44 year old needs dating advice

[frankcd]

Hello All,

Started a new thread at the request of the forum.

I found this site and it seems to be accurate. I do not understand how that one author told me when a woman turns her back to you see is playing hard to get. Obviously that was not the correct reason...

Oh, I have been talking to the woman I said I know you all have boyfriends. She seems to want to talk. Interesting...


Still seeking others.

@http://www.steelballs.com/the_cove/bodylang.htm

see ya,
Frank

 

[Starman]

bahahhaah you aged one year since your last thread..I hope your next thread reads

"46 year old needs bl0wjob advice"

 

[Helter Skelter]

Hey Frank

How bout one new thread per year for you.

Next year's title better not be 45 year old needs dating advice.

 

[frankcd]

Hey Helter and Starman,

I agree 100% since I am hoping the New Year brings me success with the ladies and questions on sex. It is about time in think.

see ya,
Frank

 

[WestCoaster]

This site has helped me and you too, apparently

Honestly, I got through about one page of the infinity of the last thread. When it starts getting that long, I back off.

My hope for you -- since I didn't read all the last threads -- is that you've read parts of all of the DJ Bible and the articles on the home site. As much as I hang out here on the board, the best part of this site are the articles, IMO. The people writing them have some sort of expertise and knowledge.

I do know that by reading the bible and the articles I've changed my attitude in the last couple years. No, I'm not doing that great right with the ladies now, I don't have a GF, but my dating numbers have drastically increased.

Even better than that, however, is a woman's acceptance or rejection of me has not affected my self-esteem. No longer is my life wrapped up in who I'm dating, who I'm laying, or if I'm in a long-term relationship, and the so-called societal shame of never being married at my age (I'm not that much younger than you, Frank!). All that no longer matters to me. What matters most is I've worked on myself and truly have self-confidence now, though like anything it goes up and down. I've learned to read all that better, too, and able to pull out of funks much better. A lot of the credit goes to this site.

Once you get to that stage of DJism, Frank, it's a great feeling.

You're doing well. Keep up the good work!

 

[frankcd]

I feel I am improving but when I miss the opportunities like I have with the recent ladies it burns me up. I could kick myself!

But I have learned and now I am moving forward.

see ya,
Frank

 

[frankcd]

This was extremely difficult for me to tell everyone.


The main reason I took so long with the TV gal is because I am losing my job. I have known since 9/30 my job will be ending in Dec 2003. I have been submitting resumes like a mad man and no jobs. I get interviews but no offers. An unemployed 44-year-old in this economy has nothing to be singing about. And to make matters worse because of my financial situation I may have to move in with family, I kid you not....

All this happens when I was starting to improve. If you can't see an improvement, well I sure can.

How could I have the balls to ask out a babe like her when I know I will be unemployed?
Just not a very confidence boosting situation to be in. Yes, I am a coward but even more I feel like a loser since I will be out of work. And I could kick myself from here to Mars when I realize the opportunity I will be missing. My she was a fox...

Yes she hates me but I hate myself even more.

I am thinking of emailing the TV gal and letting her know my name and that I enjoyed speaking with her. And to let her know I wished I had taken the conversation further but couldn't do to my employment situation. And to let her know maybe we may will meet again when my situation improves. I just want to let her know why I blew her off.

Good idea? Yes, I felt that much of a connection with her. Maybe love at first sight if you believe in that, well I sure do! And I got the feeling it was mutual. And I have had this feeling only one other time in my life.

see ya,
Frank

 

[NewMan]

am thinking of emailing the TV gal and letting her know my name and that I enjoyed speaking with her. And to let her know I wished I had taken the conversation further but couldn't do to my employment situation. And to let her know maybe we may will meet again when my situation improves. I just want to let her know why I blew her off.

Thats stupid.

Read it again Frank - do you sound pathetic or just Fvcking pathetic?

What kind of woman is going to want to be with a BOY who rights and email like that?

Come on man you can do better.

If your not in the right frame or situation to be dating anyone, then fair enough, if thats you choice. But don't go telling her the reason or the why's and therefore's. Just be a man.

Don't send her that email, either ask her out for a beer/coffee whatever or say nothing

 

[frankcd]

Hi Newman,

The only reason I am doing the email is because I will not be able to see her for two weeks in person. Plus, she does not come near me. So, maybe if she had a name to associate with my face she would speak with me.. Ok, so I won't mention my work situation but I can still say I wish I had taken the conversation further and I look forward to stopping in real soon....

Again, she is a very attractive woman and when I blew her off she most likely got furious.

Any better?

see ya,
Frank

 

[Helter Skelter]

Not better.

I'm sorry, but I think you would benefit from seeing a doctor to get your head on straight.

Just my opinion.

You just don't seem clear headed in your thinking.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by frankcd
I am thinking of emailing the TV gal and letting her know my name and that I enjoyed speaking with her. And to let her know I wished I had taken the conversation further but couldn't do to my employment situation. And to let her know maybe we may will meet again when my situation improves. I just want to let her know why I blew her off.

Setting aside the loss of your job because it has happened to so many people in the last couple of years. But Frank, making excuses like this in writing and giving it to a woman does NO ONE ANY GOOD.

She will think that you are a joke that can't handle his business and will avoid contact with another person whenever there is any upheaval in your life. Heaven forbid you guys were dating and something happened, would you close yourself off?

And as for you, putting excuses in writing seems to solidify the problem in some people. It is more difficult than just telling another person, its as if you have a record of something that could be perceived as a failure.

Frankly Frank , you've posted tons of messages about why you didn't, couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't, can't and every other reason for not following through. Consider posting (and doing) more positive messages.

Complete some variation of the boot camp. Say that you will just introduce yourself to 10 or 15 women in one week. Say that you will go out and change your haircut and/or wardrobe AND flirt with the hair stylist and/or saleswoman that helps you.

Think of this changing time as a new beginning Frank. Change yourself and become the person that you would like to be. Repaint yourself in the image of a DJ that is in control of his life in that he is confident that he can handle what ever challenges he encounters.

You can choose to either to let your current situation drive you deeper into despair or let it be a catapult to a new image of yourself. No one can actually stop you other than yourself.

 

[echo1212]

Frank..keep your head up. Do NOT email that woman. She's not pissed at you, really she doesn't even know you. If shes is pissed at you for you not talking to her then shes a psycho and not worth your time..but don't email her no matter what. When you get a chance maybe swing by and say hi, dont bring up your job loss or anything else until if/when you go out.

As far as your job...it can be tough. Be thankfull you have great parents like I do that will help you out in your time of need. I too have been in between jobs for a little while..and it sucks. Job market is not the greatest right now. I've been a professional race horse trainer/owner for 15 years and am getting into something new and different. Its a change and somewhat stressful, but also exciting. But its not the end of the world. I'll get a new great job and so will you IF you keep your head on straight and your spirits up.

How are you doing as far as your new hairstyle? Wardrobe? Work out plan?

 

[MacDonald]

First, sorry to hear about your job.

Second, don't email her! Listen to us this time, Frank!

I know what it's like to have oneitis. Believe me. I still think about a girl I haven't seen in months. She was marriage material, but greater things stood in the way. But I'm working on another girl. If nothing comes from this, I'll look for yet another woman.

So I know it's hard for you to forget about the TV girl, but at least try to focus on some other women. It's the only way to get over a crush.

Regards

P.S. You should try to go to First Fridays tomorrow(11/7).

 

[NewMan]

Yes Frank,

She's not mad at you at all.

No woman is going to be mad at you for not talking - and anyways if she is, she's one to avoid.

Do you think your putting a little to much emphasis on the woman? It sounds like your giving them POWER over you?

Just because they are attractive, does not make them better than you - they are just women.

Stop being intimidated.

 

[Big Pappy]

Frank,

Okay, you're losing your job. You mentioned that you sent out resumes like mad.

Want to know what your doing wrong? You're doing the same thing wrong on the resume that you're doing wrong with the women. You're focused on you! You should be focused on what you can offer them. Your employer and the women in your life.

When you write an objective in your resume, you need to figure out what troubles that company is having and what you can do to solve them.

Everybody wants a job with position for advancement in a growing company. Well, what do I care about what you want? I don't care about whether or not you have benefits. I want to know if you can do the job. Next, I want to know if you'll fit in. That's why the "good ol' boy" network is still around. Nobody wants a good worker who's a pain in the ass at parties.

Women are very much the same way. Why should she care if you're unemployed or not? All she wants is some entertainment from a guy who's not going to call her 12 times a day. Depending on your geographic location, she'll settle for a guy with a pulse.

What have you done to improve your marketability since September? with employers and with women!

Doing what is best for you will ultimately lead to greater personal and professional success.

And, about email -- there's no way to guarantee that an email has been recieved. Don't trust important communication to email.

Now get off your ass and do something productive!

 

[frankcd]

To everyone,

I am again grateful for your advice. I have decided not to email the TV gal. (It will not accomplish anything, but as you all said just make me look like a child). And yes I guess I have been obsessed with her lately since it is easy to do so I can take my mind off reality.

Just like a friend of mine, who is 46 and single has a crush on a happily married woman. I told him he is wasting his life focusing on her when he should pursue an available woman. Remind you of anyone? I guess it is time for me to heed the advice I am telling him! BTW, the woman he is mad over is a "ten." She has one of the top 5 best asses I have ever seen. And I have looked at thousands....

Also, I will get over the TV gal in a short amount of time like I did the church girl. I have to find out what I am doing wrong to piss these women off. Maybe what I am not doing, like asking them for a date is what the problem is. I got the woman in my building mad at me and now I can not face her. No, I will not apologize for what I said I am just moving on. Though she is furious with me and I am sure she is confused as to why I said what I did. It was the little voice of discouragement that was telling me I am too old for her and it is pointless. The self-fulfilling prophecy came true because I made an ass out of myself with her.

Well, enough said of the past. Going forward.

Oh, I was talking to another woman in my building today. She has the face of an angel. She is very nice and she is also shy which I like in a woman. I am trying to converse with at least 10 women a week and not just saying hi.... Every time I do it is easier, so I am learning. Yeah. Just have to get the four letter word out of my mouth "date" and have it get a "yes."

As far as my job situation. My resume is pretty nice looking and has positive action words. Just thinking positive that I will find a job soon, even though it maybe not exactly what I want.
Although, a job would improve my marketability with the ladies.

Oh, I mentioned this thread to people (I told them it was asking what women want) I know and told them it has had over 7000 readers. They were amazed and stated I should be a columnist. Huh, never even thought of that....

Plus, I am going to buy more stylish clothes as soon as this weekend.

That is all for now. I will keep you current as always.

See ya,
Frank

 

[frankcd]

Hello All.

All is the same on the job front and with the ladies. Honestly though I am spending about 75% or more of my time pursuing a new job. As anxious I am to meet a woman I have to sort of do that on the side.

I have not come across any new women in the past week. I am still speaking to the ladies everyday. I know something will break but I am learning and being patient.

Oh, the woman I blew off about 2 weeks ago by saying I know you all have boyfriends appears to be very disappointed with me.
I am wondering by chance if she liked me. I see her maybe twice daily and she smiles but I do not say any more. For the most part I feel like an ass for what I said and I do not have the balls to retract it. She has a nice bod! I am just perplexed when I try to figure what she wants.

Plus, I spoke with a man who has a PHD in psychology on the way to work the past couple of days. This man has been on my bus for two years and I have spoken with him before. I described to him the events with the TV gal. He told me that she experienced LAFS, Love At First Sight. And yes this is a true/real and a valid event in psychology. And he made me feel good by saying that she will remember me for sometime. It just took her sometime to get up the nerve to approach me. And the first eye contact we experienced was longer than normal. This is a major factor in LAFS. And everyone on the board was right that the TV gal does not hate me but was in a way saddened that I did not reply in the appropriate manner. Hopefully, in the near future I will get the guts to ask her out if I have a job or not. And what I experienced with TV gal I have "never" experienced before with a female.
Here is the link I found before I asked him. And I really experienced just about everything mentioned in that article.

@http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2001/2/14/83612.shtml

I found this on a website and I believe this....

Attributes men imagine women find attractive in them
21% Muscular chest and shoulders.
18% Muscular arms
15% Penis
13% Tallness
9% Flat stomach
7% Slimness
4% Hair texture (not length)
4% Buttocks
4% Eyes
3% Long legs
2% Neck

Attributes women really find attractive in men
39% Buttocks (Oh, and the reason for this is because muscular glutes let the woman know the man will be able to thrust during intercourse and make it pleasurable and for child bearing. I read this in a psych book a few years ago)
15% Slimness
13% Flat stomach
11% Eyes
6% Long legs
5% Tallness
3% Neck
2% Penis
1% Muscular chest and shoulders
0% Muscular arms


see ya,
Frank

 

[frankcd]

Hello All,

I am going to see if I can befriend the woman I blew off back about three weeks ago. I do believe she likes me. She nevers talks to other guys, it was only me.....

Maybe she will be my first date in 10+ years.... I have to play it right and keep my fingers and toes crossed....

Right now, I am watching a story about Married and Cheating Online... It is very prevalent....

see ya,
Frank

 

[frankcd]

I found interesting links: Hope you like...

@http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/1434/smile.html

@http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/afraid_of_women.htm


@http://www.virtualkiss.com/datingdoctor/youngwomenoldmen.asp


@http://pages.prodigy.net/lordshadow2/history_of_thong.htm
see ya,
Frank

 

[frankcd]

Interesting link:


@http://www.researchmatters.harvard.edu/story.php?article_id=99

see ya,
Frank