A Cautionary Tale: Beware the 30+ Aged Wife...

[Augustus_McCrae]

Buddha,

I honestly commend you for having the wisdom to wait and be selective. Your goal of gaining more experience with women makes a truckload of sense. You are ahead of the game regarding the selection of a woman for potential marriage.

As for me, I will feely admit that I've made my share of mistakes. One of them was getting married too young. Another was not being knowledgable enough about what marriage really is. Based on your join date and your number of posts, you've probably been exposed to quite a bit of information about women, men, and the current marriage laws. One advantage that young men have today is the wealth of knowledge contained on the internet. When I was young the amount of information available was much more limited. A resource like sosauve did not exist.

But with regard to your question about a message. There are a couple of messages here. However, maybe the most important one is simply this:

Why would a man want to get married in today's world?

The most common answer in the past for why a man would want to get married would probably be because he wanted to have children. Twenty or thirty years ago, it was not commonplace for a man and a woman to intentionally have children without being married. The term "baby daddy" did not even exist back then...

However, today it is not unheard of for a man and woman to intentionally have childen without being married.

So, knowing what I know now, I have no idea why a man would choose to get married in today's world. I honestly don't.

Please bear in mind that I have no interest in telling another man he should never get married. I can only say that for me, once was more than enough...

I would however advise any man who is considering marriage to seriously think about that decision before jumping in with both feet. It would also be worthwhile for him to actually write down the reasons why he would get married and how he expects to benefit from being married.

If you don't mind my asking and with all due respect, would you mind sharing your reasons for why you plan to marry someday? However, if it's too personal, I
understand.

Thanks,

Augustus

 

[goundra]

IT WAS THE KIDS, stupid. and the lack of enough money to get her HELP with raising them, or let you stay home and help. don't have any kids until you have at LEAST 1/4 mill $ in the BANK, or move to the 3rd world. 1/2 million is more like it and I am NOT kidding. You can retire young, if you go at it right, make PLENTY of money and THEN have kids, if you still want them. what's the rush? She can have kids at age 35, you at age 45, and yuo can ADOPT. theres nothing whatsoever that is special about your geners, mine, or hers, you know.

 

[Poonani Maker]

All civilizations from Sumer to Egypt to Ashoka knew this

women are to be held as the property of men
...this is their natural role (excepting of royalty)

they are simply too childish and immature to be called adults

in our time elite men have seen fit to grant women 'equality'...the result has been chaos and subjugation for 99.9% of men

the fact that too few men realize this is why so many marriages take place in the first place

any man who marries is an outright fool

werd...women should not have nare a right to do much of a 100th of what they are enabled to do these days, and that includes driving.

 

[goundra]

so who said it will be in the BANK? Who said the wife (or anyone ELSE, for that matter) needs to know about more than 10% of it.? Mine sure doesn't, and she never will, either. Women have MUCH, much less of a case in divorce court if there's no kids, guys. And no state will "hunt you" over HER alimony the way they do over the child support issue. You can choose, kids, or money and freedom, at a young age. you won't have both, almost certainly.

and if you could read, you;d know that I think having kids is a HORRIBLE idea for 99% of men. regardless of their age or financial situation.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Note to self - Don't get married.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Buddha,

I honestly commend you for having the wisdom to wait and be selective. Your goal of gaining more experience with women makes a truckload of sense. You are ahead of the game regarding the selection of a woman for potential marriage.

As for me, I will feely admit that I've made my share of mistakes. One of them was getting married too young. Another was not being knowledgable enough about what marriage really is. Based on your join date and your number of posts, you've probably been exposed to quite a bit of information about women, men, and the current marriage laws. One advantage that young men have today is the wealth of knowledge contained on the internet. When I was young the amount of information available was much more limited. A resource like sosauve did not exist.

But with regard to your question about a message. There are a couple of messages here. However, maybe the most important one is simply this:

Why would a man want to get married in today's world?

The most common answer in the past for why a man would want to get married would probably be because he wanted to have children. Twenty or thirty years ago, it was not commonplace for a man and a woman to intentionally have children without being married. The term "baby daddy" did not even exist back then...

However, today it is not unheard of for a man and woman to intentionally have childen without being married.

So, knowing what I know now, I have no idea why a man would choose to get married in today's world. I honestly don't.

Please bear in mind that I have no interest in telling another man he should never get married. I can only say that for me, once was more than enough...

I would however advise any man who is considering marriage to seriously think about that decision before jumping in with both feet. It would also be worthwhile for him to actually write down the reasons why he would get married and how he expects to benefit from being married.

If you don't mind my asking and with all due respect, would you mind sharing your reasons for why you plan to marry someday? However, if it's too personal, I
understand.

Thanks,

Augustus

Augustus,

I appreciate your response. I still feel I have so much experience to gain, but I also fear making a dumb decision or as you have described, marrying a woman who "flips her switch"...if you don't mind me asking, how was your wife at other life obligations outside of her marriage? AKA--did she steadily give up on other aspects of life also?

The virtues you outlined earlier in your posts (about self growth and learning from mistakes) is golden words. You will continue to grow and expand, and this closed minded woman will stagnate..sounds like she already has.

In regards to your question:

Someday I would like to get married to a woman who is my best friend, to marry as an expression of my commitment to that person and to be there for them whatever terrible stuff life tries throws..to be a source of emotional comfort and to push them to be better versions of themselves (and vice versa)..I suppose marriage isn't necessary for those things...I do understand "marriage" is for the most part just a social tradition..but I value monogamy and believe in the long run I'd be happier that way in my heart..a woman who is proud to be with me and sees my value..cares about me for who I am in my heart not just my externals..

Maybe I am just a blind optimist. But I believe in mutually-growing happy relationships ... I don't like giving up on people ... I also don't know if I'll ever find a woman who feels the same; but I would like to think someday when I am financially stable and less youthfully impulsive, I might be able to have a happy married life with a woman I am stoked about..

I can have a temper though and get depressed about the world at times (human greed,lack of opportunity,the exhaustion of our planet'a resources..)...I genuinely worry about the future of what we are creating..I don't know if I'll find peace to these bigger mental problems sometimes..I don't know what woman would wish to be around me when I'm brooding over Life's philosophical dilemmas...

I guess I just am attracted to marriage out of the notion of not turning a back on someone..trying to love someone and encourage and support them..

PS--I hope this year 2013 brings you untold Victories and Learning...I feel for you my friend and wish you healing and newness all for the Better..

 

[LiveFreeX]

Why would a man want to get married in today's world?

The world is a big place.

One of the most important reasons: citizenship in another country. You can own a house with a wife for between 3500 to 7500 dollars in Asia/Phillip. A nice house with 3 or 4 bedrooms... and there are lots of jobs that pay a decent income.

Another is access to cheap healthcare in many countries around the world. You could marry Canadian *shudder* and get access to our healthcare system or Japanese, British, French...

Hookup with a good girl from a 3rd world country who doesn't have an 'entitled to everything' mindset.

Marry for money if you really want to or marry a girl of a prominent business owner/millionaire.

Getting married abroad allows you to walk away at any time.

Perhaps you should rephrase your question to read: Why would a man want to get married in today's AMERICA?
.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Geez this thread makes me not want to ever marry an American chick either.. too many of these kinds of threads around. better to marry a girl from another country who has traditional ideals drilled into her head and the type of mindset needed from a woman who you expect to always be with you.

 

[GotED?]

My .85 cents on this topic since I have been married twice (2nd one only being 3 months until separation/divorce, first one together almost 10 years):

I married my first wife in my late 20's - I seriously was not the same man I am now in my late 30's. Back then I was low-self esteemed, AFC-holic, pressure from family members to have grand kids, blah blah blah. I picked women by 'convenience' - which means if a girl or any girl that is slightly attractive paid attention to me and was interested in me, I would throw myself upon her and go into a relationship.

I was quite lucky like a post said earlier - my first wife was a 'nice' girl so the divorce was not hellish and was settled/agreed. However, I do feel the sting of the OP saying how the woman changes over time. This is absolutely true. I look back and see myself, also have changed vastly since my late 20's. I am now someone who I will never recognize back in my 20's: confident, witty, can dump a woman without much consideration but to my own welfare if she behaves badly, healthy self-esteem, and much more spiritual, wiser, and happier being alone.

So who's fault is it that WE all change over the years?? So I did had to think about through out ancient civilizations (as another poster pointed out) that women were property of men. I do look back and agree to some degree, after having my share of women now I am 40; I do draw the conclusion that most NON-MASCULINIZED women are poor decision maker, overly emotionally driven, lack responsibility to life as a whole, lazy (oh yes!), and just want to have fun most of the time.

The responsible and successful women, are mostly MASCULINIZED - if you are a man with the FRAME, you are not going to be attracted to MASCULINZED women because those two chemicals will never mix properly. So you end up with the feminine woman if you are a DJ - that is great, the way it is suppose to be. The way the ANCIENT traditional way was suppose to be, now add marriage contract to the mix. I agree, we modern men are fooked.

After 2 marriages (2nd one was definitely a BPD or HPD -I am not just throwing out the 'BPD' term as A LOT of people on here spout it off without knowing what the FOOK they are talking about. I been punched in the face, bleed from it, and experienced the hysteria/emotional damage a BPD inflicts on a man), I have escaped severe financial wrath because I believe I have been 'lucky' (or I would prefer being watched by those upstairs).

I looked back at how I selected the women I wanted to marry - I thought it was the best I could do - and I think I did well for the first one. But driven purely by lust the 2nd one (ended up being BPD). Was there any way to determine the outcome of my first wife 10 years later? Perhaps - by looking at her messed up family structure of parents/siblings. Those have applied to BOTH of my ex-wife's; father not there or seriously emotionally absent/divorced. Learn from your experiences, it will save you a lot of pain.

Would I marry AGAIN? I am highly conflicted in this - I am a deeply sentimental man who believes in the family structure and singularity. Lots of you will sh!t on this but everyone has their own right to their beliefs and ways of living. I believe in loyalty, faithfulness, dedication to a single partner, and sharing deeply things in life together.

However, I am just ranting all this to myself because I, like a lot of you - have decided to take a hard look at marriage and the institution it provides. After having personally experienced hell from it, I can only feel sadness about those men who still is inspired by the ideology of it but in reality it is just an empty dream.

With Respect,

Exodus

 

[Zarky]

Would I marry AGAIN? I am highly conflicted in this - I am a deeply sentimental man who believes in the family structure and singularity. Lots of you will sh!t on this but everyone has their own right to their beliefs and ways of living. I believe in loyalty, faithfulness, dedication to a single partner, and sharing deeply things in life together.

Interesting how you've taken those ideals that have been drummed into your head by other people from the moment you were an infant and called them "your own" beliefs and ways of living :crazy:

Do you understand?

I'll explain if you don't. Society has indoctrinated you with those values that benefit it. You have so internalized those values that you truly believe them to be "yours." It's the rare, RARE man who can see this. And it's an even rarer man who is willing to change his core values into ones that truly benefit himself and not the people who originally indoctrinated him.

 

[GotED?]

Interesting how you've taken those ideals that have been drummed into your head by other people from the moment you were an infant and called them "your own" beliefs and ways of living :crazy:

Do you understand?

I'll explain if you don't. Society has indoctrinated you with those values that benefit it. You have so internalized those values that you truly believe them to be "yours." It's the rare, RARE man who can see this. And it's an even rarer man who is willing to change his core values into ones that truly benefit himself and not the people who originally indoctrinated him.

Very interesting and convincing statemenet, Zarky.

I was very religious (Southern Baptist) for a good 10 year or so of my teenage/college life. Now you make me think about it, I have been somewhat brain washed by it all. I can't stand religion since I was in my 30's but doesn't mean it hasn't left a trail of Pavlov the Dog effect.

However, having said that - it still makes me wonder what is the proper framework of the institution for men who wants to have children??

I have lived in Europe now for 3 years, have opened my eyes a bit as most typical Americans (as I used to be) never think that there is a world that exists beyond the borders of United States.

Marriage, at one time served as an institution for raising a family. With women's rights and movement, it is obviously in shambles and a joke, serving the rights of women once again.

So we men need to slash away the thoughts of having children or else we will always be in the grips of pain and leverage of manipulation from women?

Ah, can't wait to be 50 yrs old and be with post-menopausal women LOL Too bad my current GF is mid 30's and still dealing with wanting kids mentality.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[FinalWay]

]
I was quite lucky like a post said earlier - my first wife was a 'nice' girl so the divorce was not hellish and was settled/agreed. However, I do feel the sting of the OP saying how the woman changes over time. This is absolutely true. I look back and see myself, also have changed vastly since my late 20's. I am now someone who I will never recognize back in my 20's: confident, witty, can dump a woman without much consideration but to my own welfare if she behaves badly, healthy self-esteem, and much more spiritual, wiser, and happier being alone.

I don't know how to describe it right from my own eyes but it seems like this happens so often...woman married reaches her late 20s'-40s and all the sudden just changes , from out of the blue! Majority of the time without any real reason or explanation. They may start maturity earlier, but they sure as hell don't finish it earlier!

 

[evan12]

Life is short, but it's also long. The thing is, people change, slowly over time. What once was fresh and exciting gets old and comfortable and worn out. Then one day one of you meets somebody that makes you feel young again, like you haven't felt for a long time. All the freshness and excitement of a potential new relationship. And a woman especially can get swept up in all this emotion and are willing to trade what is old and routine for what is new and exciting.

that is correct , it is all bout women think divorce will give them new sexual opportunities , beside the idea of they are financially secured after divorce .

why women get angry and nasty ?
answer is simple , they are like babies when they don't want some thing instead of saying it they just act this way to push you to divorce .
even young women , then they want breakup and embarrassed to say it , they start making problems and getting angry for no clear reason .

 

[goundra]

it's having KIDS that gives wives the leverage to hurt you guys. MANY times worse than just the marriage license, but you don't give a THOUGHT to squirting out a kid or 4. Well, tough stuff. If you had any sense, you'd get a a vasectomy, and once you had a million $ or so, ADOPT a kid or 2, if you want kids SO BADLY. You were an idiot, you set yourself up for it, now you are paying for your ignorance. Others should learn from this.

 

[sodbuster]

The only thing you are right about in that whole statement is kids give her leverage. If you don't want your own biological kids running around, why would you marry in the first place? The ONLY reason I can see for it. Were you planning on having a wife to help you raise them goundra? Because a million isn't going to let you quit working....do the math and tell me what you'd invest in that would give you a decent income for LIFE. I figure I'd want about 3 at least. Do you know many people who have that kind of scratch while they are young enough to want to chase kids? I run with MD's, DDS's,Lawyers ,chiropractors, etc. not happening in any of those fields. No money there till about 40 and not the 3 million level till later than that.

 

[goundra]

I married because immigration law said that I couldn't get my filipina here in any other way. No you don't need 3 mill.. you don't even need 1/2 mill to retire in uS if you know what to do with it. i have posted several options about that on this site. there's many ways to put toghether 1/4 mill here in US in 5 years or so, and that's all you need, if you will pay attention, be realistic and not have kids.

 

[BudaBing]

No marriage under no circumstances. PERIOD.

Now, if the tables were turned and MEN got half of the women's shvt and HE gets alimony for life from HER then sure lets do it.

Short of that, NEVER!

 

[expos]

Some additional thoughts on marriage...and why it isn't working anymore for our society.

1.
Women today are far too surface. By this, they need to be validated by others outside of their marriage in terms of how big the house is, the car they drive, the clothes they wear, getting pregnant before 30, just all of this sh_t that has nothing to do with marriage at all. These are WANTS but not NEEDS. Women seem to confuse these things. If they can't get all of these things, they see themselves as a FAILURE, and frankly, other surface-oriented women will view them as this way too. This breeds a sh_tty, entitled culture of spoiled girls. I'd say that 75% of the women out their view marriage as an achievement.

2.
Today's man doesn't have the coping skills or emotional depth to deal with women. Men aren't becoming men until age 45. We have 30 year olds acting like it's their first semester of college and playing World of Warcraft for 5 hours a day. How is that even respectable?

Today's man doesn't know how to dream big, work harder, and most of all, love. We are not ALPHA enough and not setting standards and boundaries for these women in the very beginning. Men SHOULD be leaders, shouldn't be submissive, and call the shots. Newsflash! Women don't want to be married to a pushover...they want ALPHA...they just can't admit it and deal with being wrong.

Women are supposed to be passive, sweet, and caring. Men should be strong, confident, and take no sh_t.

A man who doesn't want to give orders should not be married. A woman who doesn't want to take orders should GTFO, spare the guy some grief, and live a life alone.

 

[Burroughs]

Some additional thoughts on marriage...and why it isn't working anymore for our society.

1.
Women today are far too surface. By this, they need to be validated by others outside of their marriage in terms of how big the house is, the car they drive, the clothes they wear, getting pregnant before 30, just all of this sh_t that has nothing to do with marriage at all. These are WANTS but not NEEDS. Women seem to confuse these things. If they can't get all of these things, they see themselves as a FAILURE, and frankly, other surface-oriented women will view them as this way too. This breeds a sh_tty, entitled culture of spoiled girls. I'd say that 75% of the women out their view marriage as an achievement.

[

.

SO tell me

why the fvck should todays man

be leaders, ALPHA, dream, or work harder when 75% of women are raving cvnts as you stated

seems like men would be better suited doing whatever they damn well pleased except for pedestalizing women in any form.

 

[goundra]

Anybody who knows jack squat about investing can average 20%, before tax and inflation reduce it to 10%. If you "can't make it" on 100k a year, (as idiot above claims 1 million won't retire you ) you are a lame.