A Field Study in AttractionA Field Study In AFC and Being a Man

[FFASA]

Hi Dj's, RAFC's, AFC,s and Ladies.

I recently closed a chapter in my life, and I wanted to share it with you all. Partly in thanks for the help and encouragement over the last several years, and also to help all of our brothers who feel hurt, abused, lonely and generally pissed off.

To get the flavor of my story, let's rewind a bit. I was a DJ in college and didn't know it. Broke all the school lift records for my weight class, football, hockey, etc. I was the guy multiple girls would set up "just sex dates." That means the AFC would take her to dinner, bs with her and then walk her to MY apt. building and drop her off. Looking back, this seemed to happen because I believed this is the way it should be. C & F were my trade marks before I even knew it was called C &F.

After college I started my own company. I was 25, had every hot rod toy you could imagine and dated the prime. Everyday I would come home from work and find between 1 and 10 college women hanging out in my pool and hot tub. For the next 3 years I OWNED LIFE. Sure I had minor troubles, and I worked 70 hours a week, but damn, it was easy mentally. Ok, it's at this time I dated Miss June Hooters girl (1999) In case you care to look, a centerfold (Gallery), Miss Hawaiian Tropic (1998).... and it seems the more places these women took me, the more hot women I met. I should have learned from that (WISDOM - READ AGAIN). THEY TOOK ME PLACES. And do you know what I did? I teased, flirted and basically didn't care what anyone thought. Also, and here was the key, I believe a man should be true to HIS word. So I just kept telling them all I DIDN'T WANT to be a serious BF with them. I had too many women chasing me and I wouldn't cheat on them. They all got mad at this statement, but they kept chasing me. (WISDOM)

Now, I MET HER. For those of you who have ever put on the blinders (one-itis? sp), read this and ponder it carefully. She was 18 at the time. I was 28. She was 5'7" weighed 105 LB's with long hair past her @ss. She was as close to perfect as I have ever seen. I started dating just her. No kidding she was perfect to date. We would even meet for lunch, skip the food and head straight to sex. 4, 5, sometimes more, times a day. Everywhere. Outside my buddies house, at the lake, in her parents room, on my motorcycle at a park. It was wild, it was great, and I fell hard. I blew off everyone else. I dropped my life. It's at this time I bought another company, and asked her to marry me. She hesitated (I should have seen the red flag)... but did say yes moments later. Anyway, we were married. I became a millionaire that same year. We lived a life most couldn't dream. Travel, big home, nice cars... I would take her shopping spree's and drop 5 grand in 5 hours.

Then she wanted a child. Now, around this time she started changing. Before she was always pleased with my spending money and taking her out, but now she acted like she DESERVED even more. Anyway, she got pregnant, and born to me was my beautiful son. By the way, she hated being pregnant. She thought she looked fat. Sex stopped, and the fights started. She even wanted me to stop playing golf with the guys cause she wouldn't go and I shouldn't have fun if she was pregnant and couldn't have fun. After my son was born she left the hospital wearing size 2 Rockies. She looked great, but she thought she was fat. As it turns out, the dr.'s said she had postpar. depression. They gave her happy pills that she said made her fat. Ok, so she is withdrawn, won't talk and basically hates her situation. I end up caring for Jr., taking him to work (I had around 100 employees at this time) and being the one to feed him, bathe him, etc. The more I did, the more she resented me. Around this time the stock market started crashing. My sales were dropping and I started laying off employees.

I knew my marriage was in trouble. I sought out my pastor and tried Marriage counseling. I read every book on relationship and tried all the BS it said to do. So you guys know, it's 100% wrong. Sounds good, but it's wrong. Trying to get a person to open up when they don't want too will make you needy, clingy, weak and the will run from you. Anyway, the ex got pissed one night in a drunk stupor and left (with my son).

I thought I would explode (of course many little and not so little things to this point). Then she has the guts to tell me that I need to give her a few hundred thousand to keep her in the lifestyle she likes, and for this I can see my son once a month or so. It is at this point I the fire and rage washed over me. I looked in the mirror and saw what a weak jackass I had become. It takes energy to change, and I fueled mine with rage. I got the best lawyer in my county and I filled for divorce and custody.

After served, she filled charges on me. I was accused of abuse to her, & my son. I was accused of child porn and molesting my son (that one, not formally and I was cleared of everything - never did any of the crap she claimed). Anyway, the courts in an attempt to protect my son till we went to court kept Jr. with her. I was ordered to pay $3,600 a month in child support and she got to live in the house, etc. Within a couple of months, she had a live in BF who didn't work. No need, I paid for everything. I ended up paying over $100,000 grand for my divorce, including two PI's that gathered invaluable info on her.

During these 14 months I didn't date. Not even once. I did start studying all of the information I could find on woman and relationships (DAVID D. DYD was one of the first, and by far the best starting point). If I wasn't at work, with my son, or reading I was drunk. I got kinda fat during this. (Up to a 38 inch waist, down to 31 now)

Anyway. After a year + of hell, I went before the judge, I was given custody of my son. Now, he just turned three. So there I was, single dad, wiped out financially, company struggling, with no friends in the area, no dates and too much responsibility. Within in a few months I closed my company and filled bankruptcy. I was a millionaire by 30, and wiped out by 32.

Ok. So David D. says attraction isn't a choice. Hmmmm, so how do you push the button? C & F, but to me it's more than that. It's letting a key of your energy fit with a woman's mental lock. So, the one woman I had contact with was my ex when she picked up my son. She still lived with the guy she met during our divorce, and had a child by him. So I started busting her balls, teasing her, and watching. I practiced on all women, but she was my lab rat for all new lines and scenarios. Well, after about 6 months she wanted me back. She tried too, and I got sweet revenge. I was dating lot's of hotties, so I turned her down. I asked what she had to offer, and she didn't have an answer.... my point exactly.

(Start the theme music to Rudy) Ok, I am still practicing. Bankruptcy was hard, and I have started a new business, and it is just getting off the ground. I have stood on the edge and looked down. I thought my life was over. Currently, I have lost count of the women calling. All ages from 18 to about 47. I don't get numbers anymore.... I literally have hundreds of numbers in drawers. I can't even remember who they are half the time. So now, if a woman wants to date me she has got to ask for the number and call. They all withdraw from this at first, but when they see you start to walk away not caring, they all ask for the number. I've had hooters girls chase me into the parking lot to get it.

So here, just for you, my golden wisdom. Let it serve you. Lean not on your own understanding, nor try to project your feelings on to her.

 

[FFASA]

Part II

1) David D said it.... Attraction isn't a choice. Know you can attract them, and you can.
2) Who cares what others think. Care about not hurting someone, but not whether or not they accept you. It doesn't matter if the do or don't. There are woman who just DO NOT LIKE ME, who still have sex with me... they all say the same thing, they just can't help it, they are so attracted to me. I always respond with "Of course you are, you don't have a choice."
3) You will work out. It's stress relief and a power feeling regardless of how you ever look.
4) You do NOT want a girlfriend. No you don't. We chase that which retreats. You DO NOT WANT A GIRLFRIEND... Just act a little a little suspicious anytime she brings the subject up. This is not an act, YOU DO NOT WANT JUST ONE.
5) You will DO. In life you must act to get anything. No more thinking before hand, who cares if she shoots you down or 10000000000 people are watching you. As soon as the thought enters you head that you should meet her, talk to her etc. you will. Forget all the bs about peeling her off from the pack, reading her hand etc. Walk up with your balls in a wheelbarrow, look her in the eye, pause and say Hi. That's it. Every woman around will notice you. Even if you start talking and she has a bf. Say thank you, and walk away SLOWLY. Women want men who are courageous.
6) Be direct. No more trying to feel her out... does she like me, should I ask her out, is this the time to kiss her. All of these question really mean you don't have confidence in yourself, and you are scared of losing her or looking like a fool. You are a fool (as we all are at times) and the chances of this being that one girl are so remote you have a better chance of winning the lottery. If you want a kiss, Kiss her. If you want to sleep with her, pick her up and head to the bedroom. RESPECT NO.... never force. You have other women, no need to, but always advance.
7) Outside of her asking you to stop in a sexual advance, never listen to what she says she wants. These are test. She says she doesn't like cowboy boots, then you MUST wear them. Recently, at the start of summer I talked about shaving my head for the heat. One of my 5'2, 95 LB HB9+ said if I did, she would not date me anymore. The next day I showed up at her work (She works at Walgreens as a manager) with a shaved head. By the way, she kept dating me and thought the bald head was sexy.
8) Talk less. No bragging with women (save that for you beer and football buddies). Try to tell as little about yourself as possible. Her mind is the best weapon you have to win her. She needs to think about you, to wonder, to build a mental image of you. So attract her, be unpredictable, and give her as little information as possible to work with.
9) If a woman messes up to the point you don't date her anymore, or she leaves you, you never, ever take her back. NEVER. Word travels fast. The guys that HAVE lot's of women NEVER give past girls who f*** up the time of day.
10) Help your fellow man. Be kind to all those around you. You can be an *******, bold, a jerk whatever you want and still look out for those weaker than yourself. I hold doors for everyone if the time is right. I look men in the eye and talk to them, and I flirt with all women, even if there husbands are sitting there (light flirting). All I see and everywhere I go the people around me are my guest, and under my protection. They always respond to this.

Oh, side note. I am already teaching my son about woman. I picked him up from daycare yesterday. He is big for 3 (started hitting the weights with dad), so he is in the 4-5 class. Anyway, he was chasing a girl and getting in her face and she was acting annoyed at this. I told him to stop. He looked at me and I told him to "tease the hottie then run away". He went up and tickled her then turned and ran. Guess what that cute little girl did? SHE CHASED HIM and laughed the whole time (from annoyed to loving it in 2 seconds). I swear. The female teacher looked at me with f*** me eyes. LOL

Anway, I have read some of your struggles and I have been there. Never give up. Never stop. If you are lonely, then feel lonely, get mad, use that energy to change. It's not your size, or your income. Not the cars, or even your hair. It's your heart. What kind of heart do you have? Do you ever give up? No longer. Have heart, play hard, or go home. Luck brothers.

Brian
FFASA@AOL.com

 

[MoMurda]

Good post

 

[Knicknack]

amazing post. thanks for sharing.

 

[b's nuts]

thats a fantastic post, dumped a lot of perspective on me that I need right now. Thanks.

 

[princelydeeds]

Cool post brother, I feel you.

So after all you have been through what advice wold you give someone who was thinking about marriage? Would you get married in the near future? would you ever get married again?

Sounds like you got off pretty easy with the child support and alimony considering some other stories ive hear, do you attribute that to having good lawyers?

 

[Julian]

Damn man, id like to hear more about your successes then your failures. Looks like you went to hell and back. Mind if i asked what kind of education you have? And how you came about being an entreprenuer?

 

[MetalFortress]

Heh, your son has a good teacher :] Mind if I ask what the business you had was? And also, looking back, what would you have done differently with the marriage/relationship?

 

[FFASA]

Thanks for the compliments guys, I hope it helps you keep perspective.

"So after all you have been through what advice wold you give someone who was thinking about marriage? Would you get married in the near future? would you ever get married again?

Sounds like you got off pretty easy with the child support and alimony considering some other stories ive hear, do you attribute that to having good lawyers?"

Advice on marriage is my advice on relationships. It doesn't matter what you want, nor what should be, only what is. The strong, courageous DJ is who she is marrying. If you turn into an AFC like I did, you will either suffer my fate, or worse, you will stay with a woman who owns you. Always keep your edge.

I might get married in the future, if a woman who is my equal comes along. But here is how I see it now. Most girls are looking to use sex and looks to attract a man who can provide when they are ready to settle down. I can get sex anytime I want, and always from attractive woman. This means she has nothing to offer me. A woman I would consider would be one who CAN provide for herself, and has more of a life than the clubs on Friday and Saturday night. If she already rides motorcycles and scuba dives, and basically has outside interest, then maybe I could be with her. Now though, I have a great son who lives with me, and I date when I want, and I spend time with my friends when I want. I do not explain myself to anyone, especially females. I think I would rather keep myself single, knowing full well there will be times when I have multiple sex partners, and times when nothing is working right. That's life but my freedom I hold dear.

As far as getting off easy???? are you out of your mind. I paid $3,600 a month for over a year so she could f*** another man in my house with my son. I have custody, and I receive very little help from her. It takes time, and a 3 yr. old isn't cheap. I chose the hardest path because it was right for my son. Having a good lawyer helped. Doing everything I could to win and keeping my nose clean helped. Praying to God every day (hundreds of times a day) helped. All of these factors play into it.
"Damn man, id like to hear more about your successes then your failures. Looks like you went to hell and back. Mind if i asked what kind of education you have? And how you came about being an entreprenuer?"

LOL well, like everyone, I get "no's" and a cold shoulder sometimes. There are days my C&F just doesn't click. I don't care, if it was always easy I would get bored. Successes with women is coming so easy now it's hard to pick times. I mean, I go out to a restaurant, and have 3 or 4 waitresses coming by to chat. I have my pick of the single ones, and sometimes the not so single ones. Here is the funny thing.... I am always telling them to hurry up and that they are messing up any chance with me. I tell them to not touch my food, and I never sit where they want to seat me. Basically, I am a FUN pain in the @ss. It is these same girls who tell me how "nice" and "sweet" I am. LOL it kills me.

As far as education, I graduated with the lowest grade point average my school had ever passed in Mechanical Engineering. Starting your own company is hard. I owned an engineering, design and mfg. company for 7 years. Started with just one employee (ME) and almost starved the first year. Currently I have started a Mortgage Brokerage company with a friend. I learned about money in the first business, now that's all I deal with.

Thanks again guys for letting me share, and return just a small part of the kindness many people have showed me during my battles.

 

[LT1]

Wow, you have an amazing story that needs to be heard by all RAFCs and DJs! In essence you are a textbook example of the DJ role-model.

Your view on women is something I agree with completely.

Also, the fact that you became a millionaire then lost it all within a couple of years, then got back up and began again is a testimony to your determination to succeed (Have you read Rich Dad Poor Dad?).

Excellent post FFASA!

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by FFASA
As far as getting off easy???? are you out of your mind. I paid $3,600 a month for over a year so she could f*** another man in my house with my son. I have custody, and I receive very little help from her. It takes time, and a 3 yr. old isn't cheap.

Oops that came off the wrong way, didnt mean to say you got off easy. Thats a ton of money. Waaaaay too much I dont care how much money you were making. I have some friends who play in the NFL and ive heard of much worse child support/alimony payments. Hey I know a guy who makes $60k/year he pays around $2300/month I was speaking comparatively. Considering the amount of money you had, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. One guy I know who plays in the nfl pays his ex $17,000/month, they were married 6 years and have two kids.

 

[Ded_Skin_Mask13]

Why the hell did I have to read your post, especially when I'm about to go to school?!?! You've just made me turn into SUPER DJ mode!!!!!!


Best post all month.

 

[MaGiC_PiMp_69]

hey i love your post man. this is one of the most inspirational posts i've read. I just wanna ask since u read a lot about dating/relationships. what do you think of this site?

 

[FFASA]

"Also, the fact that you became a millionaire then lost it all within a couple of years, then got back up and began again is a testimony to your determination to succeed (Have you read Rich Dad Poor Dad?)."

I have read Rich Dad, Poor Dad.... and it's a good perspective, although it doesn't give much practical info, it does help you think in different paradigms. My favorite business book is Harvey McKay's Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive. Good entrepreneur perspective on life and business.

"hey i love your post man. this is one of the most inspirational posts i've read. I just wanna ask since u read a lot about dating/relationships. what do you think of this site?"

Thank you. I really like this site, and wish there could be a time we could all meet up, have a few beers and swap war stories. Knowing we are all over the globe makes that impractical but anyone around the Dallas area can drop me a line.

The one major problem I have seen with this site is also one of it's greatest strengths (a tragic flaw if you will). Too many perspectives. From my experience, it is easy to read who knows what they are doing, and who doesn't, but there is lot's of conflicting info. Mostly situational with people asking what to do in different scenarios. This however is one of it's greatest strengths though, as it does help when you read about different thoughts on approaching and handling women, even if it doesn't fit with what I already know. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.

I have a new story on picking up women. Yesterday I was having lunch with a "high rolling" Commercial developer about a couple of multimillion dollar deals I am hoping to fund. Anyway, just as the food arrived, he asked for some critical info on a 36 unit complex. Now, I am aggressive, and I want the business, so I asked him to excuse me, went to the lobby and called my assistant to have her start pulling the info I needed. While I was on my cell, I noticed the manager of this trendy establishment in the lobby. While I was on the phone getting terms and interest rates I approached her, and said hello. She was Russian, and I speak just a little from my trip there a few years ago, so I told her she was attractive in her language (typically I would NOT start this way, but besides asking her to f*** it's all I could remember). She blushed. Then I asked if she was single. She stared at me, and I refused to look away. My assistant started giving me the info and I asked her to hold on. I wasn't about to let this moment slip away. So I kept looking at her and asked again "Are you single." She hesitated then said yes. I gave her my pen and told her to write her number down. As she was doing this she kept saying "But I have a boyfriend...." So I stopped her writing and asked again "are you single." She said yes, and I gently pulled my hand down and she finished the number. After getting the number I got my info, finished the call and went back to the table to close my deal. She stopped by a couple of times to check on me and my guest, and I introduced her like an old friend. Before I left she asked when I would call her, to which I just looked deep in her eyes, smiled very mischievously and walked away.

Usually I only get numbers when the situation calls. Last night while out with friends I gave my number out 3 times, and had 3 or 4 try to give me their numbers. I told them all I don't call girls. So how I go about each woman depends on the woman, the setting, and what my agenda is.

Remember, have balls so big you must carry them around in a wheelbarrow. Later