A chance of escaping the friendzone.

[Styr]

Briefly dated a girl (she is 26 by now) some 2 years back - it as she who first approached me. Screwed it up - beta sickness. Ended up orbiting her, getting friendzoned. Eventually she chose to block me from social media sites. unblocked me, though shortly after. Had long periods of no contact, though I saw her several times at her work onboard a cruiseferry. Managed to anger her to the extent that she said she does not want to see me. Saw her two weeks later and she was very friendly, flirty even. For a brief time we chatted in a similar fashion as when we were dating.

Had a long time of no contact, until I had a female friend and her coworker subtly enquire her feelings about me, and talk me up. I trusted my friend, and she sees us a good couple, that is the reason I could go ahead with it. She had told my friend, that while I have always asked about her (how she has been, what she has been doing - she seldom talks much), she wants me to talk about myself - she even said so to me in person, telling me that she is too busy to talk, but would listen to me. She works also in the check-in desk in the harbour, and had told my friend that she was slightly annoyed because I had done most of my bookings in the ticket office instead, many of them with a close friend of hers (one of the causes for me screwing up with her was because I was dating one of her friends before, and was not manly enough when breaking up). She had even made an angry remark in Facebook, that I am seeing her friend when making cruise bookings.

I went to see her in the harbour (she works at two places) with legitimate business. She was flirty, asked a little about me, but ignored most of my questions about her, flirtingly telling we that I was distracting her from her work. I had planned on asking her out on that occasion, but failed to find a suitable spot to do so.

Surely enough, the next time I went to the ticket office - where her friend works (together with the friend who helped me), her friend started asking me questions, whether I am seeing somebody, etc. While she has been talkative, friendly-borderline flirty, and making jokes, she had never enquired about me this way. Almost felt as if she(the girl) had asked her friend to enquire about me.

Do I have any meaningul reason to pursue this one? She seems not to be indifferent to me - she would not have gotten mad with me, if she were indifferent.

The reason I post this is, that she is the only girl I have felt any meaningul connection with.

I'd appreciate any ideas.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Styr,
Look this Girl is not a friend in the way we talk of Friend Zones...No not really she is apart from the inherent risks of being a Co-Employee fair game....No Styr the Friend Zone is a dynamic very hard to explain...It is an area of relationship as clear and distinct as say ones Family....It comes from years of intimacy that have never triggered lust...Such Women are used as activity companions,as sounding boards,as a resource helping you understand,the different,to us illogical mind of Women

 

[Greasy Pig]

Styr, you're asking for trouble by continuing to orbit her. You've made up all these seemingly rational reasons to stay in contact with her but the truth is you're continuing to manifest a fantasy in your mind which must be crushing your soul.
I agree, her workmates asking after your relationship status is intriguing but your target sounds like a fvcking bytch.
She sounds dismissive, bored and in no way remotely interested in fvcking you.
Would a woman who is passionately interested in a man tell him to just keep blabbing away because she's too busy to talk???
If you had any balls, you would've excused yourself and walked.
You're dancing to her tune and she loves it.
She's an attention wh0re who throws you the occasional peanut and you jump up and dance for her.
There is absolutely nothing in your stories that gives me any encouragement for you whatsoever.
And another thing: does she earn commission from selling you cruise tickets? If so, that would make it in her best interests to keep you on the hook.

 

[Styr]

Forgot to add, that I visited the ticket office (she was replacing a co-worker there) on the day I had arranged for my friend to talk me up and open her up. I chose my timing so that the girl was busy with another customer and approached my friend to change a ticket, while the girl would occasionally glimpse and blush at me when dealing with her customer. I had a brief chat with her between two customers. She was still busy when I had finished.

I have previously remained in the ticket office chatting with my friend (and sometimes the other girls working there). There was a customer in line, so I could not do that, but my friend asked me to sit down, while she would take the next customer, offering me a cup of coffe afterwards. I decided to leave anyway, so the girl in question too asked me to stay. I stopped for a few seconds to tease her, and left. Later I heard from my friend that she thought that she had forced me to leave, and she would have liked for me to stay. It was a time where the likelyhood of any new customers coming in was very slim.

Actually, I have not been orbiting her anymore - at least not in any way obvious to her. Involving my friend in helping me to find out what her feelings are was the only thing I have done. We have had no contact for at least 4 months.

As for her being busy at work might be true, as they indeed have a lot of paperwork to do onboard. It is even worse in the harbour or ticket offices when the customers are in line.

And no, she does not get any commission. Even if she would, then I would be a bad customer, as I travel mostly using gift cards.

 

[FairShake]

If she blocked you on social media and said she doesn't want to see you she may not see you as a friend and might may see you as the orbiter type.

Friendzone is easy to get out of. Logistics and alcohol and timing usually do the part. I'm friends with a ton of girls. Sometimes things work out and I bang them and sometimes they don't. But I maintain a friendly flirty distance with them and never get too clingy. If they start to pursue because of my humor, look, and ability to buy them a drink well that's when it works.

But orbiter? She MIGHT see you as kind of creepy. You are beyond the friendly and flirty part. Don't bother with her until she starts to pursue you. In the mean time keep talking to other chicks.

 

[Styr]

Yes, she did block me. Twice. All that within 3-4 days. Unblocked me after that. That was the occasion where I might have appeared a bit creepy. Learnt from my action and mistake as soon as I made them. That was 2 years ago.

Yes, she said she does not want to see me - that was after I had managed to insult her. While I did not think I did anything wrong, I could see it from her viewpoint. She was no longer mad in any way the next time I saw her.

Now, if she would be indifferent towards me, then she would have blocked me, and that would have been the end of it. Why would she then unblock me. Two times in a row?

Also, if she would be indifferent to me, then she would not have reacted that way to what she regarded as an insult. Had she taken me as a regular passenger, then she would be more or less indifferent in what I did or said. She got angry with me, showing that she had/has emotions regarding me. I would be in a different soup altogether had she been indifferent.

 

[FairShake]

She knows you're interested. You've made that clear. But she's not interested, that's also clear. If she was she would let you know. Believe me.

It's possible that sometime in the future she will be interested but SHE will let you know that. In the meantime there is nothing to do to make her interested in you other than keep a distance, talk to other women, and continue improving as a man. At some point you may not give a sh!t about her...and that's probably when she will be interested.

 

[origin138]

She isn't interested. The only thing she is interested in is why you stop orbiting from time to time. And the only reason she is interested in that is because it reflects on her self-worth.

You orbit her = she feels she has power, treats you like crap, feels validated
You don't orbit her = she feels powerless, unattractive, and inquires about where you've been

Both scenarios are about one thing, HER. If she wants your attention, she'll need to open her legs. Other than that, move on and figure out why this dismissive little snotnose has her hooks so deep.

Attention is a 2 way street friend.

 

[backbreaker]

Son more men have escaped from Alcatraz than have escaped the friend zone.

 

[El Suave]

I'm going to tell you what everybody else is telling you. Forget this chick all together. Phuck her friendship, romance and all the other crap. Can't you see how she's messing with your head? You're sitting in front of the computer asking advice about a chick that blocks you on facebook and plays the hot and cold game with you. Snap out of it!!!! It's not a healthy friendship and it will never turn into romance.
She is phucking with you! In a friendzone at least you would be treated as a friend.
And another thing, stop blaming yourself from past mistakes. Learn from them.

 

[goodganji44]

Speaking from a person who's gotten out of the friendzone, I can only tell you that there's one and ONLY one way to do it.


1. Go completely ghost. Absolutely no contact and if you can help, don't give no explanations and at least pretend like you don't give two fvcks.

2. Talk to other women. It helps even more if she sees you interacting with other women. But it has to be natural and not forced.

3. Completely forget about this woman and move on. If she's the least bit interested, she'll let you know.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Styr,
From what you tell us about this Woman blocking you at different times....I strongly suggest you go no contact as she is a distinct threat to your career!

 

[glass half full]

Son more men have escaped from Alcatraz than have escaped the friend zone.

lmao!

 

[Styr]

While I appreciate your input, I fail to see how not being in ANY contact for several months - on many occasions - could constitute to orbiting?

Yes, I did do that. He blocked me. Learnt from that. She unblocked me, but I stopped orbiting her. Two years has passed by now. Does not mean I can't be friendly or moderately flirty with her on those few occasions I see her?

 

[Alvafe]

Styr just don't lose anymore time with her, she had her chance now is too late, if you have other girls lined up you wouldn't even think about it, and don't matter if you say you stoped orbiting her, in your mind you still are.

you can be friendly even flirty with her if you want, but I still recommend to keep it just business and not even care much for what she do or try to do

 

[El Suave]

Two years has passed by now. Does not mean I can't be friendly or moderately flirty with her on those few occasions I see her?

Sure you can. What do you expect out of it? Things to progress?
Ok, let's say you ignore everybody's advice here and you keep trying. Fine, but use some logic. Set a timeline. For example, say in your head that you will try for 2 more months and then quit that idea. Man up, some things in life will have to be walked away from if they don't work.

 

[backbreaker]

While I appreciate your input, I fail to see how not being in ANY contact for several months - on many occasions - could constitute to orbiting?

Yes, I did do that. He blocked me. Learnt from that. She unblocked me, but I stopped orbiting her. Two years has passed by now. Does not mean I can't be friendly or moderately flirty with her on those few occasions I see her?

seriously dude, read my story. pretty much the same thing as you. 2 years without talking to her, showed me signs of interest, the whole 9 yards

to make matters worse, in those 2 years I put in some serious work. I made a ****load of money, i looked better and i had more game. she just did not see me as anything more than her big brother.

To get this out the way now, the girls name is kat. That’s her nickname and to get around not calling her by her real name and not referring to her as this girl that brought me here all day, I’m just going to get that out the way now.

I met kat through a girl I was dating in high school. Kat and I actually knew each other from an earlier summer camp that we both went to. To make a long story short so that I can get to the point, the girl brokge up with me, kat started calling me more and more, we started hanging out, we even made out at one point. Then after I went into full AFC all star mode, she gave me the LJBF talk.

Me being a determined little ****er dammit I was gonna date this girl lol.l I picked her up from school every day. She was a senior and I was out of school. Everyday at 3:15 I was right there at her all girls school tot ake her ass home. Every once in a while we’d stop and get ice cream or some ****. Loven otes, gifts, all this ****. I tried it all. still persisted and she for what.. 8 months or so told SHE WASN’T INTERESTED in dating right now. I took her word only for her to find a guy and start dating him the night she met him. I was heart broken. If was this action on her part that made me originally come here in 2002. Crying like a little ***** lol, hurt, heart broken, the whole 9.

Anyway, I read this site for a few weeks and I came to the crystal clear idea.. dammit I’m not ****ing this girl why am I talking to her. So I told her to get bent.

So get bent she did and I moved on with my life. It was around a few weeks after this that my life changed in the most drastic way possible.. I ran into an old high school friend and we started hanging out and we were both techies and we started just building pc’;s for ****s and giggles and then one day I got the idea.. dude. Why don’t we like.. do this for a job lol. we bothed like to build very high end custom gaming rigs. So dammit off into the business world I went.

Now, I say the above to brag at all, but just to say, that when kat reached out to me, damn near 2 years to the day that I told her to get bent, a lot had changed in my life. When I met her I was a confused teen, 2 years later I was a young and budding entrepreneur. She happened to call me/contact me right at the time we started to really hit **** in gear. How she sniffed out that timing to this day I don’t know. I had just bought a new car a week before I heard from her.

Now, to boilermaker, this part is for you. And this is why I’m so ****ing hell bent on this guy talking to her. I had the same ****ing ideas as you have. **** check my post history. At that time I was a member of the site but I still had not, really… taken to the advice here. I thought I was different and no one here understood us and our unique situation. Pages and pages of debates on this **** still lie on this forum. So she writes me a letter telling me she wants to talk hasn’t seen me in a while. The girl is a true knockout, even today so of course. And honestly. She really isn’t a ****ty person. She’s a tad bland, she’s very materialistic, but she’s not a bad person.. she’s the person who actually checked my ass into rehab. So obviously I come here and me being the meticulous guy I am, I develop this game plan to seek my revenge on her / get some ***** out of the deal. Mind you at 20 I got all this **** figured out lol.
Everyone on this ****ing forum told me backbreaker.. look I’m going to tell you exact what’s gonna happen. She’s using you. For what we don’t know but she’s using you. Id dint’ want to hear it.
So anyway, we make contact, and she’s impressed with my business and stuff, we spend time together.. she calls me every night damn near , and slowly she sucks me back in. this entire time she is dating this guy who she met then, she still hasn’t broken up with him, but she’s basically pre branch swinging. The guy had issues. First, he wasn’t particularly good looking, his dad just happened to be loaded to the brim. Secondly, he had this bad habit of trying to kill himself. So every time he’d do this **** she would pop up at my house crying and we would talk about **** and hold hands and walk and **** and I’m like yeah she’s about to branch swing yeah *****! This **** goes on for what… 5-6 months. One day I basically took a day off work because I was 100% convinced she was ready to leave and I wanted to walk her through it. Of course she didn’t.
I would honestly say, at this point I was spending more tijme with her than her boyfriend was. She was over my house every other day. She knew where I worked would stop in and eat lunch with me. We went out all the time. We went shopping together. Sometimes she’d ask me to come over and watch a movie with her.. basically I was her boyfriend.. just without the *******s and **** lol.

That’s not even the worst part about it. The above is ****ed up how she played me, but what’s even more ****ed up, is not only did she not want to **** me, not only despite the fact that now I was a budding enpuranter who ran this kick ass company and had a nice crib, had developed al ittle game, had a nice car, I had my **** in order, that she still did not want to **** me, but she didn’t want anyone else to **** me either. That was the worst part.

Like, I had done enough, I knew enough **** here where I was doing cold approaches and getting numbers and ****. And every time she thought she was in serious danger of losing my attention she’d up the ante. She’d spend the night. She’d buy me a present. This ***** was cold blooded. One day I was going on a date with this very v ery cute blonde who I went to high school with and she calls me and tells me she has something she wants to talk to me about and me being head over heels for her dropped the date like abad habit, only for her to forget what she was going to say later that night. This **** went on for almost 2 years AFTER she re contacted me.

Even though however we aren’t ****ing and I can’t **** anyone else, everything else that boyfriends do I have to do that **** lol. I paid for a full year of her college. I bought her and herm om a computer. I paid for a friend of her’s casket who died in a car accident.

Lol now mind you my entire purpose of talking to this ***** again was to get back at her. Lol whose getting back at who? Because I assure you by now I’m’ not getting back at jack ****.

Now, a few months later I actually sale my company, and in what.. about a year and a half I actually do end up ****ing her.. quite a bit actually lol.. once I actually started listening to the guys here and taking their advice, funny how that **** worked lol.

But that was 3 years, about 10-15k and the bluest balls on the face of the earth later.

So, I beg you, and that goes for anyone here, don’t do what I did. Let the ***** go lol. let her do her thing. Don’t get dragged back into her ****.

lol do you have any fvcking conception of how much better my life would have been if i had just let the ***** go lol? i had the freaking world by the balls, i'm a good looking dude, i had more money then i knew how to spend, literally, and i actually had developed al ittle game, and my ***** ass is sitting here being lead around by the nose by a ***** who doesn't even like me. I remember sitting at home one night on a friday and thinking.. WTF? sitting here watching for this girl to call me, im' freaking 21 years old and i'm ***** wipped by a girl who i am not getting ***** from.

i literally had girls throwing ***** at me that i was running away from. i turned down sex basically from a girl who was very good looking one night beucase i didn't want to miss kat's call. that's a personal hell i don't wish on anyone. to be that ****ing wipped.

you think you want payback you don't, you want closure. you aren't going to get it.

If a woman contacts you out of the ****ing blue 2 years later, I guarantee you that it’s not beucase you were such a great guy that she had to find out what you are doing. She has an agenda. You don’t what to stick around and figure out what it is.

this **** isn't a game. this isn't dating theory 101. this is a guy telling you who has cried himself to sleep so many times he has lost count beucase he couldn't get the girl of his dreams to see why he is a catch, dispute the fact that everyone else saw it. this is a guy who thought he was trying to get payback but in the end was getting played back.