34 Married and Unhappy (in Miami)

[Bling]

Yeah you have a pending disaster on your hands if you marry this woman.

What am I missing? His first bullet literally says he was married for two years.

 

[Ricky]

I don't know what to recommend. I am very pro-marriage and pro family.
Maybe there is a way you can mold her into what you want. Do you find any of the redpill married man sites helpful in this regard?

 

[BMX]

I'd definitely GTFO of Miami...I would recommend the First Coast where I was raised but it's (now) full of transplant c uck New Yorkers and Californians. Pick your poison I suppose.

 

[Mazer]

Hoping to get some feedback and thoughts from other guys that might have been in my situation.

Background:

• I have been married for 2 years. I met her when I was living in the midwest briefly.
• She is 2 years older than me, reasonably attractive but not in super great shape at least for Miami.
• She's very smart - which is helpful but she is also condescending especially since I am the one making the money
• She helps me with occasional work tasks for ~1-2 hours per day, but most of the time she is looking up food and watches TikTok.
  • She does not have a job but she has a degree and lots of education.
  • She was very helpful to my business early days when I was struggling/overwhelmed so I let a lot of laziness slide afterward.
• No kids so far, but she's pushing for children.
  • I am just not sure she is the right one.
  • My parents like her and think she's great with kids
• My biggest problems are:
  • She is very boring and dull.
  • Very anti social and does not want to go out of the house. She's paranoid of other women.
  • In terms of sex, I am really not attracted/interested much even though everyone thinks she's pretty.
    • We have sex 1-2x per month on average
    • The sex is okay but she is trying to get pregnant and I am avoiding her
  • I got married at the time thinking about the sanity and companionship angle. I didn't have a ton of friends in Miami.
  • We did a Vegas shotgun wedding basically.
  • She doesn't want to work and wants to be a stay-at-home mom as a career and watch TikTok.
• For more context, I am making ~$500K per year, living in Miami, FL
  • I am not considered rich in Miami. I am driving an Audi, not a Bentley or Ferrari like the true ballers here.
  • I don't own property but plan to buy in the next year or two
  • The options look much more attractive but also lots of crazy gold diggers as well that might wreck your life.
  • Also younger would be nice too - i.e. 25 to 30 would be ideal
• We have a prenup agreement
  • I may still need to pay her some alimony not entirely sure

I am considering separation but I haven't had much luck with the dating scene in Miami either. Before marrying her, I had dated quite a few more attractive women, but were mostly crazy/unstable/wreck your life type. I am thinking of moving to Europe (have EU citizenship) but also open to moving to another city.

Any advice from other guys? Am I an idiot?
Looking to hear from other experiences and thoughts.

Tell her you don’t want children. Maybe she will leave.

 

[Murk]

I'm guessing your business is run remotely from a laptop with minimal/no employees? If so, you can literally up and go anywhere in the world tomorrow. Maybe you need some time away, say you're visiting a client in Europe, spend 2 weeks getting your sh*t together, a week in Prague, a week in Krakow, chilling, seeking legal advice, clearing your head etc.

There's no future here, don't breed this chick.

 

[Metaphysical]

The weird thing is that she would probably make a good mother for kids. She is great at psychology and able to nurture people to be positive/happy.

The problem is - if I have kids with her, the sex is already a 3/10 and it will probably become a 0/10. I'm a very sexual person and I'm very unsatisfied with this component as it is.

 

[corsica]

Sex twice a month can't be 3/10.

She's going to try to get pregnant. If that happens, game over. You're stuck with her for the rest of your life.

Be ready to spend money with divorce. I guess you can afford it.

 

[jafman]

Krakow is a solid choice for women. I was there in 2019 for a w. I did not see a single obese Polish woman. They seemed to be slightly taller than the average here in the UK.
They all take great pride in appearance and self care but without the extremes of facial alterations or so many breast augmentation jobs…

Traditional gender roles are more normal there. A man is expected to be a man! They can be feisty, if you want submission then you better be solid as granite.

Also check out PM shooter. A great place for a date. You can shoot pretty much any gun you could think of. I took a Polish girl there( holiday tour agent so her English was excellent) and the adrenaline and excitement really paid off. Watching her tits jiggle while she struggled with an AK was the icing on the cake.

sorry for going off on one there about Poland but I felt the need to share. Go and get some Polish hottie to polish your pole…

As for your current situation. Start making arrangements so you have things in place and ready then simply sit her down and tell her it’s over. Not an easy thing to do. I ended a long relationship the wrong way by trying to be subtle…. It was hell for weeks.

be blunt. Be honest.

If you are not happy with her now you will never be happy…

Good Luck

 

[Metaphysical]

Sex twice a month can't be 3/10.

She's going to try to get pregnant. If that happens, game over. You're stuck with her for the rest of your life.

Be ready to spend money with divorce. I guess you can afford it.

Yeah she is definitely angling to get pregnant. This is another reason why we're having sex less often. She is trying to get pregnant every time we have sex. I try to *** on her back and have a nearby towel to clear it up as quickly as possible.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The weird thing is that she would probably make a good mother for kids. She is great at psychology and able to nurture people to be positive/happy.

The problem is - if I have kids with her, the sex is already a 3/10 and it will probably become a 0/10. I'm a very sexual person and I'm very unsatisfied with this component as it is.

Have you talked to her and told her that? If not, how is anything going to change in that area?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thank you for the comments guys. To answer some of the questions:

1. I joined here in my teens.
2. I got married because she was "more attractive I am" according to friends and my parents really like her. She is calm and very intelligent. She was also very supportive when my business was about to go under. She sat next to me for a few months and helped me significantly improve the situation and handle the stress.
3. I had recently gotten out of a long relationship where the previous woman was hot & smart, but insane. When the red flags started to come out, I tried to end it. She had self inflicted bruises and scratches and went to my prior boss to get me fired saying I beat her. My wife helped me deal with the aftermath of all that.
4. She was a bit chubby when I first met her and I taught her how to work out and thought that after a few years of gym, she would trim the fat and she would have a great body underneath it. It didn't happen. She lost some weight but carries the weight in the wrong places and prioritizes good food over than looking good. We have 15 types of french and italian cheeses in the fridge as I'm typing this.
5. I was not making as much money a few years ago. I have 3x'ed my salary starting a business.
6. She has not paid for rent, groceries or anything at all for the last 3 years - even when she had a job. She expects me to pay for everything and would get very huffy and "upset" when I asked her to pay for things. (She is not a latina but caucasian from mid-west). Her mother is a stay at home mom as well and spends her whole day on TikTok too.
7. The other frustration is the mess. She does not believe in cleaning and organizing as you go. She does a clean for ~1hr once a week and that's it. The rest of the week, the whole house is a disaster. Dishes in the sink, clothes all over the couch and dining room, shoes by the coach, the whole ordeal.
8. Basically the calculation I made was that a "boring but smart and stable" wife who is also pretty would be better than a potentially hot but crazy wife who could wreck your life.

Some questions:
- Has anyone had a separation that has gone well? Most I see are disasters and get messy.
- We live in a furnished rented place. Our lease is up in a month and we are supposed to be apartment shopping over the next few weeks. I was going to pull the plug in a few weeks since the lease is almost up. I don't really know how to "walk out" of the relationship. Any advice here?
- Regarding alimony, I was going to let her have all our furniture and belongings in storage and pay her a lump sum for approx. 1 year of alimony in exchange for a clean agreement, so we don't waste money on lawyers.

Other comments:
- I like Miami for the low tax rates, but the dating scene is rough. I see lots of hotties but they are giving off serious low-IQ gold-digger vibes and they're with NBA-player type dudes that are driving Rolls Royces and owning $5M penthouses. It's tough to go somewhere else though with higher tax rates, but I guess Las Vegas or Nashville could be other options. Not sure dating options are better.
- I am thinking about taking off to Europe for the summer (maybe Prague or Krakow) and seeing what the dating options look like there. Not sure if anyone has been there.

I hate to be blunt, but the reason for a lot of the problems you mention is because you have allowed it to become the norm for her to do those things.

Like cleaning and the house being a mess. There is no way in the world of I am making that kind of money and she isn't doing much of anything I would accept that.

 

[EyeBRollin]

The weird thing is that she would probably make a good mother for kids. She is great at psychology and able to nurture people to be positive/happy.

The problem is - if I have kids with her, the sex is already a 3/10 and it will probably become a 0/10. I'm a very sexual person and I'm very unsatisfied with this component as it is.

Tell her (verbally, not thru text) she needs to become more physically attractive or the marriage is not going to work. Give her a time table. In the mean time call a divorce lawyer. This marriage is likely doomed my friend.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Tell her (verbally, not thru text) she needs to become more physically attractive or the marriage is not going to work. Give her a time table. In the mean time call a divorce lawyer. This marriage is likely doomed my friend.

I don't care how attractive she becomes, a disgracefully kept house with trash all over would make her ugly to me...I'd sooner accept the looks part than that.

At some point, her looks will fade as she ages, if you can't accept that don't get married.

 

[Metaphysical]

The laziness got progressively worse and snuck up on me. At the beginning she was working full time making a decent amount of money ~$150K/year. About a year ago, her job laid her off and I needed extra help so I was fine with her helping me 3-4 hours a day with the business. The rest, she was making travel plans for us and other things that were marginally helpful.

About 6 months ago, I no longer needed help because I hired employees. She spends most of her time on Reddit/Tiktok/Social Media and watching cooking videos. When I tell her she needs to find a job, she cries for a few hours, pretends to look for 1-2 days and says they don't want to hire her and shows me rejection emails.

Regarding physical attraction - we spoke many times. She did lose 7-10 lbs since we got married (2 years ago). Despite the gym - she looks worse and not better to me. She still has another 15 lbs to go or so but I am running out of patience.

 

[Plinco]

The laziness got progressively worse and snuck up on me. At the beginning she was working full time making a decent amount of money ~$150K/year. About a year ago, her job laid her off and I needed extra help so I was fine with her helping me 3-4 hours a day with the business. The rest, she was making travel plans for us and other things that were marginally helpful.

About 6 months ago, I no longer needed help because I hired employees. She spends most of her time on Reddit/Tiktok/Social Media and watching cooking videos. When I tell her she needs to find a job, she cries for a few hours, pretends to look for 1-2 days and says they don't want to hire her and shows me rejection emails.

Regarding physical attraction - we spoke many times. She did lose 7-10 lbs since we got married (2 years ago). Despite the gym - she looks worse and not better to me. She still has another 15 lbs to go or so but I am running out of patience.

Remember what I said earlier in the thread. It sounds like you are not taking full control of the situation, so this situation is taking control over you. You have to get her exactly what you want her to be. That has to be communicated to her. If not, the relationship ends. You are not getting emotional support from me for ending the relationship because you don't want to take responsibility for it, one way or another.

I was in a similar situation to yours, and I realized that I got there because I wasn't clear about what I wanted and I did not assert myself properly.

You must learn to assert yourself independently from anyone else. If you can do that, you'll be ahead of most people.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

@Metaphysical

Right now you are standing on a rolling train. There is a tunnel aproaching and you can clearly see the lights of an approaching train thats allready in the tunnel. Right now you still have time to jump off the train.

I will not go through all the chinese military parade of red flags, you know whats going wrong and told us so.

If you get her pregnant it will cost you dearly! Divorcing a woman WITH child is another league at family courts.

Make no mistake, the time for talk is over, she will play for time and promise you everything until she finaly got pregnant!

From what you wrote, it isnt like you are head over heels in love with her anyway, so get out of there, ASAP!

If it cost you a couple of 100k, so be it. You make enough money, dont worry. Way better then spending millions on her and a kid you didnt want WITH HER down the road.

Things to do:

1st DO NOT get her pregnant, DO NOT!
2nd consult a specialist lawyer checking on your options ASAP!
3rd do not invest any money in a common home or anything else, if anything let as much money as possible "vanish"
4th get the hell out of there as fast as you can, no matter what your family or anyone else says!

This is a railway to hell man, the time to jump is NOW!

Have you talked to her and told her that? If not, how is anything going to change in that area?

To late, at this point she will promise him everything just to get pregnant. After she got the ring AND the kid, rules change dramatically and it will cost him dearly!

 

[Barrister]

OP,

I sympathize with you because I was in your position exactly 5 years ago almost on the dot. My ex-wife was very similar to yours minus the book smarts. But very attractive, fun, and extremely supportive our first few years of the relationship. Here is what I can tell you having gone through the divorce process:

1. All separations are messy to some extent. It will go from 0 to 100 though if kids are involved. So if you aren't sure this is what you want, then you absolutely should not get her pregnant under any circumstances.

2. Don't let a financial figure hold you back from obtaining happiness. Getting divorced five years ago was one of the toughest, but best decisions of my entire life. Mostly because I had a very young daughter with her. Everything has a way of working out in the end, and despite the child support payment and the very large settlement I had to part with during the divorce, I am much happier and have way more money than I would have had with her.

3. Make sure you are making the decision for the right reasons. Don't be fooled that the grass is always greener on the other side. If you are a guy who wants a meaningful LTR, these lulls are common in them and many times are temporary assuming there isn't something drastically wrong. No matter how hot the chick is, you are going to go through phases where you are plain sick of her sh1t.

4. Your wife's laziness and uncleanliness are definitely issues. If she is going to stay at home, she needs to take some responsibility to keep the place looking pristine. There's really no excuse since you don't have kids.

I read the OP but may have missed it - but if you haven't already you need to discuss point #4 directly with her. If she is resistant and believes there is nothing wrong with what she is doing, this signals there are deeper issues. That means #4 is just a symptom of the bigger problem and you may very well be considering a divorce at that point.

 

[Metaphysical]

Thanks Barrister. For #4 > she does not think there is an issue. She was dating a rich older dude for about 10 years before I met her. He hired a maid while they were living together. We've been married for 2.5 years and she refuses to clean and tells me to pay for a maid instead. We've had many arguments and she ends up crying and eventually cleans up that day but the next day it goes back to normal. She says she's too smart for manual labor like cleaning and I should pay for a maid instead.

To offset this though - she cooks almost as good as a professional chef and she doesn't mind spending 1+ hours in the kitchen daily.

 

[Bling]

Miami. Made decent money with a good career at one point and turned lazy. Never wanted to help around the house. Doesn’t put out.

I’ve got to ask. is she a JAP?

 

[Bokanovsky]

This is lousy. Why did you marry someone 2 year older when you are making $500k a year? At that salary level, you can get a woman 10 years younger.

My guess is that he wasn’t making 500K when he met her.

OP, your marriage is doomed and you know it. The question is, do you divorce now (and minimize your losses) or in a few years, when you have more asets and a kid/kids. The answer is obvious. You are married to a lazy fat chick. She will only get fatter and lazier as the years go by.