Every day I'm finding out that things really aren't what we grew up believing them to be. Well, not most of us. I joined the DJ community (if such an "initiation" exists) almost a year ago and have learned a great deal since then. I've dated around and slept with several women - some by accident, others intentionally. Anyway, I'd like to share a story that's happened/is happening to me for the past few months.
Way back in late January I was dating several girls. Then I made the mistake of dumping my plates in favor of 1. I feel like it was her choice. We've been seeing each other for a couple months and one night me, her, and a bunch of her friends were out at a bar. I had to leave early because I was still sick at the time and all the smoke made me feel like I was about to die, but I told her to come over later to spend the night when she was finished. She did, but in her drunken state she ended up questioning whether we were going to be exclusive because "she's been asked on several dates" and this one friend of her's who was at the bar was "ready to go". Anyway, I said ok. And I followed through - I broke it off with 2 other girls I was seeing.
But it's almost like the second you become exclusive, that's when the girl has "won you over" and she basically has more slack to do whatever. I look back on the past couple months since that night and I'm noticing how it's slowly, slyly, creeping in. First it was less text messages, less "I miss yous", less "when am I gonna get to see yous". Then it was a slight drop in excitement when I was there - as if it's the gf/bf routine. I cant' stand it. I've written off serious relationships for that very reason. Just the other night we were both drunk, which usually leads to some phenomenal sex. Not this time. She straight up passes out. And that entire night she was in a bad mood. The first time ever, at least around me and to that degree. That **** is contagious. I made a point of it in the morning and just about left when she woke up, confused as hell, we ended up talking about it and then some makeup sex/her buying me breakfast. That was our first fight.
She used to complain and whine about "having no power, no control, and being vulnerable". No complaints now! But wait, it gets better. We're at the bar, and she is straight up flirting with other guys, then comes up to me like "don't worry I'm going home with you tonight". That's still BS. And this wasn't the first time. I do my share of interjecting and getting her back in my frame, but she's enjoying it. And I won't lie - I do get a little jealous. I'm almost 100% certain it's because I'm NOT spinning other plates, though I could very well be.
...
I guess what I'm getting at is that even in relationships the game doesn't change. Ever. First she was fighting for my attention, now I feel like I'm competing for hers. And even in relationships, even when she's drunk yet knows I'm right there, she'll shamelessly flirt with other guys. I've gone and flirted with girls and it would get her worked up, but this wasn't always so. I gotta get my balls back.
So, fellow DJs, I'm back, though I'm not sure what to do. Overall I'm getting the impression that you shouldn't take women too seriously, or even somewhat seriously. Just do what you want and let them figure things out on their own. I guess I'm a little disappointed. I keep hoping there'll be something deeper, but it all comes down to a game and a boring routine followed by breakup once you slack off.
I've gone through a lot the past few months and I'm getting my life back in order (hittin the gym hard again, doing a lot of self help stuff, etc), but I'm not sure how to proceed here. I still want to see her. And I made a promise. But doing so seems to put the ball back in her court, and a girl holding out on sex for whatever reason is total bs. I won't have it. Because of this I've also grown more attached to her, and it's definitely gone beyonad the purely casual stage. So what do you think? What now? Start spinnin those plates again?
Way back in late January I was dating several girls. Then I made the mistake of dumping my plates in favor of 1. I feel like it was her choice. We've been seeing each other for a couple months and one night me, her, and a bunch of her friends were out at a bar. I had to leave early because I was still sick at the time and all the smoke made me feel like I was about to die, but I told her to come over later to spend the night when she was finished. She did, but in her drunken state she ended up questioning whether we were going to be exclusive because "she's been asked on several dates" and this one friend of her's who was at the bar was "ready to go". Anyway, I said ok. And I followed through - I broke it off with 2 other girls I was seeing.
But it's almost like the second you become exclusive, that's when the girl has "won you over" and she basically has more slack to do whatever. I look back on the past couple months since that night and I'm noticing how it's slowly, slyly, creeping in. First it was less text messages, less "I miss yous", less "when am I gonna get to see yous". Then it was a slight drop in excitement when I was there - as if it's the gf/bf routine. I cant' stand it. I've written off serious relationships for that very reason. Just the other night we were both drunk, which usually leads to some phenomenal sex. Not this time. She straight up passes out. And that entire night she was in a bad mood. The first time ever, at least around me and to that degree. That **** is contagious. I made a point of it in the morning and just about left when she woke up, confused as hell, we ended up talking about it and then some makeup sex/her buying me breakfast. That was our first fight.
She used to complain and whine about "having no power, no control, and being vulnerable". No complaints now! But wait, it gets better. We're at the bar, and she is straight up flirting with other guys, then comes up to me like "don't worry I'm going home with you tonight". That's still BS. And this wasn't the first time. I do my share of interjecting and getting her back in my frame, but she's enjoying it. And I won't lie - I do get a little jealous. I'm almost 100% certain it's because I'm NOT spinning other plates, though I could very well be.
...
I guess what I'm getting at is that even in relationships the game doesn't change. Ever. First she was fighting for my attention, now I feel like I'm competing for hers. And even in relationships, even when she's drunk yet knows I'm right there, she'll shamelessly flirt with other guys. I've gone and flirted with girls and it would get her worked up, but this wasn't always so. I gotta get my balls back.
So, fellow DJs, I'm back, though I'm not sure what to do. Overall I'm getting the impression that you shouldn't take women too seriously, or even somewhat seriously. Just do what you want and let them figure things out on their own. I guess I'm a little disappointed. I keep hoping there'll be something deeper, but it all comes down to a game and a boring routine followed by breakup once you slack off.
I've gone through a lot the past few months and I'm getting my life back in order (hittin the gym hard again, doing a lot of self help stuff, etc), but I'm not sure how to proceed here. I still want to see her. And I made a promise. But doing so seems to put the ball back in her court, and a girl holding out on sex for whatever reason is total bs. I won't have it. Because of this I've also grown more attached to her, and it's definitely gone beyonad the purely casual stage. So what do you think? What now? Start spinnin those plates again?
