A chic I know posted this on her blog, admitted that this is her problem.

[Warrior74]

Now she didn't write the article, she found it and reposted it, but she thought this was part of the reason she is single. To be honest, she has a nasty entitled career woman /princess mentality with some gold digging hood chic qualities thrown in on top of that.

He's Not Intimidated, He Just Doesn't Like You: The Intimidation Doctrine

Ok people I just have to say it. For a long time I was willing to give women the benefit of the doubt, but no longer. As I enter the realm of my thirties being single and anxious about just where my life is going, I know there are jillions of similarly-situated women who feel the same way. I think most women who reach their thirties and are still single go thru a range of emotions almost daily. Sometimes we feel very liberated and independent, relishing a life full of opportunities unhampered by domestic obligations. Other days we are full of fear wondering if we will ever find a mate and enjoy the benefits of companionship.

Will we find someone to experience the bigness of the world with? Will we find someone to grow old and fat with? Although we enjoy our freedom, we know there will come a day when sitting on the couch at home with a bottle of wine and a dog watching TiVo just won’t do it. We wonder if we will end up dying alone only to be found after three days by a home care worker who doesn’t speak English. But enough about me.

That being said, I want to address a lie that many of us tell ourselves about why we may be alone at this stage of our lives. And though I focus on my fellow thirtiers, this really goes for all women.
Because the “single” designation is such a source of anxiety as you get older, we oft find the need to justify our status. We have these little reasons that we tell ourselves we’re alone to make us feel better. And it’s time for it to stop. If I hear one more woman say that men are intimidated by their success and/or independence I’m gonna scream.

I call this the Intimidation Doctrine. Other than Iraq having WMD, this is one of the biggest lies of our time.

When a woman is attractive, educated, financially independent and generally successful and STILL single, many of us start to believe that our success is part of the problem. When relationships don’t work out, we automatically go into the “well, he’s just intimidated by my success” routine. And it’s time for us to get real with ourselves.

We have to stop making excuses for our failed relationships. Too often these excuses lay all the blame on someone else. As long as we believe that most men are intimidated by strong successful women, we fail to look at ourselves for the reasons we cannot maintain successful relationships.

The Intimidation Doctrine keeps us looking outward for fault. It relinquishes us of all responsibility. And I think its holding us back.

I must admit, I have never been a follower of the Intimidation Doctrine because I KNOW I’m ****ed up and have issues. (I know I can be selfish, spoiled, obnoxious and a total smart ass, but I’m working on it) However, I see too many of my fellow mature sisters relying on this theory and I think its destructive. We must start to consider what role we have in cultivating our personal relationships and stop placing the blame on everyone else but ourselves.

Maybe it’s not because you’re successful but perhaps because you wear your success on your sleeve, because you’re arrogant, because you are sure to let a man know in the first conversation that you don’t NEED him or anyone else.

Maybe it’s not because you’re successful, but perhaps because you are arrogant, a know-it-all, a snob or intolerant of others who have taken a different path in life.

Maybe it’s not because you’re successful, maybe you are a cold bitter ***** who believes the world owes you something. You have worked hard and made it on your own without the help of any man so you don’t want a man thinking he is doing you any favors by his presence and you let him know this as often as possible.

Maybe it’s not because you’re successful, maybe you have turned into a hardened, disenchanted, cynic who is annoyed that fat broke women with two kids can get a man easier than you. And your anger oozes from your pores.

Maybe it’s not because you are successful, but because your success is all you have. You wield it like a sword. You are always looking and waiting for the fight so you can show just how fly you are and how a man should be happy just to have someone like you. You feel you are the only prize in this relationship.

Maybe it’s not because you’re successful but because you are just tired. Tired of dating, tired of it not working out, tired of the game. Because you’re so tired, you go into potential relationships with little enthusiasm or excitement and you’re just a general drag.

Maybe it’s not because you are successful but because you are afraid. Afraid to open up, afraid to be vulnerable again, afraid to lay it all out there. You use your success as a shield that you hide behind because you are afraid of being hurt, afraid of change, afraid of letting someone else into your tightly-controlled life. You play the role of successful bad-ass because you are afraid of just being a woman. Sometimes its hard to switch from being the boss all day to being a partner, a friend. Understandable. But still your issue.

Maybe its not because you are successful but because you are closed. Closed to real love because of any combination of the reasons above.

Sometimes men aren’t intimidated by your success, but turned off by what your success has done to you. The type of person it has made you.

We can’t improve ourselves if we keep blaming our failures on others. When you look at your lack of luck in the romance department first look, inward. Listen to the feedback you’ve gotten, those things you ignored because you thought the guy was just jealous of your success and wanted to cut you down because you made him feel insecure. Just maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he wasn’t intimidated at all. Maybe you are a mean, intolerable arrogant ***** of a woman. It could be that simple.
Now will you meet men who will be insecure with your accomplishments? Maybe. But far fewer than you make yourself believe. Stop relying on the Intimidation Doctrine to explain away your lack of love life. Start listening and start looking inward at what issues you may be bringing to the table, ways you could possibly be a better partner, lover or friend.

Open your heart and your mind to whoever may come your way. Focus on what you both are bringing to each other’s lives. Its not a competition. Try being the type of person you are looking for. Recognize and appreciate what others have to offer and know that if you are the best person you can be, you cant lose.

By no means am I saying settle for less. Keep your standards high, go after the type of life and partner you want. Just make sure your high standards apply to you too.

So let’s put away the Intimidation Doctrine. Much like “hating” its become a term we use to dismiss criticism by just placing the focus on someone else. And just like “hating” it results in us missing the opportunity to learn and improve our lives.

So next time things don’t work out, don’t go to ole reliable “he’s just intimidated by me,” and really examine your role in what went down. You may be surprised, maybe he wasn’t intimidated by you. Maybe he just doesn’t like you.

 

[Jitterbug]

I would've bet that the article was written by a man.

A woman believing that it could be her fault that she can't find a decent man? That men don't have to bow down and like her, for all of her supposed qualities?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

We can’t improve ourselves if we keep blaming our failures on others. When you look at your lack of luck in the romance department first look, inward.

Money.

reps to whoever wrote that.

 

[fertileTurtle]

I read half and got bored. Maybe read the rest later, but it's pretty much the same old "I'll act like a complete moron until I realize I don't look good enough to now and need to find a way to settle, but it's too late." I have no sympathy for this broad who not only thought that she's too good for any man, but she thinks she better than men. So be it. I hope she dies a barren, lonely death. Feminized women have long since lost interest in men of valor and now go for the man*****s and fckups. So be it again.

 

[Luthor Rex]

http://www.conversateisnotaword.com/?p=128

The sister speaks truth!

 

[jophil28]

NO woman could write that ..

After 30 years of dating, I have assembled compelling anecdotal evidence that self awareness is blocked and destroyed by estrogen.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Got half way through.

Maybe it’s not because you’re successful, maybe you are a cold bitter ***** who believes the world owes you something. You have worked hard and made it on your own without the help of any man so you don’t want a man thinking he is doing you any favors by his presence and you let him know this as often as possible.

I think a womans definition of success is the ability to get by without a man in her life. Being able to pay her own bills, the rent, clothing accounts. That sort of stuff, the stuff we take for granted, actually means the world to them. Life is so hard that being able to look after yourself, hold down a semi decent job and pay the bills on time makes you successful and borderline awe inspiring.

Thank **** a mans definition of success reads more like "man on the moon" and less like "I can afford to buy my own shoes". We would still be stuck in caves otherwise.

I dont know whats more sad. A culture of people that thinking acting like an adult is the definition of success or the swathes of morons who put those nitwits on a pedestal for being able to survive alone simply because they have a vagina.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

NO woman could write that ...

Interesting analysis; the only way a man could present such a controversial idea (essentially exposing a feminine social convention) without the standard shame reprisal ("you're just bitter") and be taken seriously is to impersonate a woman. Maybe this wasn't the case, but it's an interesting dynamic none the less.

It's funny because the very same mentality "she" describes is what every woman reading her article would accuse a man of had he written it. A man suggesting a woman do some introspective soul-searching comes off as pretentious and he'd been sent to the shed with his 'fragile male ego' shame. A woman suggesting the same from within the sisterhood is lauded as some spark of intuitive genius.

 

[jophil28]

. A man suggesting a woman do some introspective soul-searching comes off as pretentious and he'd been sent to the shed with his 'fragile male ego' shame. A woman suggesting the same from within the sisterhood is lauded as some spark of intuitive genius.

Yes..


The comments from women who posted under the article are positively glowing in agreement with Jam. I love how they all clamor to agree with 'her'. I suggest that you read them - hysterically funny.
Apparently there are no "independent, strong, intimidating baitches " in her fan club, and those who admit to being one in the past have mended their ways.
I also wonder whether those same women would have been so excitable in their praise had that piece been signed by a man - somehow I doubt it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

When a woman is attractive, educated, financially independent and generally successful and STILL single, many of us start to believe that our success is part of the problem.


The problem, as we are all alluding to here, is gender roles. Women want to be like men, but men want a woman who can act like a woman. Both sides can't act like a man, even though that is how the "successful" woman got to be that way...or at least that's what she's talking about. She does not include the skills of being a woman into her definition of success.

But it goes both ways. Unless you get a sheltered and religious child-bride and chain her to the kitchen stove, men have to compromise as well. Gender roles are not what they used to be, and that is not changing. I am going to drop off my rent check to my landlord this afternoon. The check is hot pink with flowers on it and written in very girly and loopy cursive handwriting. And I am fine with that.

 

[Nutz]

It is impossible that a woman wrote this.

Nah, it's perfectly viable.... from a woman who woke up one day and realized her stock is decreasing every tick of the clock as her attractiveness fades and sees the happiness in her sisters who gave up career for more traditional gender roles. Then it hits home that the only common denominator of all her failed relationships is her. Just too bad in her case she's way past her prime and most guys are chasing tail 10 years her jr.

 

[jophil28]

Nah, it's perfectly viable.... from a woman who woke up one day and realized her stock is decreasing every tick of the clock...

Did you read the comments under the article? Many other women who posted a comment have also just "realized" the same thing !
How amazing, a collective revelation no less !

This whole subject reveals how sheeplike woman are. Firstly ,they aspired to become "strong independent women" because they bought into the fake promises of feminism. Then when men avoided them because of their abrasive attitude, they all chorussed "men are intimidated by successful woman" ,
Unfortunately none of them had the intelligence to understand that shaming men was NEVER going to alter what our hormones found attractive in women.

Now, according to this 'female' writer and the replies/comments which followed the artcle, women have realized their mistakes.
I can hardly wait to read the Cosmo/self help tidalwave about to strike the shelves ... "How to snare a man. A post-feminism strategy for the successful woman".

They really are funny aren't they !

 

[Luthor Rex]

Did you read the comments under the article? Many other women who posted a comment have also just "realized" the same thing !
How amazing, a collective revelation no less !

Women make their decisions by the committee of their friends.

 

[STR8UP]

If there is one thing that I have learned about women, it is that they are utterly incapable of critical self-analysis.

They will go to their graves screaming "It's not my fault!"

 

[Colossus]

Maybe it’s not because you’re successful but perhaps because you wear your success on your sleeve, because you’re arrogant, because you are sure to let a man know in the first conversation that you don’t NEED him or anyone else.

If a woman did write this she deserves a hi-five.

There is nothing more disgusting than a woman who comes off as arrogant and pious. I think modern women have been brainwashed into believing humility is not an attractive quality. It is, ladies. Nothing makes my d1ck go limp like female arrogance. Arrogance in general puts people off, but you expect men to have some bravado at times. What makes someone charismatic is when they can be ****y in such a way that is funny, almost tongue-in-cheek. Like a guy with a beer belly talking about how great his abs are. Obviously they are non-existent, but that's what makes it funny. He doesn't take himself too seriously.

Further, like HH said, just because you have a good job and can pay for all of your own sh!t doesn't necessarily mean you are "successful". Responsible, yes; but that's what's expected of an ADULT.

 

[Colossus]

Nah, it's perfectly viable.... from a woman who woke up one day and realized her stock is decreasing every tick of the clock as her attractiveness fades and sees the happiness in her sisters who gave up career for more traditional gender roles. Then it hits home that the only common denominator of all her failed relationships is her. Just too bad in her case she's way past her prime and most guys are chasing tail 10 years her jr.

Haha, yes!!

 

[jophil28]

There is nothing more disgusting than a woman who comes off as arrogant and pious. I think modern women have been brainwashed into believing humility is not an attractive quality. It is, ladies. Nothing makes my d1ck go limp like female arrogance.
.

Indeed.
I have mentioned several times that women execute power very badly.
They also display perceived "success" in an equally obnoxious manner.
Their sneering and smartass belittling attitude seems to be the badge that they pin on themselves to remind men that they have "arrived".
And they will probably continue to do so whileever men overlook their mouth to gain access to their vagina.

 

[iqqi]

This seems like another woman bashing thread, to me.

A lot of the things wrong with the woman in that thread are also wrong with many men these days. It is similar to the thread that someone posted the other week, about how we filter people out of our lives too easily. We judge the opposite sex based on super-superficial things, and we weigh our own selves based on some of the same things. Superficial qualities get all of the attention. You can look at more than one thread on this very board to see that many men are guilty of doing the same thing.

And it's like some of you are confused... yay for the woman for doing some self reflection? Nope. She STILL gets railed because she is a woman, and I guess elderly to boot. It's like some of you will not allow a woman to simply have a realization, without making her pay even more for whatever reasons you are holding against her, BECAUSE she is a woman.

I know a ton of men her age and your age, and at every age, who could stand to have a revelation like the one she had, admitted to, and shared with the world.

And I guess I just don't understand why something that seems positive can get turned so negative, like it has here. Also some of you take issue with the fact that people are responding in favor to her blog. Don't you think the way the message was conveyed played a part in that?

 

[horaholic]

In my experience, when a woman has a realization, and owns up to her (major) faults, it is only temporary. Thats why two days after they apologize for doing something majorly wrong, they are already doing it again. Im talking about MAJOR stuff, here, not little things.

 

[Warrior74]

This seems like another woman bashing thread, to me.

A lot of the things wrong with the woman in that thread are also wrong with many men these days. It is similar to the thread that someone posted the other week, about how we filter people out of our lives too easily. We judge the opposite sex based on super-superficial things, and we weigh our own selves based on some of the same things. Superficial qualities get all of the attention. You can look at more than one thread on this very board to see that many men are guilty of doing the same thing.

And it's like some of you are confused... yay for the woman for doing some self reflection? Nope. She STILL gets railed because she is a woman, and I guess elderly to boot. It's like some of you will not allow a woman to simply have a realization, without making her pay even more for whatever reasons you are holding against her, BECAUSE she is a woman.

I know a ton of men her age and your age, and at every age, who could stand to have a revelation like the one she had, admitted to, and shared with the world.

And I guess I just don't understand why something that seems positive can get turned so negative, like it has here. Also some of you take issue with the fact that people are responding in favor to her blog. Don't you think the way the message was conveyed played a part in that?

I didn't start it as a woman bashing thread. I thought it was interesting that so many women were cosigning on it. Especially the girl I know who posted it. The girl I know is very pretty and very entitled and has a very nasty personality that pushes men away. They stay long enough to hit it and then when they get to know her the run for the hills. I'm surprised she could read something like this and actually admit that she reflects pretty much the entire article. I took it as a good sign.