A bit mind f*cked

[LCommander]

This chick I've been gaming for the past 2 weeks finally mentioned her bf. We were in a discussion about people we know who have a sickness/disease when she subtly mentioned "my boyfriend's friend had a tumor...". I almost didnt hear it but I kept the conversation flowing. She only mentioned him once.

The thing is, however, I already knew she was taken the day after I met her from a mutual friend who likes to talk a lot and blurted it out. I have tried to get her (the chick with the bf) to say if she has a bf indirectly but always dodged it and I could feel it. Fast forward a couple days, and the mutual friend asks her whats her bf's name and she had to respond or else she would be denying it. So during that time, she indirectly told me she had a bf because I was part of the table.


During the 2 week span, I've escalated kino and she has reacted very positively to it, even returning it play punching/kicking me. I never went out of my for her and accepted her offer to buy me coffee twice. I asked her to join me in the library. Fast forward yesterday, it was just us 2 "studying" but we actually ended up talking and connecting on so many levels while she always introduced new subjects to talk about and always kept the conversation flowing, even talking when I purposely fell silent to test her. I did some kino and she even asked me to feel her finger when she dislocates it so I took my sweet time doing so.

My MAIN question is, where the hell do I proceed from here? I feel defeated from hearing her mention her bf and I'm trying to gauge her interest levels to see if it's still worth it. I heard Pook say when a girl mentions her bf its to see how you would react (AFC or DJ) and to clear her conscience (knowing she told you about her bf). What would you guys do: continue or retreat?

P.S. Please don't argue about morals, I already knew what I got myself into from Day 1.

 

[Tiguere]

why havent you grown balls to go for the kiss?

 

[LCommander]

why havent you grown balls to go for the kiss?

You have a point. But I've never dealt with a girl with a bf before, so this is uncharted territory for me.

 

[betheman]

she sounds a bit dishonest, she is flirting with you, getting close, sounds like she is monkey branching her bf.

going for the kiss is the deal breaker/maker, she responds, your in, she backs off, shes an AW and messing with you

 

[LCommander]

she sounds a bit dishonest, she is flirting with you, getting close, sounds like she is monkey branching her bf.

going for the kiss is the deal breaker/maker, she responds, your in, she backs off, shes an AW and messing with you

Yeah that would be the logical way to see if she's really interested. I'll try to increase kino and isolate her for some 1on1 time because I see her everyday as we have all the same classes.

 

[ilikecharlene]

hmm... I think leave alone. better still, you could have sounded her out about the bf before now. i agree, it's dishonest on her part.

 

[LCommander]

I forgot to mention 2 separate incidents where:

- she asked our mutual friend if I ever had a gf. The friend told her I had an ex that I broke up with a while ago and she sounded surprised. This was all relayed to me when I saw the friend again.

- another one where I got her number, I told her I'll text her when I get to school but she said she'll text me instead. I asked if she had my number and she replied saying the mutual friend gave it to her. So she managed to get my number before I got hers!

BUT I'm still confused as to why she mentioned her bf

 

[floydb25]

Only 2 possibilities, really. Either she's a player / *****, or an attention *****. I wouldn't buy into the notion that she's monkey branching UNLESS she dumps her boyfriend for you. Some girls don't care if they have boyfriends... Not everyone is an upstanding person with morals and values. They're not necessarily waiting to get with someone else... They don't care if they're with someone, and will cheat regardless. They could just be mentioning a boyfriend so that they don't have to feel guilty if they do something with you. It's all your fault; you knew ahead of time, and went ahead with it.

If she's willing to escalate with you while having a boyfriend - regardless of whether she mentions having one, or holds back for a while - she's no good, and can't be trusted. If she distances herself from physical escalation - she's an attention *****. If, and only if, she breaks up with her boyfriend before getting involved with you, is she upstanding and trustworthy.

The only two things that matter are: is she still with the boyfriend, and is she doing anything with you. Then, you can make a judgement from there about what kind of girl she is.

I'm not a big fan of girls with boyfriends... It's risky business. You never quite know what's going on, and its not worth analyzing. Better to get with someone who's single and available. No second-guessing her intentions; if she's being faithful, if she's using you, if she's not ready and keeping you around for potential... There's also a huge possibility of being her option, back-up plan, or second fiddle. Not worth it. Don't wait around while she decides - if she doesn't break up with him, AND doesn't do anything with you. That's just asking to be used and played. Some girls have no qualms about leading people on to satisfy their ego, and are quite good at it. Be careful.

 

[LCommander]

Only 2 possibilities, really. Either she's a player / *****, or an attention *****. I wouldn't buy into the notion that she's monkey branching UNLESS she dumps her boyfriend for you. Some girls don't care if they have boyfriends... Not everyone is an upstanding person with morals and values. They're not necessarily waiting to get with someone else... They don't care if they're with someone, and will cheat regardless. They could just be mentioning a boyfriend so that they don't have to feel guilty if they do something with you. It's all your fault; you knew ahead of time, and went ahead with it.

If she's willing to escalate with you while having a boyfriend - regardless of whether she mentions having one - she's no good, and can't be trusted. If she distances herself from physical escalation - she's an attention *****. If, and only if, she breaks up with her boyfriend before getting involved with you, is she upstanding and trustworthy.

The only two things that matter are: is she still with the boyfriend, and is she doing anything with you. Then, you can make a judgement from there about what kind of girl she is.

I'm not a big fan of girls with boyfriends... It's risky business. You never quite know what's going on, and its not worth analyzing. Better to get with someone who's single and available. No second-guessing her intentions; if she's being faithful, if she's using you, if she's not ready and keeping you around for potential... There's also a huge possibility of being her option, back-up plan, or second fiddle. Not worth it. Don't wait around while she decides - if she doesn't break up with him, AND doesn't do anything with you. That's just asking to be used and played.

Well written and I really appreciate your insight. I don't expect a relationship from her and at the most - fooling around/or a fling. I'm trying to emotionally un-attach myself incase of a fallout and a major reason why I choose to pursue this chick is because its helping me get over my ex.

 

[floydb25]

Well written and I really appreciate your insight. I don't expect a relationship from her and at the most - fooling around/or a fling. I'm trying to emotionally un-attach myself incase of a fallout and a major reason why I choose to pursue this chick is because its helping me get over my ex.

Ok, just don't get caught up in the game. It's easy to get side-tracked, become addicted to the challenge, try to get her to choose you, make her become faithful, and things like that. Very, very easy. You never know who or what you're going to fall for.

Don't get sucked into this nonsense, and keep the frame where its supposed to be. When you get involved with people who are deceptive and morally unjust - bad things are bound to happen... Even if you don't intend them to. Use caution.

 

[search1ng]

Hey it's great that you're trying to game a girl with a gf and he (bf) gets to find out what a disloyal w.hore she is before they get more serious. I hope you get laid and I also hope the guy turns out to be a massive mutha fcker that beats the sh.it out of you.

 

[LCommander]

Hey it's great that you're trying to game a girl with a gf and he (bf) gets to find out what a disloyal w.hore she is before they get more serious. I hope you get laid and I also hope the guy turns out to be a massive mutha fcker that beats the sh.it out of you.

There are risks that come with the territory, like everything else in life. I've already considered what might happen.

Ok, just don't get caught up in the game. It's easy to get side-tracked, become addicted to the challenge, try to get her to choose you, make her become faithful, and things like that. Very, very easy. You never know who or what you're going to fall for.

Don't get sucked into this nonsense, and keep the frame where its supposed to be. When you get involved with people who are deceptive and morally unjust - bad things are bound to happen... Even if you don't intend them to. Use caution.

Thanks, I'll try to have a more laid-back approach at this and let her push the envelope while I escalate in baby steps. Do you mind explaining what frame? I'm new to that concept.

 

[floydb25]

Hey it's great that you're trying to game a girl with a gf and he (bf) gets to find out what a disloyal w.hore she is before they get more serious. I hope you get laid and I also hope the guy turns out to be a massive mutha fcker that beats the sh.it out of you.

Eh... If a ***** is gonna cheat - she gets what she deserves. The OP isn't with anyone, so he's not cheating. Not to say what he's doing is right. It's the difference between bad and worse. But if its not with him - its gonna be with someone else. It's a strange, ironic scenerio to be in. She has to cheat to be known as a dumb *****, and get tossed to the curb, but she still has to cheat. Heh.

 

[The_411]

I'm not going to chastize you for your decision to engage with this woman knowing she is involved as that's your decision. However, understand that you already know she's being dishonest so your expectations need to be of hit it and quit it variety.

She didn't mention her boyfriend because he's a boyfriend in title only and clearly she either wants side action or the attention from men.

Either way her value is extremely low.

The key is once you assume the risk you need to be unemotional in your execution. Don't let emotion get the better of you.

Consistently remind yourself she's of low value and not worth an emotional investiment.

As mentioned escalating to kissing is the s or get off the pot point. Either she'll be down to press on or you know that no a second more of your time needs to be wasted.

<poker hat on> Always best to filter out the white noise and try to put women to all-in decisions.

To take the poker analogy a bit further ... you allowed her to look at the flop which allows the opportunity to determine if her hand is viable and if she wants to continue.

Hence the reason the real successful DJs close quickly they force a pre-flop decision and either the girl calls (you lose) or she folds (you win). They don't allow to go from a seemingly losing situation to a winning one by allowing the woman to see the flop (i.e getting to know too much about you or you doing something that kills attraction) <poker hat off>

 

[LCommander]

Nicely said. I already understand she's not gf material and I'm already unattaching myself as I can feel one-itis creeping in. Hopefully the next time we have another 1on1 day, I'll do something to escalate. But in the meantime, I'll continue kino.

However, I'm worried about the potential fallout considering we all take the same classes and see each other everyday. This reason as well as the bf is the only thing making me hesitate.