A girl I like has a BF, but she seems to be giving me a chance in seeing me & study

[submissivedave]

Hi all,

Here is my situation:

I met a girl in class and I really like her. At first, the attraction was not physical, but in fact, mental. Her comments in tutorials totally impressed me. So yeah ... I started liking her for her brains ...

After class, I told her I like her comments and she seems to enjoy the compliment. At first, I did not find her physically attractive, yet through conversations and proximity, I have found her more and more attractive.

I even sent her an e-mail commenting how beautiful her feet were ( I have a foot fetish) and she seems to enjoy the compliment but she is totally unfamiliar with foot fetishism ...

Anyway, we met up to study today and it was then, through my nosey-ness that I found out she had a boyfriend. I said she had pretty feet again in person, then asked her if her pass boyfriends had told her if she had nice feet. She told me they didn't and that her boyfriends said they were ugly. So I ask her "your boyfriend right now?" She said yeah ...

But when and after we mentioned her boyfriend, her mood changed and felt kind of saddened. I guess there is something wrong in their relationship ...

In our study session we talked about nothing much of the studying itself, but strayed to other topics. Unfortunately, our study session ended when she had to leave and go home to prepare to go out for the night ... but she did told me to call her tomorrow for another study session ...

However, I have the feeling that she is giving me a chance here by letting me see her ...

What do you guys think? Should I pursue or should I just be friends with her?

I am sure she knows I am interested in her because of the various comments I made to her and the e-mails I sent her ...

Has anyone ran into a situation like this?

Thanks

 

[NRM]

Okay, let me give you some advice.

NEVER settle being friends with a girl you are romantically interested in.

EVER.

Whatever you say about your attraction for whatever reason, it doesn't matter. You're attracted to her. Your attraction for her is through the roof. Telling her she had pretty feet when she had no idea about foot fetishes might have been kind of scary for her, but she seemed to have responded positively.

You say you like her a lot, then this is what you do. Ask her on a date. Forget the boyfriend. If she accepts, then she has at least some romantic interest in you. If she rejects, she has NO romantic interest in you. It's pretty much a dead giveaway. Now you say that you think she knows that you already like her.

Do not think that is a good thing.

You want to remain mysterious. If her boyfriend treated her badly or there were serious problems with her relationship, she wouldn't be with him. You wouldn't stay with a girl that you had problems with. Her boyfriend has some points, even if he says her feet were ugly. He's doing right since he has the girl and you don't.

So this is what you're going to do. Go on the date with her. If she really likes her boyfriend, she'll decline immediately. If she does have secret feelings for you, then you'll have a chance. The truth is, I want you to think what you want out of this in the end. A romantic relationship or a friendship? I'm sure you already have enough friends, you don't need one that you "really like." It'll hold you back from dating other girls and looking for other girls.

What you need to do is either get accepted or rejected. Believe it or not, rejection is your freedom. It is better to get rejected early on than later on. And that is a fact. So go on the date, have a good time, show her the confident, masculine, mysterious man you are, and kiss her at the end of the date. A small peck on the lips. Let her KNOW you are interested. If she is really into her boyfriend, she'll push you away and let you know you're crossing the line. That basically means she isn't interested in you. Don't let her lead you on. Find out early.

That's basically all the advice I can give you on this situation.

 

[submissivedave]

Hi NRM,

Thank you for your kind and informative response ...

Yeah, we have had lunch before at school after class ...

And just the other day, we took the subway together to a mall where I parked my car and I drove her to work. She was all cool with it ...

So today was our third time being alone together ... In fact, it was her who initiated today's study session, and, like I said, she also told me to call her tomorrow ...

I don't know man, I feel really comforatable with her, that's why I so easily told her about my adoration for her feet. I even told her that a female friend of mine took me to gay pride last year on a dog leash having me wear pink laced panties. Her response was laughter and said "that's cool" ... I invited her to go to gay Pride with me tomorrow after the study session and she seems intrigued and interested ...

Yeah, I am definitely calling her tomorrow ... but I honestly, don't got the balls to kiss her though, really I don't ... it may be too soon.

But you know what, screw the boyfriend man ... LOL ...

Thanks again for the valuable advice ...

PS - the funny thing is, I showed her my feet and asked her what she thinks. She said they were better looking and more feminine then hers ... LOL ... But she really does have pretty feet, it's just that she and her boyfriend(s) never noticed. I even told her that "hey, you must be taking care of your feet, you change the color of your toenails very often" ... she smiled and giggled ... LOL

Peace!

 

[NRM]

Haha, Dave. I'm glad you're making the efforts you are, but you really are taking a strange route in tackling this situation. I understand that you are very comfortable with her, but ask her about her boyfriend. I'm sure he has some very different traits than you. But he's the one that she's with.

What a girl wants is a confident, masculine, funny, ****y guy. The truth is, her interest is not going to rise in you more than now. The less you know about something, the more interest you are in it. If she finds out more about your gay pride adventures, she may be turning off by the second.

In truth, you should know more about her than she knows about you. Your conversations should be questions to her about her. You should give vague responses that will keep her intrigued by you. That creates mystery and mystery creates interest.

Truthfully, you are going the practical nice guy route. And proven many times over, the nice guy just never wins. He isn't man enough for a woman and he isn't good enough for a woman. I want you to be more of a man, more confident of your actions, more fearless.

If what you really wanted to was just to be friends with the girl, you wouldn't be here right now. You don't need advice on making friends. You are romantically interested in this girl. Don't waste your time passing it up hoping one day it will magically happen.

Dave, I'm telling you right now that you are becoming more of a friend to this girl than possible boyfriend material. You don't need to become her best friend. You want to become romantically involved with her. And the only way for that is to ask her on dates and eventually kiss her.

I know it's hard to grasp and you are in a really hard position to pull this off. I mean, she tells you to call, and you're already thinking about it the day before. You should call her on your terms when you're not busy. You're hitting severe friends territory and don't even know it. And once you hit it, you aren't leaving. You will never become romantic with this girl.

What you need to do is to call her up and ask her on a REAL date. Don't hide your interest. This isn't some game to see who will crack first. You have interest in her and you shouldn't be afraid to show it. Call her and say.

"Hey, I'm free Thursday night, let's go on a date to <college pizza joint>, I'll come by and get you at 7."

Simple.

You need to establish that you are romantically interested in her. If you don't, time will go by and you will become a friend who will watch as guys with the balls to ask her out, go out with her. Be one of those men with the balls to date her. I bet if she tried to kiss you, you'd lay one on her in a second. She should be feeling the same way about you. If she isn't, then there is a problem.

Listen, date her or end up being her little guy friend forever and never know if you really had a chance. If you get rejected, at least you have time to move on. Don't carry it on for a year hoping it'll be some romantic comedy magic and then get rejected. You'll realize how much time you really wasted.

Good luck man.

 

[RabidDog]

So an extreme foot fetishist, and someone that tries to steal another mans girl because of them?

...

 

[submissivedave]

Actually, I kind of feel bad about asking her "the question" about whether or not she had a BF ...

If I did kiss her she could push me away and say "Dave ... you know I have a boyfriend". I guess by asking, I have made the situation more difficult ... DAMN!

 

[honeyshark]

You should probably stop mentioning her feet. It comes across as kinda creepy. Openly admitting your fetishes, or the ones that aren't social acceptable or mentioned in a socially acceptable way is creepy. It also isn't usually a good idea to focus on body parts for compliments unless they are acquired (like muscles or whatever), and if you want to compliment I think you should make the flattery unique to her, not just "oh you have pretty x".

It seems like you want her even though she has a boyfriend. My experience is that these chicks take up more time and are generaly not worth the effort. But if you decide to go for her, forget the boyfriend and act as if he didn't exist. Basically, either respect the boyfriend and not make moves or make moves on the girl and never mention the boyfriend again. Don't take the middle path.

Peace.

 

[Mister101]

Originally posted by submissivedave
I even told her that a female friend of mine took me to gay pride last year on a dog leash having me wear pink laced panties.

Guys, this stuff just can't be for real...

 

[submissivedave]

Originally posted by Mister101
Guys, this stuff just can't be for real...

It is true ...

It's just that I felt so comfortable with her that I didn't mind telling her ... she seems to think it was interesting ...

And why can't a straight man wear pink laced panties and be led around on a leash? It is kinda fun. The reason I can do it is because I am so confident about my sexual orientation that I am not homophobic and can do it on Pride Day, a day where the gays celebrate their sexuality ...

 

[NRM]

Dave, I understand that you're confident about your sexual orientation, but you are trying to attract a girl here. And being confident about your sexual orientation or telling her that you wore pink lace panties is NOT going to attract her. It might work if you're trying to make friends. Dave, you're doing something strange. You are acting like friends with her in hopes of pursuing a romantic relationship later.

THAT IS NOT GOING TO WORK.

It just doesn't. She should not know more about you than you know about her. She does not need to know about your gay pride trips unless she's into gay pride too. She does not need to know how confident you are about your sexual orientation. To most girls, wearing lace panties just makes you look WEIRD.

You are a man. You have to act like a man to attract women. You would never hear James Bond talking about his gay pride days of wearing thongs at school. You just wouldn't. You have to be a suave confident man. She wants a man that can protect her. Ask her about her boyfriend, he won't have these interesting traits as you do.

It's nice that you feel comfortable with her. But does she feel this comfortable with you? Probably not. Your interest is so high, it's turning her off. And you're just becoming one of her GUY friends. You either need to straighten up, or forget about her. And that is true advice.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Girls with boyfriends should be treated like girls that are single. However there's one MAJOR distinction between the two. When you meet a girl you like and she's single its much easier to work your game and attract her to you.

When you meet a girl with a boyfriend you have to really be on top of your game! You not only have to attract her, you pretty much have to make her pursue you. I know all DJ's attract women and have them pursue us, but literally the girl with the bf should be calling you asking you to hang out etc.

NRM is absolutely correct here. Your coming off as a gay-guy friend with a foot fetish. No offense bro but you need to learn how to attract her to you with your ACTIONS not your words. Words can't do half the things that your actions can. So instead of revealing so much about yourself and how much you like her, why don't you just ask her to get together sometime? Do something fun and casual. The longer you wait, the closer you are to being put in the "friend zone."

I'll be honest with you right now, I don't think you have a chance with her because she's your tutor/study partner. So just because she told you to call her, it doesn't mean she's romantically interested. It means she wants to study. Secondly as I've already mentioned you made a huge mistake revealing so much about yourself so soon, especially that "gay-pride" thing. Not the image that a girl wants to hear so early on before she really knows you.

And lastly your quickly developing one-itis. That's not good bro, you need to gain control of yourself and learn how to attract women right off the bat.

You've got nothing to lose by asking her to go out with you, but I think if she accepts she'll be thinking its "as friends." And you will be thinking she wants you. I'd say go for it, but I don't think your going to get the result your hoping/praying for.




PIMP

 

[submissivedave]

Thanks guys ... you peeps are right ... I am giving of the wrong vibes ...

Hell, I think I will ask her if she'd give me a chance (to be with her) later this afternoon when I see her.

I will in fact tell her that I was slowly attracted to her. First by her comments in class, then the time we spent togather and how much I enjoy hearing and seeing her giggle ...

Thanks man!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by submissivedave
Thanks guys ... you peeps are right ... I am giving of the wrong vibes ...

Hell, I think I will ask her if she'd give me a chance (to be with her) later this afternoon when I see her.

I will in fact tell her that I was slowly attracted to her. First by her comments in class, then the time we spent togather and how much I enjoy hearing and seeing her giggle ...

Thanks man!

DOOD!!!!

Don't ask her if you can "be with her!!!"

Ask her to hang out and if she agrees then work the game from there. If your getting good signs you'll know what's up, if not then don't waste your time with a girl that's technically not available for you.



PIMP

 

[NRM]

Haha, Dave. You have totally the wrong mindset. Pimp-sicle was just telling you about how actions speak further than words. And it's true. Quit trying to find your way in through these questions. Don't ask her if you two could have a chance together, do not tell her that you were slowly attracted to her. Just don't. You don't even know if she's attracted to you and you're already spilling your guts like she's got a gun to your head and wants to hear your life story.

A girl is much more interested in a guy she isn't sure likes her than a guy who is totally into her. And that's just it. Don't let her know how you feel. Ask and go on a DATE with her. If you feel good vibes, KISS HER. That basically accomplishes all the things you want her to know. That says you're interested, want to have a chance with her, and want to be romantically exclusive with her. Don't ask girls questions with answers that you don't want to hear. Go with the benefit of the doubt. When you ask questions, her conscience will take over, she knows she has a boyfriend, she knows the correct answer to your questions. And none of them will be in your favor.

GO WITH ACTIONS MAN.

This is probably all crazy and bold to you, but you need to understand. Any hope you have will be with the moves you take, not the words you say. Letting her tell you that she isn't interested in you because of her boyfriend is worse than taking away a kiss and making her think if she's interested of you.

The more time you give her to think before you do something, the more guilty she will feel. If she has interest in you, then she'll go with it. If she doesn't, she WILL reject you and she WILL push you away. Stop looking for an easy way out, there is none.

I think you need a crash course in what it means to be a man and how to attract women. You should try reading the DJ Bible on the top of the page. I haven't read much of it, but it's helped a lot of people here.

 

[submissivedave]

I think I am done ...

I called at 2:30 PM and she said she'd call me back at around 3:30 PM as she was having lunch ...

And it's already 4:00PM ...

I guess I am done ...

Thank you all for your invaluable input ...

I am a sad man. Hope it won't affect me when I write my exam tomorrow ...

 

[submissivedave]

Seems like my hopes are still alive!!!

She just called even though its 7:15 PM. She said after lunch she headed home to take a nap and woke up an hour ago ...

She even invited me to study with her at the Second Cup close by campus ...

I feel so much better, I know I will do well on my exam!!!

Cheers to al!!!

I am a happy man!

 

[dietzcoi]

Your are going down the road to be a super AFC with one-itis.

You won't listen to us, prepare to crash and burn.

Dietzcoi

 

[backbreaker]

Roger 10-40 to base we have a S(super)-AFC preparing to take an emergency crash landing in the middle of the desert... Over

Base: Rodger that 10-40, this is going to be a tough landing, looks like the tip of your plane is over is dipping downards, your going to go in face first. How did this happen? Over...


10-40: 10-40 to base, looks like we were ramsacked with a couple of LJBF missles, we tried to put our C&F blockades up, but there were just too many missles to combat. Then she threw a LTRBF scud at us and it was all downhill from there.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

DAVE: Your letting this ONE girl who already is with another guy DICTATE your happiness. Never good!!!

You have MAJOR one-itis and its going to kill you when you finally find out that she's not interested in you romantically!!! This is going to sound harsh but I'm going to fuvkin' say it anyways.

THIS GIRL DOES NOT LIKE YOU!!! SHE IS HELPING YOU STUDY AND THAT'S IT!! SHE'S NOT STUPID SHE KNOWS YOU LIKE HER AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE IT AKWARD BY FLAT OUT TELLING YOU SHE'S NOT INTERESTED. THAT'S WHY SHE TOLD YOU SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.


GO MEET NEW GIRLS BEFORE YOU HAVE TO BUY A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF KLEENEX FOR YOUR GRIEVING THAT IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.



PIMP

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by submissivedave
It is true ...

It's just that I felt so comfortable with her that I didn't mind telling her ... she seems to think it was interesting ...

And why can't a straight man wear pink laced panties and be led around on a leash? It is kinda fun. The reason I can do it is because I am so confident about my sexual orientation that I am not homophobic and can do it on Pride Day, a day where the gays celebrate their sexuality ...

Tell me...did she mention the boyfriend BEFORE or AFTER you broke out the "pink lace panties" anecdote?

This reminds me of that one Seinfeld episode where the one guy starts talking about poop or something on a date and the girl he's with mentions her boyfriend in passing.