a bit of codependency is healthy

jhonny9546

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I’ve noticed a certain dynamic in some ltr's.

Often, these relationships follow a pattern, the woman is the one who proposes new activities or experiences. It could be something as simple as, “Let’s go to this restaurant tomorrow, I want to try their red mini pizzas,” or more intimate suggestions like, “I read about a swing in this erotica book, we need to tryyy” She might point out a decorative item for the house or mention a movie she’s excited to watch together. The common thread is that she’s always initiating.


It seemed to me that these women genuinely wanted to experience new things, but they didn’t want to do them alone, they needed their partner to be involved. Whether that’s emotional dependence or just preference is debatable, but the pattern was consistent.
These same women were also often quite anxious, worrying about small things like running out of milk, urgently reminding their partner to buy it, sometimes repeatedly messaging them about it.


Interestingly, despite their openness to experimentation, especially sexually, they remained loyal to the same partner. It was as if they were constantly seeking novelty, but only within the boundaries of the relationship.
To me, the dynamic resembled a child looking for approval from a parent, enthusiastically bringing ideas forward, but waiting for a “yes” before proceeding. The man’s role was to give that permission, sometimes withholding immediate agreement even when he wanted to say yes, making her "earn" the approval.


The men in these relationships were often quite accommodating, "beta", perhaps even passive, but some would eventually reach a breaking point. A few of these couples broke up because the men got tired of constantly reacting to requests or demands.


Still, many of these relationships have lasted 10 or even 20 years with the same dynamic. It makes me wonder, what kind of relationship is this? On the surface, it seems functional, passionate, even. But underneath, it feels a bit manipulative and not entirely authentic on either side, but it has a bit of "healthy codependency" at his core
 

BackInTheGame78

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I love experiencing new things...are you claiming most men are happy to sit at home and do nothing all day?
 

jhonny9546

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are you claiming most men are happy to sit at home and do nothing all day
Not exactly. What I mean is, in some relationships, it’s the woman who takes the lead, she has the plan, and the man is just expected to go along with it.


These men often seem to live pretty routine lives, watching TV, mowing the lawn, sticking to conventional stuff. They don’t usually have unique hobbies or do anything particularly exciting.


So I find myself wondering how those relationships manage to last. Maybe these women don’t find joy in being with a man who leads; perhaps they actually prefer someone more passive.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Not exactly. What I mean is, in some relationships, it’s the woman who takes the lead, she has the plan, and the man is just expected to go along with it.


These men often seem to live pretty routine lives, watching TV, mowing the lawn, sticking to conventional stuff. They don’t usually have unique hobbies or do anything particularly exciting.


So I find myself wondering how those relationships manage to last. Maybe these women don’t find joy in being with a man who leads; perhaps they actually prefer someone more passive.
Because these men are boot lickers that let women control them and boss them around.
 

jhonny9546

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Hmm, but sometimes these men get angry and furious because she makes too many demands.. What do you think now?
They accumulate and then they explode
 

BackInTheGame78

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Hmm, but sometimes these men get angry and furious because she makes too many demands.. What do you think now?
They accumulate and then they explode
When you allow people to disrespect you over and over again, without saying a word, you are telling them it's OK to do it.

What I think is they cause their own problems.
 

jhonny9546

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without saying a word
Sometimes not saying a word and distancing yourself is just what you need. It's a little manipulative but she understands that she hurt you and now she wants to know why.


Rather than "doing nothing" you should discourage the negative and reward the positive.
That's why when she cooks for me I always playfully praise and validate her and I can't understand other men who instead make fun of her or disown her for what she cooked.
 
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