by what I said, and that what I had said was all she'd ever wanted somebody to feel about her.

So she told you that what you said when you confessed your feelings to her was "all that she'd ever want someone to feel about her". Pay attention to what she said....she said that what you told her was all that she'd ever want SOMEBODY to feel for her. She didn't say you,she said "somebody" meaning somebody ELSE.


Not you my friend.

She also mentioned that she wished my expression of feelings would have happened under better circumstances. She told me I was her friend, and that she couldn't see me becoming more than that at the time. She also mentioned she didn't want to make me "wait for her" or "lead me on." She mentioned it wasn't like it COULDN'T happen. So......

She's not interested,it's just that simple. All of the babble she said here is just her wanting you to stop trying to date her,but to continue hanging around her so she can keep discussing her problems and issues with you.

 

[Kirro]

Pastor Igetit! is spot on as usual.