6 weeks out - NC working, but...

[pbsurf]

Disclaimer, I know the post below is not very alpha, but looking for some honest feeback... This site needs some beta/emotional reality from time to time. The real world for most guys...

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Well, 6 weeks since breakup - she texted weekly at first, i would respond with short msgs but asked her to stop (called her) 3 weeks ago...

then, Sunday night, after 21 days, she texted a picture and "hi"... She was, i'm sure, lonely and missed me/what we had. (only 10 months, i fell hard, she lied/cheated, i left)

Anyway, breadcrumbs from her of course, but they had an effect on me -I have had a very hard time with all of this, extremely depressed wk 1-2, slow improvement since then. But every night had been thinking about her and wondering why she lied, visualized her and the other guy etc etc. I was a mess. I missed her, I rationalized, I beat myself up and have lost any interest or hope in meeting anyone else. Anger, depression etc. The typical stages...

Until this morning. I woke up and was very sad - but not depressed. Just. Sad. It was like i was seeing the big picture - the fun we had and the pain i had, the mistakes we both made, the reality that it was just not meant to be and the unique connection we had. I have been angry at her lately, for lying to me of course. but i didn't feel that either. Just pure sadness - not tied to anything but the idea that this is how life goes some times. Most of the time.

I think that I had skipped the acceptance in the sequence, and this sadness is just the reality of the end of the relationship. It is hard to explain, but it feels like some sort of closure. I haven't responded to her text from the other night, and I think that in a crazy way, her reaching out - showing that she was still thinking of me - changed the way I was dealing with it all...

So in a strange way, if this is the beginning of my moving on, it starts with a very negative emotion... The idea that I would wake up one day and be "happy" and know that I've moved on may be the wrong way to think about getting past your ex...

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[No.Danny]

Wow that was gay. I could actually feel the gayness consume my body for a second. It was scary. Anyways you said it was both your faults? From what I see she cheated and you dumped her like anyone with self respect would. You're way too AFC. And she knows it.

 

[wishyo]

Oh I feel you man. You are not AFC as you managed to dump her and now refusing to take her back... Keep it up.
Moving on will only begin once you start dating other girl or find some activity that will consume your free time and energy, for now it's just pain and misery, been in similar case.
Hell, even now, I started dating a girl about a month ago, she went for vacations and even though everything is pretty much perfect between us, I have been feeling like a pvssy recently just because I miss her... like a total AFC :/

 

[pbsurf]

Wow that was gay. I could actually feel the gayness consume my body for a second. It was scary. Anyways you said it was both your faults? From what I see she cheated and you dumped her like anyone with self respect would. You're way too AFC. And she knows it.

Anyways i'm sure you are speaking from experience. Let me know how the prom goes Alphateen

 

[pbsurf]

Oh I feel you man. You are not AFC as you managed to dump her and now refusing to take her back... Keep it up.
Moving on will only begin once you start dating other girl or find some activity that will consume your free time and energy, for now it's just pain and misery, been in similar case.
Hell, even now, I started dating a girl about a month ago, she went for vacations and even though everything is pretty much perfect between us, I have been feeling like a pvssy recently just because I miss her... like a total AFC :/

Yeah - this one was tough. S*x was off the charts and she actually was into me, just not enough.. She started to fade month 5 best i can tell, and i definitely let things slide.

I've posted on this before - this was a classic case of my backing off on boundaries and her taking full advantage. Caught it early but stung like a mofo. Still does

Stay on top of your girl my friend, trust me. The tough part is that most quality chix will respond to a guy with authentic feelings (don't over do, no ILY or flowers) as long as he can spin her head in the bedroom. Be confident/dominant/alpha when it counts, if (like me) you aren't pure alpha.

The rest is really up to her. Girls gonna cheat, girls gonna cheat

 

[pbsurf]

Sounds like you skipped the hate part and went straight to the self blame, classic Beta. A b1tch is a b1tch, but a dog is a mans best friend.-Kurupt
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=208932

True. Sad to say but true.

She even said to me - "you don't get angry, do you?"

Not proud of that. Early on I am super confident, even keeled, cool. But also a conflict avoider. Which gets in the way of standing up for myself.

In the end I kept my dignity - but never let her know how much she f-d with my head.

Guys - I've had tons of success dating/getting laid but I am a frigging novice at anything close to a relationship. Fug.

anyway, just dumping my thoughts -thanks for the advice...

Good news is that I'm slowly getting my mojo back

 

[pbsurf]

I don't see that you had any other option. Keep in mind, SHE lost interest at month 5, not you. So, let her take her interest elsewhere and QUIT fvcking texting you.





She lost interest.
SHE lied
SHE cheated.



YOU did the right thing, the ONLY thing.

Hold your head high and ignore/move on.


You are experiencing all the normal emotions of a breakup, regardless of how it happens. Give yourself time.

And as far as responding? What for? Would you want her back after she lied, cheated? If not, no need to respond.

thank Mauser

you're 100 pct right. I'm just cycling thru.

I took this very personally. But i'll be a better man for it

 

[Rival]

Keep your head up OP, it's always hard at first and time will make it easier.

At least you found out she cheated and got rid of her ass. Some people never find out or it takes a long time for them to.

Take this experience and grow from it man. You slept with her and had a good ride but now it's time to go explore a new cave man!

This isn't the end but the beginning of something new for you.

 

[pbsurf]

thanks Rival - the main thng for me is that I'm 47. I look 10 years younger so there's that, and still have the attitude of a 25 year old some days, but I realize that i"m at an intersting point.

Most of the women my age or a bit younger look terrible. This chick was 44 but looked amazing. seriously. A 7/8 overall but a 9.5 for her age.

Soooo..... when i start thinking about new caves, i'm a bit worried that I will need to adjust my expectations. I just got a # from a 32 yo, a 28 yo is sort of flaking on me, and have on online 42 yo that is falling all over herself to meet up. You can imagine which ones I"m more interested in... Overall, i need a huge ego/energy boost to get back in the game but its probably too early. Different thread i guess.

Or, now that I think of it, i can focus on things like personality and attitude more than looks.

Naaah.


And no matter what, I've learned (again) to be wary, and stay cool and distant with my feelings. The price you pay is NOT worth it!

 

[mikey2012]

If he was AFC he would have taken her back like this dude

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211343

Btw the wife is still cheating on him

What exactly happened in your case. ???

If she really begs take her back and use her as fvck buddy then dump her

 

[pbsurf]

If he was AFC he would have taken her back like this dude

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211343

Btw the wife is still cheating on him

What exactly happened in your case. ???

If she really begs take her back and use her as fvck buddy then dump her

Yeah - i loved getting called out as AFC by a 16yo... But i will admit many, many beta mistakes after starting out very strong. What is between AFC and DJ? There must be an acronym somewhere...

But thanks for the comment - honestly i'd give myself a strong B+ on the whole thing. She has texted me weekly - miss you etc -early on and while i didn't completely ignore her, i only gave short answers and let her know i was moving on.

but Mikey, here is the story since you asked, i've posted it before, and honestly, a thousand other guys have too...

- we dated 10 months, really hit it off right away, I did ALL the right things early, but as we progressed, i set no boundaries, was too available, became too nice..

she is an AW social butterfly, selective but very dependent on attention from guys to get her through her day/week. Once she knew (prob month 6 or so) that I was totally into her, I think she felt she could start keeping her options open. She has never been married, only 1 LTR has an OK job, no real hobbies except the gym/yoga - and socializing. RED FLAGS all around -I could list 6 or 7 more, and it is amazing how they match up with dozens of other stories on this forum that I've read... Depressing.

I am pretty sure she didn't bang anyone, but probably some dates, then 1 incident w/a "friend" that started me wondering. could have bailed then, but had no real evidence.

Then, she started hanging w/a different, younger crowd (we live an hour apart btw), which included one guy that is - i hate to admit - alpha as fvck. Young, good looking, great job, etc etc. Honestly, i'm pretty confident, but how am i supposed to compete with that, when the girl i'm dating looks me in the eye and says she "doesn't know him really" and NEVER talks to him. Her texts said otherwise. The shirtless selfie he sent, and her saying it was ok to send them - said otherwise. And a few other texts that even now keep me up at night. All while we were going off for weekends and her even talking about rings and long-term ****e. (Yeah i snooped, but that saved me months of wondering and worrying... and possibly saved me from buying a f-ing ring..)

And once i knew what she was up to - mainly the lying at first - i had my exit strategy in place. I sort of regret that I never let her know what i knew, and just walked, but oh well.. So as far as how I handled things, i can honestly say i have my dignity, bc man, it was NOT easy to walk away - things were going great in her mind and it was a regular piece for me...

She won't beg - but because i was cool about the whole thing, told her i didnt trust her and that we were done, and didn't look back, i would guess that I could bang her down the road. Not sure I want to honestly.

None of this was or is easy. not a day/night goes by where I don't want to call her and ask why she felt she had to lie. This is the KEY. I was married and my ex lied and cheated on me. I told her that no matter what, just tell me the truth...

I have a backstory - long term marriage, wife cheated and lied, I left. 8 years of dating -lots of success, no committing or giving my heart away. Then this. As i said in other posts, i feel like I'm going back to grade school.

But i'm moving forward. That link you sent me was sickening. (i suspect the guy is a troll, but the story is not unbelievable)

I am having a hard time with the whole Redpill theory, not because it isn't the truth, but because it most likely IS the truth. And as Jack said - some of us "can't handle the truth".