backbreaker
Master Don Juan
1. shave with a straight razor - for the life of me, I don 't know why guys are so damn lazy when it comes to shaving. you are missing the boat big time on this. all these "alphas" running around using that cheap ass shaving cream jel **** with the disposable cartridges. step your game upa nd learn how to use a straight razor. do you have any clue how sexy a man is to a woman who knows how to shave?
I am again, lucky to have one of those "i might be a jerk but dammit i'm a man and my son is going to be a man too" dad's so I could shave with a straight razor since I was in high school so it's something I took for granted that everyone could do. wrong. apparantly it's "too scary" or "to messy" for most men. not only will your face feel like a baby's ass when you are done if you do it right, women just find straight razors sexy. I remember one day I was going on a date and I was late as hell the girl came in and had to wait while I was getting dressed and I had to shave first and she was just starring at me and she was like "wow how do you do that, that's so neat,i have never seen a guy use a real razor before" i'm like are you fvcking serious? it's a razor, you just shave.
2. change a flat tire - because nothing in life screams "i'm a man fvck me" like being stuck in a car with a woman because neither of you know how to change a flat tire.
3. jump a car battery - see number 2. even worse, having to ask the guy who is giving you a jump, how to jump the car or put on the cables. yo m ight as well drop her home right then.
4. tie a regular non retarded looking knot with his tie- you know who you are. mom tied all my ties and they are all hung up in the closet already tied and all i have to do is throw it on and tighten it guy. comeonsongetitogether.gif
at my wedding last year everyone was running late (who isn't at a wedding) and my wife's nephew who is like 9 years old, was running around without his tie on and my step mom asked me real quick could i tie it for him, just right then on the spot. good thing i can tie a tie or else that would have been embarrassing.
5. cook at least one half ass decent meal - we all know the woman is going to be doing all the cooking in the relationship but I mean, you have to at least be able to have a go to meal in the case for the first at home dinner date that isn't going to taste like cardboard and isn't going to be burnt. Mine is shrimp and chicken alfreado. it'ts like a mini orgasm every bite.
6. use a lawnmower - I'm not even saying you have to cut your own damn yard lol, hell I haven't cut my own yard since I was in high school, that's why god made lawn services. but ****, you just never freaking know.
girl is moving into a new house or whatever and her yard looks like a diserted wasteland, she asks can you cut it for her. won't take you 20 minutes to get out there and knock it out and make sure you line the yard up right. no one wants to go over a girls house with weeds and **** growing everywhere.
And if you can't afford a lawn company, and you have a yard, the **** needs to be on point. women apy attention to that stuff. do you have weeds growing in your drive through? did you line the yard up right with the weed eater? say what you want about my dad but you go over his house and his grass is always high and green and thick and straight as hell. no one wants to go over anyone'se house and their grassooks like **** and they have weeds growing all in the back yard and you try to cover the back door window so they can't see how bad your **** looks. learn how to seriously take care of your yard.
as silly as it sounds I knew my mom was going to get a divorce from her second husband when she started calling my dad and having him cut her yard.. while she was still married to her 2nd husband again. that told me all i needed to know about what she thought about her new husband.
7. drive a stick - well first and foremost beucase htey are just better in every way than automatics are. But more importantly. you just neve know. you being able to drive a stick might be the difference between you getting laid and not getting laid.
here is a scneerio... what if you and some friends are out at a club or bar one night and and you met this chick and she is hitting on you and you are hitting on her and one thing leads to another and she gives you the signals to take her ass home nao, but.. here is the thing...
her friend, is absolutely wasted and her friend is the one that drove. her friend's car also happens to be stick. the car has to get home with the girl as well. do not fear! beucase you my friend, are a stick driver, and you can just hop in the car and follow the girl(who is driving your car to her house to show you where it's at) to the drunk friends house and drop off the car, then hop in your car. and go back home for hours of glorious sex.
or in the case that you have to rent a uhaul. it just pays to know how to drive a stick. plus they are better on gas. it's not even that damn hard. I taught my wife how to drive a stick in about 30 minutes.
I am again, lucky to have one of those "i might be a jerk but dammit i'm a man and my son is going to be a man too" dad's so I could shave with a straight razor since I was in high school so it's something I took for granted that everyone could do. wrong. apparantly it's "too scary" or "to messy" for most men. not only will your face feel like a baby's ass when you are done if you do it right, women just find straight razors sexy. I remember one day I was going on a date and I was late as hell the girl came in and had to wait while I was getting dressed and I had to shave first and she was just starring at me and she was like "wow how do you do that, that's so neat,i have never seen a guy use a real razor before" i'm like are you fvcking serious? it's a razor, you just shave.
2. change a flat tire - because nothing in life screams "i'm a man fvck me" like being stuck in a car with a woman because neither of you know how to change a flat tire.
3. jump a car battery - see number 2. even worse, having to ask the guy who is giving you a jump, how to jump the car or put on the cables. yo m ight as well drop her home right then.
4. tie a regular non retarded looking knot with his tie- you know who you are. mom tied all my ties and they are all hung up in the closet already tied and all i have to do is throw it on and tighten it guy. comeonsongetitogether.gif
at my wedding last year everyone was running late (who isn't at a wedding) and my wife's nephew who is like 9 years old, was running around without his tie on and my step mom asked me real quick could i tie it for him, just right then on the spot. good thing i can tie a tie or else that would have been embarrassing.
5. cook at least one half ass decent meal - we all know the woman is going to be doing all the cooking in the relationship but I mean, you have to at least be able to have a go to meal in the case for the first at home dinner date that isn't going to taste like cardboard and isn't going to be burnt. Mine is shrimp and chicken alfreado. it'ts like a mini orgasm every bite.
6. use a lawnmower - I'm not even saying you have to cut your own damn yard lol, hell I haven't cut my own yard since I was in high school, that's why god made lawn services. but ****, you just never freaking know.
girl is moving into a new house or whatever and her yard looks like a diserted wasteland, she asks can you cut it for her. won't take you 20 minutes to get out there and knock it out and make sure you line the yard up right. no one wants to go over a girls house with weeds and **** growing everywhere.
And if you can't afford a lawn company, and you have a yard, the **** needs to be on point. women apy attention to that stuff. do you have weeds growing in your drive through? did you line the yard up right with the weed eater? say what you want about my dad but you go over his house and his grass is always high and green and thick and straight as hell. no one wants to go over anyone'se house and their grassooks like **** and they have weeds growing all in the back yard and you try to cover the back door window so they can't see how bad your **** looks. learn how to seriously take care of your yard.
as silly as it sounds I knew my mom was going to get a divorce from her second husband when she started calling my dad and having him cut her yard.. while she was still married to her 2nd husband again. that told me all i needed to know about what she thought about her new husband.
7. drive a stick - well first and foremost beucase htey are just better in every way than automatics are. But more importantly. you just neve know. you being able to drive a stick might be the difference between you getting laid and not getting laid.
here is a scneerio... what if you and some friends are out at a club or bar one night and and you met this chick and she is hitting on you and you are hitting on her and one thing leads to another and she gives you the signals to take her ass home nao, but.. here is the thing...
her friend, is absolutely wasted and her friend is the one that drove. her friend's car also happens to be stick. the car has to get home with the girl as well. do not fear! beucase you my friend, are a stick driver, and you can just hop in the car and follow the girl(who is driving your car to her house to show you where it's at) to the drunk friends house and drop off the car, then hop in your car. and go back home for hours of glorious sex.
or in the case that you have to rent a uhaul. it just pays to know how to drive a stick. plus they are better on gas. it's not even that damn hard. I taught my wife how to drive a stick in about 30 minutes.
