8 months of silence now this.

[V2Logger]

Hello forum members,

I am in the need of some advice. Long story short, my EX (of 5 yr LTR)texted me last night while I was on the phone with another gal. There has been absolutely no communication for about 8 months. During those 8 months I have relearned who I am and where I am at in life.

Her message was a basic message telling me that she had a dream about me and that, she hopes my family and I are doing well. No, I didn't respond to her in case you all think I did. I figure I can return a text saying my family and I are well, nothing more. This happened right before I went to sleep and while I was talking to another gal I have been seeing on and off these last few weeks.

So I just thought I would post up and see what the general move would be before I do anything. Thanks in advance for the responses.

 

[cmr662]

What do you want from her? To rekindle things? It sounds like the answer is yes or else you wouldn't be here. Why did you guys break up? Without knowing that, there really isn't any advice to be given...

 

[taylor03]

Hmm - all depends on the circumstances of the break up in the first place ?

Was she unfaithful , did you just call it a day or ...?

If you like her still then i don't see any harm in replying back a few days later
or
you should still carry on seeing/dating other girls and leave it all in the past

As i say, all depends on the circumstances of the break up

 

[Kailex]

The branch swinger from here???

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170984

If you really DID confirm that she in fact swung a branch, way back in the day.... guess what she's trying to do right now with that text?

 

[V2Logger]

Yes Kailex, that's the one.There was allot involved. Stresses of culture and being able to be with each other freely. I only met her cousins and was friends with her sister. All in all, I think we fell out of love the last year of our relationship. After we broke up, I found out she had met someone else, before she dumped me. She found a landing spot before she jumped. This happened after we had a talk of working things out. But now I see that things were dead at that time. I didn confront her about the other person, that was my only phone call after the split.

It was hard in the first few months. I posted up in the No Contact challenge back in the day. I made myself busy and immersed myself in different hobbies, I bought a house too. All of that was therapy for me, and I am still working on the house, she doesn't know about the house at all. I read different forum threads about breaks and all, got advice from some good forum members as well.

I just feel I have come this far, been seeing different women and all. There was a time that I was down about it all in the beginning. If I was like how I was in the beginning, I might have text her back right away or worse called her. So I just posted up here to see what people's opinion are cuz this was unexpected for me. I think the tables were turned on her in my opinion.

 

[starplayer]

Personally, I would not contact her.

By moving on, you've hurt her ego. She wants you to validate her. She will say and do anything to get you to like her again. And just when she realizes she's got you hooked, she'll be back to her old ways.

Why would you want back a girl who dumped you anyway? You will never be able to trust her. Don't get sucked in.

If it didn't work before then it won't work again. Leave the past in the past where it belongs. You will most likely regret it if you go back to her.

You've moved on and become a better man now - she hates that and wants to prove she can get you back.

She had her chance with you and she blew it.

 

[V2Logger]

I agree. I am just going to lay low and be black and white. I don't want to go down that road. I already know that going back to someone has a high failure rate anyway. Thanks everyone.

 

[cmr662]

I look at it a different way. There are obviously still feelings there so I say go ahead and do contact her, just don't show any interest and make it clear your life has been great.

If you can keep from turning AFC, it might turn into something worthwhile, but you'll never know unless you try. However, I will say that once you've been AFC over a girl, chances are probably 90% you will go right back, so only do it if you protect yourself..

 

[sodbuster]

MAYBE "why are you dreaming about me?" "I've mooved forward with my life and not into looking back",but no more than that. If you text more than that-she wins.

 

[taylor03]

personally speaking i would not even bother responding - if she betrayed you and found someone before you guys bust up then that is a life long deal breaker - in my opinion

that is very disrespectful - it obviously has not worked out with her new boyfriend and wants to come crawling back to you

you could just txt her back a few days later with a response - no mention of hooking up etc - just tell her how great your life is nowadays

personally i would just ignore any further contact and move on in the positive direction that you are going in - there is always something better round the corner

 

[V2Logger]

I did text something similiar and something black and white. I text her saying, "my family and I are doing well, I hope you and your family are also doing well. God bless you and your family".

I waited a day. That way it shows I am not waiting like a lap dog and responding right away. I decided to only because it leaves her less to slander. I figured I would be civil and not show that I am sore about it all, I have moved forward. At the same time, the return text was something very plain.

Her Fbook is not private. I talked to my sis about this the day after. She asked, "what time did she send that text?", my sis told me 15 min after the text, she posted something up on her Fbook saying "Never a failure always a lesson". One of her friends, another gal I never met before, posted a response of, "sometimes life gives you oranges and you have to make lemonade out of it". I personally and truthfully do not check any of her pages, I banned myself, my sis sometimes tells me things and in this case, I guess she was being nosey. I seriously doubt me not texting right away has anything to do with that "failure"status message, it's been 8 months!

I seriously think "the tables being turned", have high possibilities. Either way I live my life with caution when it comes to her. I cannot trust her. I have already redirected my life, I have other goals and interests that I have been busy with.

I want to move into my new place before summer hits, I have been remodeling it, mostly my own work with the help of my pops. This is what I have time for. I don't have time for more drama. Thanks everyone for the tips and thoughts.

 

[Romjuan]

i didnt read all the replies but i was in a similar situation with my ex couplee years ago. we did no contact then she texts me 6 months later saying she had a dream about me.

i think all that matters is if you want to get back with her. if you are over it, then continue no contact and keep moving forward. if you do want to rekindle something, you contact her back with ****y funny and go from there. absolutely no relationship talk.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Don't find out what her FB statuses are. Don't respond to her texts. Move on, bro, it's the best for you and your mental health. Take the transformation from the last 8 months and carry it even further. That's my advice. This is coming from someone who is also 8 months out of an LTR.

 

[Weezy]

Bro,

Don't go there!

You and I were in mental hell. I look back at some of our posts and I cannot believe how much of a mind fvck we went through.

You don't wanna know anything about this chick.

I know you are curious, as anyone would. Life is short, the longer you stay single the better your game will become.

GL Buddy.

 

[The Greek]

She's obv dissapointed you just replied curtly and not with an open ended tone that's what her FB status is about. These nuances are extremely obvious to girls. So, good. Stay away from her tentacles imo

 

[Kailex]

Her Fbook is not private. I talked to my sis about this the day after. She asked, "what time did she send that text?", my sis told me 15 min after the text, she posted something up on her Fbook saying "Never a failure always a lesson". One of her friends, another gal I never met before, posted a response of, "sometimes life gives you oranges and you have to make lemonade out of it". I personally and truthfully do not check any of her pages, I banned myself, my sis sometimes tells me things and in this case, I guess she was being nosey. I seriously doubt me not texting right away has anything to do with that "failure"status message, it's been 8 months!

Why are you checking her facebook?
You're already giving this too much thought.

Just stop meddling with thoughts of her and move on. This isn't helping you any at all. You're trying to correlate her statuses with your text messages? That sounds like too much time spent thinking on the littlest of things.

 

[starplayer]

I think your response was OK. It was short and polite, and it doesn't sound like you were bitter, just that you're over her.

There's no hard feelings between you, and you've both moved on.

Don't let her back into your life now whatever you do. Don't rationalize going back to her.

 

[V2Logger]

Thanks for the responses. I am laying low, and out of sight. I agree my response was polite, and to the point. I don't want to know how she took it, but it is what it is. I am glad I still have things to keep me busy, I was painting this weekend.

I know what road I just came from. Personally, I didn't seek her out online. My sister is curius like that. Like I said, I banned myself from looking at anything of her's including myspace, fbook, pics, etc...she is a ghost, too bad she can still haunt me.

The message I sent was the day after. This weekend was kind of challenging, so much so I had to dig up an archive of an old IM session in which she was real bitter and real rude to me. This was an IM message session that took place within the first month after the split. I kept it in case I questioned myself, it would be easier if I wasn't a good willed person. That's why I saved it in word so I could read it in times when things don't add up. It helped discourage any side thoughts of doing more, which did pop up.

I am going to keep myslef busy and out of sight. I have tons to keep busy with the house I am trying to remodel. Thanks again for all the input and advice.