6 months after breakup... talk to me

[kingwilliam]

Its been 6 months and I still think about my ex.






What the **** is wrong with me? Its been half a year and I still think about this girl every day??? I have been with literally 2 dozen women since then, some of them gorgeous, but nothing grabs me. Its not that Im necessarily comparing them TO her, but rather how she made me feel. ugh......Im just venting....been a long week.

Another problem is that most of the women that I meet wanna start "dating" me after a couple of weeks and I have no desire whatsoever to date them..... I always have this feeling in the back of my head that "she" is out there and that I will know her when I meet her. Am I living in fairy tale land?

 

[LeftyLoosey]

What was so special about her?

 

[kingwilliam]

She was beautiful, she knew everything about me, her sense of humor was keen, her family was beautiful and they loved me.......

 

[LeftyLoosey]

So you dumped her, why?

 

[Die Hard]

You're looking for a warm, loving cocoon to surround you. You need to give that up, or you'll never be happy.

 

[cavedweller]

kingwilliam,

Are you the dumper or the dumpee?

 

[Romjuan]

Kingwilloam, if I remember correctly, we both became single and posted about the same time. I think it was within a week, so we are in a similar boat. To be honest, I think about my ex every day too. I think its just one of those things that take time. I have been in no contact for 2 months after we were still seeing each other for four months when we broke up. I miss her like crazy, and I too have banged over 12 girls since I became single. I don't think others can really know how we feel. The common answer is "move on" or what the above people said, "what's so special about her.". You can't really pin point what's so special its just the feeling you have when your with her is far better than all the other girls. I feel you bro, it sucks. What keeps me in a good mood is I tell myself, if marriage is really life long, I can still be with her later. I don't have to be commited now and as a matter of fact, this is not the time to be with her bc I need to establish a career, and we all know if you ever get back with an ex too soon, it will end soon. You need to be broken up for a good amount of time for it to work out. I hope this helps and you can always pm me if u need to talk. Like I said, we started this the same time. Good luck and watch a lot of swingers.

 

[L B]

Instead of thinking about all the great times you had with her, have you thought about all the bad times you had with her?

Typical moments would be:
Constant argument, moodiness, cold shoulder, cheating, nagging, trying to control you, trying to redecorate your pad, dressing you like an idiot, banning you from seeing your friends, taking away all your "me" time, wasting your money, expecting you to buy/pay for everything, did I mention nagging...

 

[zekko]

Time heals all wounds, you'll get over it in time. Eventually, you'll wonder what the big deal was.

This just goes to show though, that pair bonding is a deep natural instinct. I know some argue that it is unnatural for men to grow attached, that nature only dictates that they should spread their seed around. I disagree though, pair bonding is just as natural, and just as powerful. This is why you are finding it painful to let go. Spinning plates does not always relieve the ache, it can take time. But this too shall pass.

 

[jafyk]

To the OP. You just have to accept that it's what you are going through and find a way to manage the pain. At some point in time she meant a great deal to you so, I think it's natural to miss her. I've been there myself. I think as you go through your dating life and give others a chance (while keeping things in perspective that the "special one" doesn't exist) you will eventually meet someone else with whom you can share those meaningful things with.
The buddhist say that "attachment is the source of all suffering" I agree with them but then again can anything we engage in in this life be worth it if there wasn't some level of attachment? With most things in life the solution is finding a balance. As LB said above "Instead of thinking about all the great times you had with her, have you thought about all the bad times you had with her?" but don't just stop there. Also think about the good times too as this is proof that you are someone worth being with and that it can happen again. For now you may feel like you do when you wrote this post...find a way to keep going and with time it will be different and even when you think of her it will just be another experience you had.

 

[cavedweller]

kingwilliam,

I will ask you again...Who dumped who?

 

[kingwilliam]

She broke up with me. Suddenly and out of nowhere. Our relationship was good, we rarely argued. We lived together.



And its not like Im depressed and bout to commit suicide. Im successful, Im a happy person.... I have lots of women around me all the time. I get laid regularly....


Its just that even as I meet all these new women I cant help but compare them to her

 

[Jeffst1980]

That's completely normal. 6 months isn't all that long, esp. if you were together awhile.

Don't think about the good or the bad times with her, get rid of everything that you might associate with her, and DEFINITELY don't contact her. You essentially need to do a 'system reset.' Start taking up new activities, change the way you dress, make new friends, etc. Definitely keep on dating new girls!
This will start to replace some of those memories of your ex.

It'll get easier with time- definitely in a year or two. In the long run, you will come to view that relationship as something detached from your reality--as if it was just an artifact of your imagination.

 

[Die Hard]

Its just that even as I meet all these new women I cant help but compare them to her

Coz the new women can't give you that warm, loving cocoon to surround you but she could?

 

[thecurtainfalls]

kingwilliam, I was in a similar situation. Lived with my ex for 3 years and the relationship RAPIDLY deteriorated and dissolved in the span of about 6 weeks. It is an extremely shocking and scarring thing to go through if you had any real emotions or goals invested in the relationship.

Earlier this month was the 1 year mark since my breakup. Although the pain has dwindled to about 10% of what it was for a long time, there is no question that she's on my mind from time to time. Sometimes I think about what we had and how close we were, and it makes me sad because I'm missing that in my life now. But you can't be so hard on yourself as to give yourself expectations on how fast to heal or move on.

This is the story of your life, being written as it's being lived, and everything's meant to be exactly how it happens. In time you will find complete acceptance, but if you're looking to delete her from your memory entirely so that you're never reminded of her again -- good luck. It's a chapter of your life that will partly define you as long as you live. Best to come to terms with it rather than trying to push it out. Take comfort in the fact that the whole experience -- highs and lows -- and the process of healing from this hurt is something shared by millions of people since the beginning of time. It's totally normal to go through this and to take quite some time to move on fully.

 

[f283000]

She broke up with me. Suddenly and out of nowhere. Our relationship was good, we rarely argued. We lived together.

You said a lot right there

1. Never live with a woman unless you are ready for the relationship to go downhill
2. I take "everything was good, we rarely argued" as "everything was friendly" rather than exciting.

I just don't know why guys keep repeating the same mistakes countless guys out there have made. Shacking up with a woman almost always ends in the relationship going down the drain but people just don't listen!

 

[cavedweller]

kingwilliam,

Shack up?


Learn from this mistake and never let them move in..

 

[SexyMofo]

She got bored with you. This is the problem with exclusive relationships.

I've been there too. The pain gets better. You can learn from this and become a player or follow the rest of the sheep and get another girlfriend.

 

[kingwilliam]

I am a player.... I have no problem pulling women. I get laid at will.....


But how long do we wanna be players? Ive been chasing women for 20 years