Well I have discovered something, Girls are attracted to guys that carry characteristics that their father's have. Makes sense because they have been around their father's all their lives and see them as a male role model and want to find something that will replace that love and affection that their father gives them. Its kinda the same theory that men are attracted to females that are like their mothers.
A Discovery...
- Thread starter glowstix
- Start date
Nah, sometimes it's true sometimes it's not. It IS true that we are unconsciously searching for "criteria" to integrate and complete us...but it doesn't mean that it's the same criteria as the father possesses.
We are constantly integrating this criteria through every single experience. The purpose of the criteria is to balance out our weaknesses. So the which criteria we need specifically depends on what we have and haven't already accumulated and integrated. It's not even worth trying to figure out. Just be you, and be comfortable doing it - because every girl is secretly searching for this criteria, and every girl has a different perception of your actions so you couldn't even emulate it if you KNEW what that criteria was.
-Blitz
We are constantly integrating this criteria through every single experience. The purpose of the criteria is to balance out our weaknesses. So the which criteria we need specifically depends on what we have and haven't already accumulated and integrated. It's not even worth trying to figure out. Just be you, and be comfortable doing it - because every girl is secretly searching for this criteria, and every girl has a different perception of your actions so you couldn't even emulate it if you KNEW what that criteria was.
-Blitz
Starman
Master Don Juan
There is more truth to this than you think.
the parents set the stage for children as their role model of what love, sex, relationships should be like
if you greew up with an abusive father(i.e. women)..you begin to get confused as a child.."WHy is a father that i LOVE, treat me like crap..abuse me..hit me, sexually violate me??"
then when women grow up..they begin dating guys that abuse them (and confuse love/hate) and believe their abuse is part of how a loving relationship works
thats why so many abused women repeat the cycle and tolerate alot of crap from guys..because they think its normal
the parents set the stage for children as their role model of what love, sex, relationships should be like
if you greew up with an abusive father(i.e. women)..you begin to get confused as a child.."WHy is a father that i LOVE, treat me like crap..abuse me..hit me, sexually violate me??"
then when women grow up..they begin dating guys that abuse them (and confuse love/hate) and believe their abuse is part of how a loving relationship works
thats why so many abused women repeat the cycle and tolerate alot of crap from guys..because they think its normal
That has nothing to do with why they deal with it. They deal with it because they are attached to having somebody and they are falsely decoding the guy's attention, even the abuse as a strange sign of love. They believe that he's possesive and jealous because he cares...all because her ego won't trade in feeling "loved" with NOT.
It's all conscious choice. We all know that abuse is wrong. Even we, yes ME, with abused parents know that it's not right. I don't think "wow, my stepfather has hit my mom, I guess that's what spouses are supposed to do"....
And this has NOTHING to do with unconscious criteria as well. The criteria is ONLY for the better. If the unconscious has compelled a woman to an abusive man, she's compelled because he shows a sense of dominance, then ego intercepts the ball and gets attached to being "in love". She doesn't have the conscious strength to see what's best so she remains in the tie. Not because she needs that criteria because her dad hit her mom, but because she has lost control of her ego.
-Blitz
It's all conscious choice. We all know that abuse is wrong. Even we, yes ME, with abused parents know that it's not right. I don't think "wow, my stepfather has hit my mom, I guess that's what spouses are supposed to do"....
And this has NOTHING to do with unconscious criteria as well. The criteria is ONLY for the better. If the unconscious has compelled a woman to an abusive man, she's compelled because he shows a sense of dominance, then ego intercepts the ball and gets attached to being "in love". She doesn't have the conscious strength to see what's best so she remains in the tie. Not because she needs that criteria because her dad hit her mom, but because she has lost control of her ego.
-Blitz
Starman
Master Don Juan
Blitz,
"That has nothing to do with why they deal with it. They deal with it because they are attached to having somebody and they are falsely decoding the guy's attention, even the abuse as a strange sign of love. They believe that he's possesive and jealous because he cares...all because her ego won't trade in feeling "loved" with NOT. "
Falsely decoding the guys attention is the operative word here..
where do you think this "false decoding" comes from? Mixed signals instilled in you as a child..that dictates your thoughts and behavioral patterns as an adult.
Surely, in the end, its all a conscious choice, but you are discounting the importance of childhood experiences , parental figures and how they shape your adult life
How do you explain abused women, going after guys that abuse them, children of alcoholics becoming alcoholics, physically abusive parents raising aggressive children, and "momma's boys" going after women to baby them?
I have a client that Im working with that cannot not trust his wife..and is always suspicious of her infidelity..even tho she has NEVER given him any facts about her "infidelity"
we traced it down to his family..parents who cheated on each other..never trusted one another and openly (in front of the kids) would fight about their cheating ways
"That has nothing to do with why they deal with it. They deal with it because they are attached to having somebody and they are falsely decoding the guy's attention, even the abuse as a strange sign of love. They believe that he's possesive and jealous because he cares...all because her ego won't trade in feeling "loved" with NOT. "
Falsely decoding the guys attention is the operative word here..
where do you think this "false decoding" comes from? Mixed signals instilled in you as a child..that dictates your thoughts and behavioral patterns as an adult.
Surely, in the end, its all a conscious choice, but you are discounting the importance of childhood experiences , parental figures and how they shape your adult life
How do you explain abused women, going after guys that abuse them, children of alcoholics becoming alcoholics, physically abusive parents raising aggressive children, and "momma's boys" going after women to baby them?
I have a client that Im working with that cannot not trust his wife..and is always suspicious of her infidelity..even tho she has NEVER given him any facts about her "infidelity"
we traced it down to his family..parents who cheated on each other..never trusted one another and openly (in front of the kids) would fight about their cheating ways
I have no doubt that childhood experiences shape a person's paradigm and their perceptions and their decoding. However, we are speaking of unconscious criteria. A balance of male/female. If a girl has an abusive father, when she grows up she still KNOWS that it was wrong. She doesn't assume that it was "normal" just because her dad did it.
"How do you explain abused women, going after guys that abuse them"
"If the unconscious has compelled a woman to an abusive man, she's compelled because he shows a sense of dominance, then ego intercepts the ball and gets attached to being "in love". She doesn't have the conscious strength to see what's best so she remains in the tie. Not because she needs that criteria because her dad hit her mom, but because she has lost control of her ego. "
They don't like to be abused, they are compelled by something else, some other "criteria", then become attached, then abused, then they can't break the attachment because their EGO's are out of wack and have taken control. That's why.
However, I think we will both agree that part of the REASON that they choose to stay in an abusive relationship, and submit to their ego, is because of a fvcked up paradigm, caused by their childhood experiences. But again, that may have been what KEPT them in it, not what DREW them to it.
There are MANY people who's parents DO get along, who date abusive guys. I'm sure there is a link self-esteem wise, somewhere with the ones who DO have abusive parents, but it in no way confuses them into thinking that's normal. They know it's normal, hurtful, harmful, and dangerous.
-Blitz
"How do you explain abused women, going after guys that abuse them"
"If the unconscious has compelled a woman to an abusive man, she's compelled because he shows a sense of dominance, then ego intercepts the ball and gets attached to being "in love". She doesn't have the conscious strength to see what's best so she remains in the tie. Not because she needs that criteria because her dad hit her mom, but because she has lost control of her ego. "
They don't like to be abused, they are compelled by something else, some other "criteria", then become attached, then abused, then they can't break the attachment because their EGO's are out of wack and have taken control. That's why.
However, I think we will both agree that part of the REASON that they choose to stay in an abusive relationship, and submit to their ego, is because of a fvcked up paradigm, caused by their childhood experiences. But again, that may have been what KEPT them in it, not what DREW them to it.
There are MANY people who's parents DO get along, who date abusive guys. I'm sure there is a link self-esteem wise, somewhere with the ones who DO have abusive parents, but it in no way confuses them into thinking that's normal. They know it's normal, hurtful, harmful, and dangerous.
-Blitz
'Science of Sex" on the Discovery channel did a study on phermones and found that women would be attracted to men whose phermones were a close match to that of their fathers.
Indicating that he would be a successful candidate for creating and supporting a woman and child. I believe it if the father and daughter had a good relationship. However I know a few chicks who hate their father's.
Like Blitz said its not like you should go around acting like her father. Just be yourself. I guess you could steal his sweaty shirt and see if the phermone thing works.
Indicating that he would be a successful candidate for creating and supporting a woman and child. I believe it if the father and daughter had a good relationship. However I know a few chicks who hate their father's.
Like Blitz said its not like you should go around acting like her father. Just be yourself. I guess you could steal his sweaty shirt and see if the phermone thing works.
Walden
Master Don Juan
I dunno , I wouldn't mind a woman that's like your mother
confus4ever
Don Juan
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all in all, everybody is different.
Are we talking ratios again like we learned in college, or are we talking human beings
Are we talking ratios again like we learned in college, or are we talking human beings