A Guy Asked My GF Out, but She won't Tell Me Who It is..

[young_gun]

KontrollerX has great advice. Listen to it.

Ok buddy, this is a situation that is obviously going to be difficult to deal with, but if you have any respect for yourself you will break up with this girl. Trust me, I was in an unhealthy relationship a couple years ago with a girl I thought I loved. I wanted to break up with her for about 8 months (NO JOKE) but could never do it because 1) I was scared of being alone, and 2) I didn't want to have to deal with that cold, empty feeling you get when you're all alone in your bed at night after you break up with someone. IT SUCKS. Nothing is worse than losing someone you love (or think you love) but this relationship has clearly become a burden on your life. I think you would be MUCH happier if you just ended it with her. You'll probably be down in the dumps for a couple weeks but you'll wake up one day and realize that you are much better off without her. Aren't relationships supposed to build you up (generally) instead of tearing you down?

In addition, if she won't tell you (HER F*CKING BOYFRIEND) who this guy is then it's obvious that she doesn't respect you. I used to go out to lunch with one of my girl friends every week about 6 months ago, and her boyfriend knew who I was and that my intentions were strictly to be friends with her (and they were). She didn't have to hide me from him.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Does she ever answer "I don't remember," when you two are discussing things that have happened in her past? Has her overall past been described to you in vague terms?

As far as I remember, a few times. Maybe she really forgot, maybe not.

 

[Fela Kuti]

also fela, how would you rate your gf's self esteem?

sometimes up, sometimes down. well i guess it's average. why do you ask?

 

[young_gun]

sometimes up, sometimes down. well i guess it's average. why do you ask?

Man every time I see you posting on here it's about the troubles with your girlfriend. Eventually, enough has to be enough. Is it that time yet?

It almost sounds to me like she wants this guy to come after her in a romantic way. Think about it. If he's just being a friendly guy (doubtful) who's taking her out on a -just friends- date (doubtful) then she'd tell you who he was. It seems like she's keeping him a secret from you just in case he isn't really interested in her romantically (doubtful).

Seriously, it speaks numbers about her if she's even CONSIDERING this. Please, just end it with her.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks

Read over joekerr's brilliant thread here on "breaks" Fela Kuti as if we're right about her eventually she's going to suggest you two need a break.

I'm giving you joe's thread so you can recognize the break request for the bs it is when and if that request from her comes about.

Also we all know how hard it is to do what needs to be done when a chick we are with starts acting foul and shady like this so I'll suggest you some advice that won't make you much better than her morally but it will help you break free from her before she ultimately cuts you off and it is this...

Begin looking for a new chick on the side if you can do so discreetly so your main girlfriend doesn't find out about it.

Then if you secure the new girl ie she wants to be your girlfriend and is all over you cut loose the dead weight of the previous girl who is in all likely hood bored of you and seriously considering betraying you for this other guy.

This way you get a brand new girlfriend and don't have to deal with being alone after the inevitable breakup either you or your current girlfriend is going to pull sooner or later.

While in the new relationship ask yourself as its going if you still feel a deep sense of loneliness even while with the new chick and question yourself if you felt it even while with your previous chick.

If you feel that loneliness even while with a girl you need to do what other members have already suggested and work on your self love aspect of your character.

You really don't need a woman to survive brother you just need to value and love yourself and then a woman becomes a nice addition to your life not its sole purpose.

 

[DonJuan11]

A few years ago I was out my girlfriend at the airport in a small restuarant in the smoking section (she smokes and likes going to the airport for some reason). This guy who was working there was on his break at the same as we were there and just starting talking to her alot. He had alot of stories (he did weed before, has a son out of wedlock, works hard for his money, etc) and she was really really into him. Naturally I was getting frustrated that she was so into him so much so I left to washroom. I came back 10 min later and the first thing he says to me is "I'm going to take your gf and make out with her." I replied "Where are you going?" and it shut him up pretty fast. BUT later he gave my girlfriend his phone number right in front me and she took it.

Next night I told my gf "If you are my gf, you don't ever do that in front of me again" Her face turned bright red and she said "sorry, I thought it was just so we could hang out with him, not for me to be his bf. I'm sorry and I expect the same thing from you if someone gives you there number".

I was THE MAN for those two days. But now not so much...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

How can you be relaxing when you have more pressing priorities at hand?

 

[Effington]

I'm a little surprised at the responses here. I would think if she was going to cheat on him with a guy he knew, she wouldn't tell him about it first. I think it's a good sign that she told him about it. I know a lot of girls that would brush it off and say something like, "I'll think about it" so that it won't get awkward, even though they really mean no--especially when it's a friend.

I can see why she didn't tell him who it was--obviously he will be very mad at this friend. However, she wanted to tell him about the incident. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Stressing the issue would be falling into the AFC zone.

The sh!t test part may have been when she asked you if she should go out with him or not. Pretty sure she knows what she's going to do, asking what you think she should do is just her gauging your response.

 

[Fela Kuti]

I'm not trying to defend her below, but I'll just list the facts:

She's the type of person who's afraid to say no. I know this because I've experienced it myself and she told me about that. In fact, she didn't love her last 2 bf's. She accepted them because she was afraid to say no. Quite amazing, right?

So I think the main thing to consider before I dump her is that whether she's really afraid to say no to that guy (just like she said) or did she actually open her door for that guy? If what really happened was the first one, then it's reckless if I dump her. Yesterday she just said to not worry about this thing. I'm still the only man in her heart.

 

[KontrollerX]

Effington this guy's girlfriend as he describes her sounds exactly like my last girlfriend who I dumped this past August.

She did the same thing about telling me about the guy first but not wanting to reveal who it was because I knew the piece of garbage.

So I don't think her telling him about this is a good sign at all.

She could simply be seeing how Fela Kuti's reaction to all this makes her feel and if she doesn't feel anything strongly for Fela Kuti anymore she can feel free to move on.

Also my ex girlfriend was the type who was afraid to say no just like this guy's girlfriend, its called being a passive aggressive personality type to not be able to stand up to someone, even someone who doesn't wish you harm in any way and who you know is on your side. Thats how frightened passive aggressives are of every little thing.

"Yesterday she just said to not worry about this thing. I'm still the only man in her heart."

They always say that right before they stick the knife in.

Words mean nothing.

Pay attention to her actions closely from here on out.

The issue is that she kept the knowledge of who this guy was from you.

Not whether she's afraid to say no to someone or not.

There is no good reason anyone even a passive aggressive would have for keeping the identity of someone from you unless they were thinking about trading you up and didn't want you to hurt the other guy that they now care about and have feelings for by fighting with him over her.

So yeah if you're going to stay with her for the time being just pay close attention to her actions in that you make sure they match her words but actions take more importance than words always remember that.

 

[aliasguy]

I'm not trying to defend her below, but I'll just list the facts:

She's the type of person who's afraid to say no. I know this because I've experienced it myself and she told me about that. In fact, she didn't love her last 2 bf's. She accepted them because she was afraid to say no. Quite amazing, right?

So I think the main thing to consider before I dump her is that whether she's really afraid to say no to that guy (just like she said) or did she actually open her door for that guy? If what really happened was the first one, then it's reckless if I dump her. Yesterday she just said to not worry about this thing. I'm still the only man in her heart.

You know her, we don't.

If she's the kind who is "afraid say NO," well then ................ what happens when her "friend" hits on her? Does she say "no" or does she f*ck him?

She "didn't love" her last two boyfriends. How are you different?


I think you deserve better. It's REALLY hard to bail on what seems like a good thing, but you'd better get out or WATCH out. This is from EXPERIENCE.

Best to you, man.

 

[Fela Kuti]

I'm a little surprised at the responses here. I would think if she was going to cheat on him with a guy he knew, she wouldn't tell him about it first. I think it's a good sign that she told him about it. I know a lot of girls that would brush it off and say something like, "I'll think about it" so that it won't get awkward, even though they really mean no--especially when it's a friend.

I can see why she didn't tell him who it was--obviously he will be very mad at this friend. However, she wanted to tell him about the incident. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Stressing the issue would be falling into the AFC zone.

The sh!t test part may have been when she asked you if she should go out with him or not. Pretty sure she knows what she's going to do, asking what you think she should do is just her gauging your response.

-Sorry, I think there's one thing that I missed telling it to you guys. Actually she didn't flat out tell me that a guy asked her out. At first, she asked me, "What do you think of a guy who keeps approaching a girl who already has a bf?" I sensed that she's asking that because it's something that happening to her. So I asked, "It's currently happening to you ain't it? So who's the guy?" After a pause, she answered: "I'm not sure if that's the case. Because I don't know this guy's intention yet." And the rest was like what I told you.

-I'm not his friend. I just know of the guy because in the past she told me about him (that he had a crush on him, etc.)

-No, she didn't ask me if she should go out with him or not. And this is a good thing. If she did ask, I think I'd dumped her on the spot.

 

[moto]

how about acting like you don't care? maybe its s hyt test
and shrug it off.....would that be applicable in this situation anyone?

 

[Fela Kuti]

She "didn't love" her last two boyfriends. How are you different?

Well, her actions couldn't lie. I believe that she loves (loved?) me. She also told me that I'm her favorite boyfriend

 

[KontrollerX]

She do a lot of special things for you Fela Kuti?

What I'm looking for here is actions of love not just words.

Like does she have sex with you the majority of the time that you want it, does she get you a present for your birthday, does she sometimes make you a meal of some sort?

Stuff like that.

Anything that has her doing rather than just saying is what I'm looking for here and if so does she still do action based things for you with the same frequency as when your relationship was at its best in your view?

 

[aliasguy]

Her actions COULD lie.

Don't be stupid.

She probably said the same sh*t to the other "boyfriends" that she "didn't love."


Open your eyes, man.

 

[Play the Game]

I think you should find another girl and dump the current girlfriend.

Agreed. What's stopping you from walking away from this relationship? You don't have any other girls interested in you? If you don't then it's time you should. You don't have to cling to a girl in this kind of lose-lose situation. There are other options instead of panicking... and saying Oh my god i'm gonna lose her, what do i do?
My option would be to say.... hmmm her sister is kinda hot, and she's been real flirty with me lately. It's all about OPTIONS. She has options and you DON'T!!!

Take it from a guy who's sleeping with some guy's gf. I could be satisfying YOUR gf as we speak and not even know it. How weird would that be? :crazy:

Options.... get 'em! You'll never be desperate again.

 

[Lord Shinra]

This sounds like some kind of sh1t test to me.
Even though she rejected him 3 times last year doesn't mean d1ck now, because if it was easy to do then, it should be easier to do now with a b/f (I.E.- You)

 

[Fela Kuti]

She do a lot of special things for you Fela Kuti?

What I'm looking for here is actions of love not just words.

Like does she have sex with you the majority of the time that you want it, does she get you a present for your birthday, does she sometimes make you a meal of some sort?

Stuff like that.

Anything that has her doing rather than just saying is what I'm looking for here and if so does she still do action based things for you with the same frequency as when your relationship was at its best in your view?

Yeah, she does those things except the sex, because we're quite religious. Before last night, the relationship didn't have any serious problem, really.

 

[Fela Kuti]

the answer for all of this could be found if we analyze what she meant by asking, "what do you think about a guy who keeps pursuing a girl who already has a bf?" (note: this is the question that started it all. at first she didn't mean to tell me that a guy asked her out.)

 

[KontrollerX]

Thats how passive aggressives operate Fela Kuti.

They bring up indirect scenarios and questions like this which shows the discerning listener exactly whats going on in their life though they foolishly believe their transparent questions and remarks serve as a clever disguise.

Your girlfriend is a passive aggressive like my ex so read between the lines and trust your gut instinct feeling whenever you want the real truth concerning her.