5 years of seduction, looking for confrontation ad improvement

[ubercat]

Well men plan build and generally take action. Routines r also good for men.

 

[Desdinova]

first, most of pua material focus on the initial attraction phase. most of the tricks, the mindset, how do you carry yourself, what you choose to show is taught for getting as much sex as possible. now, we all can agree that sex can be awesome but at a certain point you need more than that. in my position and in my life right now i'm looking for a meaningful relationship, maybe not marriage and children but someone that brings lightness and good experiences in my life. that leads to point two:

You are correct that PUA material focuses on the initial attraction phase. This is not a bad thing though, because you'll be able to go out there and get damn near any woman you want. It also gives you the confidence you need after a breakup; You KNOW you can go out and get another woman.

The meaningful relationship part is still IMO a long way off for you. You're going to get a few more heartbreaks before you find that. The most important thing you need is a woman who make you her #1 priority. Most women out there won't do that because they've been riding the c0ck carousel and know you're replaceable.

i think that if you wanna have a good girl beside you, first you need to screen and to ditch out immediately the bad ones, and second you need to be able to mantain attraction, or, in this case, do not slip up. for doing this you need a strong frame and a strong identity, a strong self-image. you need to put masculine energy in the relationship and not be overwhelmed by emotions. and here is where i fail.

There are a lot of things you need to do to maintain attraction. You need to work on yourself first. This is where I did a lot of experimentation in my life. I would amplify some parts of my personality and see how people (especially women) reacted to it. It helps if you work with a lot of women. In my case, I ended up with an additional part-time job in a fast food joint. I found that women reacted to me much better when I amplified my enthusiasm and my sense of humour. With that being said, I focused on amplifying those two personality traits in my daily interactions. Now they're pretty much permanently part of my personality. I'm an enjoyable person to be around, and I can easily draw people in.

You need to find out what your best qualities are that make people react to you better, and amplify them. Get what you've already got going to you and improve it. This will help overshadow the parts of your personality that you're struggling with.

i show them my emotions and my past, the processed emotions that are good to share, and the unprocessed ones that show my fears and my insecurities,

Yeah, that's the stuff you need to hold back on. If they start asking questions that lead to these things, you can give her vague answers, funny answers (like David DeAngelo suggests), or steer the conversation towards something else. If you need to talk about your problems, you're better off doing it on Sosuave.

i became a little dependent when i share those things because i trust the other person and i tend to lean on them emotionally,

One thing you need to learn is that YOU are the only person you can depend on and trust. You cannot do it with anybody else. You need to go out and do things because YOU want to do them. You can invite people along with you, but if they cancel, it doesn't mean you should also cancel. Once you learn to do things on your own regardless of other people, you learn to be self-sufficient and independent. This IMO is necessary for a man to learn.

i text too much, and worse i often have meaningful discussion by text (not because i'm afraid to talk with the other person, just because in that moment i'm texting and for me it was a good idea to talk of important topics via text. after all i write often and i like this way of communicate, but in this case it's wrong)

I don't believe that the whole "texting too much" problem actually exists. It's not how much you text, it's WHAT you text. If you make your texts interesting, then she's always going to enjoy hearing from you. You can be funny, you can tease, and you can be sexual through texting. What you need to avoid is being boring through your texts. The only one who should be holding a deep conversation through texting is HER. The best thing you can do is acknowledge what she's saying when she does this. Then steer the conversation towards something that makes her feel good. Once you get her there, end the conversation.

You're well on your way to being a great man. The fact that you've already taken the first step towards improving your interactions with women proves that you can make changes to yourself. You still have a lot of work ahead of you, but I'm certain that you'll be able to do it.

 

[chinaski]

All good points that you observed and made about yourself and interpersonal relationships. Keep up the self-growth, for your happiness and what you strive for will all be worth it.

thanks for your comment, seeing that the points that i reached myself are solid confirm that i’m on the right path

(everything)

thanks, if you want i’d like to hear from you about my last update, more than one year has passed since the first message in this thread and there were two short but meaningful (meaning that i’ve been pointed on the right path after breaking up) relationships in between, i feel in a better position now on understanding myself, my emotions and my responsibilities in life.

 

[Desdinova]

if you want i’d like to hear from you about my last update, more than one year has passed since the first message in this thread

I only noticed that the thread was old after I posted, but that doesn't change anything that I wrote.

another six months passed, and i did not dated women in this months. i wanted to focus on myself and my self esteem problems.

I'm going to tell you this right now... Abstaining from women doesn't help fix anything. The only time you really need a break from dating is when you're going through something major in your life (such as your dad passing) and when women are starting to really piss you off. Those are the only times you need a break. You can still self-improve while dating and getting laid. If anything, it gives you opportunities to practice the things you're learning, and you'll need that practice to eventually get the women you desire.

i'm working on basing happiness on myself instead of other people (women especially, but also friends and family) and i'm learning that as a man, i am alone in the world and no one will reach my goals for me,

This is the best thing you can do. Again, you're the only one you can rely on, so you're on the correct path here. It's a bit lonely at the top, but it's very rewarding.

before attempting any relationship i need to have a stable emotional ground and being in control of myself and my actions.

Yes... before you have any successful relationship. You can still date and get laid, and I highly suggest continuing to do so.

 

[chinaski]

hey guys,
a little update to those who are interested.
still in what you may call "monk mode". i didn't know the term even exist bur apparently that's what i am doing. i'm very proud of my advancements. yet, last time i had sex with someone was eight months ago and honestly that's good.

during the last four years i had (for my perspective) lots of girls and sex became only and act, it was almost like reciting the same part over and over again, and with experience you know exactly what to do and what not to do to turn women on, and i wasn't happy with all this "rinse and repeat". it's a power play for sure, you feel in control and that you could give an orgasm anytime you like to the girl, but it became a little empty. awesome sex with crazy chicks could have played a part in all this.

if a few years ago someone told me that i'll be "bored" by sex a few years later i'd be skeptical, but that's what the "stress" of serial dating did to me. so.. a little pause can be good in my opinion.

anyway, i'm investing heavily in myself, like i said i moved to a bigger place, i'm reading every time that i can self improvement books (especially on attachment styles, relationship types and the connection between what you've learned from your parents / your romantic relationships), i'm still in therapy, but wondering if i should change the therapist because my current (and first) one is good but a little slow, started exercising again, next step after i'll finish to furnish the new place is refreshing the wardrobe, i learned that you should be almost on top everyday, even if you're going to work (depends on the work obviously) and carry that image of sharp dressed man with you so it became part of yourself and not just "an act", i'm working on the relationship with my family to gain more independence in a healthy way and i've make big improvements in my career at the point that i'm contemplating hunting for a new job that gives me better advancement opportunities. the next steps that i'd like to take will be reading and learning about eating healthy and how to manage finances and investing so that if everything comes up i'm prepared and with some money on my side. oh, and i made some new friends that leads to knowing more people and so on..since i love my friends from childhood but apart from a couple of them, all the others are married with kids and a good part of them (let's say 50%) in unhappy relationships.

that's all for now! if you like to contribute i'll be glad to read your opinions