A common misconception about eye contact and smiling

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Mojo604
Maybe they were repulsed?

I see too many people on this board saying that one should make lots of eye contact and smile at total strangers.
This is wrong, I think. Mainly because most girl would probably get creeped-out-- UNLESS you are like really attractive- and even then they might still be weirded out.
The eye contact and smiling is mostly important after establishing verbal contact.
The smiling and the eye contact works well with those girls that I alreday know even a little at least, but with a total stranger??...
Ive smile at total strangers in the past, i never got anything verbal in return, got a smile or friendly smirk back, but not that often.
Usually when I make eye contact I dont hold it for too long, ive done that before lol-- and like right as I was going past the chick, I hear her say to her friend "...did you just see that guy totally chekin me out!" in a tone of disbelief at my bluntness lol I did that more as an experiment than something i'd want to do in a regular basis..

Im no grouch either, Im always getting cheked out by girls in school, and get complemented enough to have me believeing im a good looking guy. i work out too, but not that much.
Anyways, thats my experience with the eye contact and smiling thing. i hope this post is coherent

"Blah blah blah I'm good looking and if it doesn't work for me it won't work for anyone. You have to be REALLY attractive or else you'll just creep them out".

Simply not true. I consider myself average looking and it can work wonders. Sometimes I'm just thinking about something positive or funny and I have a smile on my face. I notice other people's reactions. It makes them more receptive to me. I've gotten completely unsolicited hello's and smiles back to me when this has happened (keep in mind I'm not even smiling/looking at them).

It's a natural human response. We gauge how to approach people based on how we read their facial expression. There are many examples of this. For example sometimes you'll see a small child fall down or hit their head on something and very often if their parents are there, they will look at their parents and decide how to react! If their parents look shocked or worried they'll cry. If their parents laugh it off the child will laugh too. I've seen this firsthand with my friend's young sister. We were at his house and she slipped on the very last stair and landed on her butt. Me and my friend looked at each other and smiled and she started laughing instead of crying. It's odd but it's true.

Another example. Often when you're first asking a girl out on a date she will gauge how to react based on YOU. If you're very awkward about this she will feel very uneasy as well. If you're very confident and smooth then she will be much more receptive. I've also seen this firsthand.

If you're having problems with this type of approach, you're either Shrek, your smiles are too phony, or you are smiling with a big grin like some psychotic. Look at your self when you smile. If you can see more teeth than your two front teeth and bicuspeds, you are giving too big of a grin. Your smile is phony if your face is not congruent with the smile. When you truly smile, your WHOLE FACE smiles. Not just your lips.

 

[johnny_chase]

Another example. Often when you're first asking a girl out on a date she will gauge how to react based on YOU. If you're very awkward about this she will feel very uneasy as well. If you're very confident and smooth then she will be much more receptive. I've also seen this firsthand.

If you're having problems with this type of approach, you're either Shrek, your smiles are too phony, or you are smiling with a big grin like some psychotic. Look at your self when you smile. If you can see more teeth than your two front teeth and bicuspeds, you are giving too big of a grin. Your smile is phony if your face is not congruent with the smile. When you truly smile, your WHOLE FACE smiles. Not just your lips.

This is some key advice. Most people gauge their reactions to you based upon the vibe that you give them. If you are friendly, you smile after you make some dumba$s comment, whatever, 99% of people will be receptive to you. By being smooth, and just acting like you've known this person forever, it eases the shock of talking to a total stranger, and eases the fear of being judged by others.

People are very perceptive to the, what is it, 22 muscles it takes to smile, and project warmth and happiness. They dont just look at your mouth. Your eyes and cheeks smile too.

Try this: go stand in front of a mirror, and put on the biggest hollywood grin you can. Looks kinda sh!tty, dont it? Alright, now take a minute and close your eyes, and think of the most amusing thing you can, there@! now open your eyes and look in tthe mirror. That's what a smile looks like!

Another little thing to work on, get a piece of paper and block the rest of your face so you can only see your eyes in the mirror. Now, see how many expressions you can get across with just your eyes, you'll be surpirsed.

 

[skeeloo]

yes you guys are right its good to smile but i dont believe smilling for no reason at a girl is a good idea, me i just think of something funny and smile naturally its better to smile naturally, or when i spot a girl i fancy comming my way i act like i was already smilling b4 i saw her so she catches a glimsp of me smilling while i look at her at that very moment instead of smilling like an ass clown, only girls smile at guys they are interested in, go and make a wuss of your selves what do i care.

 

[dj_spain]

I think the problem is that there is a big misconception about smiling and when to smile.
What works for me is:
-Keep a serious face only when you are in a serious situation,or when someone is telling you their problems.

-Smile" big" only when you are having a very funny conversation,when you are laughing often.

-This is what I mostly do.When having conversations in general,approaching people or going by myself I keep a little halfsmile,which shows that I am confident,and that I am friendly and approachable.

 

[StringShredder]

It could just be the way he does it that creeps them out.

I was once reading in a book about photography that people sometimes stare when you are taking their portrait, and tell them to look at the camera.

A trick was suggested: tell the subject to look down at the ground and then look up again. The paragraph was accompanied by two photographs of the same subject, when he was staring and then after when he fixed his stare. The difference was that his eyelids were wide open when he was staring.

Your smile and gaze have to be natural, not forced. Relax you eyelids. Your smile should be only slight enough to convey that you are a normal, warm, upbeat person going about his business. But otherwise your expression is unsurprising.

What creeps people out? When people see you, they form a number of explanations about your appearance and behavior, and then pick the most likely one. If the most likely explanation is creepy, even if it is wrong, then you are creepy.

If your eyes are bulging out of your head, and you have an ear-to-ear grin, then the most probable explanation for the way you look is something other than "normal, upbeat person going happily about his business".

When you are approaching a woman, always have a most probable explanation regarding where you are, what you are doing, and how you appear, which have nothing possibly to do with you having any premeditated focus on her.

 

[AMF]

Cant believe your analysing your facial expressions.

Please, just LIVE YOUR LIFE, for f*cks sake.

 

[Alpine]

Heeeeere's Johnny!

Sure if you smile like a luney then you need to check yourself out in the mirror.

On the whole though smiling with the eyes is the best way to make someone immediately warm to you.

A big grinning smile which is obviously hiding shear terror behind it is going to get you noticed, for the wrong reasons.

That's where the mirror, practice and internal work come in.

 

[PRMoon]

I usually don't smile when I'm just meeting a girl

Last night for example a girl was hitting on me at club rubber. Not saying I didn't smile or look into her eyes all together but when i did they were short and sweet. Most of the time I'll just talk and look at the bar or around the bar to see what other people are doing.

I know it sounds like bad practice but by 4 in the morning I'm pretty tired and If I don't feel like I'm going to wrap the one I'm with up immeadeatly then I look around to concider my options.

Usually girls like it when I don't give them all of my attention, it creates an element of mystery about me and freezes them until they either get fustrated because things aren't going how they planned it or we've exchanged numbers and they're going back to their group of friends.

 

[Mojo604]

Originally posted by skeeloo
yes you guys are right its good to smile but i dont believe smilling for no reason at a girl is a good idea, me i just think of something funny and smile naturally its better to smile naturally, or when i spot a girl i fancy comming my way i act like i was already smilling b4 i saw her so she catches a glimsp of me smilling while i look at her at that very moment instead of smilling like an ass clown, only girls smile at guys they are interested in, go and make a wuss of your selves what do i care.

I agree with this appraoch more.

And what I said about possibly coming off as creepy when smiling at random girls, I said that because everyone here advocates it so much, as if it would work for Everyone. Who knows, some of the less fortunate not-that-good-looking guys on this board may get negative reactions when trying something like this. Just because it works for some of you doesnt make it a general rule for all. Maybe you guys are just baby-faced and girls find it amusing that such a creature is smiling at them, seen that happen b4 lol. or like someone said.. the dude may have bad teeth or something... or just an ugly smile.

 

[ScrewIt]

stop overanalyzing people. it's simple:

smile when you should, not whenever you can

 

[tyciol]

My smile is ugly... it might be happy but it accentuates acne and fat ripples. Not really a valid complaint though... *continues to keep up sprinting and less face touching, even if face touching doesn't cause acne*

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

this is good, iv probably said this to frequently but due to the part about how you smiling can effect other people like with the small girl not crying, which i aggree with its good and somthing you should remember, well i nominate this for the dj bible

 

[undesputable]

A smile can go a long way, and were not talking about just girls here anymore. A smile can be the highlight of the day for some people, it could be a sunlight breaththrough in their day. Most people are cranky, turn their faces away, or frown, but even the genuine smile of some stranger for no reason can have a huge impact. An insincere grin, wont cut it and most likly is whats going to creep people out.

This can not only have an impact on your dating life, but it can have a huge impact in the buisness world. So give a sincere heartwarming smile anytime you can, itll go a long way. And to all of you that think this is wussy behavior, well keep thinking what you want, but its almost human nature to like a sincere genuine smile.

 

[Caldus]

I have an advantage whenever I smile. When I actually do, my dimples show really well and I've heard many girls love that. So I say that if your smile is sexy or cute to a girl then show it when you converse with women. Otherwise, don't try to smile the whole day or anything. Just do it when it feels right to you. That's when your smile will look the most real to women.

 

[LADawg49]

Its not about if you smile or not, its about when you smile, which will decide if she thinks you are creepy or a warm-hearted person. If you have no emotion on your face walkin and when u see a woman, then all of a sudden ull smile then yeah ull be seen as creepy. However, if u always have a smile on your face no matter what, she is gonna be receptive/check u out.

 

[johnny_chase]

^^^booya^^^

 

[StringShredder]

"Stop overanalyzing!"

In other words, "just be yourself", and don't study or improve anything about yourself!

Well, what if the way you naturaly express is somehow fwcked up compared to other people?

 

[undesputable]

Originally posted by StringShredder
"Stop overanalyzing!"

In other words, "just be yourself", and don't study or improve anything about yourself!

ok "dont study or improve anything about yourself?". then why the hell are you in this site? "He who stops getting better, stops being good". i dont remeber who said that but its very true. If you dont improve anything about yourself, youd probably have a mentality of a 10 year old. Having success is all about improving yourself, and getting better.

And nobody is overanalyzing face expressions. They are increibly important and project more information than your words.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by Mojo604
The eye contact and smiling is mostly important after establishing verbal contact.

Back to basics. Eye contact across the room establishes you as a confident man. Confidence is one of the most important things to signal ASAP.

You will also be able to read some possible signals back from the lady. If she strenuosly avoids eye contact, it's a pretty good signal she isn't interested and you chances with her are not going to be good. You can still go for it for practice, but at least you have an expecation.

If she resumes eye contact a few times, then you should assume she is at least amenable to approaching and making small talk. Do so.

Trying to sneak up on a girl from behind or from the side to avoid eye contact until you can ambush her face to face is a bit cowardly and will come off that way.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Here in GA, it is not un common for people to smile and greet one another. wE do it all the time. It is the transplants that sour our charm.