35 and a virgin, is it best to give up?

[Anom]

School was a boiling hot nightmare for me. I never got noticed, while everyone around me did. No matter how good I took care of myself, how charming I was, how funny I was, etc. it was a battle I could never win. Also, I noticed that every time I tried to approach or impress a girl, the universe throws an extremely embarrassing moment at me, like there's a cloud over my head.

Now, the last time I was at this forum, every member here would type like they were ****ing angry teenagers. This was back in 2007/2008. The members here were horrible horrible horrible back then, and so far, it seems to have improved greatly since then. A girl I liked flew over from Canada to see my best friend, and it messed my head up baaaaaaaaaaaad. And no one here cared, no one helped me, no one gave good advice, everyone just threw around bad advice as if it was good advice. It made me angrier and want to stay single forever.

Is it best to just stop eternally and focus on everything else in life? Should I save myself the embarrassment of trying? I'm a pretty creative liar, and I have successfully convinced people that I'm not a virgin. So maybe I could lie for the rest of time? Though I'd love to have sex, I don't seem to crave it as much as everyone else.

I don't know if it will help, but I can post a picture of myself if you guys want, so you can tell me what my chances are.

 

[johnrambo]

@Anom Maybe you were trying to hard. You reek of desperation which is a turnoff. Post a pic of yourself if you can.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Git gud!

E.g. you need to self improve like everyone else. Improve yourself in communications, social, game, your career, hit the gym (improve your self confidence), read books and do the work.
No way around this!
Women should only be a compliment to your life, not the focus of it.

At this stage you are (probably) not even close to any close to even pull girls because of the mentioned above plus you are maybe too thirsty.

Learn how to NGAF https://shorturl.gg/howtonotgiveaFVCK and don't take it personally when you get rejected. It should come like second nature. If one chick rejects you it is not the end of the world and there is 4.5 billion girls on this planet so fvck it. Next...

It all starts with yourself...

School was a boiling hot nightmare

School was a shyte hole for most of us... It was not my fav thing either. But you need to lose the victim mentality and move on or you will be stuck with this forever.

A girl I liked flew over from Canada to see my best friend, and it messed my head up baaaaaaaaaaaad. And no one here cared, no one helped me, no one gave good advice, everyone just threw around bad advice as if it was good advice. It made me angrier and want to stay single forever.

Yep, again lose the victim mentality. Being a man is hard and you need to perform like any other dude to take on the world and you cannot expect that anyone but yourself will ever help you. You need to be self independent, take action and lookup the resources yourself so you can grow as a man and human being to new heights. That is your responsibility and no one else.

 

[sangheilios]

@Anom

I am actually convinced that there are far more men out there in a similar situation as you despite what you believe. There are a lot of stats coming out recently that young men have been completely sexless for over a year and that many are still virgins well into their 20s. There are a lot of variables at play here and there's no need to elaborate on those details.

When people think of older male virgins they probably imagine some incredibly overweight and unattractive guy lol. This would have been the case in the past, but I think you'd find that many of them are otherwise normal looking guys that otherwise should be capable of getting dates. I could be wrong with this, but I bet you are actually normal looking, so that shouldn't be your issue.

You were a teenager when you first were trying, obviously, and naturally many young men in this age range struggle. However, you probably had some unusual life circumstances that prevented you from developing a more social life as you got older. It also doesn't help that this also coincided with social media and dating apps completely taking over the scene, which made the dating market even more challenging. It's one of those things where other life events or priorities take over, which prevent you from socializing more normally and further delaying this more "natural" process. The months accrue and the next thing you know the years are passing by and nothing has changed. Maybe there were other things that popped up that just further encouraged this trend and again the years go by. I don't mean any of this as an insult, it's just how I imagine something like this happening. I highly doubt you were going around spam approaching women left and right and constantly getting rejected lol.

As for the comments about being a virgin and lying about it. You are at an age where a woman would probably have a lot of reservations about getting involved with you know you are a virgin. This isn't a conscious move on her part, but it's basically a pattern of thoughts and feelings like "If this man is still a virgin that means other women don't find him as acceptable, which means there must be something wrong with him.......I should be careful here". You are basically setting yourself up for failure and rejection by disclosing a personal detail about yourself that you really don't need to be sharing. I'd like to tell you that some soul mate will line up for you and not reject you for being a virgin but that's not how this stuff works.

 

[Anom]

@Anom Maybe you were trying to hard. You reek of desperation which is a turnoff. Post a pic of yourself if you can.

This is me
[Image removed]

Though my hair is cut to a normal length now.

Git gud!
-snip-

Okay, yeah. I was absolutely right, this forum is a massive improvement to what it was before. Let's say I find someone, and she absolutely loves everything about me. She asks how many girls I've been with, do I lie and take that lie to the grave (which honestly feels like the right thing to do)? Or do I admit she's the first?

Then she'll get these ideas like "ew what is wrong with you?" It ****ing infuriates me when people associate virginity with "something must be wrong with you!" like there's no other reasons in existence. Welcome to American society, where everyone is programmed with "society says this so you have to be this!!"

I heard there are some women out there that would love to be someone's first, and 'teach' them everything, but again, we live in a world where you need to have boned at least 20 women before you find someone serious.

@Anom
I'd like to tell you that some soul mate will line up for you and not reject you for being a virgin but that's not how this stuff works.

This is the problem. The world is full of people who are pre-programmed and have this one-sided douchy way of thinking. For example, if I say, "There are these people who treat me like garbage." and a friend replies with "D00d jus don't care wat ppl think!" Sure, cool, but no though, because I can't control what people do. I can't make people be open-minded.

 

[johnrambo]

This is me
View attachment 11333

Though my hair is cut to a normal length now.

Could you shave your beard and get a good haircut (pay top dollar if you have to)?

Get cooler looking glasses with tint or contacts.

This is for starters.

 

[Anom]

The glasses thing I get, but I don't the issue with my facial hair.

 

[johnrambo]

The glasses thing I get, but I don't the issue with my facial hair.

Shave your beard...you'll look younger.

 

[Dr.Suave]

35 is the worst time to give up. Nowhere to go but up.

 

[Anom]

Are all the good women taken? It really feels that way.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Are all the good women taken? It really feels that way.

Most of them are. You could spend years vetting out the trash and looking for a diamond in the rough, but its worth it.

 

[Anom]

Riiiiiiight. You had then you lost me. I have many different pairs of glasses (and I don't honestly see that big of an issue with the ones I'm wearing in the picture). That picture was from a while ago, and I only have the mustache which is much more faded. I'm sorry... ****ing "pubic hair"? Holy hell on a cross, THAT is a first. A very first.

Okay back to the virgin thing. The lady I'm with is proooooobably gonna figure out I'm not experienced if the deed is done. Is it best to - you guessed it - lie again and say that "it's been a while?"

Edit: Also... "lost puppy"? I was exhausted when I took that picture but you guys are the pros so I'll roll with it.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

The glasses thing I get, but I don't the issue with my facial hair.

Its simple.. You need to look sharp mate.
Get a good professional hair cut. Ditch the colored purple hair too.

Lose the beard, it makes you look 5 - 8 years older than your actual age. Invest in some smart glasses too. Same with clothing; invest in some good looking clothes that makes you look great..

If you want to be in the game then you need to be able to compete against the competition - e.g. other dudes too that do look sharp. Girls are looking for winners and not losers and see men as success objects.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Riiiiiiight. You had then you lost me. I have many different pairs of glasses (and I don't honestly see that big of an issue with the ones I'm wearing in the picture). That picture was from a while ago, and I only have the mustache which is much more faded. I'm sorry... ****ing "pubic hair"? Holy hell on a cross, THAT is a first. A very first.

Okay back to the virgin thing. The lady I'm with is proooooobably gonna figure out I'm not experienced if the deed is done. Is it best to - you guessed it - lie again and say that "it's been a while?"

Edit: Also... "lost puppy"? I was exhausted when I took that picture but you guys are the pros so I'll roll with it.

Dude you need to take the more humble approach and listen, learn to the guys here on SS as they are doing what you're not.
Getting laid a fvck ton, having success in their lives... Excuses won't help you here.

Please do not get angry because people here gives you their honest though love opinion. We are after all just attempting to help you on the way to a better you. Not trying to drag you down.

 

[Anom]

So we ask you to show us what you look like and you show us yourself on your worst? Exhausted, wearing your ugliest glasses and with more pubic facial hair than you do now? And you expect us to give you an assessment of improving your looks? Are you a moron?

I posted that picture to show whether I was inherently ugly. As in... if I was "beyond repair" or not. An insult I had to endure a lot throughout my life. My hair is not purple, that is just a bluish light near me.

Dude you need to take the more humble approach and listen, learn to the guys here on SS as they are doing what you're not.
Getting laid a fvck ton, having success in their lives... Excuses won't help you here.

Please do not get angry because people here gives you their honest though love opinion. We are after all just attempting to help you on the way to a better you. Not trying to drag you down.

No one is angry. I actually made an appointment minutes ago, so I can get contacts and better glasses. I have a gym that's part of my apartment complex that I started at. Once thing that's confusing me as that some ladies like facial hair, some don't. Is it best if I'm giving the beard a close trim or taking it off completely?

 

[Anom]

I am a writer, had a journalist job and am currently more or less in the game development scene and graphic design. I'm to assume that's nothing that would impress a woman?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like you haven't even really tried yet, just given up at the first sign of failure.

 

[Anom]

Why are you starting the gym now at 35 when you've never been with a girl before? What was the advice people gave when you were 2007/2008 here? I'm guessing you're very good at video games.

No? I've been working out on and off for years, but haven't reached that perfect toned body I've been going for. There was no... "advice" going on here around 2008. I'm seeing a lot of people that joined in 2014, 2018, 2023, etc. so you guys didn't have to see how awful the place was. It was like the place was run by know-it-all teenagers that were constantly twitching in rage, barely knew how to type, and acted like they ran the place. No professionalism, no carefully walking through steps. Just... douchiness. It was enough to make anyone go "Ugh, nevermind. I'll go to literally any other forum that isn't this one." Granted, I still read the articles attached to this forum, which were informative, but avoided the forum like the plague.

My dad was run over by a 22,000lbs vehicle and miraculously survived and doesn't need a wheelchair, but moving around is still painfully tough for him. My mom has advanced trigeminal neuralgia which was pretty much crippled her. Oh wait, it gets better, she's starting to develop schizophrenic tendencies. So I have to balance my life, my jobs and helping my folks all at the same time.

As for posting a better picture of myself, yeah... I'm still gonna look like garbage no matter what due to my exhausting life. So I'm sure those "sad puppy eyes" or whatever the comparison was is still gonna be there.

Edit: Oh, and for the record... that picture of myself is NOT "at my worst". My worst would make that picture look like the damn Mona Lisa.

 

[johnrambo]

@Anom There is a thread on your subject that might want to read:

Tips for adult male virgins by coach Nick Notas

I’ve wanted to make a thread about this video ever since @corrector tagged me in that thread about the HealthyGamerGG video on adult virgins. I came across this video awhile ago and I found it pretty useful and informative. I’m not sure if I would hire Nick as a coach or not as I already have...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Anom]

Why didn't you post a picture of your whole body? If you've been working on and off I'm sure you should be somewhat fit, post a picture. What's you height and weight? What do you do for a living? How much you earn? Do you still live with your parents?

I've gained a bit of weight, so right now I'm in the "average" range. Maybe around 180, but wouldn't surprised if it was more. I am 5' 11". I am a manager at Walmart, what do I make? $14 an hour, which is also translates to "not enough", but I have the writing and game development thing, so that helps. I will also transfer to a job that my cousin runs, which pays about $20 an hour. I have a place with a friend, but depending on what my parents go through, I might stay a night or two there since my mother cannot be left alone.

I don't buy that BS excuse, guys like Pook, Rollo and others, their post were here, you probably didn't like the advice cause you needed to put the hard work.

I don't remember a Pook or Rollo. Were you here back then? The posts I got were nothing like what you guys are saying. You guys are posting steps for things, the posts from 2008 were a lot cruder, sloppier, badly-written and were closer to what a half-blind 4channer would type.

Everyone has problems, you're not the only one, life is painfully hard, there are people in the border exhausted to be in the US, and would love to trade places with you to take advantage of all the opportunities you're taking for granted.

All of that wasn't meant to be an excuse... it just makes it difficult to find time to find a girlfriend. I didn't say anything about being ungrateful or that I had the worst life ever.

Most of these guys are ruthless, they don't baby like they did to me at one point, sometimes you need somebody to kick your a$$ to make you wake up, if you expect pity here you won't get it.

Good, I don't want it. That's the kind of man a woman wants right? A man, not someone who drowns in self-pity.

Having written that, there is no reason to let life pass by you cause of your parents, when they die you'll be with no parents and your life a fvcking mess. Going to the gym for 1 hour, working out hard so you make muscles so you become more attractive, making meals preps, cooking good food for 3-4 days its not hard, if you can't have that discipline, you won't be able to accomplish anything. You're just putting BS excuses why your life is so hard and looking for pity.

Uuuggghhhh... again, not every single thing I explain is an excuse. Or at least not in the sense of "pity me!"

I'm already doing the gym for 1 hour. I do the stairmaster for 30 minutes, then 100 sit-ups,100 push-ups and do 30 heavy lifts. I don't know if that's enough. On the alternate day, I do the stairmaster for an entire hour, but not do the lifts. I still do the sit-ups and push-ups all the same. They do stay on a 300-400? calorie deficit, I don't remember the exact numbers.