A Girl's Night Out

[wrender]

I've been dating this girl for about 5 months now. She's very attractive, I'd say a 7 or 8. Her interest level is extremely high. I'd say in the high 90% bracket. She always calls or e-mails me when we're not together telling me how much she misses me, etc, etc. And she expresses her feeling towards me in many ways when we are together. So my point here is that I know she's deeply into me. And I play by the rule of keeping my interest level slightly below hers to keep things going. And it's worked. Also, I apply all of the DJ principals in our relationship. So I'm no AFC with this girl and I feel that I have a good grip on the realtionship.

Her friend from New York is visiting her for four days. Her friend is single and young (25). Tonight they are going out to a dance club with another girl whom they know who is also not dating anyone. This is all just fine. I understand that I shouldn't ever discourage or show any type of insecurities regarding her going out with her friends. But I do feel that her two friends are going to be interested in the possibility of hooking up with some guys even though my girlfriend is not. It only makes sense since her one friend is from out of town, and they are single. This concerns me because I think it will put my gf in an awkward position.

I'm a bit confused on weather or not I should ask her anything about that evening in a playful manner when I talk to her next. In other words, what's the best DJ thing to do in this situation? Should I simply ask how her night went and if she had fun and just leave it at that? Or should I playfully poke at her about dudes hitting on her, and how girls can be naughty?

So the dillema is that on one hand, I don't want to seem too passive about the whole thing. But on the other hand I don't want to seem insecure. Part of me says that I should express some degree of protectiveness toward her in this situation. But I don't want to send the wrong signal.

What are your thoughts?

 

[azanon]

response.

Let her go out with the girls, and just ask her if she had a good time. If you start prying too much, its not going to come across as protective; but rather insecurity.

She already has (or does not have) a moral code that is going to dictate what she will do when she will be propositioned - be it this night or another one. You can't be by her all the time, so don't worry about things you cannot control. What will be in your interest is being with a woman who's moral code is to just be with you.

If you've followed some of the other threads, some like me are ok with the term "quality woman" and some are not. For those that like the term, one trait of a quality woman is that she will be faithful when in a LTR/marriage. Does this describe her? If she's really this type, you should be able to tell this with near certainty.

Azanon

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Let her go. This is a very common sh!t test. Don't even pause to think about it and do NOT let her perceive for a second that you're even contemplating it. Be matter-of-fact and tell her you'll see her when she gets back. Don't tell her to call you, and don't you call her. If she calls be concise and ask her if she's enjoying herself, nothing more - no details, nothing. Let her be as forthcoming as she wants and never for a minute give her the impression you're suspicious or posessive. This is the surest way to pass this test. When and if she asks about what you've been doing, tell her you've been busy with work/school, your family, etc., (i.e. something unavoidably responsible). Do NOT say you're out with the boys in some lame effort to counter her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are doing anything as a reprisal to her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are pacing around the house waiting for her to call. In fact I'd advise letting your voicemail or message machine pick up the call and then call her back half an hour later.

This is an excellent opportunity to display confidence behaviors. The secret of the GNO (girls night out) sh!t test is, the truth of the matter is, that if a woman is going to cheat on you, there's really nothing you can do about it. Whether it's on a GNO or with some guy from the office - if a woman wants to fvck, she'll find a way to fvck and all the psychological, possessive arm twisting in the world wont change this. The way I've always handled this with my wife is to encourage her to go out with her friends. The covert message in this is what's important.

Remember, a woman's default is to communicate covertly. When you encourage her to a GNO it sends the message that you are confident enough in your own ability to replace her should she cross that line. Let her imagination work for you. Women love to think to themselves, "he trusts me implicitly", but the covert message is really a veiled threat AND exemplifies your self-confidence. Bear in mind it's what she feels in this communication. If you leave her with the feeling that you're clingy, possessive and worried, the impression she has that you're weak and are the kind of guy that women settle for not compete for. Essentially you make her the PRIZE. But a Prince isn't worried about the behavior of one woman when he has several more on the royal speed-dial. This may or may not be the case, but the impression of it and the covert communication of it is vital. If, by your actions you can leave her with the feeling that you have a lot going for you; that you are a commodity that other women will compete for; that you are the PRIZE, you plant the seed of doubt and she will voluntarily curb her desire to go on GNOs - and this is the outcome you're striving for. You want your attention to be more rewarding than the attention she'll receive on a GNO. You can't force this into being so, but you can covertly manipulate desire.

I should also add that this in no way excuses the woman who CONSTANTLY goes on GNOs as some kind of ritual with her girlfriends. This is symptomatic of a larger problem and this is based in desire. If you ever find yourself in this circumstance your best recourse is to remove your attentions entirely. Women who have a regular GNO in LTRs are seeking something vicariously through their friends and it's only a matter of time until the right circumstances arise. Better to cut your losses on a bad investment than play the cuckold for a woman who has no genuine desire for you and regularly demonstrates this in her behavior.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Let her go. This is a very common sh!t test. Don't even pause to think about it and do NOT let her perceive for a second that you're even contemplating it. Be mater-of-fact and tell her you'll see her when she gets back. Don't tell her to call you, and don't you call her. If she calls be concise and ask her if she's enjoying herself, nothing more - no details, nothing. Let her be as forthcoming as she wants and never for a minute give her the impression you're suspicious or posessive. This is the surest way to pass this test. When and if she asks about what you've been doing, tell her you've been busy with work/school, your family, etc., (i.e. something unavoidably responsible). Do NOT say you're out with the boys in some lame effort to counter her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are doing anything as a reprisal to her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are pacing around the house waiting for her to call. In fact I'd advise letting your voicemail or message machine pick up the call and then call her back half an hour later.

All wrapped up with pink tissue and a pretty red bow. Straight down the line.:flowers:

 

[Vulpine]

I think that was actually not just "par for Tomassi", but above the standard "excellent".

Points with explanation, how-to's with explanation, Do's/Dont's/Why, if's/then's, and some of the bigger picture... very well-rounded, practical advice, backed up with the logic of tha masta.

Very welll put, RT.

 

[Desdinova]

Excellent post, RT

 

[wrender]

Thanks Rollo.

That really makes sense. I talked to her before she left and I followed my newly found DJ instincts and told her to "look hot and have fun". I didn't give her the slightest indication that I was a bit concerned. I encouraged her to have a good time with her friends. I was just on the fence as to how to follow this up appropriately. But now it's clear.

Thanks again!

 

[WildCard]

Niiiiiicccceeee

Listen to this guy...this post is $$$$$; I didn't even bother to read anything else...if any other post diverges from this they are AFC...props RT.

~ WildCard ~

Veritas Lux Mea

 

[amoka]

Let her go. This is a very common sh!t test. Don't even pause to think about it and do NOT let her perceive for a second that you're even contemplating it. Be matter-of-fact and tell her you'll see her when she gets back. Don't tell her to call you, and don't you call her. If she calls be concise and ask her if she's enjoying herself, nothing more - no details, nothing. Let her be as forthcoming as she wants and never for a minute give her the impression you're suspicious or posessive. This is the surest way to pass this test. When and if she asks about what you've been doing, tell her you've been busy with work/school, your family, etc., (i.e. something unavoidably responsible). Do NOT say you're out with the boys in some lame effort to counter her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are doing anything as a reprisal to her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are pacing around the house waiting for her to call. In fact I'd advise letting your voicemail or message machine pick up the call and then call her back half an hour later.

This is an excellent opportunity to display confidence behaviors. The secret of the GNO (girls night out) sh!t test is, the truth of the matter is, that if a woman is going to cheat on you, there's really nothing you can do about it. Whether it's on a GNO or with some guy from the office - if a woman wants to fvck, she'll find a way to fvck and all the psychological, possessive arm twisting in the world wont change this. The way I've always handled this with my wife is to encourage her to go out with her friends. The covert message in this is what's important.

Remember, a woman's default is to communicate covertly. When you encourage her to a GNO it sends the message that you are confident enough in your own ability to replace her should she cross that line. Let her imagination work for you. Women love to think to themselves, "he trusts me implicitly", but the covert message is really a veiled threat AND exemplifies your self-confidence. Bear in mind it's what she feels in this communication. If you leave her with the feeling that you're clingy, possessive and worried, the impression she has that you're weak and are the kind of guy that women settle for not compete for. Essentially you make her the PRIZE. But a Prince isn't worried about the behavior of one woman when he has several more on the royal speed-dial. This may or may not be the case, but the impression of it and the covert communication of it is vital. If, by your actions you can leave her with the feeling that you have a lot going for you; that you are a commodity that other women will compete for; that you are the PRIZE, you plant the seed of doubt and she will voluntarily curb her desire to go on GNOs - and this is the outcome you're striving for. You want your attention to be more rewarding than the attention she'll receive on a GNO. You can't force this into being so, but you can covertly manipulate desire.

I should also add that this in no way excuses the woman who CONSTANTLY goes on GNOs as some kind of ritual with her girlfriends. This is symptomatic of a larger problem and this is based in desire. If you ever find yourself in this circumstance your best recourse is to remove your attentions entirely. Women who have a regular GNO in LTRs are seeking something vicariously through their friends and it's only a matter of time until the right circumstances arise. Better to cut your losses on a bad investment than play the cuckold for a woman who has no genuine desire for you and regularly demonstrates this in her behavior.

I'm writing a book on Rollo's ideas :crackup:

 

[RedPill]

Could this method of increasing/withdrawing the attention you give a woman quite possibly be the universal solution to dealing with women in any given circumstance?

 

[joekerr31]

Could this method of increasing/withdrawing the attention you give a woman quite possibly be the universal solution to dealing with women in any given circumstance?

of course. rollo, myself, victor unlimited - this is usually the advice we give.

i typically frame it in terms of emotive versus rational response. NEVER verbally joust with a woman based on emotion. EVER.

they will win that war EVERY time - because the fact they could push your buttons is all they were actually after.

the absolute worst thing you can do with a woman is show her the emotional chinks in your armor - and we all have them!

this is where 99% of men go wrong, they open up to early. i ironic how in society the popular belief is that men DONT open up, but thats bullsh*t. most guys, once they've banged a chic and are really in to her, start letting all their emotional baggage spill out.

you should only share your inner emotional self AFTER a woman has shown herself to be 110% on your side. as opposed to most relationships where she's 5% on your side and 95% on her own side!

the most powerful skill a man can have in this world is the ability to think non-emotively in stressful situations. 99% of the problems you have in life will come as a result of your emotional brain over riding your ability to think problems through in a rational objective manner. which isn't such a big problem IF you had a pair of t*ts and a ***** and the opposite sex would do anything to f*ck you. but unless you plan to have some serious reconstructive surgery and let guys stick their ****s up your *ss you had better learn how to have total control over your cognitive faculties in every given situation.

the ONLY time you should let your emotions over ride your logic is when you are actually f*cking a chic. prior to the two of you being totally naked your reason capacities should be in charge of your actions. even if shes down to her panties, you still need to stay in control! and the moment after you f*ck her and she puts those panties back on - reason must guide your actions again.

reason and the ability to THINK as opposed to EMOTE is your greatest weapon in surviving the ways of many women in this world.

 

[MatureDJ]

As usual, Rollo is spot on. However, I would not play the phone call waiting game though. She might get herself into a tought spot, and you would need to rescue her.

 

[azanon]

If you ask me, Rollo's post was a verbose version of mine. * shrug * Whatever........., as long as he gets to the right answer. I didn't want to encourage overanalyzing something that really doesn't need the overanalysis.

 

[drmeathead]

rollo and the guys,

what are your thoughts on a girl going out with her girls and wearing sexy underware. my ex went out with the girls one night and was not planning on seeing me that night. we end up back at her place and had on a hot see through thong. i was like who are you wearing that for? we werent supposed to hang out tonight. she said it is just underware whats the big deal it isnt like anyone will see it. i told her, exactly then why wear it? she said girls dress up sexy for other girls and she needed the sexy underwear to feel sexy.

was that a load of ****?

 

[squirrels]

The secret of the GNO (girls night out) sh!t test is, the truth of the matter is, that if a woman is going to cheat on you, there's really nothing you can do about it. Whether it's on a GNO or with some guy from the office - if a woman wants to fvck, she'll find a way to fvck and all the psychological, possessive arm twisting in the world wont change this.

Posts like this are the only reason I still come to this forum. Part above highlighted for emphasis. This is something all you AFCs on here who believe in LTRs laden with obligations and moral codes need to realize...you CANNOT CAGE a woman.

 

[WildCard]

WTPhuk Cares?

rollo and the guys,

what are your thoughts on a girl going out with her girls and wearing sexy underware.

Tease her...

WC: ooohhh, baby...nice g-string - now you can slink into the bathroom and slide it over realy quick for that bathroom phuk (then roll over and DO THAT - bang her ahss right there against the kitchen counter)

my ex went out with the girls one night and was not planning on seeing me that night. we end up back at her place and had on a hot see through thong.

Hey my bad...I didn't get this far before replying...so here's the deal for this situ.

WC: Niiiiice panties babygirl (hand on pahussy) - you're such a sexy little b!tch...(hand down back-side put finger in her butt, she squirms - then you take her)

i was like who are you wearing that for? we werent supposed to hang out tonight. she said it is just underware whats the big deal it isnt like anyone will see it.

hahahahahah - look man, they're going to do what they're going to do whether they have on sexy underwear of a phuking chastity belt...hahahahahahahaa

i told her, exactly then why wear it?

Trans: (she hears) I'm insecure that you're going to boff some dude at the club

AND...was she on the middel of her cycle?

she said girls dress up sexy for other girls and she needed the sexy underwear to feel sexy.

Oh yeah, and I wear cologne to show the other guys that I have a good smell....AHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

was that a load of ****?

Look man the other night my phuk-buddy met two of my friends and said, "They're cute." Here was my response...

WC:

OH THATS RIGHT, I DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THE STATEMENT - in fact, I'm prolly going to ask her which one she liked better and see if she wants to do a threesome, cuz after that GUESS WHAT? YUP, open season on ALL OF HER FRIENDS...abhhbahahahahahahaha... Anyway if you show protectiveness that equals WEAKNESS, you show indifference that equals CONFIDENCE - the former causes her to escalate her activity the latter to abate it...

One way or the other - you gonna see...

~ WildCard ~

Veritas Lux Mea

 

[drmeathead]

yeah man i was pissed. but this was coming from the same girl who would question why i would put hair jel in my hair to work in the clinic. got mad at me for leaving a rubber in my pocket when i went out with my brother. it was there from the last time we went out and i forgot it. i think i was more acting out on the fact that i was so controlled yet it was ok for her to do whatever she wanted, in her mind.

i mean i played stuff cool when she had two differernt guys call her at up at 2 am. i simply said to them why are you calling my girlfriend at 2 am and waking ME up? they didnt call back.

 

[STR8UP]

i think i was more acting out on the fact that i was so controlled yet it was ok for her to do whatever she wanted, in her mind.

Get used to it man.

The last chick I was seeing was on her last strike for getting too jealous when we went out, thinking I was trying to fukk all of these other women. Next thing you know, LITERALLY, the next thing you know, she started distancing herself from me. Come to find out it was exactly as I suspected.....she had a new boyfriend.

I was REALLY pissed at myself for allowing a chick (I didn't actually allow it so much as overlooked it and blew it off) to throw a fit every time she had a few drinks, then I turn around and I'm not even getting a piece of a$$ anymore???? WTF???

That's women, and that's why you should do whatever the hell you want in a casual relationship without regard to the other persons feelings. Hell, if she's gonna ACCUSE you of fukking everything on two legs you might as well be doing it!

 

[drmeathead]

i was cool with whatever. she went to the beach with her friends earlier in our relationship. my attitude was go have fun. i wasnt really happy that her ex was in the group and another ex was living in the same beach town for awhile. i expressed those concerns but told her i trusted her and besides it wasnt my place to tell her not to go anyway.

well i get a phone call in the middle of the week. she was mad at me. one because i hooked up with other girls before we dated exclusively. she told me lets see other people. so i went and saw other people that night and she got mad and held it against me. two she couldnt get drunk because she wanted to **** when she was drunk and she couldnt because she had a bf, me, who was not on the trip.

so after she tells me this stuff, when she would go out with the girls to parties at school, how could i trust her? when she drinks she wanst to ****. ive seen her drink and she gets impusilvely wild. plus she cried over her ex. i should have dumped her for that on the spot. i did, she said no. it was like ****ing sinefeld. anyway i didnt trust her after that because she was so sneaky about looking up his **** on face book. logging on to her friends myspace and see what he was up to. i told her i dont care if yuo are myspace or facebook friends with the guy. but she was sneaky and impulsive doing it the way she did. not two very trustworthy traits.

that my friend is how i because so untrustworthy of her. once she showed she was capable of being sneaky and impulsive. i finally dumped her as i caught her in blantat outright lies a month later. sorry this was so long winded. i still get pissed thinking about it.

 

[blueguy]

If you ask me, Rollo's post was a verbose version of mine. * shrug * Whatever........., as long as he gets to the right answer. I didn't want to encourage overanalyzing something that really doesn't need the overanalysis.

if you want the same respect rollo has, maybe you should apply some of the same principles *cough*indifference*cough* Just playin'