A few things that are bugging me

[The Comeback Kid]

As I continue my quest for women, I'm trying to strengthen my inner game, which is either hit or miss. There are a few little issues, or "inconsistencies" that are bugging me, hopefully you can help clear them up for me.
.
1.) People would rather burn bridges than try to mend them. I'm generally a laid-back, calm, collected guy. The only negative with this mindset is that some people feel they can walk all over you. Nothing draws my ire more than blatant disrespect. When someone tries to walk over me (and it's not tough to tell), I let them know that I feel they are trying to take advantage of me and I don't appreciate it. I'm stern, but direct; I don't get personal and will only talk about the situation at hand. Normally, it seems the other person would try to ease tensions or work towards a solution. In my recent experiences, the other person torches the bridge and won't talk to me ever again. Maybe these people were only around to try and take advantage of me, but wound up disappointed. Although I have a muscular physique and feel confident in my abilities, are there any vibes one can give off that opens the door for others to try and walk over? I don't want to become a major prick, but I may have to slide in that direction if these sort of things continue. It's like I'm not allowed to get mad!:cuss:

2.) Tough times socializing on Facebook! Doesn't make sense, right? I don't get it either. For whatever reason, I've had a very tough time talking to girls on this very social site, and it's not even just flirting - just regular talking sometimes (i.e. a question for a class, something at work, etc.). I'll meet a girl somewhere or I get to know them a little, I'll add them as a friend on Facebook, when the time is right I'll say hey and mention something that relates to them and has its own uniqueness. (I add a little flavor to it)." Unfortunately, I don't really get any feedback. I'll make open-ended statements or bust them on something they did while we were both around...nothing. I admit that I'm much better in person when it comes to human relations, but I don't really get the drop-off here. Any advice for online flirting or communicating with women? I have some friends who I have NEVER seen talk to a girl, and they do just fine here.

3.) I feel I've become intimidating. Three years ago, I was a scrawny high school graduate who girls used to laugh at and guys used to pretend to rough up. After my vow to hit the gym and change my image, things have changed. The girls who used to laugh now look like they bet on their life savings and lost (they go to the same gym as I do). The guys who used to push me around look like :nervous: . While it's good to see I'm improving myself, my concern is with NEW people that I meet. I've never really grasped how people can feel "intimidated" by others...what does it really consist of? I have a feeling some people won't open up to me or tell me how they're really feeling due to being intimidated (my roommate last year said he won't lash out at me if something came up because I can throw him through a wall). I don't go around glaring and menacing people though, I feel I'm an amicable guy.

I understand that due to some horrific and traumatizing past experiences, I have some inner demons that affect my inner game. It's probably my biggest weakness. I take things too personally and remember way too much of my past. If anyone can clear up some of the little issues that are on my mind, I'd really appreciate it.

 

[prairiedog24]

Wow man, every word of that sounds like me. I've never tried to start a relationship on facebook, but everything else is accurate. I'd try to offer advice on this one, but it'd totally be the blind leading the blind. =)

Edit: ok not every word. I don't facebook much at all. lol I mostly just mean being calm and laid back. Not too much bothers me, but I still have people causing drama around me all the time. It's weird.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Wow man, every word of that sounds like me. I've never tried to start a relationship on facebook, but everything else is accurate. I'd try to offer advice on this one, but it'd totally be the blind leading the blind. =)

haha I never said I tried to start a relationship on Facebook. I know the other person first, talk to them a couple of times, then I'll add them. I see Facebook as something that helps keep people in touch, not as a ways to begin something.

As for the thread in general, I feel some of these "inner demons" are holding me back. I've done well when it comes to school, my career path (internships) and living a responsible life, but socially things are more of a roller-coaster. This thread isn't one about "how do I get women?" It's more about improving myself, getting rid of these things bugging my mind, and going from there.

 

[LinkinParkROX]

I understand that due to some horrific and traumatizing past experiences, I have some inner demons that affect my inner game. It's probably my biggest weakness. I take things too personally and remember way too much of my past. If anyone can clear up some of the little issues that are on my mind, I'd really appreciate it.

Bro, get rid of these feelings & inner demons first. You've done an awesome job improving yourself, but you still fail to love yourself as much as you need to. Step back and think about how awesome you are, how much you love yourself, how much you don't really need people to make you happy - you can make yourself happy. No one deserves your undivided attention, your whole package besides you. It's all about you you you. Take everyone else (and the things they say) with a grain of salt.

1.) People would rather burn bridges than try to mend them. I'm generally a laid-back, calm, collected guy. The only negative with this mindset is that some people feel they can walk all over you. Nothing draws my ire more than blatant disrespect. When someone tries to walk over me (and it's not tough to tell), I let them know that I feel they are trying to take advantage of me and I don't appreciate it. I'm stern, but direct; I don't get personal and will only talk about the situation at hand. Normally, it seems the other person would try to ease tensions or work towards a solution. In my recent experiences, the other person torches the bridge and won't talk to me ever again. Maybe these people were only around to try and take advantage of me, but wound up disappointed. Although I have a muscular physique and feel confident in my abilities, are there any vibes one can give off that opens the door for others to try and walk over? I don't want to become a major prick, but I may have to slide in that direction if these sort of things continue. It's like I'm not allowed to get mad!

If they want to burn the bridge, let them. You don't need them. A true DJ's happiness, part of the mindset, relies on being independent and at peace with yourself at all times, regardless of anyone or anything around you. You sound like you care too much. I bet you probably get friendzoned a little more than normal because of this. Also, never think people are trying to walk over you. It'll make you paranoid, and make you come off as weird, self-conscious, and an overall prick. You'll fail. It's one thing to think and suspect someone's walking over you, and it's another to know. Unless you're totally sure they're taking advantage of you, don't stop them.

2.) Tough times socializing on Facebook! Doesn't make sense, right? I don't get it either. For whatever reason, I've had a very tough time talking to girls on this very social site, and it's not even just flirting - just regular talking sometimes (i.e. a question for a class, something at work, etc.). I'll meet a girl somewhere or I get to know them a little, I'll add them as a friend on Facebook, when the time is right I'll say hey and mention something that relates to them and has its own uniqueness. (I add a little flavor to it)." Unfortunately, I don't really get any feedback. I'll make open-ended statements or bust them on something they did while we were both around...nothing. I admit that I'm much better in person when it comes to human relations, but I don't really get the drop-off here. Any advice for online flirting or communicating with women? I have some friends who I have NEVER seen talk to a girl, and they do just fine here.

What's in a wall post or status update? I personally don't understand this. However, if it's not your thing, screw it. Maybe try thinking of it as just a meaningless wall post or online message. No big deal. Maybe ignore their picture and imagine it's one of your guy friends? I'm lost here. Sorry.

3.) I feel I've become intimidating. Three years ago, I was a scrawny high school graduate who girls used to laugh at and guys used to pretend to rough up. After my vow to hit the gym and change my image, things have changed. The girls who used to laugh now look like they bet on their life savings and lost (they go to the same gym as I do). The guys who used to push me around look like . While it's good to see I'm improving myself, my concern is with NEW people that I meet. I've never really grasped how people can feel "intimidated" by others...what does it really consist of? I have a feeling some people won't open up to me or tell me how they're really feeling due to being intimidated (my roommate last year said he won't lash out at me if something came up because I can throw him through a wall). I don't go around glaring and menacing people though, I feel I'm an amicable guy.

Okay - this is AFC. People might feel intimidated maybe because they think you're alpha. Which is a very good thing. When you speak to them, show them you can have a good time, and make them have a good time in your presence. Soon, they'll respect you like the alpha you are, be threatened to challenge your authority, but still have fun with you. Also, you don't want people to "open up" to you and tell you how they're really feeling. That's gay. You'll end up getting friendzoned if you feel like this.

Finally, women like a man they're intimidated by. It shows them that you're a pure man. Nothing attracts women more than overall masculinity. Just be yourself, be happy with yourself, and don't be afraid to lose friends - it's their loss, their choice to lose such an awesome person such as yourself, not yours. Let them; they don't matter. Good luck, brother!

 

[omega05]

number 1 might relate to the thread in my signature

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks for the insight, good analysis LinkinPark.

I feel a lot of the "inner demons" I feel I have is a lot of me being too hard on myself. I tend to try to do things no one else can, and feel disappointed if I don't achieve them. I like being the "leader" and making decisions with my group of friends, but I'm also a perfectionist.

For situation #1, you're right in that I do care a little too much. That might be because it's easy to tell with me when I care about something and when I don't (and I mean blatantly obvious). As I mentioned before in this reply, I try to make everything work, even if it's close to impossible - so when it doesn't, I still feel disappointed. As for people taking advantage of me, I can usually tell. People who I don't normally talk to all of a sudden want to be buddies when they miss class and need the notes (I help the first time, if it becomes a trend then I can't accept doing things for them). I'll usually explain why I feel they're trying to take advantage of me, and then I go into my spheel. At least recently, I haven't been told by the other person I was wrong.

I'll clarify #2. I use Facebook. Everyone has a "wall" for others to communicate on (so if I wanted to talk to you on there, I'd post it on your wall). What my situation is is that I "friend" a girl I have previously met and talked with and gained some rapport with in person. Now it not necessarily a girl I'm interested in - it could be just a friend or a girl I would like to know better, etc. Regardless, when I do write on a girl's wall...I don't hear back from them. It's not just a one-time thing either. I leave things open-ended, but nothing comes from it. I describe this part a little better in the original post.

Interesting about the Alpha take on #3. However, what I meant by "intimidating" isn't as much about them being open; it's about how they're just so closed. I've actually gotten better at this (last night got to know a HB9 a little bit at a small party, the only negative is there was nowhere to isolate so I couldn't do my thing ).