A date...with her friends?

[Champthom]

Okay, with the help of this site, I finally was able to build up enough confidence to at least ask this girl who sits next to me in Chemistry class out. Okay, brief history (for our purposes, we'll refer to her as "Donna" to preserve some kind of anominity)- Donna usually talks before Chemistry class as she sits next to me and sometimes before English class. Lately, she's been talking about more personal stuff than just "What was the homework?" like before and we also IM each other and we have a LOT in common. I would say that even if I was in the "friend zone" with her, it wouldn't be that deep. Anyways, I was finally able to ask her out and heres how it went:

<Me> So, have any plans for next Wednsday night?
<Donna> Um :::thinks hard for about a minute:::. No, why?
<Me> Well, next week is the Lord of the Rings premiere and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me [she mentioned she wanted to see the new LotR movie in an IM conversation]
<Donna> Sure, but...can I bring Amanda? [her best friend]
<Me> Um, yeah, sure.
<Donna> How about Kassie? [I'm assuming some friend of hers as well]
<Me> Yeah, I suppose.
<Donna says something along the lines of how she was hoping to see LotR with them anyway>

Okay, now for starters, I'm pretty sure that inviting two of her friends depletes the purpose of a date. However, I didn't want to be like "No, they can't come" and thus make her piss because she can't go with her best friends. However, my question is - how do I handle this on the "date" night? I mean, normally, the guy pays for the lady's way, but 1) there is no way I'm paying for the two other girl's tickets as my cash funds are limited as they are and 2)technicly with 3 girls, its not really a date...or is it? Just, I'm not sure whether I pay for all their ways (plus mine) and get looked at as possibly being used, financially speaking, or have them pay their own way and look like some kind of inconsiderate jerk. I know I could just pay for Donna's way but that would probably be a rather rude thing to do in front of her friends. Anyways, I normally would consult the DJ Bible and the site but I don't recall running into a scenario such as this being discussed. I do recall that when dealing with a group of girls, to spread equal attention but frankly, I'm familiar with at least Amanda and she just does not interest me. I'm really not sure what to do and I could use help from you guys who know what the hell you're talking about. Anyways, thanks in advance.

-Jonathan Thomas

 

[Gaming111]

Eh, don't pay for them. If it's not a date, you don't pay. Enjoy the movie.

 

[E-Z Rider]

No, it's not a date. Don't even THINK about paying for ANY of them, unless you want to have "DOORMAT CHUMP" tattooed on your forehead...and we don't want that, do we?

I think that her asking 2 friends to come out with you constitutes some strange form of rejection. Or maybe she just totally didn't realize that you were asking her on a date, and she just see's this as a friendly hanging out. Either way, I don't think this girl's really interested. I think you should go see the movie with them, have as much fun as you can, make them laugh, be ****y/funny...if her friends like you, then after they get home they'll call each other up and be like "Champthom was soo funny" or whatever. Then you should ask her next week to do something else...not a movie, preferably, and if she tried to invite her freinds along, politely but firmly state that you only want HER to come. Then she'll have to straight up reject you, or accept.

So...don't expect too much in this case. Sorry, but i just wanna warn ya. It's great that you built up the confidence. In the future, don't let a girl invite friends like this.

Hope this helps. Later- -E-Z

 

[Boono11]

Don't pay for any of them. Pay for only yourself. Try to spread the attention evenly at first and then later on you'll probably find one that you like more. And it might not be Donna. After you've found her then give her more attention that the others but don't make it that noticalbe to the others. This may be a way of rejection but it might just be a misunderstanding. haven't you seen Elimidate. it's a show where a guy or girl goes on a date with 4 other people. there are three rounds, each round they eliminate someone. what you got to do is think you are on a date with all three of them then you will have 3 times better chance of getting a second date with one of them. well there is my 2 cents. Hope it helped.

PS. I'm awaiting lord of the rings too.

------------------
"Courage is being scared to death--and saddling up anyway."
- John Wayne

"One of the most important things in life is showing up."
Keanau Reeves, Hardball

E-mail:Boono11@aol.com
Aim:Boono11

 

[Nocturnal]

you should have told her taking her friends would take the fun out of it, that's the point of a "date" (saying date will be good, if it doesn't work out well then she had a low i.l in the first place).

but since you made a dumb mistake, use it to your advantage. dj all 3 of them but at different times concentrate mostly on different girls. make it a game for them to see who can get you. and make LOTS of sexual connotations.

good luck.

------------------
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Everybody sees what you appear to be, few feel what you are,"
-Machiavelli

 

[dlm0061]

go to her friends and ask them if they could do you a favor of not going to the movie, from my experience, they will help you out, and if they don't they're assholios who you shouldnt even spend time with.

 

[Soshyopathe]

Screw paying for them all, don't even go.

When a girl brings friends, it means she's not interested. Move on.

 

[silver00]

Maby go,try to have a good time if you do go. About the paying delema. Ithink that if a girl likes you, she will have no problem paying for herself on the first couple of dates. Go. Do not pay. Ask her out agin if you have a good time with her.

 

[Jester]

Bro, dont listen to anyone who said she isnt interested just because you brought friends on the date, they dont know what theyre talking about.


Bringing friends can mean something, it can also mean nothing.

1. She could be bringing the friends because shes simply scared to go 1vs1 with you, they are her comfort zone, she may think if she screws up, they will be there for the rebound.

2. She very well not be sure if its a date or not. This doesnt mean she isnt interested.

3. She could have promised to see the movie with her 2 friends before you asked her out. This doesnt indicate high interest, but it doesnt indicate low interest either.

4. Shes not interesed and doesnt know how to tell you no.

In any case, this problem was created by YOU, if you had properly studyed you would know the first few dates should be ACTION dates, not some lame ass movie.

You made a blunder, learn from it.

btw, whats this bullsh1t about the guy paying?

Screw that, if she wants to come she can pay for her ass by herself, atleast untill that str period is over. Then you could pay for her if needed and she could pay for you if needed.

 

[CableLight]

Ehh

Eh...I guess I've got a small check-list to determine if paying for something like a movie is okay:

1) She's your girlfriend
a) if 1 is true, go to 2
b) if 1 is false, dont pay

2) You've been dating for at least 2 weeks
a) if 2 is true, go to 3
b) if 2 is false, dont pay

3) You've made it to 2nd base
a) if 3 is true, go ahead and pay
b) if 3 is false, dont pay UNLESS you honestly feel otherwise for some other reason

 

[Raoul]

Wrong question you're asking....it has nothing to do with paying...the fact that she wants an entourage to come along just means she isn't interested. I hope you didn't go for it.

Next time make sure it's understood from the start that you're taking her on a date.

Useless Girl : Can I bring friends?
You : Not unless you want to go without me. Then you grin, and say I'm going to take you out...we'll have fun.

If she still insists just end the conversation and next her.

And do not try to make excuses for her. When she says she wants to bring friends, it has nothing to do with being insecure, but just that she doesn't want to date you. Role-reversal time : Hot chick asks you out. Do you insist on bringing Joe, Bob and Tom? Do you even CONSIDER it? Of course not.

- Raoul

 

[xanderbaz]

What a blunder it was, dude. What the ****? Lord of the Rings? You could've taken her to Star Trek: Nemesis if you wanted to go geek all the way. Now you're just a troll.
Anyways, when she asks for company of her friends, it's usually because she's uncomfortable with being alone with you. It can be because she doesn't like you, or because she's intimidated by you, or maybe because it's that time of the month.
What I recommend is that you go on this "date", behave the best you possibly can, and then ask her to another date when you get a chance. And please, go bowling or something.
Peace.

 

[Civic11]

Well assuming this girl is hot enough for you to ask her out your obviously intersted in her. So why go to the movies with your boys instead of a hot girl and two others when she already accepted?

As for the paying thing do sweat it, they wont think your paying. Trust me she invited her friends along and if anyone should pay for them its her. But they pay for themselves and you pay for yourself...Have a good time...LOTR is great

 

[Champthom]

Re: Update

Okay, heres how it went:

Turns out she couldn't go because she had to go Christmas shopping and go to her bro's soccer tourney not to mention have to deal with this paper for English. I know this is contrary to the stuff in the DJ Bible, but I actually believe her. At did get a Christmas card from here though =D (I got her a copy of LotR: The Two Towers. She was thankful but I realize it was kinda lame...). Anyways, I'm starting to slip in the friend zone and I'm now trying to struggle to keep the balance, as in not be too foward like its obvious but not too much of a "nice guy". And thanks for the responses, but let me say a few things:

- Believe or not, she actually wanted to see LotR. I asked her out to see it because its something we both would enjoy. I know that the movies are a bad place for a first date but at least we could have talked in line.

- Secondly and finally, when you invite someone, common social courtesy is that the host pays for the guest(s). Thats me. I understand in a friend type situation it would be perfectly normal to pay for oneself but I was asking in this scenario, because I technicly invited her, but she wanted to bring the friends along and to quote someone in this thread, it truly would make me a "floormat chump" if I paid for all 3 girls.

Well, thanks for the help. Its too bad it actually didn't work out though . Just, I know this sounds naive but I actually do think she honestly thought it wasn't a date. Well, like some guy said, at first you don't succeed, try try again. And I need to study the DJ Bible some more in my freetime, I suppose....

-Jonathan Thomas

 

[silver00]

Sorry to hear that it did not turn out. "Secondly and finally, when you invite someone, common social courtesy is that the host pays for the guest(s)" This is not true at all Champ. Lets say that I invite a friend to a movie, just a guy friend that i know. Do u pay for friends when they go somewhere with you? If you ask a friend to have lunch with you do you pay? I do not. People, including girls, should generally pay for themselves.

 

[Civic11]

Agreed, but with ladies its different than with your boys you still dont pay all the time but you still have to consider it.

 

[the lionheart]

I agree with those before me who said that it's important to make it known that it's a date. The line that Raoul said is great for noting that, especially if your opening lines didn't quite get that across.

If a girl insisted on bringing some of her friends and I really enjoyed her presence, I'd get some of mine to occupy them while us two became more attached. If she wasn't cool with that or her friends weren't; see ya!

It's hard in highschool to just next girls because the selection can be limited, but it's for the greater good my man.

 

[Jester]

enuf with the one who invites paying, thats just bullsh1t. if youre going you pay for yourself.

 

[PEACEDJ]

dude don't pay.. if i were you tell them your busy and blow the whole thing off and tell her you make it up to her somehow someother time