A couple cold approach questions for experienced cold approachers

[booga]

OK, so I've gotten pretty good at warm approaches (i.e. friends of friends) and cool aproaches (e.g. strangers, but God has dropped a situational opener into yr. lap, or yr. in a laundromat w/a captive audience). My collection of phone # is growing, but not fast enough to compensate for the inherent flakiness of women. Time for the next step: real cold approaches (i.e. total strangers that you just buttonhole).

I have a couple technical questions so I don't go off half-****ed. Please, I am only interested in responses from people who are experienced in this area!

(1) There are 3 reactions you can get:
1. Eye contact
2. Brief glance & look away
3. Looks through you, or doesn't notice you.
Should I prefer one over the other? I've gotten conflicting advice: some say EC is vital, some say it's irrelevant. I most commonly get reactions 2 and 3, rarely 1.

(2) This is a college town, so the most available targets are students. I am in good shape, but I am in my mid-30's & feel self conscious sarging students. Is this just a self-defeating belief? Any older men have experience trying this? Note: I have often thought there must be students who don't fit into the college scene (sick of fratboys, whatever) who would be open to me. But how to identify them? Edit: I also go after women 15-20 years older than me if I find them attractive, & briefly dated 2 40-yo when I was 21, so I'm not asking anyone to do anything I wouldn't do myself Age is just not a big issue for me: either I like her when I meet her or I don't. (Although under 25 are often immature).

I plan to start immediately. I'll post my results. Thanks in advance for your help.

 

[booga]

Thanks Shezz, this stuff is gold. Fortunately I am a good conversationalist (funny) & don't need canned routines. I planned to use the direct approach because I'm a direct guy & it feels natural.

Here's one I tried that really bombed (I tried it on a fat chick because I didn't want to "waste" a pretty one with a dubious opener). I caught her looking at me 3 times, so I walked over, smiled, & told her I came over to say hi b/c I caught her looking. She immediately began denying it.

Lessons learned: this is TOO direct. Women's job is to GIVE sh1t tests, not take them. She got all panicked & didn't like being confronted at all. So in the future I will just say what you suggested.

BTW, just got an e-mail from a 50-yo last night, an old lady but a BABE! In this town, even the old ladies are hot (This one was a warm PU). She's also witty & can hit the ball back, which I dig.

BTW Shezz, I only wish I had access to this stuff when I was 19! You don't know how lucky you are! (Or maybe you do). Thanks a million.

 

[booga]

OK, good point. 2 lessons learned:

1. If you want to learn how to hunt gazelles, don't practice by shooting at elephants.

2. Come on to shy girls more gently so you don't spook them.

I was also a little nervous since I'm still bad at cold approaches, which I'm sure didn't help. UPDATE: I just e-mailed a girl again who failed to reply the first time (8 days ago). She responded immediately saying she'd been out of town & inviting me to a cafe tomorrow morning. The Doc sez, when it's incoming, you take it, so I did. Lessons learned: if you get no reply, keep trying once/week for 3 weeks before declaring it dead. It's really not much trouble to do 4 or 5 emails/phone calls per week.

Here's the tally so far, which isn't as bad as I expected. Out of 7 # collected, 1 is live, 2 are inconclusive or ongoing, 4 are dead. (Note, 1 of the dead ones went as far as a 1st date b4 dying). So that's 1 in 7. Not great, but could be worse. (That figure could rise if one of the ongoing ones pans out).

Meanwhile I will continue sarging b/c women are like Hollywood movies: until the film is in the can, it never happened

 

[booga]

Update

OK, I just got back from coffee datelet with K. I think it went well. One of my probs. in the past is failing to make my intentions clear. I tried to fix that with this excerpt from the convo. We were talking about how people are using the internet as a substitute for real social interaction.

Me: That's OK, though, b/c I think the fact that everyone else is doing that gives me an edge.
Her: How so?
Me: A lot of guys have low self esteem & can't stand rejection. These guys flock to the internet in swarms. I'm the only man left who will just walk right up & say "Hi, I think you're cute, what's your #?"
Her: You didn't say you thought I was cute.
Me: Sure I did. Just now.
Her: [looks down shyly & changes the subject, but now she is leaning forward on her elbows].

Before she left I caressed her upper arm & I think she melted a little. Then she thanked me for going out with her (!)

Upside: I think she has decent IL in me. At any rate, she's clear about my intentions. Downside: she's fresh out of a divorce (on the rebound), which means it's probably the guy AFTER me whom she'll stay with. So I have to try not to invest too much into it.

Still in the hopper: the 50-yo babe I haven't contacted yet, & the 25-yo geeky chic girl I can't seem to get a hold of (inconclusive but doesn't look good).

I've decided to limit my cold approaches to the most basic case: single target sitting alone. I don't want to stop moving targets b/c this town is crawling w/panhandlers, & I don't want to activate the anti-bum shields. As far as groups go, I'm not ready for that yet. Remember: small, achievable goals.

However it goes, this datelet has given me a little boost in confidence b/c I feel that I controlled it much better than I ever have before.

Observation: night is darkest before dawn. Your efforts will seem like the most terrible failure right before the breakthrough. Push through the barrier. Also, keep logs & journals so when you start to despair, you can do the tally & see that you've only done 10 approaches & you're not doing badly. It only FEELS like 1000.

More news as it happens... --booga