A bump in the road..

[Die Hard]

So here's more on the story I started in another thread (http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=176166)

Since I got into this DJ thing, I've been slowly transforming myself. I keep focussing on my inner game: my thoughts, my convictions, my feelings. I can notice how my outer game, the actual changes in my behaviour, just follows automatically from the changes in my inner game. But now there's a bump in the road and I feel a bit conflicted...

So far, things have stayed a bit superficial. I've been flirting around a lot, just playing with my new found knowledge and testing how it affects my attractiveness to women. As far as tangible results, I've danced and kissed with some girls in the club but not much beyond that. I like to keep things superficial, it allows me to keep things under control. I feel that the closer a girl gets to me and the more she knows about me, the harder it becomes to keep up my "DJ aura". That's the thing: I am not a DJ...I'm still becoming one!

When I'm walking on the street, the way I move, the glance from my eyes, it all conveys self confidence and sexuality. That's something I've developed, something I've learned to do. When business gets more serious, like when I actually have small talk with a chick, I can still convey those things. But the more personal things get, the harder I have to focus in order to keep conveying that self confidence and sexuality. In accordance with this, things go much more smoothly when I deal with superficial and shallow girls, as opposed to more sophisticated girls with higher intelligence and deeper personalities. With the latter, I feel like I have to do my best to keep up my DJ appearance while she's constantly trying to break through it.. With the former, I just feel like I am a DJ, period.

Also, I feel like the more sophisticated girls don't fall for the type of behaviour I've come to develop towards girls. I feel like those girls see me as a superficial macho, a simple guy who lacks substance... You know? Looks good, knows how to dance, knows how to create physical attraction, but doesn't have much to offer beyond that. This particular girl I was dealing with last week, was one of those girls.. She didn't say this explicitly in any way, but I could sense her thoughts being: "Okay mister, your handsome and you act like a smooth operator, but I'd like you to drop the act now and show your real self... If you can't do that, you can't have me."

Now, on the one hand, I feel like: "Screw you, I don't need this bullcrap... NEXT!" She got me thinking about her way too much already, the whole fact that I'm writing this thread proves so. But on the other hand I feel like: "She's a very nice girl, she's real girlfriend material, perhaps I should indeed try to 'drop the act' and be more sincere with her?" But I don't think I'm ready for that stuff anyway... I wanna continue on the road that I've been walking for some while now, I felt content with where I was going. This girl and the considerations she causes me to have, it all feels like a bump in the road. I'm not ready to be a "decent guy", let her get close to me, open myself up to her and that sh!t. Right now, my gut tells me I should just try to win her over MY WAY, stay in that DJ mode and try to seduce her just like I would seduce some superficial slut. If she resists to this approach, I'll just 'next' her and find some easier prey to devour.

Any thoughts on this story, guys? I can imagine that some of you more experienced DJ's have been in this situation somewhere along your own paths, right?

 

[PokerStar]

see, you dont realize that YOU do have substance, you just havent come to terms with it yet. but, you are on the right path to discovering who YOU are.

to me, when a girl says drop the act, i think its her way of testing your consistency. correct me if im wrong here.

keep doing what your doing on the self improvement path, i myself havent reached dj stauts yet, but i know im in the right direction and although i dont know when im going to reach that status, its the journey there is what makes it so much fun.

Keep plugging away, succes in numbers my friend!

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for your reply, Poker. I do realize that I do have substance but the thing is, when I let it show, I somehow become more AFC. I don't know if that makes sense to you.. It's like, when I go into hunting mode, I feel and act primitive. I truly am "simple" and without substance at that point, but I am very sexual. If some chick starts an intellectual conversation with me at that point, I feel like answering all her questions with: "I dunno, who cares. Let's drink beer and sing along!" As soon as I would let my intellectual side show itself and go along with her serious conversation, the primitive side dissapears, I don't radiate sexuality anymore, I don't feel confident anymore and I am not playful anymore. I can be one of two things at a time: Either a stupid, primitive Neanderthal who radiates a lot of sexuality and confidence or a dull, nerdy intellectual who radiates no sexuality and confidence. It's like the two exclude each other and I can't mix them. So...as soon as I meet a woman who expects me to show more substance, I don't feel at ease.

I'm sure I will learn to mix the two together in time. Be sexual, playful and radiate raw, primitive atttractiveness on the one hand but be able to show more substance at the same time. But for now, it just doesn't work for me and I think I will just stick to the primitive side of me when dealing with women, even if they expect more from me. It might even be a good thing, right? They'll chase after that other side of me, they'll try to make me show it. That way, I stay in charge and keep her chasing after me

By the way, is there no one else here who has any thoughts on my story? Jophil, Slickster, Rollo, etc. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I just feel unsure as to what "rules" to apply to my situation. I mean, I just wanna act like a sexy beast haha, and the simpler girls fall for it. But the more sophisticated girls seem to demand from me that I show more substance. Should I regard this as a fight for the frame? Would it be wrong to indeed show more substance coz that would mean she has me "change" myself for her? It also feels wrong to me because they're sort of qualifying me: I need to prove to them that I have more to offer than my sexuality, that I would make a good boyfriend, that I'm decent. My gut tells me: "F*ck that sh!t! This b!tch better start acting sexual towards me too. And fast, before I give up on her and transfer my attention to some slut who will! I don't need to show you that I would make a good boyfriend, I don't even want a relationship!" Yeah, deep down inside I do, but that's mister AFC inside me, craving for the save womb-like feeling. The more I try to show her that I do have substance, the more she controls the frame (instead of vice versa). The more I try to show her that I do have substance, the more I'm qualifying myself to her (instead of vice versa). The more I try to show her that I do have substance, the closer she's pulling me towards a relationship. Fvck that! It's supposed to be the other way around: I do what I wanna do, I act like I wanna act and be who I wanna be. And when I see that b!tch again, I'm gonna counter attack. Fvck you and your attempts to put me in a cage like some bird, it's you who's gonna be in my cage! What are you trying to get me all serious and prove that I'm a decent guy? Here, shut up and take my d!ck in your mouth I think that's what she wants anyway, she just doesn't realize it yet

 

[PokerStar]

just keep working on it. you might not become perfect but at least you can come close to it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"Drop the act" = sh!t test. It's like calling in poker; do you really have a hand full of aces or are you hold crap? Any girl that says or seems to expect you are bluffing is looking to grab the frame of any relationship. In fact she expects to set the frame by even suggesting you are acting.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for the insight, Rollo. Already looking forward to the next time I meet this chick

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Learning to be less faggoty would help your Game Die Hard. I know you want to improve yourself..but there is this one part of you that you aren't willing to change--your love for the Penis.