A Friend with Benefits Loses Her "Friend" and her "Benefits" Status

[horaholic]

I'm left wondering what the real truth is about this Stacy girl. Does she exist? Did you really fvck her? Does she really have HIV? What does this Stacy think about her HIV status being thrown out like this (true or not). I think Stacy has some ass to kick!

 

[ketostix]

Str8up can you go into more details about the parking lot encounter and how FWB found out etc.. where you there? Usually you go into detail but you didn't this time.



As an aside, I remember you talking about the mutual friend from way back. And at the time I thought she was interested in you. I didn't mention it but I suspected that it could be possible you were somewhat "setup" by the FWB and mutual friend. FWB knows your history with mutual friend and I'm sure mutual friend and FWB talked about you, something just seems up that FWB left mutual friend behind alone knowing you were about to be there. Maybe FWB wanted to share a winner :cheer: lol. It doesn't look like the case now with FWB throwing a fit, but if you think about how she might have wanted to manufacture drama then it's still possible.

 

[STR8UP]

Okay....you guys are gonna LOVE this....

Went out with the friend tonite since she's leaving town for work in a day or two.

She shows me text messages from the FWB detailing the HIV thing, also claims this chick that I supposedly nailed has herpes. haha what a joke.

Friend goes on to tell me that FWB referred to me as "her d!ck" (sounds like she had strong romantic feeling for me, huh?) and that SHE has genital herpes. That is why the friend was so concerned when we were fukking and the rubber slipped off for a minute. Could she be mud slinging? Possible, but everything she said was congruent. I believe her.

And the herpes thing doesn't really scare me.....we wrapped it every time and with the number of women I have been with odds are that I have been with chicks who have it in the past anyway. But isn't it protocol to inform a sexual partner of this?

So now this chick won't have sex again until she gets fully tested. Chalk one up for the FWB....mission accomplished. Temporarily anyway.

Come to find out the FWB also lied to me in the past about the BFF's relationship situation and her ability to have children, which is part of the reason I stopped pursuing her. Pretty slick.

Str8up can you go into more details about the parking lot encounter and how FWB found out etc.. where you there? Usually you go into detail but you didn't this time.

I wasn't there. The friend told me about the parking lot confrontation. This is where the FWB referred to me as "her d!ck", haha. Cvnt.

Anyway, I guess the friend came straight out and told her. I think it was a one-up thing. A cat fight over me. Go figure.

I didn't mention it but I suspected that it could be possible you were somewhat "setup" by the FWB and mutual friend. FWB knows your history with mutual friend and I'm sure mutual friend and FWB talked about you, something just seems up that FWB left mutual friend behind alone knowing you were about to be there. Maybe FWB wanted to share a winner lol. It doesn't look like the case now with FWB throwing a fit, but if you think about how she might have wanted to manufacture drama then it's still possible.

Best friend mentioned that she thinks it might have been on purpose, but I don't think it was. She DID ask me to come up to the bar several times, and she KNEW that the friend and I had a history, but I think it's far fetched to say that it was purposeful.

I'm left wondering what the real truth is about this Stacy girl. Does she exist? Did you really fvck her? Does she really have HIV? What does this Stacy think about her HIV status being thrown out like this (true or not). I think Stacy has some ass to kick!

She is a coworker of the FWB that I met awhile back who seemed to be interested in me, but the FWB c0ckblocked and I never did fukk her. For some reason all of this chick's friends have been interested in me. I'm an allright guy, but that's kind of wierd.

We were talking about the HIV thing tonite, and neither one of us thinks she's telling the truth. I mean, if it WERE true, FWB would have mentioned it to me out of spite as well. She said nothing.

I am about THIS close to looking up Stacy again and letting her know what is being said about her. I'm not the vindictive type (especially if it won't accomplish anything), but in this case it's a pretty serious accusation. It's one thing to tell a rumor that I have slept with such and such, it's another thing to say "and she is HIV positive".

 

[horaholic]

So your ex FWB didnt have a problem sleeping with you after you supposedly banged HIV-positive Stacy, and whoever else that had herpes? (I admit Im kind of confused as to which chick had what disease, lol!) Rumor debunked right there if you ask me. I would definitely tell Stacy what is being said, if I were you. That has nothing to do with being vindictive, either.

 

[ketostix]

So your ex FWB didnt have a problem sleeping with you after you supposedly banged HIV-positive Stacy, and whoever else that had herpes? (I admit Im kind of confused as to which chick had what disease, lol!)

I was a little confused too, but I think supposedly Stacy is HIV-positive and has herpes. Also FWB said she herself has herpes I think. So FWB told mutual friend that Str8up has been exposed to HIV and herpes by Stacy and by herpes again from FWB, I think.

Hey Str8up, wouldn't the fix be for you to get tested and show mutual friend the clear results, and then mutual friend will keep on banging you?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

What's wrong IQQI, did the boys kick you off NLG recently?

No, we love her. She's always busy making cookies and juice for us boys while we synergize ideas on how to reach the "NEXT LEVEL".

Everyday is like an episode of Pinky and the Brain at NLG.

A 40 year old man "getting back" at a woman he is intimate with by fvcking her best friend + an upset woman saying a spiteful rumor out of anger and pain = high school drama.

Personally I wouldn't get involved in situations like this. Drama can only arise when people seek it out. I've fu*ked plenty of hot women in my life and I can honestly tell you that I've had spats with a very small majority. The standards I set for a drama free lifestyle are pretty high and I've turned a lot of situations down to avoid it. (There's was a situation I purposely put myself in to see how it played out a few weeks ago with a drama starved chick) I'm backing out of it now BECAUSE I KNOW what it will bring me: MORE DRAMA (Btw, Iqqi she said she wanted to have sex with me when I gave her a ride home..I know..stupid me. I shouldn't have given her a ride)

I'm telling you STR8, you associate yourself with women like this, and you lump them in with people who have standards. I really think that's a big mistake. Not every girl is like this.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I see iqqi wants my c0ck again. Once she is finished "delivering a proper perspective", of course.

You want it one-sided again, like you always do?

Just so IQQI and her beta boy followers understand this correctly, I was NOT "retaliating" when I banged her friend. Her friend might have been, but I was just tearing into a piece of meat that I have been eying from a distance for quite awhile.

So her friend refusing to let you give her a ride had NOTHING to do with what you did?

Okay, so Bible says this:

It's her own damn fault for treating you so disrespectfully. If she hadn't fvcked with you like that, then you never would have fvcked her friend. And if you continued to put up with bvllsh!t like 'I need a ride, oh no wait I don't" then she would lose interest in you anyway.

He's speaking for you when he says you f*cked that girl out of revenge. Is he right in what he says? Well YOU support it.

Very true. I am adamant about not getting pissy with women since you will lose every time, but that doesn't mean that you lay down and do nothing when they get out of line.

I can understand that you don't think straight when you're drunk, but to be WAITING for a ride home and get up and jump in your car? F that. Inexcuseable. Regardless of why it happened it was a blatant disrespect of my time if a grown ass woman can't control herself I'm not going to be the one standing around with my d!ck in my hand waiting for her.

So you just reinforced what a lot of us were saying; You got angry at your friend and f*cked her BFF. Not saying that's the only reason you did it, but it was a huge factor. Are you saying if the girl had more integrity as a friend of yours you woulda' had second thoughts about banging her BFF? I've never been in that situation.

I've had people close to me in that situation - the same situation you're in. For the most part, I've been involved with girls who don't pull sh*t like that. Rare times when it HAS happened I'd drop them instantly. (this is all after my first EX. Ever since then I've hired LAX screeners to check my women.)

I got my ass up off my comfy chair after having had very little sleep the night before from being sick, showed up within the 15 minutes I told her it would take me to get there ready to make sure her drunk ass didn't get a DUI or worse yet killed in a car accident, just to get a call from her THE SECOND I ARRIVED to pick her up, telling me "nevermind". She also basically abandoned her friend there (whom I was intimate with before the FWB) so the friend and I picked up where we left off (in my bed).

Let me paraphrase that last paragraph. It's just a huge cluster-f*ck of:

I DESERVE IT!! I DESERVE IT!! WHAAAA!! I'M A VICTIM AGAIN!!! ALL WOMEN ARE TERRIBLE!! F*CKIN' WHAAA

Again you're trying to justify the sh*t you pulled because you felt you were wronged in this situation. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have done it, but you're actually complaining that someone is spreading rumors about you? You engaged a known sociopath in battle and you're shocked?? I don't feel sorry for you at all.

I feel bad for a person walking down the street and gets mugged from behind. He didn't deserve it, he didn't see it coming. He was a victim. You on the other hand knew this was coming.

You lie with dogs and you're likely to get fleas? I'm not a dog person, but I think that's how the quote goes.

So I'm an ass hole for exercising my right as a man to have consensual sex with a woman when I have an "arrangement" with someone else? And she is justified in spreading rumors that could potentially cause me a lot of problems?

What I did was grey area "unethical". What she did was slander. My "crime" might bruise her ego for a couple of weeks, hers could potentially cost me socially and monetarily.

Well if it's a lie just shrug it off. She can't PROVE you have AIDS. I'm sure your closest friends will vouch for the truth in all of this. You can't control how people perceive you anyways. You know you don't have AIDS. Can you sue her for it? If you can, go for it.

Also, maybe this will be a lesson learned for you and the people you willingly pick to associate with?

EDIT:

I was a little confused too, but I think supposedly Stacy is HIV-positive and has herpes. Also FWB said she herself has herpes I think. So FWB told mutual friend that Str8up has been exposed to HIV and herpes by Stacy and by herpes again from FWB, I think.

Hey Str8up, wouldn't the fix be for you to get tested and show mutual friend the clear results, and then mutual friend will keep on banging you?

It's a goddamn shame it's gotten to that point, innit? Sorry, but like Iqqi said; you're 40. You should know better. I'm not saying to go out and have fun and be a kid. That's all in good.

There is a HUGE difference between "fun" and "immaturity".

 

[STR8UP]

I was a little confused too, but I think supposedly Stacy is HIV-positive and has herpes. Also FWB said she herself has herpes I think. So FWB told mutual friend that Str8up has been exposed to HIV and herpes by Stacy and by herpes again from FWB, I think.

Only one correction. Best friend already KNEW FWB has herpes. That's why she freaked out when the rubbed slipped off or a minute.

Hey Str8up, wouldn't the fix be for you to get tested and show mutual friend the clear results, and then mutual friend will keep on banging you?

I already have a scrip from my doc to have an HIV test (just to have it) with my cholesterol test so I suppose I will call her up and throw herpes on there too. Whoopdeedoo.....

The friend said the other day "It's probably best if we wait until after I get tested to have sex again", so yea, I need to put her mind at ease if I wanna keep hittin it.

I could strangle this b!tch for the HIV comment. I might be able to use my manly charm to get some before then cause it's fresh and now that I knocked it out with her the seal is broken so she wants more but man....that was a sh!tty thing to do. Just wait till I see her in a bar chatting up some dude. Better believe he's gonna know she's diseased.

Personally I wouldn't get involved in situations like this.......

I'm telling you STR8, you associate yourself with women like this, and you lump them in with people who have standards. I really think that's a big mistake. Not every girl is like this.

Um, i understand the concept of having standards. She wasn't my g/f. She was a fukk buddy. Fukk buddies tend to be women who you DON'T want as a g/f. Now are you going to tell me that guys need to pick better quality women as fukk buddies? Jeezus. You guys talk about this sh!t like it's easy to find a plethora of reasonably attractive, halfway sane women, like it's nothing to have a perfect specimen as a starter, and a team of second stringers that are almost as good waiting in the wings.

If this were true, this website, the seduction community, and everything else that revolves around the new dating landscape wouldn't exist. Do you think men needed support groups for dealing with women 50 years ago? Hell no. It was a different time then and women and men generally knew their place so if you were a halfway normal human being it wasn't rocket science to find someone who was compatible. Today feminism (etc) has made most women various degrees of undesirable. You choose to believe that we are still living in Leave it to ****** Land. Doesn't mean that's how it is.

Drama can only arise when people seek it out.

BS. Drama is INEVITABLE if you are involved with more than one woman at a time. I don't care how "drama free" the chicks are.

You want it one-sided again, like you always do?

Which implies that iqqi's opinion is even remotely valid. The fact that your camp embraces her mindless chickspeak says volumes.

So her friend refusing to let you give her a ride had NOTHING to do with what you did?

It was the reason why I ended up with the friend in the first place, but it had nothing to do with why I screwed her friend. If you read carefully you would see that I was intimate with the friend LONG before I fukked the FWB. She didn't give it up when I was kinda seeing her before, so I've been wanting to fukk her ever since. There was nothing for me to justify since I was not committed to her, so why would I have to get "revenge"?

Again you're trying to justify the sh*t you pulled because you felt you were wronged in this situation. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have done it, but you're actually complaining that someone is spreading rumors about you? You engaged a known sociopath in battle and you're shocked?? I don't feel sorry for you at all.

So I "pulled sh!t", but you "aren't saying I shouldn't have done it"? Sounds like a bit of a contradiction to me.

Known sociopath? Where do you get that from? I never knew she lied to me before this weekend.

Helloooooo......Do you understand the implications a rumor like that could have? It's one thing to call me a "player" or a "manwh0re". It's a completely different thing to imply that I have an incurable, fatal, transmissible disease. And she did it out of spite. To keep the best friend away from me. And it might have worked temporarily, but the best friend is blowing up my phone so....

It's a goddamn shame it's gotten to that point, innit? Sorry, but like Iqqi said; you're 40. You should know better. I'm not saying to go out and have fun and be a kid. That's all in good.

There is a HUGE difference between "fun" and "immaturity".

You might want to read my post on The Importance of Perspective.

If you think that there won't be any drama involved when you are desired by multiple women, then you haven't been desired by multiple women. Even if they all know the score, even if you only date multiple women from different circles, even if you do everything in your power to keep these women separated, conflict is inevitable.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If you think that there won't be any drama involved when you are desired by multiple women, then you haven't been desired by multiple women. Even if they all know the score, even if you only date multiple women from different circles, even if you do everything in your power to keep these women separated, conflict is inevitable.

In my experience this is not true at all. If you screen properly and enforce your boundries properly, there is no need for conflict or drama.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I don't think you should be surprised at all by the FWB's reaction. Sure, it's a low thing to do, but how did you expect her to react to you banging her best friend??

The danger with provoking women the way you did is that all those "hell hath no fury..." stories are 100% true, and you just don't know how far they will go. Personally, I wouldn't risk it.

As you stated, drama is inevitable when you're seeing more than one women, and I don't see a problem with doing that so long as you're prepared to deal with the fallout. But you need to be more discreet about this kind of stuff and not treat f-buddies as adversaries, for the sake of all involved.

Even if FWB didn't want to put a label on your relationship she wanted to be with you in some manner. Women don't just keep f-buddies they don't have any feelings for. I think you need to be a bit more sensitive to this; her reaction is certainly not justified but it is expected and motivated more by hurt feelings rather than spite. . .or, more accurately, hurt feelings that turned to spite.

When you push people to their breaking point, you never know what they are capable of. Be careful.

 

[STR8UP]

As you stated, drama is inevitable when you're seeing more than one women, and I don't see a problem with doing that so long as you're prepared to deal with the fallout. But you need to be more discreet about this kind of stuff and not treat f-buddies as adversaries, for the sake of all involved.

Looking back on the situation I can see what really happened.

Could the best friend have been discreet about this? Absolutely. Things would be completely different.

My take? I think she WANTED this to go down and she WANTED FWB to know. It was a claim of territory.

This wasn't a drunken, horny fukk. It was a calculated chess move. She's in relationship mode. She was prepared to sacrifice her friendship for a chance to make that happen.

Honestly.....if it were up to me it would have gone down differently, but knowing what I know now I see that the FWB situation was doomed to fail sooner rather than later, and I've been waiting for a shot with the friend anyway. There might actually be relationship potential with this one.

Maybe I feel a little bit of compassion but I don't feel remorse. I know enough about women to know that she wouldn't have hesitated to take advantage of an opportunity that might have been advantageous to her, even if it were at my expense. Her reactions to everything that transpired serve to confirm this.

Besides, when it comes down to it, who wins? The guy who takes the "high road" to preserve feelings (often at the expense of attraction), or the guy who moves through life as it suits him?

You don't have to be a total d!ckhead to succeed in this game, but at the end of the day all is fair in love and war, and it's usually the ones who play for keeps who are the winners.

 

[ketostix]

Looking back on the situation I can see what really happened.

Could the best friend have been discreet about this? Absolutely. Things would be completely different.

My take? I think she WANTED this to go down and she WANTED FWB to know. It was a claim of territory.

This wasn't a drunken, horny fukk. It was a calculated chess move. She's in relationship mode. She was prepared to sacrifice her friendship for a chance to make that happen.

I still think despite FWB ranting she probably knew that best friend had wanted this to go down and FWB probably knew you were not going to have a future with her. She also probably knew you had some interest in the best friend. Women talk a lot, especially best friends. Instead of handing you off to the best friend, FWB wanted to make a scene out of it.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

In my experience this is not true at all. If you screen properly and enforce your boundries properly, there is no need for conflict or drama.

Why didn't I just say this. For me it works...ALL THE FU*KING TIME.

Yes I'm not saying you shouldn't have done what you did. However the course you took and despite your age and experience you're actually upset that she did what she did.

You seem like a person who just reacts.

 

[decades]

how about a reality series?

 

[LovelyLady]

I already have a scrip from my doc to have an HIV test (just to have it) with my cholesterol test so I suppose I will call her up and throw herpes on there too. Whoopdeedoo.....

Did your Doctor tell you it can take up to SIX MONTHS to test positive for HIV?

From http://www.aids.org/info/testing.html:

When Should I Be Tested?
After a possible HIV exposure:
An HIV test will not detect the presence of the HIV virus immediately after exposure. Statistics show that 96% (perhaps higher) of all infected individuals will test positive within 2 to 12 weeks. In some cases, this may take up to six months. Think about this: if you got a negative test at six weeks, would you believe it? Would it make you less anxious? If so, go for it. But to be certain, you will need to be tested again at six months.

more from San Francisco AIDS Foundation
Periodic Testing:
Many people continue to engage in some degree of risky behavior, and choose to be tested for HIV periodically (every six months, every year, or every other year.)
Since the window period for developing a positive test result can be as long as six months, it would rarely make sense to be tested more often than this.

There are clear benefits to early medical attention for infection with the HIV virus. There is little agreement on how early this must be. But if you wait longer than two years, treatment of the disease may be less effective.

 

[STR8UP]

how about a reality series?

I'm in talks with a couple of studios as we speak. I'll keep you posted....

Did your Doctor tell you it can take up to SIX MONTHS to test positive for HIV?

It sounds like you might have misread what I posted- regardless of whether or not this woman has HIV I am safe....I did not have sex with her.

Anyway.....

Someone mentioned that she would probably be contacting me again. Bang on. She emailed me to tell me that she has "slept on it" and that "not much has changed" and "I might talk to you later...not now"

Then why email me woman?

This could make for another interesting study in women's behavior. She is no longer friends with the best friend, but she's still contacting me. Competition dynamic?

Women. The "worse" you treat them, the more they love you. Gotta love it.

 

[KontrollerX]

"This could make for another interesting study in women's behavior. She is no longer friends with the best friend, but she's still contacting me. Competition dynamic?

Women. The "worse" you treat them, the more they love you. Gotta love it."

No need for a new study Str8up.

This is territory already well covered.

The phrase this forum sometimes brings up goes like this "no man alive has ever hated women more than women hate eachother".

To women friendship is expendable when they've got their sights set on a goal.

And the more important lesson is that similar to how women don't give a damn about morals or concepts like "word is bond" among other male social constructs we can probably also assume that their friendships with other women are not bound by the same things that male friendships are bound by either.

 

[iqqi]

The women not being friends with each other could speak on how highly they valued each other. You on the other hand were just c0ck.

Maybe!

I know that if one of my closest friends hurt me, I'd be more upset than if some guy hurt me.

Then again, I'd not be in this situation. I've never been close with any girl who was the type to sleep with my men. It's all about personal values, and filters as well.

 

[STR8UP]

To women friendship is expendable when they've got their sights set on a goal.

And the more important lesson is that similar to how women don't give a damn about morals or concepts like "word is bond" among other male social constructs we can probably also assume that their friendships with other women are not bound by the same things that male friendships are bound by either.

To women, EVERYTHING is expendable. And I'm not saying that in a bad way. It's just a fact.

If more men understood this, they wouldn't waste so much of their lives invested in these ridiculous concepts like "unconditional love". They would know that 99% of all relationships that they experience with other human beings have a beginning and an end. They would be able to enjoy it for what it is while it is good, but not waste unnecessary energy grieving when it ends.

The thing about women and their friends though....I really think it would make for an interesting thread of its own. The was they c0ckblock each other, steal each others men, the way they engage in strategic subterfuge that seemingly destroys the relationship just to kiss and make up a few weeks later.

Then again, do we REALLY need to go there? Maybe not...