A girl got cheated on, do I have a chance with her?

[Vitanoid]

Right now, I appear to be someone smart, curious, honest, etc. But I criticized her when she acted like a brat. I acted like her compliments about me were obvious.

When she told me, I replied with stuff like "I would never cheat on a lover, what kinda ***** would do anything like that?". We talked about how it was hard to find friends one could trust.

Her trust got broken between her bf and her. She confessed some pretty shocking stuff to me. I mean she confessed the trauma she has been through, that's the most she could ever confess.

Think I can build that bridge of trust between me and her while the one with her bf is still unrepaired?

 

[Teko]

Well if there is some kind of chemistry between you two, then you should definitely try.

I had a similair thing a few weeks ago, a girl from school who has a boyfriend (1,5 years). Boyfriend didnt gave her that much attention, he did gave some attention to other girls. There was a'lot of tension between me and her, we both felt attracted to eachother. We talked a lot and this one night we kissed. She got confused, she called me very often since that night. I spended a sh!tload of time with her. But she listened to her girlfriends and choose for her boyfriend, because they where together for a long time.

What I am trying to say is, If they have a relationship for a long period, and she still cares about him, chances are that she wil choose for him. You will be the person who listens to her problems and her bf will f$ck the sh!t out of her.
You also said"We talked about how it was hard to find friends one could trust" She could see you as a 'friend she can trust' and she may not want to ruin that.
Try to find out if she still likes the guy, maybe he f%cked up so bad that she wants to break up. Then you can make your move and get closer to her. When you get closer to her you can escalate and show her that you want more. Just dont waste to much of your time on a girl with a bf

 

[OamImrsNemo]

My personal opinion. Don't fvck with her. Not cool to fvck with somone elses girl.

If she becomes single then go for it. Karma is a b!tch.

If you try stealing another mans woman..It will happen to you and until it does

it will always be in the back of your head when? If you do manage to get her what kind of loyality do you think she will bring to the relationship?

 

[Vitanoid]

Well if there is some kind of chemistry between you two, then you should definitely try.

I had a similair thing a few weeks ago, a girl from school who has a boyfriend (1,5 years). Boyfriend didnt gave her that much attention, he did gave some attention to other girls. There was a'lot of tension between me and her, we both felt attracted to eachother. We talked a lot and this one night we kissed. She got confused, she called me very often since that night. I spended a sh!tload of time with her. But she listened to her girlfriends and choose for her boyfriend, because they where together for a long time.

What I am trying to say is, If they have a relationship for a long period, and she still cares about him, chances are that she wil choose for him. You will be the person who listens to her problems and her bf will f$ck the sh!t out of her.
You also said"We talked about how it was hard to find friends one could trust" She could see you as a 'friend she can trust' and she may not want to ruin that.
Try to find out if she still likes the guy, maybe he f%cked up so bad that she wants to break up. Then you can make your move and get closer to her. When you get closer to her you can escalate and show her that you want more. Just dont waste to much of your time on a girl with a bf

Sounds good bro, thanks. I'll give her some hints that I'm interested in her, and see how she reacts. That will prove that I am not a friend she can trust, but a potential bf she can trust. Got some ideas?

 

[Vitanoid]

My personal opinion. Don't fvck with her. Not cool to fvck with somone elses girl.

If she becomes single then go for it. Karma is a b!tch.

If you try stealing another mans woman..It will happen to you and until it does

it will always be in the back of your head when? If you do manage to get her what kind of loyality do you think she will bring to the relationship?

Her bf doesn't care about her and she knows it. I doubt he is as attractive as I am anyway. So I am better than him in both ways, sexual and emotional.

Why do I care enough to steal her? She is not only cute and crazy, but I can make her emotionally dependent upon me, and eventually control her by withdrawing my attention from her when I am dissatisfied.

 

[Igetit!]

Right now, I appear to be someone smart, curious, honest, etc.

While these are all good qualities to have,this isn't what girls look for when deciding on a guy to date.

First and foremost,they look for attraction/chemistry,or a "spark",and that's #1 above ALL ELSE. The "being smart" and honest and faithful are all secondary.


If she doesn't feel any attraction/chemistry for you,she won't stick around long enough to find out how smart,curious,or honest you are.

When she told me, I replied with stuff like "I would never cheat on a lover, what kinda ***** would do anything like that?".

So when she told you that her boyfriend cheated on her,you told her that you would never do anything like that.


You shouldn't have said that to her. In fact,what in the world are you doing even talking to her about her relationship issues in the first place?


That's what girls do with their GIRLFRIENDS,not guys they're interested in.




This isn't definate,but there's a GOOD CHANCE that you have absolutely NO CHANCE with this girl.

Her trust got broken between her bf and her. She confessed some pretty shocking stuff to me. I mean she confessed the trauma she has been through, that's the most she could ever confess.

Yep,I was right. It's over with. Looks like another classic case of the friendzone.

You....

Talking to her about her relationship issues
having her confess "shocking details" to you
having her tell you about "traumas" she's had to go through....

Yeah,it's over with dude.


You've done NOTHING to generate any type of interest or attraction in this girl towards you. All you've done is be her emotional tampon,someone she can come to and dump all her emotional issues and trash on.

Think I can build that bridge of trust between me and her while the one with her bf is still unrepaired?

"Trust" isn't the issue here,attraction is. This girl isn't ATTRACTED to you.


You're wasting your time with this girl. Don't be surprised if this girl comes up to you sometime in the near future telling you about how much she loves her boyfriend and how happy she is with him.


You need to take a look at the DJ Bible. Right now you're TOTALLYCLUELESS. That's not an insult man,it's just the truth.

You simply don't understand what's going on here.

I know you're new here,so once you stick around and check out some of the other threads,and see the advice given from other members,you'll understand what I mean.

 

[JerryFl08]

^^^ exactly what he said word for word... Don't feel down though, just stick around to this site and read some other posts, because yes like igetit said you're totally CLUELESS.. There won't be a chance with this girl again, just move on and get a better understanding of how girls work. You'll understand your situation to why we're saying you have no chance with this girl, just stick around and read the DJ bible

 

[Captain]

1. Stop thinking so much.
2. Stop talking to her about this sh!t, stop being her emotional tampon.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Why do I care enough to steal her? She is not only cute and crazy, but I can make her emotionally dependent upon me, and eventually control her by withdrawing my attention from her when I am dissatisfied.

Don't act so high and mighty compared to this other dude when your intentions seem to be far from benevolent.

 

[Vitanoid]

While these are all good qualities to have,this isn't what girls look for when deciding on a guy to date.

First and foremost,they look for attraction/chemistry,or a "spark",and that's #1 above ALL ELSE. The "being smart" and honest and faithful are all secondary.


If she doesn't feel any attraction/chemistry for you,she won't stick around long enough to find out how smart,curious,or honest you are.


I know about the spark. But that's not something I had a chance to show off yet.

So when she told you that her boyfriend cheated on her,you told her that you would never do anything like that.


You shouldn't have said that to her. In fact,what in the world are you doing even talking to her about her relationship issues in the first place?

We didn't really discuss it. She told me a bunch of stuff that happened to her and that's what I commented on the cheating. Why the hell wasn't it the right thing to do? Further explanation please.

That's what girls do with their GIRLFRIENDS,not guys they're interested in.

This isn't definate,but there's a GOOD CHANCE that you have absolutely NO CHANCE with this girl.

Well that's great cause I am going to attempt to prove you wrong!

Yep,I was right. It's over with. Looks like another classic case of the friendzone.

You....

Talking to her about her relationship issues
having her confess "shocking details" to you
having her tell you about "traumas" she's had to go through....

Yeah,it's over with dude.


You've done NOTHING to generate any type of interest or attraction in this girl towards you. All you've done is be her emotional tampon,someone she can come to and dump all her emotional issues and trash on.



"Trust" isn't the issue here,attraction is. This girl isn't ATTRACTED to you.


You're wasting your time with this girl. Don't be surprised if this girl comes up to you sometime in the near future telling you about how much she loves her boyfriend and how happy she is with him.


You need to take a look at the DJ Bible. Right now you're TOTALLYCLUELESS. That's not an insult man,it's just the truth.

You simply don't understand what's going on here.

I know you're new here,so once you stick around and check out some of the other threads,and see the advice given from other members,you'll understand what I mean.

I know what's going on. I am currently in the "long-term relationship" category.

But we barely started. That was my first real conversation with her. Next conversation, I will be sure to add more spark and "convert" her. I will not take failure personally. I have not heard of many conversions, and I am just an amateur for now.

You keep mentioning the don juan bible...link me to it. I already read a ton of stuff, but reading more won't hurt.

 

[CaptainJ]

I know what's going on. I am currently in the "long-term relationship" category.

aka the friendzone

 

[Igetit!]

I know about the spark. But that's not something I had a chance to show off yet.

This ISN'T true.

You've had PLENTY of time to create this "spark" in this girl,but you've been too busy chatting away with her over her relationship issues and traumas she's had to endure. And another thing...

Women choose guys based off of their emotions,based on how they feel. So if the ENTIRE TIME you've been around this girl,you've never created attraction in her,then THAT'S what her decision will be based on,not how faithful you can be or how smart you are.


You say that you haven't "had a chance" to show off a spark yet. Then it's that simple,it's over with. It's just like if I'm so busy running around doing errands,driving around from place to place,and I didn't "have a chance" to put any gas in my car.


Well if I don't put any gas in my car,then what do you think is going to happen? You think my car will "understand" that I've been preoccupied with other things and continue running for me out of understanding and pity?


Course not. If my car is out of gas,it's going to stop running...PERIOD,for WHATEVER REASON.



Same thing with a girl. If she doesn't feel any chemistry for you,for WHATEVER REASON,she won't be interested....PEROID.

I know what's going on. I am currently in the "long-term relationship" category.

Huh? Where did you get this from?

You need to get on that DJ Bible reading quick. Are you serious about this? Dude,she's ALREADY IN a long term relationship.


Her boyfriend ALREADY HAS what she's looking for in a guy,minus the cheating. If he didn't,she wouldn't have AGREED TO being his girlfriend.

But we barely started. That was my first real conversation with her. Next conversation,I will be sure to add more spark and "convert" her.

Oh,so you plan to "add more spark" to the convo the next time you speak to her.

It's too late.


It's too late dude. If you do this now,all you'll do is come off as being weird because you'll be acting different. You'll run risk of creeping her out.

That,plus she's going to need SOMEONE to continue listening to her complain about her boyfriend and listen to her talk about all the traumas and pains she had in life. And who do you think that person will be?

You keep mentioning the don juan bible...link me to it. I already read a ton of stuff, but reading more won't hurt.

Go to the bottom of this page,and it's the first link on the left.



Oh yeah,and that thing about why you shouldn't have told her you'd never cheat on a lover after she told you about her boyfriend cheating on her...you sounded like you were trying to qualify yourself to her,like you were "hinting" that since her boyfriend cheated on her,that maybe she should get with you,since you'd never do that.



We're MEN dude. We don't "hint" to women. Hints and "signals" are what girls use to communicate interest. We just come out and tell them what WE want.

aka the friendzone

Bingo Capin".

 

[eaglez1177]

I couldnt agree more with what Igetit said.

@Vitanoid: I suggest you listen to every piece of his advice. He knows what hes talking about and he has experience.

 

[888]

like everyone else has been saying, don't get stuck on this one girl. However, I wouldn't drop her entirely. my policy concerning girls with boyfriends is to toy with them but never actually seriously go after them. I don't stop talking to them; its just too much fun to mess with their heads. I like f*cking with people, I don't know if this is something specific to me or if other people enjoy it also, but I personally think its loads of fun. Here's something you can try just for the hell of it:

people tend to disagree in conversations more often than not. if you say to her "well i'm sure theres SOME good qualities about him," if she's angry enough at her boyfriend, she'll say "no theres not! heres all the bad stuff about him... blahblaalhalhalh" and then just keep egging her on by "trying-but-failing" to convince her of how good her boyfriend is.

Eventually you'll get her to REALLY, STRONGLY dislike her boyfriend.

Then when she turns to you and begins to show interest in you...push her away and go flirt with other girls and make her chase you down...or just go for the other girls because they're probably hotter anyway. You need to realize that most of the time the "attraction" you feel towards someone is usually just from emotional investment. From an objective standpoint, you can ALWAYS get hotter girls, just "invest" in them a little bit and you'll start to see. Make sure you always always have other options, you need to be the one choosing who does and who doesn't get to have you. After all, you are a man. Historically, this is what men do.

 

[Vitanoid]

This ISN'T true.

You've had PLENTY of time to create this "spark" in this girl,but you've been too busy chatting away with her over her relationship issues and traumas she's had to endure. And another thing...

Women choose guys based off of their emotions,based on how they feel. So if the ENTIRE TIME you've been around this girl,you've never created attraction in her,then THAT'S what her decision will be based on,not how faithful you can be or how smart you are.


You say that you haven't "had a chance" to show off a spark yet. Then it's that simple,it's over with. It's just like if I'm so busy running around doing errands,driving around from place to place,and I didn't "have a chance" to put any gas in my car.


Well if I don't put any gas in my car,then what do you think is going to happen? You think my car will "understand" that I've been preoccupied with other things and continue running for me out of understanding and pity?


Course not. If my car is out of gas,it's going to stop running...PERIOD,for WHATEVER REASON.



Same thing with a girl. If she doesn't feel any chemistry for you,for WHATEVER REASON,she won't be interested....PEROID.


Okay I get it.

Huh? Where did you get this from?

You need to get on that DJ Bible reading quick. Are you serious about this? Dude,she's ALREADY IN a long term relationship.

Her boyfriend ALREADY HAS what she's looking for in a guy,minus the cheating. If he didn't,she wouldn't have AGREED TO being his girlfriend.

There is one thing that's missing, trust.

Oh,so you plan to "add more spark" to the convo the next time you speak to her.

It's too late.


It's too late dude. If you do this now,all you'll do is come off as being weird because you'll be acting different. You'll run risk of creeping her out.

I don't think so. I had some spark last convo. Not enough, but next time, I will add plenty.

That,plus she's going to need SOMEONE to continue listening to her complain about her boyfriend and listen to her talk about all the traumas and pains she had in life. And who do you think that person will be?

I am now valuable to her. I have what her bf doesn't. She could just do what you said and have both, her bf and a guy she can trust, but that's not gonna happen. I will make it clear that it's either her deceptive bf or trustable me.

I'm obviously the more valuable one. But I must, like you said, show more spark. I showed some, but not enough.

Go to the bottom of this page,and it's the first link on the left.



Oh yeah,and that thing about why you shouldn't have told her you'd never cheat on a lover after she told you about her boyfriend cheating on her...you sounded like you were trying to qualify yourself to her,like you were "hinting" that since her boyfriend cheated on her,that maybe she should get with you,since you'd never do that.

She didn't comment on it and she is pretty stupid so I guess she didn't think about it.

We're MEN dude. We don't "hint" to women. Hints and "signals" are what girls use to communicate interest. We just come out and tell them what WE want.

Bingo Capin".

qpdb

 

[Igetit!]

Well it's pretty clear that you're not going to listen to any reason,common sense,or sound advice from the forum,but that's ok,it's to be expected from new members.


At least take a look at the DJ Bible though.

There is one thing that is missing though,trust.

This may be true. Her boyfriend cheating on her most likely did injure any trust she may have had for him,but you know what?

She's still with him. They're still sleeping together....even with the trust being missing.

I am now valuable to her.

You're starting to get ridiculous now. You say that you're valuable to her simply because she wants to keep talking to you about her problems and issues? How does that help you as far as dating her is concerned?

That's a weak mindset to have. You say "I am now valuable to her" as if it's a good thing,even though that value is as an emotional tampon.

I have what her bf doesn't.

What,you mean "trust"? You mean the fact that she'll open up and tell you intimate details about herself?

Dude,so what? This "thing" that you have that her boyfriend doesn't,what good is it doing you if she's still in a relationship with this other guy?



You have something her boyfriend doesn't have and that thing is called trust.

Well her boyfriend has something you don't have,and that thing is called a "PENIS".


He has SEXUAL value,while you have "listen to my problems" value.

And apparently you seem to be fine with that.

I'm obviously the more valuable one.

Really? According to who?

If you have so much value,then why is she still in bed with and in the arms of this other guy?


They say that experience is the best teacher. You NEED TO go through what you're about to go through.

Go ahead and pursue her. You'll find out first hand what everyone here was trying to tell you.

 

[Vitanoid]

I don't know if they're still sleeping together. I will attempt to attract her and tell you guys about the experience. Doing something is better than doing nothing at all.

 

[Vitanoid]

I sent her a message and showed some spark, how should I reply when she tells me she was crying in her room because of depression.

 

[Vitanoid]

"It isn't cute to be depressed, stay happy, especially when you're around me."

Did I say the right thing?

 

[OamImrsNemo]

You are over anylyzing this. Honestly you are so concerned about getting with this 1 girl.

Trust me don't do what I just did!

You have oneitis for sure. Just back out clean while you can and start spinning plates.